Certain Things
by Sahara-hype
Summary: Fitzgerald Grant and Olivia Pope come from different worlds. Olivia is a reckless party girl and Fitz is the polar opposite - a serious, teacher assistant from LA who has no interest in getting into anything that could be potentially wild. But when they both enroll at Stanford University, their paths cross and they can't fight the feeling that there's something deeper between them.
1. Chapter 1

_August 27th, 2015_

 _12:50 AM_

 _The Red Maple Club_

 _Baltimore, Maryland_

Despite everything organ in her body telling her not to, Olivia Carolyn Pope chugged down her fourth shot of tequila.

Dozens of underage students in the crowded bar abrupt in cheers, causing eighteen year old girl to grin. It was her last night in Baltimore and she was determined to make it count - even if it meant illegally drowning herself in alcohol paid for by random older guys, who were simultaneously trying to get Olivia to come home with them.

Olivia, slamming the empty shot glass down on the bar counter, looked up at her best friend Abby, who was watching Liv in amazement. "Abby...order me another."

The redhead grinned at her best friend. She knew better than to say 'no' to Olivia Pope - who had been like a sister to her ever since they began high school together, four years ago. After they sat next to each other in Spanish class, they instantly hit it off and had become inseparable ever since. In fact, they were moving to California together in three short days, where they would attend their dream school.

"Liv," Abby began, hoping her best friend could hear her over the loud music of the crowded bar. "You know I'm not judging you for getting so drunk you can barely stand up. But I have to ask - do you really think you can get away with acting like this when we start Stanford?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, not interested in hearing a lecture she could easily get from her father back home. "Are you gonna order me another one or do I have to get a random stranger to do it?"

Abby, being the one who could pass for twenty one, sighed. As much as she accepted Liv for who she was, a stubborn party girl, sometimes she took it too far. Still, not wanting to risk a random man ordering and drugging a drink for Liv, she signaled the oblivious bartender. "Can I get another tequila shot?...Thanks."

"Thank you," Olivia grinned and stumbled over to give her best friend a hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you, Abs!"

Abby rolled her eyes, but finally gave in and returned the hug. "You're gonna get yourself killed one day - you know that, right?"

Olivia grabbed the shot placed in front of Abby and swallowed it, feeling the heavy drink burn her throat and warm her stomach. She smiled nonchalantly. "So what? We all die. You either kill yourself or get killed. But not today. Today, I'm dancing. Are you gonna dance with me? Because if you're not, I'm fine with dancing alone."

Abby sighed once again, but allowed Olivia to grab her arms and drag her along to the beat. Abby just glared on as an older guy, maybe in his late twenties, came up behind Olivia and clasped his hand on her thigh.

Olivia almost instinctively starting grinding on him, causing Abby to frown, her face riddled with concern. She was far from innocent but sometimes, the weight of Liv's reckless actions scared Abby shitless.

Staying past midnight with Liv wasn't ideal, but it was better than allowing her to go home with a strange man, which had happened already one too many times.

* * *

"How can you _be_ so reckless?" Eli Pope demanded, throwing his hands up in the air.

Olivia rolled her eyes at her father's unnecessarily annunciated words. Did he really have to _be_ so annoying? "Dad, I can explain-"

"No!" Eli cut her off. "How do you think I feel, Olivia? Getting a call at one am, informing me that my only daughter is in some foreign bar bathroom, puking her guts out? Do you think that's _fun_ for me? Do you think that's what I want? Do you think I raised you like that?"

Olivia lowered her eyes to her dark skinny jean shorts clad lap. "No."

"No _what_?"

"No, sir," Olivia mumbled. "I don't think that's how you raised me."

Eli sighed heavily and lowered himself on to the couch in front of his daughter. He was used to her reckless, irresponsible behavior by now. He had been dealing with it for two years. Up until Olivia was sixteen, she was a well behaved, perfect young woman. And then, it was beyond him what happened. She was crazy. There was no other words for it.

It further concerned him that in just one, she would be out of his house and all the way across the country, where he couldn't keep an eye on her. She had Abby but that wasn't enough. Nothing was enough lately. "Olivia - what _am_ I going to do with you?"

Olivia tried not to roll her eyes or reply to his rhetorical question with a sarcastic, sharp comment. She understood her father's pain but rather than feeling apologetic, she was just annoyed. It was her life and she wasn't hurting anyone but herself. The way she saw it, as long as she got good grades (which she did), Eli had no room to complain. "I'm genuinely sorry, Dad."

Eli looked at his daughter - her natural beauty masked with pounds of eyeliner, red lipstick and smeared mascara. She wore a skimpy lace camisole, black heels and incredibly tight Jean shorts. Where she got those clothes was beyond him. "I've heard that before, Olivia. I've spend so many nights, staying up, simply worried to death about you. You're a smart girl - you graduated the top of your class three months ago. And you go on and act like _this_?"

Olivia folded her hands. She knew what was coming. The whole 'twice as good' speech that she had heard one too many times.

"How many times have I told you," Eli cleared his throat, sure enough starting the lecture. "That you have to be _twice_ as good to get _half_ of what they have?"

"I'm sorry," Olivia repeated, not knowing what else to say. She didn't actively try to hurt her father's feelings, but it happened anyways and she was unapologetic about that. That, and she thought it was unfair he tried to play the race card to make her feel guilty. "I'm not a disgrace to the entire black community, okay?"

Eli frowned. "What I'm _trying_ to say, Olivia, is that you need to clean up your act before you go to one of the most prestigious schools in the world."

Olivia nodded, without having any intentions of doing just that. Stanford, she had heard, was a party school, and she thought it deserved to be treated like such. "Of course. I just got a little carried away tonight, Dad. It won't happen again, I promise"

"Good," Eli nodded, being idiotic enough to actually believe his daughter. He got up and started to walk out of the foyer before pausing and turning back around. "Olivia?"

"Yes, Dad?"

Eli paused, then smiled. "I'm proud of you. For getting into Stanford, I mean."

Olivia genuinely smiled at that.

She was proud of herself too. Despite all the constant partying, drinking and just generally being a wild card, she had worked hard to make the grades to get into Stanford. She had graduated Blake High School with a 4.0 GPA unweighted and had acquired one thousand volunteer hours over her four years there. Even though she was clearly not the ideal honor student, nobody could deny that Olivia Carolyn Pope was amazingly smart and gifted. "Thank you."

"And Olivia?" Eli swallowed. "Your mother would be proud too."

Olivia's smile instantly dropped. Eli, noting her discomfort, decided to leave it at that and disappeared into his home office. Olivia felt another round of vomit come up from her stomach and instantly ran outside into the warm, summer air. Running down the steps of their elegant townhouse and into the busy street, she threw up immediately. She stared as the remainder of golden tequila blended into the cracks of the sidewalk.

' _Damn'_ she thought to herself. ' _I didn't even know there was any more left inside me.'_

She sat on the steps leading up to the four story house and folded her arms on her lap. She watched as the cars went by the busy street and people walked into the convenience stores up the lane. At least two or three boys in a row walked by, whistled and/or tried to have a conversation with her. It wasn't new to her. She brushed them off, far from the mood to talk to anyone, much less hook up with.

Still, she hated the empty, idle feeling she was left with. Reaching into her back pocket, she pulled out her iPhone, unlocked it and scrolled her contacts until she found Abby. She wanted to go out again - she _needed_ to go out and feel something other than the emotions hollowed in the pit of her stomach.

Olivia was an incredibly social girl but it was times like these where she felt completely and utterly alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for all your support in response to this story. The first chapter was, obviously, much shorter than I intend to make the rest - which will probably be around fifty chapters. If you haven't read my previous and first fanfiction (called 'Only One' and is also Olitz centered), here's a couple of things about me!**

 **My name is Sara, I'm fifteen and from DC! Olitz is my OTP and as always, endgame for my stories. I'll always reply to any PMs and even if I don't acknowledge your reviews, I always read them!**

 **I'm just testing the waters so far with this story, so please feel free to tell me what you like and what you don't. It's my first time writing something that's not in first person's point of view but I might switch it back to that, if that's what y'all prefer.**

 **Oh, and everything in this story, in terms of locations is and will always be pretty much accurate. The name was the club was real and Blake HS is where I'm actually going to school come August!**

 **The pace of this story is also going to be pretty slow - I'm sorry for that, but that's the only way it'll flow. And it'll be worth it.**

 **Anyway - enjoy. And keep blessing me with your kind reviews, PMs, follows and favorites!**

* * *

 _August 28th, 2015_

 _12:04 AM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

"Fitzgerald made the top of his class every year during his undergrad," Gerry Grant bragged on across the dining room table.

His twenty two year old son smiled tightly, as if he hadn't heard his father tell this story five hundred times ever since June.

Gerry went on nevertheless. "And in about a week, Fitz will start law school in Stanford. Isn't that just amazing?"

The lunch guests beamed and congratulated Fitz, who thoroughly wished he was not sitting at the table. "Thank you. Thank you."

As his father went on about his family's academic achievements, Fitz excused himself and left the mansion dining room. He went to the balcony and rested his arms on the railing overlooking the busy city before pulling out a small white box of cigarettes from his pocket. Smoking wasn't something Fitz did often - he knew what type of damage it could do to your lungs and he thought it was disgusting. But he did indulge when he was stressed - which was practically every minute he was with his father.

Fitz stuck a cigarette in between his lips and sighed. Going back to Stanford would be the best thing that could ever happen to him. At least there, he could escape the wrath of his overbearing father.

Behind him, Mellie walked up and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Fitz? You can't leave your own father's lunch party."

Fitz closed his eyes and tried to stay calm. He really did not need to snap at his girlfriend, who had done nothing wrong. Mellie, however, didn't have to try to be annoying. She just was.

He turned around and forced a smile. "I already did."

Mellie gaped in horror, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth. "What the hell, Fitz?"

Fitz grimaced. Another plus to leaving LA - he could get away from his equally overbearing girlfriend. "It's just a cigarette, Mel. Calm down."

But Mellie just shook her head in disgust, her brunette curls bouncing. "You don't fucking understand, Fitz! How do you think it's gonna make _me_ look when you shrivel up and die from lung cancer? All you ever think about is yourself and I've had it up to here. Screw you."

Fitz tried to collect himself. He had know idea why Mellie had a need to be over dramatic and emotional but she did and he had to put up with it. "Mells-"

"Don't you 'Mells' me!" she snapped, dangerously close to tears. "Why do you have to be so goddamn selfish all the time, Fitz?"

Fitz pressed his lips. 'Selfish'. A brand new accusation he had to deal with. He had no idea why he put up with all the shit Mellie threw his way - maybe because his father wouldn't let them break up. Maybe because she was perfect poster girlfriend for him before he launched his political career. Or maybe because underneath all her crazy, Fitz did truly love her? "Mellie, come on. It was just a stupid cigarette. It won't happen again. I'm sorry, okay?"

Mellie nodded slowly, accepting the apology he had no idea why he was giving. She reached out and gave him a hesitant hug, her hands traveling up his heavily muscular arms. "I love you, you know that? And I'm gonna miss you."

Fitz clenched his jaw and returned the hug reluctantly. "I'm gonna miss you too."

Mellie pulled away and locked her eyes with Fitz's bright blue ones. "You better not get into any trouble, okay? I mean it. No drugs, no booze, no partying and absolutely no sleeping around with sluts you just met."

Fitz scoffed. When did he ever do any of that? He was so boring and academically centered it made his wilder friends cringe. He had never even smoked pot a day in his life. Mellie truly had nothing to worry about. "Alright."

Mellie's expression softened and she ran her hand through Fitz's light brown wavy hair, which made him shift. He hated that. She _knew_ he hated that, but made no attempt to stop. "Fitz, I'm really gonna miss you, baby. You'll be home for the holidays?"

 _Do I have a choice?_ Fitz wondered resentfully. But he just forced a smile. "Of course. I'll be home for both Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"Good," Mellie beamed. "I really do love you, babe. I just want you to have what you need."

Fitz nodded, not quite understanding what his girlfriend of four years meant, but knowing well enough to bring it up and start a whole other fight. "I love you too, Mel."

He leaned in to kiss her but she pulled away without explanation. She reached into his pocket and plucked out the carton of cigarettes. "I'll be taking these."

Fitz sighed as Mellie crumpled up the cigarette in her hands and tossed it into the half empty carton. "Mel -"

"Stop it," she instructed. "And if you pull any of this shit at Stanford, I'll come down there and make your life _miserable_."

Fitz watched as Mellie walked off back into the California mansion.

She already had.

* * *

 _August 28th, 2015_

 _1:30 PM_

 _Pope Estate_

 _Baltimore, Maryland_

"Which bra do you wanna take?" Abby held up two articles of clothing up in front of her best friend's face.

Olivia laughed, waving them away. "Why can't I take both?"

Abby rolled her blue eyes and gestured to Livvy's last suitcase, which was already packed to the rim. "Look at this. You only have room for one more. So pick."

Olivia cocked her head, analyzing the two bras. One was a regular cotton light blue one from Wal-Mart - the other a lacy black Victoria Secret one. She pointed the latter with a grin.

Abby sighed and tossed it into the suitcase. She had no idea why she was the one packing up all of Liv's things. Scratch that - she did. Liv had snuck out at three that morning and met Abby in another club. She had drank her liver out and was too hungover to move from her bed. And that was terribly inconvenient because as fate would have it, their flight was in just three hours from Dulles Airport.

Eli knocked on the door and opened it. "I hope I'm not interrupting you girls." He looked around the empty room. It was littered with boxes and suitcases his little girl was taking with her when she left him in just a few short hours. He rubbed his hands together. "I told myself I wouldn't get emotional, yet here I am."

"Dad," Olivia managed to collect the energy to prop herself up on her elbows. She sat up on her bare mattress. "Don't worry about me, okay?"

"Liv," Eli smiled softly. "I trust you, but it's my job to worry."

"I'll be fine," Olivia protested, looking at her best friend. "Abby's gonna take care of me, right, Abs?"

Abby rolled her eyes but grudgingly nodded.

"Good," Eli patted the redhead's shoulder. Before he left the room, he looked back at Abby and said with a playful smile, "I'm gonna hold you to that."

Abby forced a tight smile at Eli and as soon as she left, she turned back to her best friend and scoffed.

"I hate you," Abby mumbled, zipping up the navy carry on suitcase.

"You love me," Olivia smirked, scrolling through Instagram from her iPhone. She stopped at a picture her high school friend had posted. It was Liv herself - looking completely wasted at a bar. She was perched on the bar counter and was gulping down a glass of vodka. "Look at this. Someone actually posted this. Who would do something like that? And when was this taken?"

Abby squinted at the photo Liv was showing her. "Huh. That's from last night. And you're lucky _that's_ the picture they chose."

Olivia's eyebrow went up. "What are you talking about, Abby?"

Abby raised her eyebrows as well. "Last night. You went completely crazy, Liv."

Olivia cocked her head. She had no recollection of last night. "What happened?"

Abby sat down by her best friend's legs, simply looking at her. Olivia was beautiful. She could easily get any guy or girl she wanted. But it was almost as if she didn't know just how amazing she was and treated herself like crap. "You really don't remember?" Olivia shaked her head, looking worried. Abby sighed before grabbing her friend's toned light brown arm and pointing at the slight needle marks on the fold of it. "Liv, you were so wasted. You shot something up, downed it with vodka and started literally stripping in front of everybody. You took off your bra. I had to drag you out of the club and on to the street in your underwear."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. That was insane - even for her. "Are you serious, Abby? I actually did that?"

"Yes," Abby frowned. She could see that Olivia was genuinely shocked. "I need you to not only hear what I'm about to say but truly _listen._ I get the drinking...I even get the drugs and the one night stands. But if someone took a video from last night and it got back to the Admissions Board at Stanford...I just don't want to lose you. You're like a sister to me."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Olivia whispered, her jaw trembling. She was worried if she raised her voice, it would break. "You've been here for an hour, Abby...and you didn't think to tell me?"

"I didn't know it would be such a big deal to you," Abby admitted, her perfectly shaped eyebrows raised. She was surprised this meant so much to Olivia. "It's okay, Liv. It was kind of trashy, but hopefully nobody thought quickly enough to snap any more pics or videos. It was kinda whorish...but it's okay."

Olivia turned away. She didn't want Abby to see her crying and felt tears in the rims of her eyes. "I-I...just can't believe I did that, Abs."

Abby sighed, crawling up to the bed and wrapping her arms around her best friend. Olivia completely broke down, tears rushing down her high cheekbones. For some reason, it really bothered her that she actually did that. The drugs, the alcohol, the meaningless sex - that was okay. But acting so reckless as to actually strip in front of everyone - where anyone could see her naked and take a picture? Olivia had more class than that. Granted, just barely. But still.

Abby curled her fingers along Olivia's black wavy, shoulder length hair and just let her cry on her chest. She wanted to be candid with Liv but she never wanted her to sob like she was doing right now. "I worry about you, you know that? Ever since your mom-"

Olivia stopped crying momentarily and looked up at Abby. "Stop. I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay?"

Abby nodded understandingly. The last thing she wanted was for Olivia to feel attacked. "Okay, okay. But hear me out, Liv. Something's gotta change. You can't be acting like this, not when we get down to California."

Olivia frowned. She didn't want to agree and lie to Abby. That's one thing she never did - lie to her best friend. Therefore, she couldn't promise to stop partying, because that just wasn't a possibility. It was the life Olivia had lived every night for two years. She had been careful - she always used protection and she always brought Abby along with her to make sure nobody drugged her drinks or anything. There had been some close calls but in the end, Abby was very protective of her. And Olivia was more than grateful for that.

Olivia simply hugged Abby. "Thank you for everything. Thank you for being there for me."

Abby smiled but couldn't hide her concern. She wasn't judging Olivia - she never did. She didn't have a right to - Abby drank and slept around just as much as Liv. She was just a little more discreet about it. Olivia was a little younger than her and definitely more vulnerable. Abby felt the need to protect Olivia and wasn't doing such a bang up job of it.

"Abby?" Olivia looked up at her best friend and swallowed. "Be candid with me, okay? One hundred percent honesty. Am I going crazy?"

Abby pressed her lips together and considered the question, still holding her best friend. As reckless as Olivia was being, she was still young and her mistakes and actions were understandable. At last, she replied, "No. But I need you to be careful, okay?"

Olivia nodded, only semi meaning it.

She firmly believed that this free spirited, loud, ambitious party girl was the person she was meant to be. She thought it was embedded in her. Fate. And she wholeheartedly had no plans to change.

More than that, she didn't think she was any better or deserved any more


	3. Chapter 3

_August 28th, 2015_

 _6:15 PM_

 _American Airlines, Flight 102_

 _Somewhere in Missouri_

"Liv, stop," Abby pleaded, helplessly watching her best friend down the champagne she had ordered.

Olivia had somehow managed to smooth talk to first class flight attendant into coming by with alcohol - pretended he got tips, which she provided generously. She exhaled and set down her empty glass on the pull out try, turning to Abby with a grin. "Don't you ever let loose? We're about to go to the biggest party city in the _world._ "

"We're not going to make it on the ground if you die from an alcohol overdose!" Abby snapped. "Seriously? Your dad buys us first class tickets and you go on and buy all the champagne you can get your fucking hands on?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, bringing her black leggings covered legs under her so she was sitting on them instead of the bottom of the leather beige seat. "Would you lower your voice?"

"No!" Abby threw her skinny arms up in the arm, being loud enough to cause other passengers to look at the two young girls. Abby shook her head, not caring and sending locks of her ginger hair everywhere. "We're landing in less than four _hours,_ Liv. You promised me that you would be careful! Just a couple of fucking hours ago, you promised me."

"I know what I did," Olivia began with a sigh. As much as she hated seeing her best friend this upset, she was too drunk to think straight, let alone do anything about it. But Abby should have known better than to believe such an empty promise made by, of all people, Olivia. Suddenly getting an idea, she fished her iPhone from her lap, slowly grinning. "I've got something to make it up to you..."

Abby raised her perfectly shaped eyebrow. "What are you talking about, Liv?"

"This will help you calm down," Olivia elaborated with a quiet smirk. She pulled apart her phone case from her phone slightly - just enough to Abby could catch a glimpse of the thin, cocaine packed small bag hidden in there.

Abby gaped at her Olivia - then at the bag, then back at Olivia. After she got over the initial shock, she hissed, "What the _fuck_ is that?!"

Olivia smirked again. "I think you know what it is."

Abby grabbed both the phone and her case out of her best friend's hands, her heart pounding. "Where the hell did you get that, Olivia Carolyn Pope?"

Olivia smiled, her fingers skimming the rim of the empty champagne glass. "A friend from last night. He said it would ease anxiety on the flight.

"That could be laced with something," Abby just stared at Olivia. This way below the belt - even for Liv. "And do you know what could have happened to you if they found this at the security checkpoint? You could kiss Stanford goodbye, Liv. Your ass would've been stuck in Baltimore Community College, if you somehow got spared from _prison._."

Olivia rolled her eyes at Abby's dramatics. "Would you lower your frigging voice, Abby? If you don't want to take a line, you don't have to. Whatever - let freedom ring. Just calm down and spare me the lecture. I don't know what's stuck up your ass."

"It's called _responsibility,_ " Abby spat. "It's called common fucking sense."

Olivia turned to her window, leaning her forehead on it and looking out into the darkness. Abby's words meant nothing to her. She knew her limits, her boundaries and more than anything, she knew how to be slick. Right now she was just annoyed by Abby's judgmental attitude.

"Look, Liv," Abby frowned. "I really don't want you to get pulled into a fucked up situation neither me nor your father can't pull you out of. I know you've done drugs before but this? It's _insane._ If you really knew your limits, you wouldn't be this reckless and stupid. If you continue to pull this shit at _Stanford_ , of all places, you're not gonna live to see graduation day. You're not even gonna make it through this freaking semester. Why don't you understand that?"

Olivia said nothing. Abby just sighed. They had gotten into bigger arguments and they never lasted. How could anybody be this upset when traveling to the Sunshine State? Abby was confident they would make up. But that didn't mean she would put up with anymore of Olivia's beyond reckless behavior.

Just she was reattaching the phone case to the phone, Abby felt it buzz in her hands. "You got a text, Liv."

"Whatever," Olivia replied. Champagne and wine had a tendency to make her sleepy and she wanted to get try and get some rest before they landed. She really wasn't angry at Abby - just annoyed and wanted to get past it. "I'll answer it when I wake up. Hell, you can answer it. I don't care."

Abby unlocked Olivia's phone, obviously knowing the password. Through dozens of unopened texts from desperate guys trying to sleep with her, she found the new one. It was from Liv's father. Abby opened it and squinted her eyes at the text and the attachment.

"Um, Liv?"

Olivia sighed and shifted in the comfortable seat. "What is it, Abs?"

Abby swallowed and nervously slid the phone to her best friend. "I think you're gonna wanna handle this one yourself."

* * *

Olivia put her phone on airplane mode, her fingertips too numb to feel the action. She was no longer sleepily drunk - she was wide awake and perfectly coherent. Her heart was beating faster than she had thought physically possible. Abby held her free hand and gave her an equally nervous, supportive smile.

"Dad," Olivia swallowed after dialing Eli. She had no idea what he was going to say. Hell, she had no idea what _she_ was going to say. How could she explain a video that was sent to Eli, of his daughter stripping topless at a club?

"Olivia," Eli said shortly. "I don't wish to speak to you. Not _now_...not as far as I can foresee."

Olivia closed her brown eyes. "I'm sorry. I can explain."

"There is no explanation that could _possibly_ make me feel better," Eli replied with disgust. "I got sent an anonymous video of my only daughter stripping naked at a random bar in the city. My _eighteen_ year old daughter. Completely wasted and high off God knows what. So no, Olivia, I don't have _anything_ to say to you and there is nothing _you_ could say that I want to hear."

Olivia tried to hold back tears, but felt the rims of her eyes get wet anyway. She had no idea who took the video - rather, who was fucked up enough to send it to her father. But in the end, it didn't matter. "I'm so sorry, Dad. I messed up. I don't know what to say."

"That makes two of us," Eli practically spat into the other line. "Goodbye, Olivia."

"No," Olivia shouted, causing annoyed and confused passenger to look at her. She couldn't care less. She truly did feel guilty and didn't know how to make it up. Well, she didn't feel bad for doing what she did. She just felt horrible that she got caught. She hadn't heard her father this angry since...ever. "Please, Dad. Tell me what I can do. How do I make it up? It was a one time thing...a mistake. I-I...made a mistake."

There was silence on the other end and Olivia felt the tears move past her eyes and down her cheekbones. Abby embraced her best friend. Olivia sniffed into the phone. "Dad?"

"Like I said, Olivia, I don't know _what_ to say," Eli snapped. After a pause, he corrected himself. "Actually, I do. I'm sure this is not the first of many videos. That said, you were wrong the other night. Not _only_ are you a disgrace to this community, but also to this family.

Olivia shook her head and tried to speak, but Eli cut her off. "I hate to say this, Olivia, I truly do. It breaks my heart. But you've become a stranger to me. I don't know you. And I don't plan to contact you again."

Olivia swallowed. "You can't possibly mean that, Dad-"

"Try me," Eli promised firmly. "These are not the actions of _my_ daughter. As far as I know, I don't even have a daughter. Not anymore."

"Dad-"

"Enough," Eli demanded. "Now I already paid for your semester housing in Florence Moore Hall. Consider that your parting gift."

He hung up curtly and just like that, he was out of her life.

Olivia inhaled. This wasn't happening. This was ridiculous. This type of stuff didn't happen to Olivia Carolyn Pope. It was the type of shit that gets written into angsty fictional stories. Except it wasn't...it was her reality. It was really happening to her. And Olivia simply could not deal with that.

"Liv," Abby called her friend's name slowly but Olivia could not hear her.

There was a ringing in her ears and she couldn't breath. She gripped the metal hand rest between them so hard her palm turned white.

"Olivia," Abby repeated, her voice raising with concern.

"I-..." Olivia tried to speak, but she felt like she was being suffocated.

She felt like she was in quicksand and the more she tried to fight it, the more prominent it became. Her breathing was jagged, uneven and she felt like her heart was going to rip out her chest. Heat rose to her face.

She ripped her seat belt loose and stumbled out of her seat. The champagne glass fell and shattered on the floor but Olivia didn't even hear or notice it. She marched past it and ran into the nearest bathroom she could find.

She collapsed in front of the toilet, her phone falling from her and her hands gripping the metal seat.

Abby, on the other end of the plane, jumped out of her seat and tailed her best friend. She pushed several agitated passengers and shoved the door open. She found Olivia sitting down, head cradled in her hands.

"Liv," Abby sunk down right next to Olivia, not caring that she was getting her jeans and Tommy Hilfiger sweater dirty. She pulled her arm around her best friend. "Liv..."

"No," Olivia shuddered from Abby's grip, which only made Abby hold tighter.

Abby had seen this before. Granted, not in years, but she had dealt with it. Olivia used to get occasional panic and anxiety attacks. It didn't happen often but when it did, it was with full fledged force. And it broke Abby's heart.

"Liv," Abby rubbed Olivia's beige cardigan clad arms. "It's alright, Liv. It's okay."

"No!" Olivia shouted, her chest heavy from sobbing. "S-stop it, Abby..."

A young female flight attendant opened the door and poked her head in. "Ma'am?"

Abby resisted the urge to roll her icy blue eyes at the woman. "Give us a minute, please."

"I'm sorry," the attendant frowned. "We're expecting turbulence and we need you ladies to get back to your seats right -"

"We need a _minute,_ " Abby repeated firmly.

The flight attendant narrowed her own eyes, back and forth from Abby and the crying Olivia. "Just a minute." And then she was gone.

Olivia's hands frantically thumped across the floor of the dirty bathroom, blindly searching for her now cracked phone. She slipped her fingers through the Mophie cause and pulled out the baggie.

"No," Abby tried not the scream. She pried the bag away from Olivia but the girl had a death grip on it. She didn't care what type of breakdown her best friend was having - she was _not_ going to be getting high on an airplane. "Olivia, give it to me."

"No," Olivia mumbled, holding the bag out of Abby's reach. She needed a line and she needed it now. She tried to sneak her fingers into the bag but Abby reached up her fist and shoved it down - so hard that it fell straight into the toilet.

Abby scrambled to her knees and flushed it as quick as she could.

"Stop it," Olivia sobbed, pushing Abby's arm away. "What are you doing?"

Abby watched as the ugly plastic baggy circled the drain before disappearing completely. "Saving your life, Liv."

Olivia collapsed down, her back against the sink, crying harder than ever. "How could you do that? I hate you. I f-fucking hate you."

Abby shook her head firmly and tried to hug Olivia, only to be angrily pushed away.

"I hate you," Olivia choked through tears, still shaking from the anxiety attack. "I hate you."

"Yeah?" Abby kneeled in front of her best friend and inhaled. "Well I love you, Liv. That's why I did what I did. To save your ass."

Olivia hiccuped through tears, glaring at Abby. But she was more scared than angry. "He wants nothing to do with me, A-Abby. What the hell am I gonna do now?"

Abby gently traced a circle on her friend's arm as an unsteady wave of turbulence slightly shook them. "Liv-"

"No," Olivia shook her head, wiping her face with the back of her hand. She had calmed down a little but she was left feeling more hopeless and destroyed than ever. She had never been without her father's support and could tell Eli was not joking. "What happens now, Abby?"

"It's gonna be okay. I know everything's gonna be fine." Abby lied through her straight white teeth. She knew nothing. As much as hated to admit it, Eli had been swinging her semester housing payment and although Abby had a supportive family, she had no where near enough means to get through a semester much less eight. She actually had no idea how things were gonna turn out but it seemed like the right thing to say. "It's all gonna be alright, Liv."

Olivia rested her head against the wall, trying to regain control of her breath. This was absolutely the lowest point in her life - in an airplane bathroom, on her ass, drunk and drug deprived. "I'm all alone. I have nobody, Abby."

Abby closed her eyes. "You have me. Over a cliff, Liv."

Liv grinned softly through her tears at hearing Abby say the stupid promise , metaphorically had made up years ago.

"Over a cliff," she repeated.

* * *

 _August 29th, 2015_

 _2:14 PM_

 _Florence Moore Residence Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

"Olivia," Abby shook her best friend's shoulder, having given up on gently persuading her to wake up.

Olivia turned around on the bare mattress and groaned. She fluttered her eyes open, only to see Abby's slim figure outlined by the sun shining through the bare windows. "Ugh. Does it really have to be so freaking sunny all the time?"

Abby walked over to her side of the spacious dorm room and sat on her bed, which she had already managed to wiggle fitted sheets onto. "Well, it is California. They don't call it the 'Sunshine State' for nothing."

Olivia pulled up her blanket to her chin. I guess not she thought bitterly. They had landed late last night and crashed in bed as soon as they arrived at the campus - which was, by the way, beautiful. Florence Hall was the most elegant of freshman housing - Eli wouldn't have had it any other way.

Still exhausted and sleepy, Olivia shifted in the bed so she was facing Abby, who was unpacking a box. "What did you wake me up for? My first class isn't until tomorrow morning. Yours isn't either. Don't we have the same one? What is it again?"

Abby pulled a toothbrush from her bag and went to the adjoined bathroom to brush her teeth. "'Intro to Political Science' taught by Professor Cyrus Beene. And there's a little thing called orientation we have to attend."

Olivia rolled her eyes. Her head still hurt from last night and her eyes were puffy from the crying. It was hard enough to wake up and realize her father disowning her wasn't a dream. She was in no mood or condition to attend orientation. That, and she had more important things to do. "You'll have to go without me, Abs. I have to find a job."

Abby stepped halfway out of the bathroom, toothpaste still in her mouth. She spoke with her purple toothbrush between her teeth. "What?"

"There's a little thing called a job," Olivia mocked Abby's sarcastic tone, sitting up and stretching. "And money - which, as of now, I have absolutely none of. We only have a couple of months in this dorm, Abby, and then we're on our own. God knows your family isn't gonna help - no offense."

Abby spit out the toothpaste and walked back to the doorframe of the bathroom, staring at Olivia. "None taken. But we don't have to worry about that - not yet, anyway."

"Yes, we do," Olivia insisted, sighing. This was the last thing she wanted to think about, but there wasn't a choice. She was broke. There was a bank account with three thousand dollars to her name but that wasn't gonna be enough. Not for a while, anyways. Besides that and the, maybe, hundred dollars in her pocket and thousand she had brought in cash, that was all she had. Abby didn't argue.

Olivia finally got her ass out of her mattress and faced the body mirror Abby had brought up. She fixed her dark, wavy hair and stared at herself. She had never worked a day in her life but that was about to change. A lot of things, she expected, were going to change soon enough.

"Liv," Abby came from the bathroom, smiling with sad sympathy. She had feel horrible after the bathroom incident and was sparing Olivia of lectures and arguments - for the time being. "Everything really is going to be okay."

Olivia turned to the redhead and mustered up a brave smile. "I know that."

Abby smiled back, then went back through shifting through her unpacked clothes. "Then you should also know that we have less than fifteen minutes before we need to be at the lecture hall. Job searching can wait."

"I guess," Olivia tried to hide her relief, walking to one of her own unpacked boxes. She hadn't worked a day in her life and she was not in a rush to start.

* * *

 _August 29th, 2015_

 _2:40 PM_

 _Lecture Hall_

 _Stanford, Californi_ a

"Ooh," Abby looped her arm around Olivia's and pointed down the lecture hall at the back of a man. "Eye candy."

Olivia laughed and turned to her best friend. "You can't even see his face, Abby."

The redhead made her way through the aisles of seats and found two empty ones so they could sit down. She shrugged. "So what? The back of his head looks hot. And you could tell a lot from the back of a guy's head and his hair."

Olivia rolled her eyes with a grin. Abby could be so ridiculous sometimes. She could tell Abby had no interest in the poor guy, but she was trying to lighten the mood. She had been noticeably nicer and lighter ever since that mess of a plane ride.

While Abby went on about exactly how attractive the man had the potential of being, Olivia looked around the huge lecture hall. Stanford was a beautiful school and she was lucky to be there. It had, of course, the lowest acceptance rate in the entire United States. She was gonna try to make her education count - starting with this prestigious Political Science class.

"Liv..." Abby whined, poking her friend's arm. "Look! Look at him. He's so...ugh. The things I would let him do to me."

As if on cue, the man turned around slightly, giving the two girls a view of his profile. He had tousled light brown curls and eyes that were blue, but deeper than Abby's.

He was, Olivia had to admit, severely attractive. He had a tall muscular build (that his navy sweater and dark jeans showed off) and looked older - too old to be a freshman or even an undergrad student. He was hot, nevertheless.

He was absolutely Olivia's type - not that she had a specific one. Olivia self admittedly would sleep with anyone she found attractive and while her standards were high, she didn't have a specific type. On a scale system, if it were one through ten on attractiveness, Olivia would only sleep with tens. This man? Hell, he was an eleven.

"I'm turning over a new leaf," Olivia announced, never taking her eyes off the man. "At least I'm trying. No sleeping around, not on campus."

"With guys like that walking around?" Abby scoffed. "Good luck."

"Excuse me," an older man stood in front of hall and everyone instantly shut up. The girls presumed he was Cyrus Beene. "Please take a seat."

"He's so cute," Abby whispered to Liv, still referring to the mysterious guy seven rows in front of them. "But he can't possibly be a freshman. What's he doing in an intro class? Do you think he's a politician? He'd be a sexy politician. Okay, now I'm thinking about him as a mayor or President. Ooh..."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh softly. "Abby, shut up."

"Ladies," Cyrus called from the bottom, referring to them. The girls blushed and shut up. Cyrus smiled. "Thank you. As I was saying, welcome. This is your first time in this class and as for many of you, Stanford. If you don't know much about this course, I don't think I can comfort you. It's rigorous and challenging."

Olivia shrugged that off. She had managed to keep straight A's all throughout her academic life and she didn't feel intimidated at all.

"In the end," Cyrus continued. "Studying politics is very fulfilling and the subject has a lot of promise."

"Ugh," Abby muttered, bored to death. She was interested in politics - hence taking the class. But she had no idea how Olivia could sit with such attentiveness and passion. Abby was bored out of her mind. She reached into her bag.

"Abby," Olivia hissed. "You really need to shut up."

"Excuse me!" Cyrus singled them out again. "Is there a problem, ladies?"

All eyes turned to them, including a set of beautiful blue ones.

Abby and Olivia had no time to be embarrassed when they saw his face. Olivia just blinked. He was hot. Hotter than she ever thought possible.

"Ladies," Cyrus repeated.

"N-no," Olivia stuttered. "No sir."

"Good," Cyrus countered. "As I was saying..."

As Cyrus went on about the magic of politics, Olivia could not stop looking at the man sitting in front. Neither could Abby, for that matter.

"Damn," Abby said in a lowered voice, reaching into her bag. She quietly ripped out a piece of notebook paper and fished out a pen. She jotted down something before showing it to Olivia.

'I may not go down in history...

But I'll go down on you.

;)'

Olivia had to physically cover her mouth to keep from laughing. She grabbed the paper and crumpled it up. "You are not giving this to him, Abby!"

"Why not?" Abby grinned. "You can't deny that he's cute."

"He's hot," Olivia agreed in a hiss. "But you're not passing him this paper like a sixth grader."

Abby smirked. The roles were usually reversed - Olivia was the crazy, risk taking one and Abby was the responsible, designated driver. But this guy was cute and she had nothing to lose. He wasn't her type he was cute nevertheless. And Abby wanted to see Olivia laugh after going through such a crappy night. She took the crumpled paper from Liv's hand and before she could convince herself not, threw it down the rows of seats. It hit the back of his neck.

* * *

Fitzgerald Grant was listening attentively to Anthony's motivational, annual speech when something poked the back of his neck. With his hand under his brown waves, he turned around and looked up.

It was the two noisy girls, looking down with him. The redhead was beaming while the girl next to her looked horrified. Fitz couldn't suppress a grin before he looked down and wrapped the paper they had thrown at him. In small, blue ink, one of the girls (he presumed the redhead) had written -

'I may not go down in history...

But I'll go down on you.

;)'

Fitz stifled a laugh. He was not annoyed as he should have been. Maybe it was because the girls were prettier than most of them others who pulled this type of stuff. He was used to being flirted on by lots of girls - younger, older, just basically unattractive and definitely more irritating. But for some reason, he couldn't be angry.

He looked back up and blushed at them. The red haired one - she was more of a ginger - grinned back at him and topped it off with a wink, which made him chuckle out loud.

The other girl, the prettier one, who was wearing a white knit sweater and ripped, light wash shorts, cradled her head in her hands, obviously embarrassed of her friend's behavior. She was really attractive - she looked too old to be a freshman. She had a very mature face, a beautiful figure, flawless brown skin and really nice eyes.

Fitz just smiled and shook his head before turning back to Cyrus, who was just wrapping his speech obliviously. "And now, I have a friend I would like to introduce to you."

Fitz took his cue and got up. He turned around and looked up just to see those two girls gape in confusion. He couldn't stop grinning. He waved to the class of one hundred or so students.

"Hi everyone," he began, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets. He smirked looking at the girls scared expressions. They had probably thought he was a student - not someone of importance. He did look young enough to be a student, he supposed. He just found the whole thing to be hilarious. "I'm Fitzgerald Grant and although Cyrus insists on y'all calling me Mr. Grant, please don't."

The students laughed and Fitz grinned, carrying on. "Just 'Fitz' is fine. Anyway, I'm go to grad school here. Just four years ago, I was sitting exactly where you are right now. This is a hell of a course and Cy is an amazing teacher. You'll learn a lot this year." He took a deep breath. "For those of y'all wondering, I'm an assistant teacher. Cyrus was my mentor and this year, I will help him with the grading system, as well as take some opportunities to teach y'all as well."

With a final smile, Fitz looked back at those two girls. They were blushing rigorously. The dark haired girl mouthed, 'sorry' and Fitz gave everything not to laugh. He just nodded at her and took his seat.

It was the most he had smiled in months.

* * *

 **AN: Well, what do y'all think? I was letting my friend proof read it and she said it could be mistaken for a Abby/Olivia romantic fanfiction, which made me laugh. While I'm all for that, I assure you, that's not the case with this story. But I'll keep an open mind for the future, lls.**

 **That said, I know a lot of people don't like Olivia as a character in this fanfiction - that goes for my other story too. You guys have been very vocal to express that. But I would, above anything, make my characters realistically flawed. If that makes them unlikeable, so be it. I appreciate all the feedback but unconventional characters is where angst comes from.**

 **And regardless, thank you for your feedback**

 **Sherry: I'm laughing so hard right now because I applied to Blair's CAP program a couple of months ago and didn't make it lol but that's so cool. And I'm just starting at Blake in August.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Okay this is insane but I'm gonna switch it up to first person point of view and present tense. You don't need to tell me how amateurish that is because I'm well aware. But I can tell the rest of the story better this way!**

* * *

 _August 29th, 2015_

 _11:27 PM_

 _The Patio Bar_

 _Stanford, California_

"Can I buy you girls a drink?"

I look up at the words I am so used to hearing. The guy asking them is a tall, muscular one with green eyes. He's cute but he's not my type and the fact that he is asking both me and Abby let's me know he's a grade a fuckboy. I'm not interested in him and not just because I promised Abby I would be careful on the sleeping-with-guys-I-just-meant front. The truth is I feel bad letting guys buy me drinks if they're obviously into me and the feeling isn't mutual. I'm not that type of girl. I don't judge girls who do that but I just think that's mean.

"No," I reply matter of factly. I know that sounds even meaner but I'm just sparing him a mess of a relationship when it comes to me.

"Yeah, no thanks," Abby agrees kindly.

The guy laughs like something is funny. He sticks around for a second or two before taking the hint and going away. Slightly uncomfortable, I began looking around the bar. There are so many Stanford students here, it should practically be on campus. But it's mostly upperclassmen and so far, they've been spending their last night of summer freedom hitting on me and Abby.

I sigh into my glass of beer. I'm just not in the mood for any of this - getting drunk or high or sleeping around. I'm not even in the mood to talk to a guy.

"Abby," I turn to her, about to ask her to leave. But I find her talking to this guy with thick framed glasses and she seems to be into him, which makes me smile. I tap her elbow. "Abs, I'm gonna take it off."

"I'm gonna stick around for a few. See ya," she replies. I don't think she's trying to sound selfish by staying - she really seems to be into this guy and from the looks of it, he seems nice.

"Get home safe." I grab my bag off the counter and head off.

The truth is, there is only one person on my mind and his name is Fitzgerald Grant.

* * *

 _August 29th, 2015_

 _11:51 PM_

 _Stanford University Campus_

 _Stanford, California_

Campus is buzzing with students out and about - even though it's almost midnight and most classes start tomorrow. Even most of the dining places are open - including a small coffee shop near Florence Hall. I don't know why, but I walk in. I just need a place to sit down and sober up. Maybe confront my feelings while I'm at it.

To elaborate on Fitz, I don't even know why I'm thinking about him this much. He's obviously very attractive and has a good sense of humor but I meet guys with both those qualities all the time. Maybe it's the fact that I'm thoroughly embarrassed about what happened earlier today with the note and everything. I did not know he was the teacher's assistant and I guess Abby didn't either. But he seemed to find the whole thing funny which was so cute to me.

I didn't get a chance to see him after orientation - mostly because he was approached by at least a dozen female students flirting with him casually. He probably gets that a lot - looking like he does. I'm not gonna lie - he's amazingly attractive. Maybe the fact that he's obviously unavailable that keeps him in my mind. I sleep around but I'm not the type of girl who tries to seduce a teacher or teacher's assistant. That's whorish and that's not me.

I sit down at the sort of bar type of seating at the cafe. It's super busy in here but the staff managed to make it look cute - it's your typical city small coffee shop. Except it's in one of the most populous college's in the world.

"Hi," a brunette worker who seems to be in a rush approaches me. She has a quirky smile and her name tag reads 'Quinn'. "How can I help you?"

For some reason, the words that come out of my mouth are, "Are you guys hiring?"

* * *

 _August 30th, 2015_

 _6:40 AM_

 _Coffee Express_

 _Stanford, California_

"Here you go," Quinn hands me a folded green apron with a plastic white name tag on top. "Just take a sharpie and jot your name down. I talked to the boss, Harrison, last night and you can start this afternoon. You don't have any classes, do you?"

"Not this afternoon, no," I take the things from Quinn and silently thank her and whoever 'Harrison' is for giving me this job.

Granted, it's minimum wage at ten dollars per hour and I can only work sometimes because of school, but it's close to my dorm and it's really all I have. Plus, as loud and cheerful as she is, Quinn Perkins is so sweet and so are the other two workers I've met so far - Huck and Stephen. Together, they work the morning shift.

"Okay, so just come by," Quinn turns to me. Her eyes lower on my Movado watch. "Can I ask...why do you need this job?"

I insecurely touch my watch and she instantly shakes her head, brunette curls flying everywhere. "I'm sorry I asked. You don't have to answer. That was rude."

"No," I began, forcing a smile. "It's just...I used to come from means and I don't anymore."

"You don't owe me an explanation," Quinn insists. She walks back out to the counter and I follow her. Stephen is managing the cash registerand smiles at me. They're all so sweet and nonjudgmental. This isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Quinn writes something on a notepad and turns to me. She looks at my Tory Burch sweater and jeans. "As much as I love your outfit, the dress code is dark or forest shirt and white jeans or leggings."

I nod, trying to hold my tongue. That's such an ugly combination and I might kill myself before I have to wear that but beggars can't be choosers. "Got it."

"Good," Quinn walks to the display glass, opens it and takes out a fresh bagel. She offers half to me and I take it. "Don't look so worried. The pay is crap and the dress code is worse but it's not as bad as you're making it out to be in your head. Harrison is sweet and these two guys-" she points to Huck and Stephen. "Are even better. It's gonna take some getting used to, especially with all those classes you're taking - how many was it you said?"

"Eight."

Quinn tries to hide her surprise. "Yeah. That. Like I said - You're gonna like it here, Liv."

I take a bite of the bagel.

I'm honestly not so sure.

* * *

 _August 30th, 2015_

 _9:58 AM_

 _Lecture Hall Exterior_

 _Stanford, California_

I lean against the brick wall of the lecture hall and sigh. This morning's class was tough. I wouldn't have gotten so far behind if I hadn't been so distracted...

Okay, I know how pathetic it sounds that I was distracted by Fitzgerald Grant. I didn't get a chance to speak with him and apologize again today. All the students - female and male - go to war for his attention. And who can blame them? he really _is_ cute. And he wore this white pinstripe with black jeans that clung on to his ass and -

Like I said, I know how pathetic it sounds. I was never this girl, head over heels and infatuated with this guy I know I couldn't have. So that's why I'm pissed off. That and the fact that I have to be at my new job in an hour.

Abby's off on a date with this new guy. He literally came into the hall after class to pick her up. His name is David and he's the same guy from last night. He's cute, I guess. Not my cup of tea. Maybe I just am jealous. Jealous of David because he gets all this time with my best friend and jealous of Abby because she gets a happy new relationship and I'm just here, fishing for cigarettes in front of the lecture hall.

I actually rarely smoke cigarettes but I'm not the the type to roll up a joint in the middle of campus.

I think what a lot people, Abby included, don't understand is that I am not a drug addict. I'm not dependent on drugs. Or alcohol for that matter. If I was told I could never have any drugs or alcohol for the rest of my life, I'd be okay. That would suck, but I'd be fine. I wouldn't die. I would get sick and put myself in rehab. I'd be bummed out but I don't _need_ drugs. It's like, if someone was smoking weed and they offered me a joint and I would take but I wouldn't ask. I have no other way to explain it. I'm just not dependent on drugs or alcohol.

I'm about to search for my lighter when i hear someone call, "Livvy!"

I look up. Nobody has called me that for years yet I know they're still talking about me. The person walks up to me and to my surprise, it's Fitz. He's come running from the building and he's panting, which is actually kind of hot. "Livvy. That's your name, right?"

"It's Olivia," I raise my eyebrows. He's even cuter up close. Those eyes...

"Olivia," he repeats. His amazing eyes lower to my hands and glare at the cigarette. "What are you doing? You can't smoke."

I point up to the SMOKING AREA sign above up, plastered on the side of the brick wall. I wouldn't be so stupid as to smoke where I'm not allowed and get penalized for it. I have a good community relationship back home and I plan too here as well. I get good grades and my teachers admire me. They always have and I have no intentions of changing that. They don't need to know what happens behind closed doors and I can't get in trouble when I'm smoking at the designated place.

"Just because you can," Fitz frowns. "Doesn't mean you should. Have you listened to the Surgeon General in, what, the past thirty years? These things will kill you."

I roll my eyes. "From the minute we're born, we start dying. These cigarettes will just speed up the process. We all die anyways."

Fitz wrinkles his eyebrows. He leans his back on the wall next to mine. "That's just...bullshit."

That makes me laugh. I stuff the cigarette pack into the pocket of my jeans and look at him. He's really tall and I only come up to about his shoulder. "That's not the type of language you should be using with your students."

"You should know a thing or do about inappropriate or suggestive language," Fitz jokes with a scoff.

I blush. "About yesterday - I'm sorry. It was my friend, Abby who wrote that note and we didn't know you were a TA and if we did we would have never-"

Fitz holds up his hand. "It's okay." A grin grows on his face. "I found the whole thing quite funny, actually. And I will take you girls up on your offer anytime."

I gape at him.

He notices and laughs out loud. "I'm _kidding_ , Livvy."

"Olivia," I correct him again, grinning myself. Okay, so he's funny. Funnier than I previously thought. He's got a sense of humor and he's not mad or uncomfortable about before. It makes him easier to tease. "Does Professor Beene know your this corrupt?"

"Corrupt," he repeats. "I'm not corrupt." A slow smile grows on his face. "Does Cy know you offer to go down on your TAs?"

"I told you, it was my friend Abby!" I begin and starts laughing again.

"I'm joking," he smirks.

A moment of silence passes us, but it's not uncomfortable. It's just kind of...there. I look at him again. "So...what brings you out here?"

Fitz blushes for some reason. "Well..."

"No way," I grin and narrow my eyes. "You came out here to smoke, didn't you?"

Fitz stares at me. "How in the hell did you possibly guess that?"

"I have great intuition," I explain. "But that's besides the point. The point is - you're a hypocrite."

"No," he tries to deny it, but I'm shaking my head.

"Have you listened to the Surgeon General," I mock him. "In the past, what? Thirty years?"

"Very funny," he rolls his incredible blue eyes. "I'll have you know that I rarely smoke."

I smirk. "That's what they all say."

Fitz frowns. "I'll tell you what, Livvy. I'll keep your secret if you keep mine."

"Deal," I smile. "And it's _Olivia_ , for the last time. Not 'Livvy'."

"I like 'Livvy' better."

"Whatever," it's my turn to roll my eyes. Then, I smile again. "Mr. Grant


	5. Chapter 5

_August 30th, 2015_

 _7:20 PM_

 _The Coffee Express_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"One caramel frappe with a shot of hazelnut, one hot chocolate no whip and one chilled, pumpkin spice mocha, no ice." I say confidently, glancing sideways at my boss Harrison for approval as I repeat my customer's orders.

Harrison nods firmly and I smile as the young student in front of me hands me a twenty before I can even tell her the total.

Just to show off, I rapidly calculate the prices with tax I memorized this afternoon in my head and tell her, "Your total will be $12.33."

Harrison just gapes at me, impressed. I smirk a little. I've always been good at math and numbers and impressing my boss can't hurt.

"You're good," Harrison admits after I give the girl a tray with her drinks. He's actually really chill and not to mention extremely good looking. If he wasn't my boss, I would shamelessly try to get with him.

"So I've been told," I throw in a wink. I'm not trying to be flirty or anything but I guess it comes off that way because it makes him blush. And that makes me smile.

I think Quinn was right. I am starting to like it here. I mean, I wouldn't work if I had a choice, but I really don't. If I had to chose one place to work, I guess this would be it.

"So, I gotta ask," Harrison leans against the counter. "What's a mathematician like you doing, looking for work in a coffee shop? You have amazing number skills, people skills, memorization skills and word on the street is, you're into politics. You do it all. You could be a young adult prodigy."

I laugh. It's so funny how inaccurate that is. "I am smart but I work for it. I wasn't born with a gifted brain - nobody is. I put in the effort. Every day of my life, I work for it." I pause and inhale. "My dad used to always say 'we have to be twice as hard to get half of what they had' and I think you know what that means. Who 'they' are and who 'we' are." Harrison nods understandingly as I go on. "I always thought my dad was full of crap and maybe he was but there's a lot of truth to that. And here I am, in Stanford. This university has the lowest acceptance rate in the entire country. So I would say I'm doing pretty good for myself. Even if I'm working in a shitty coffee shop."

Harrison raises his eyebrow, grinning. "I happen to be the very offended manager of that 'shitty' coffee shop."

"I'm sorry," I shrug without really meaning it. I can already tell he's the type of boss you can joke around with. "It's really not that bad here, I guess. Not as bad as I thought anyways."

"I'll take that as a compliment. And I'll tell you what," he shoves his hands in his jeans. "You can take off."

I look up from the register. "I've only been here for half my shift..."

"Olivia," Harrison smiles. "When your boss offers you an out, _with_ pay, learn to not question it. You can work the shift tomorrow night. How's that sound?"

I stare at him. "Why?" I ask blantly. "I mean, there must be some type of catch - unless you're the most laid back boss in the world."

"I am," Harrison chuckles. "But that's besides the point. You can take off if you go with me to this party tonight at my frat house."

I raise my eyebrows. Okay, that was forward. The truth is, I really don't want to go to this party with Harrison. He seems like a cool guy and he's definitely attractive but he's my boss. This is my first job - ever. And how would it seem to the others if I was getting favored? It's just not fair. That, and there's another guy kind of lingering on the back of my mind...

"Olivia," Harrison speaks up, noting my reluctance. "I meant as friends."

"Oh," I soften my expression.

Harrison grins but not in a mean way. "Don't get me wrong. You're beautiful and very smart. Those two qualities don't often come together in girls, but they do with you. That's interesting. _You're_ interesting. But...I am still your boss. And while I would be honored if you went to the party with me, that will never change."

I nod, trying to shrug of that slightly misogynistic, sexist comment. Plenty of girls are smart and beautiful but it's not my place to correct him. The rest of what he said makes sense. And I would love to go then. Today was tough and I've never been to an official college party. I would have never pegged Harrison for a frat boy though. "Can my friend Abby come?"

"Depends. Is she as cute as you?"

"Cuter," I smile, lifting the top of the forest green apron over my head. "Can you drop me off to my dorm first?"

* * *

 _August 30th, 2015_

 _9:01 PM_

 _Lyman Graduate Residences_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Mellie," I pick up the phone and try my best 'I just woke up voice'. The cold, hard truth is that I didn't call Mellie all afternoon because I didn't feel like it. I ignored at least five of her calls and texts, which was basically suicide. "Just got up from a nap, babe."

As I listen to her go on about how my sleeping routines need to get better, i pace around the barely furnished dorm room. Big Gerry paid for a singular, studio style room. It's time like these I seriously wish I had a roommate and wasn't this freaking lonely all the time.

Today, spending those few minutes with that girl, Livvy? That was the best part of my whole freaking day. She's the only girl that wasn't drooling over me when I was assisting today and that made her more approachable and easier to talk to. She's funny and we spoke like we had been friends for years. She makes me open up and speak more - which is not really something I do, being as introverted as I am.

On top of that, she is ridiculously smart. I can tell she's one of those few girls that are both book smart _and_ street smart, which is really incredible and not something I see everyday - especially not with freshmen students.

And not to mention the fact that she's _gorgeous_.

"Are you listening to me?" Mellie demands through the other line.

"Of course," I lie. I've done it so many times to her it just flows naturally. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. "I'm sorry, Mel. The time zone difference-"

"There is no fucking time zone difference," Mellie screams. "We're both in the goddamn _Golden_ State. I'm five fucking hours away from you, you asshole."

I grimace. Well, yeah. That was a stupid argument. I sit down on my mattress, not really knowing what to say. "I'm sorry, Mellie."

"Whatever, Fitz," Mellie replies, sounding exhausted. "You say these things and you charm your way out of arguments. Sometimes I feel like you just tone me out and don't listen to a word I say."

 _How'd you guess?_ I lean back on my mattress and sigh. I really don't mean to hurt her but every time I pick up the phone to talk to her, I just end up regretting it. She gets angry over the _stupidest_ things.

As if I'm saved by the bell, I get another call. It's from an unknown number. "That's not true. Look, I'm sorry, Mel. I'm getting another call."

"Of course you are."

I exhale. "I really got to take this."

"Of course you do."

Not knowing how to reply, I just take the other call and hope I don't get killed in my sleep for the next few days to come. "Hello?"

"Hi...I got this number from the Stanford website...are you the RA on call right now?"

I close my eyes and try not to scream. When Big Gerry forced me to sign up for Residence Advisor, I thought it would just look good on internship resumes. I didn't think I would actually get calls or complaints. Especially not before classes actually freaking began. "Yes. I'm Fitz. How can I help you?"

"Yeah, um," the girl goes on. I can't decide if she sounds annoyed or _annoying_. "There's, a, uh, party going on."

 _Well, it IS college._ "There's always a party going on. The best option for disturbance to go to the dorm or fraternity or sorority hall directly and communicate effectively with the residents."

"Yeah, um, no," the girl says. I grit my teeth. Im really not in the mood for this. "The thing is, Fitz, it's a fraternity house and I'm like, no sure if, um...I see a lot of young people there, like freshman and they're all drinking and I think...well, I think some of them might have, um...illegal substances...?"

 _Welcome to university. You just describe every single one in the United States of America._ "No frigging way!" I can't help but say sarcastically.

"If, you're not, uh, gonna help," the girl continues. "I mean, I can always, uh, go straight to campus security."

I stretch my arm and exhale. I was never a party guy in my undergrad years but a lot of my friends were. It's a part of life and people, especially college students, shouldn't be penalized for it, as long as they're not hurting anyone. The last thing I want for these kids is to suffer because someone snitched on them. I get up from my bed and from my half unpacked suitcase, throw on a pair of dark grey Nike sweatpants and a black fitted t shirt. "That's not necessary. I'll be right there. What house did you say it was in?"

* * *

 _August 30th, 2015_

 _9:16 PM_

 _Sigma Chi Fraternity House_

 _Stanford, California_

"I'm sorry," I apologize for about sixth time into the phone. Even as I'm walking down to to Sigma Chi fraternity house, Mellie seemed it acceptable to further lecture me and make my life a living hell. "I'm really sorry, Mellie. But can you just..."

"Can I just _what_?" Mellie demands.

I stop in front of the noisy frat house. Students, either wasted or high (or both) are pouring in and out and some Kanye West sound is piercing into my ear. It's amazing how they haven't been caught by campus security yet. I have to yell to make Mellie hear me over the phone, so my tone matches her. "Can you just like calm down for a second?!"

" _Me_?" Mellie screams like I just told her the most shocking thing in the world. "You're telling me to calm down? And on top of that, you're freaking yelling at _me_? What the hell is the background noise?...Fitzgerald Thomas Grant, do not tell me you're at some college party like a frat boy bitch. I swear I will come to Stanford myself and-"

I hang up. I know that's the worst possible thing to do but I do it anyway. Despite the fact that nobody ever hangs up on Mellie - not unless they have a death wish. Being with her at this point, I just might. I'll deal with the consequences later. Right now I've got some more complete utter bullshit to attend to.

When I enter to house, I'm bombarded with completely wasted, half naked girls approaching me. I smile nicely and try to wave them off. I can't hear what they're saying over the loud music and maybe that's for the best.

"Fitz!" a familiar voice screams into my ear.

I turn around and it's my friend, Jake. He's in his fourth year of undergrad and he's been my best friend ever since I was a sophomore and he was a freshman. I haven't seen him for weeks. "I'm glad you could make it to the party, man. How was the rest of your summer?"

"Jake," I sigh over the music. "Please do not tell me you were the one who pulled this shit."

"Me?" Jake laughs. "No. Harrison threw this party."

"Harrison," I repeat the unfamiliar name.

Jake points across the foyer to a tall, muscular guy sitting on a white couch. "Harrison. He's a junior - pre med."

But Harrison is not who catches my attention. It's the girl next to him, drinking something from a red solo cup. It's Livvy. She looks different - in a tight, mid thigh black dress and the highest heels I have ever seen.

I catch my breath. "He's with her?"

"Isn't she hot?" Jake sips his beer. He watches as I simply stare at her. She is not the type of girl I would expect to see at a party like this. "Don't bother, man. I tried to buy her and her friend a drink yesterday and they rejected me so bad my heart still stings a little."

I force out a laugh. "I'll catch up with you later, Jake. And find away to shut this party down or at least control the music a bit so you're not giving the entire campus a brain aneurysm."

Before he can say anything else, I make my way through the crowd and stop in front of Livvy and Harrison. I get a closer look at her and realize her hair is straightened. It's longer this way. "Hi guys."

Harrison gives me a quizzical look but Liv jumps up and puts her bare arms around my neck. I involuntarily inhale the scent of vodka and perfume. "Fittttzzzz..."

I force a smile and reluctantly hug her back. It's obvious she's completely wasted. I don't care about the party. I just want to get her home right now. "Livvy."

The other guy stands up and straightens the collar on his shirt. "I'm Harrison." I can already tell he's very protective of her. I would guess he would be her brother but what type of brother would let his sister run around a frat house half naked and drunk?

"Hi, Harrison," I try to say in an I'm-totally-not-a-rapist tone.

Harrison doesn't reply. He stares me up and down and then points to Livvy, who is still attached to my torso, hugging me. "I'm her boyfriend."

I try not to laugh. This guy is totally lying. I can tell he's just saying it to protect her and I respect that. But that's just what I'm trying to do as well. I would _never_ take advantage of one of my students. On top of that, it's Livvy. I would hate myself if I did that. "I'm Fitz Grant. I'm Liv's professor."

"Professor?" Harrison raises his eyebrow. "What type of professor hangs out in frat parties?"

"Professor Assistant," I correct myself. I realize I must sound like i'm lying too. "Look, I don't think Livvy should be here."

"Her name is Olivia," Harrison reaches out and touches her elbow. "And I think you should leave."

I stare at him. Does he really think I'm trying to take advantage of her? And is he really trying to fight me? Is he threatening me? Because it really sounds like a threat. But it's not worth it. I know for a fact it's not worth it. I could take him. I know that without a doubt. But like I said - it's not worth it. _He's_ not worth it.

"Olivia," I put my hands on her waist and gently pull her away from me. She smiles at me. It's a pretty smile but it's a completely intoxicated one. She's so oblivious to what's going on right now and maybe it's better if it stays that way. "Livvy, I'll walk you to your dorm. Come on."

She frowns seriously. "What...no...no. Why don't you wanna stay with me?"

I try to smile. I don't want her to worry or catch the drift that something is wrong. If her being in her innocent, intoxicated bubble is gonna make her happy, so be it. "I just wanna get you home right now, okay sweetheart?"

"No," she protests softly. Harrison comes up behind her but she doesn't notice. "No. I came here with my friend...Abby...I came here with Abby."

"I'll walk Abby home too," I tell her. At this point, I just want to get her out of here. I know what goes through college boys minds these days. Hell, I _am_ a college boy. I know how they treat pretty girls like Olivia - especially if they find them in such a compromised state. I would never wish that on her and at this point, I'm just hellbent on getting her the fuck out of here. "Please, Livvy -"

"That's _not_ her name," Harrison wraps his hand on her hip, which makes my blood boil for some reason. I don't know what his problem is, but on top of everything, I'm not dealing with this right now.

"I'm seriously get trying to get her home," I tell him candidly over the music. "I swear. It's her first day of school and she's a bright student. If she was caught in this shit, she'd get in trouble."

"More trouble than if she was walking around drunk on campus?" Harrison demands roughly.

I sigh. "Like I've been trying to tell you, you douchebag, I am a teacher's assistant. On top of that, I'm a resident advisor. I've been going to Stanford for four years. If any professors or security guards saw her with me, they'd cut her some slack. If you want, man, I'll walk you home to -"

"This _is_ my home!" Harrison shouts. "And you need to get the fuck out of here. _Now_."

Okay. I've tried reasoning with him, but he's too drunk to be coherent. This is none of my business. I slip Liv's hand in mine and I begin turning away when I feel _his_ hand whack my shoulder.

"Without her," he corrects himself.

I don't care if he touches me. He's pretty big but I'm at least three inches taller and three years older. I keep pulling Livvy away until I hear her yell, which makes me turn around.

His hand is grabbing her side and I don't know _what_ goes on with me but that draws the line. He can touch me, he can fuck me up, I don't care. But he cannot put his hands on Livvy - not when that's not what she wants.

I swallow and as calmly as I can move Livvy to the side. My fist interacts with Harrison's eye socket and before I know it, I'm on top of him and his hands are balling up my collar.

"Fitz!" Livvy shrieks. "Get off him!"

I hear her, but I'm not listening. I keep on punching Harrison until I feel blood on the base of my palms.

"Stop it," I feel Jake's arms lock around mine and drag me up. "You're gonna kill him!"

But I don't care. As long as I feel Harrison struggle under me, I don't care. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't fight - _ever_. But my heart is beating so fast and hitting him, hitting this asshole is making me feel slightly better.

I keep on hitting him and Harrison is a pretty buff guy but I caught him completely by surprise. Jake and this other guy manage to pull me up and I stumble back. It's not until I'm on my ass that I realize that Harrison actually got a few punches in and there's a cut under my eye. My jaw hurts to and my vision is blurred. That, and my adrenaline is pumping and I want nothing more to hit him again. But Jake holds me in place.

"Get up," Jake pulls my elbow. "Get up and let me get you the _fuck_ outta here before security comes."

He pushes me through the crowd of onlookers. I see some people recording but I don't care. I don't care about security either. I just care about one person.

Her name is Olivia and she's tailing us, crying.


	6. Chapter 6

_August 30th, 2015_

 _9:25 PM_

 _Sigma Chi House_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Fitz! _Stop_!"

I can't deal with this. Not right now. And I can't stop - not just because Jake is dragging me away in record speed.

"Please," I hear Livvy's voice behind us as we stumble out of the house. She's sobbing hysterically yet sounds completely pisses off at the same time. " _Stop_."

I sigh and stop moving. Jake turns to me, his grip on my getting tighter. "Move."

I close my eyes. The early fall freeze is hitting at the cut under my eye and it stings like hell. "I need to talk to her."

"No," Jake mutters under his breath. "Security is about to pop up any second and you've already done enough damage, you dumb ass-"

"I wasn't asking," I shrug away from his latch and turn to Olivia, who is standing in the doorframe, mascara stained tears on her cheekbones.

I walk up to her, hands in my sweatpants pockets. My face really fucking hurts and I'm gonna deal with Cyrus, Big Jerry and Mellie on my ass about this but I have to apologize to Livvy about this. "Look, Olivia, I'm-"

Without allowing me to finish or even begin my apology, she picks up her hand and slaps me across the face - as if it's not fucked up enough from her stupid, dick of boyfriend. " _Ow._ "

"What the hell is wrong with _you?_ " she demands. I put my hand on the side of my jaw, where she slapped me. _I could ask you the same thing..._

"That was my freaking boss, you asshole," she yells through sobs. It's kind of interesting how she's crying and screaming at the same thing. It's also depressing as hell to see her this upset. "How could you do that me? How c-could you be so...how could you?"

I look away from her. It's really hard to see her cry. "I'm sorry."

And I really am. I didn't mean to make things worse for her. None of this was premeditated. I didn't go in thinking I was gonna end up on top the of guy, beating him up. I have never, EVER gotten into a fistfight. I didn't expect this to happen.

That said, I don't think I regret it. The guy had his hands on her and for all I know, had I not been there, he might have been planning to take advantage of her himself. I wasn't willing to take that risk. He made me angry - seeing her that vulnerable made me angry. That's why I did what I did. And for that? I'm not sorry.

"You really have a shitty boss."

"That's not funny," she stares at me coldly. "Is that funny to you? That's really not funny."

"Livvy," I sigh, reaching out to touch her hand.

"That is _not_ my name," she reaches away and for a second, I think she may actually hit me again. But she doesn't. She just stands there, looking at me icier than I thought possible. "I'm not your thing to be saved, to be protected, to be taken care of. I'm not your student. And at this point, I don't even think I'm employed. Fuck you."

And then she's gone. Just like that, she's back into the house and there is nothing I can do about it.

* * *

 _August 30th, 2015_

 _10:05 AM_

 _Olmsted Terrace Home_

 _Stanford, California_

I'm so pissed off. I'm pissed off at Jake, at Harrison and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm pissed off at Olivia. Not for hitting me - I don't even care about that. I'm not even mad that she started this whole situation with me ending up on top of another man, beating him to a pulp. I'm not mad about that per se.

I'm mad that she acted reckless. I'm mad that she was even there in the first place. It has nothing to do with me. But I'm mad at myself too. Why was I so invested? Why did I even care that she was there at that party? Why did it bother me to see another guy put his hands on her?

For the life of me, I don't know. All I know is that I'm sitting in the on campus residence of Cyrus Beene, my ass on his bathroom counter and his husband, James, pressing an alcohol dampened washcloth to my eye.

"Ow."

"Stop whining," Cyrus marches into the bathroom, crossing his arms. "You lost your right to whine when you entered that stupid frat house and decided to be the idiot of the century. Do you know how much trouble you would be in had you not called me to bail you out of the wrath of campus security? _Do you?_ "

"I'm sorry," I mumble.

"What's that?"

"I'm _sorry_ ," I roll my eyes. But I really didn't mean to disappoint Cyrus. He's the closest thing to a father I have. And I didn't want to drag him into any of this.

"This is Stanford," Cyrus lectures me, pacing around the bathroom. "You're better than getting into fist fights with undergrads."

"I know," I repeat lamely.

"And all for _what,_ " Cyrus shakes his head in disgust. "A girl?"

I sigh and lean my back against the mirror. I take the washcloth from James after thanking him. When he leaves, I turn to Cy. "Not just any girl, Cyrus. Olivia Pope."

Cyrus' expression changes. "Olivia? From Poli Sci?"

I nod and he braces his palms on the counter. "Are you sure?"

I nod again. "I'm sure."

He shakes his head. "She's a brilliant student. I only officially met her today and out of hundreds of students, she stood out. She's smart."

"She's a genius." I agree glumly.

"What is a girl like _that_ doing like a party like _that_?" Cyrus asks.

I don't know if he's expecting an answer but if he is, I don't have one. Olivia is so much better than stupid college parties. I don't know why she was there. "When you figure it out, let me know. Because I'm lost."

"Olivia Pope," Cyrus repeats to himself, as if he still can't believe it. "That's crazy, but it doesn't change the fact that you were universally stupid. Why did you put yourself on the line like that?"

"I don't know," I admit candidly. I honestly don't.

"Fitz," Cyrus' says in a different, edgy tone. "Are you...did you sleep with her?"

"What?" I look up at him and then sigh. I didn't do this because I'm sleeping with Livvy. I'm not.

"Because I know Mellie," Cyrus scoffs. "Mellie is...she's smart and she's beautiful but come on. She's Mellie. And Olivia is very attractive and obviously brilliant. So I wouldn't blame you. It's unorthodox, you being her TA. But I wouldn't blame-"

"Cy," I stop him, leaning back against the mirror. "I did not sleep with Olivia Pope."

Cyrus frowns. "So then why did you do it?"

"I don't know," I repeat, exasperated. I don't want to talk about this anymore. My face hurts and I'm developing a hell of a headache. "Did Harrison get in trouble?"

"You started the fight," Cyrus mumbles. "Why would Harrison get in trouble?"

I open my eyes. "Because he assaulted her!"

"No," Cyrus closes the medicine cabinet and shakes his head. "You assaulted _him._ He, like he explained to campus security, was simply protecting a friend from a potential predator."

"I'm not a predator!"

"I know that." Cyrus looks at me. "And you're lucky that Olivia Carolyn Pope told the same thing to security, otherwise your ass would be in the Dean's office, awaiting expulsion."

I stare back at Cy. I didn't know that Liv stood up for me like that. Now I'm feeling really guilty for dragging her into a situation like this. "Cy...what do I do?"

"Make it right."

* * *

 _August 31st, 2015_

 _10:16 PM_

 _The Coffee Express_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"I'm sorry," I apologize for the thousandth time, taping in the code and opening the cash register. "Thank you, again, for the second chance."

I know it's late and I'm barely making any money but on top of eight classes, I barely get a chance to come in. That, and I wasn't going to deny a second chance. I was so surprised when Harrison told me I could come in. I had already reluctantly accepted that I was fired.

"It's whatever," Harrison pours us both coffee in the low quality cups we serve them in. He's sporting multiple bruises on his face and he's walking with a slight limp but other than that, he's been a good sport about the whole thing. Granted, he's not acting like my best friend. But he's not holding it against me, which I appreciate. "You shouldn't be held accountable for your asshole TA did."

I look down at my hands. I don't want to think about Fitz right now but since Harrison brought it up, I don't think Fitz is an asshole. He thought he was protecting me. And it's hard to blame him for that. "Nevertheless, thank you."

Harrison nods, sliding me the cup of coffee. He watches me closely as I take a cautious sip. He waits as a customer gets their order and passes until he speaks up a low voice, "Liv?"

I try to smile. I just want to forget everything about last night. Luckily I didn't have Political Sciences today and I didn't have to deal with Fitz. I don't ever want to have to. "Yes?"

"i just need you to know," Harrison shifts uncomfortably. I look away from him. Seeing those bruises makes me cringe. Fitz really fucked him up. "That I wasn't trying to take advantage of you that night."

I nod, but I don't know that. I don't know that at all. I barely remember anything. I just told security that Harrison wasn't trying to assault me or take advantage of me because I don't want to start anything. I want to put all this behind me. "I know."

"So," Harrison cocks his head. "Then why did you tell security that Fitz was a good guy?"

"Because I know he is," I admit, taking another sip of my coffee. "He was being protective and thought he was doing the right thing."

Harrison nods slowly, like he doesn't believe me at all. He doesn't have to. As long as I have this job, I'm good. "I'm sorry, Harrison."

"Like I said," Harrison picks up his coffee and turns around."You don't need to apologize."

* * *

 _August 31st, 2015_

 _11:57 PM_

 _The Coffee Express_

 _Stanford, California_

"Two pumpkin spiced lattes," I repeat the young student's order and then look up at him and his girlfriend, smiling. "That's a popular choice right now."

I repeat the order quietly back to Quinn, who is working the back. We're the only ones in here tonight. I turn back, tell the couple the price and the young guy hands me a ten. "Keep the change."

I give them their order, smiling for the huge tip. I could use every extra quarter I get at this point. "Get home safe guys."

"You too."

After they're gone, I look at the now empty coffee shop. I feel a hand on my back and turn around. "Olivia?"

I smile at Quinn. I think she knows what went down last night because she's being extra nice and quiet tonight - the latter being very hard for her. "Hey, Quinn."

"I'm thinking about closing up," she nods at the empty cafe. "Can you card me out?"

I'm nod and turn around, ready to put her hours card into the machine when I hear a bell on the door.

"Hold on," Quinn calls. "One more customer."

"Okay," I tell her, still turned around. I put down her card and turn to make myself another cup of coffee - one I can take back to my dorm and drink while I study.

"Livvy?"

Hearing that voice makes me put down the empty coffee cup. I brace my palms on the counter and inhale. I don't want to deal with this - not right now. Preferably not ever.

"Livvy," he repeats my name through the other side of the counter.

I turn around and force myself to smile for Quinn's sake. Once I look at him, I can't stop. He's wearing a navy blue Henley and dark jeans. He looks better than Harrison since he pretty much won the fight but he still has a crimson cut under his eye and a deep purple bruise next to his cheek.

"Liv," Quinn probably notes my discomfort.

But I just continue smiling at her. "You can go ahead. I'll close up."

She nods and heads to towards the back exit, probably relieved. But I'm anything but that.

I come up to the counter and put my hands on the register, refusing to look into those deep blue eyes.

"Hi," Fitz says warmly. "You look different without ten pounds of makeup on you. It's good. You look good."

"I wish I could say the same for you," I look up coldly. "How can I help you?"

Fitz raises his eyebrows. "What?"

"You heard me," I reply icily. "You're here, in my coffee shop. How can I help you? You want to order the seasonal pumpkin spice products? Lattes, frappuccinos, mochas? What do you _want_?"

"You," he says blantly and I stare at him. He clears his throat. "I want to apologize."

I focus my eyes on the ceiling, LED string Christmas lights brightening the dark shop. "I don't care. If you're not ordering something, get out."

He looks at me. "Are you serious?"

I don't say anything, assuring him that I am. He takes out his wallet and rolls his eyes. "Get me whatever your seasonal shit is."

"A pumpkin spice latte?"

"Yeah, whatever. Livvy," Fitz begins. He sounds hurt. I wish he knew I didn't want him to be."I'm sorry. How many times do I have to say that? I'll say it again. I'll say as many times as it takes. I don't want you to be mad at me."

I swallow and force myself to look at him. It hurts to look at the bruises and cuts on his face. He doesn't deserve them. Turning around, I start the Keurig and pop a coffee container in there. "I'm not mad at you, Fitz. I'm just mad."

"I don't want you to be," he stresses.

I don't say anything. I apparently don't have to. He keeps talking, changing the subject. I appreciate that. "I never got to thank you for saving my ass from security."

"I didn't save your ass," I insist. "They asked if I had assaulted you and I said no. They asked if I was protecting you and I told them that you thought you were and they that they couldn't hold you accountable for that. I was just being honest."

"And now you're being modest," Fitz smirks. I turn to him and see his smile under the string lights. It makes me smile too. "So...I like your outfit."

I roll my eyes as he refers to the ugly dark green t shirt and white shorts I have to wear under the apron. "Gee, thanks."

"No, it's very you." He grins and he clears his throat. "So...Harrison let you keep your job?"

I nod, my smile disappearing. When he first came in here, I wanted him to leave. And a part of me still does. Another part is happy he's here, even if it's in a situation like this. "Harrison is...forgiving."

"Harrison is a dick," Fitz replies immediately. I stare at him but he doesn't even blink. "He could have taken advantage of you. He was going to. And I think you know that."

I shrug, putting pumpkin spice creamer in the coffee. I turn around and hand it to him. "It's whatever."

"It's not whatever," Fitz insists, taking the coffee, looking genuinely concerned. "If he's your boss and he was going to take advantage of you, why would stay here, working for him? I don't like that."

"It doesn't matter what you like," I practically shout. Okay, now I'm getting annoyed.

"Why?" Fitz demands, equally as loud. "Why would you _stay_?"

"Because!" I yell. I take a deep breath. "I don't have any other choice. Not everyone is you, Fitz. Not everyone has a rich daddy willing to pay for whatever damages you do in this world. Not everyone can bounce back on anything. Not everyone has limitless options and opportunities and fucking choices. Not everyone is you, Fitz."

He stares at me but I can't look him in the eyes. I cannot believe I just called him out like that. But I'm so upset, I don't like being here and I can't do this anymore. I can't be this...girl. I can't.

But I also can't see Fitz like this. He looks like I just stabbed him in the heart. I reach out to touch his arm but he pulls away. "Fitz, I'm sorry."

"It's whatever," he says coldly. He opens his wallet, takes out a fifty and slams it down on the granite counter.

"Fitz," I begin but he's already turned around, his coffee still on the counter.

He opens the door without looking back. "Keep the change."

* * *

 **AN: Oh no...D:**

 **Lol, I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! Sorry for the late update. I just wanted to say thanks for enduring the change of point of view and being so supportive about it! :)**

 **That said, I don't know** _ **what**_ **happened when I was writing the last chapter. Maybe** _ **I**_ **was high or something because that is not at all how I see canon Harrison (RIP!). If you know me, you know how much I LOVE Columbus Short and Harrison Wright. I have the honor of saying I've talked to him on Twitter and have been blessed with a follow from him (!). But tbh I get nauseous if I write too much Jake in my stories, so that's just how it's gonna be I guess.**

 **And there's gonna be a time jump next chapter! Hopefully Liv and Fitz can get their shit together (as if that's ever gonna happen on the actual show) and confront their feelings for each other - because we** _ **all**_ **know the feelings are there**


	7. Chapter 7

_November 24, 2015_

 _9:40 AM_

 _Lecture Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"So, um," the blonde girl pushes her arms against the sides of her chest to subtlety make her boobs stand out. She smiles flirtatiously at me. "The speech writing packet is due...?"

I force a smile and clear my throat - as if Cyrus didn't repeat the due date at least a dozen times. I know this girl - I can't even remember his name - is just using it as an excuse to talk to me...like every other girl in this PoliSci class. Every girl except one.

"The day after we come back from holiday break," I tell her. "As Professor Beene mentioned more than a few times."

The girl bursts out in a nasally laugh and it takes everything in me not to gag. I'm not trying to be mean or anything but there's really not a lot of girls in this class I like talking to. It's not like they're not attractive - most of them are. But I can't hold a conversation with them unless it's about class. There's only one girl I genuinely liked having a conversation with and now we can't even look each other in the eye.

It's been a couple of months since Livvy and I last spoke. Since I left her in at her coffee shop. I'm not mad at her. How could I be mad at her calling me out and simply telling the truth? I can't. It's just we never talked after that. She tried apologizing but at that point, I just wasn't ready to speak to her. When I finally was, she stopped talking to me. And that hurt but what can you do? I overstepped and I don't want it to happen again. No matter how much I miss us talking - even though we only talked a few times before the whole party disaster. I worry about her sometimes. I hope she's out of the party scene but it's really none of my business what she does in the end. I just find myself thinking about her sometimes.

As the blonde student goes and flirts some more with me, I tune her out and look up the rows at Livvy. She's sitting where she always does - in the back corner of the lecture hall next to her friend Abby. Even though she doesn't talk to me, she participates in class and everything. She's so goddamn smart. She could go to law school right now if she wanted.

And she's so pretty. Sometimes, when Cyrus goes on his long lectures with me next to him, I'll tune out and look at Livvy. If she notices me staring, she doesn't react. I don't mean to make her feel uncomfortable - I'm not Harrison. But she's just got this thing about her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something for her.

An underlying part of me cares about her so much that it's unbelievable. I barely know the girl but I miss her. And I want her to be okay - even if she hates me.

"Fitz," Cyrus calls my name from the end of the room and gestures for me to follow him.

I force a smile at the girl and follow Cy into his adjoining office. "What's up?"

"What are you doing for the holidays?" Cyrus sits at his desk and turns on his desktop computer. He pulls out a flash drive from the mother board. "You going back home?"

I stuff my hands in my jeans pockets. "Unfortunately."

Cyrus nods absentmindedly. He picks through a file of papers and holds one out to me. "While you're at home with your family, eating turkey and getting too drunk to go Black Friday shopping, just ponder this. It's Olivia Pope and she requested to be transferred out of this class."

I stare at the paper in front of me without taking it. _What?_

"It's because of you," Cyrus goes on matter- of- factly. "I mean, she didn't write it. She didn't need to. Everyone knows what she was implying. She wanted to be in a class where you're not TA." Cyrus takes a deep breath. "I am gonna ask you this, Fitz, because you're like a son to me and I want to help you get out of this mess. Did you sleep with this girl? Did you hurt her?"

"No!" I practically shout. I take the paper from him and crumble it in my fist. Why is she doing this? Does she really hate me his much? "I didn't do anything, Cy! I haven't even talked to her after I apologized to her the night after the party! I swear!"

"Then why is she doing this?" Cyrus demands. "She blantly said that after holiday break, she wants to switch out of this class and into another PoliSci one. Why now?"

"I don't know," I admit. I turn around and run my hand through my light brown curls and inhale deeply. At this point, I'm trying not to break down.

I don't know why Livvy is doing this. She knows I forgive her. She knows I would give up anything to talk to her. Why is she hurting me like this? "Cyrus..."

"I don't care, Fitz," Cyrus looks up at me, disappointed. "I don't want nor need to hear your excuses. Simply put, I don't care about your drama with underclassmen. I do, however, get involved when it concerns my day. Concerns my reputation like this -"

"It's not personal, Cy-"

"This," Cyrus cries, gesturing to the crumpled up letter in my fist. "Feels personal. I chose you because, like I said, you're like a son to me, Fitz. You have a passion for politics - you have potential in it too. I trusted you. I still do. But when students start pulling shit like this...like I said, Fitz. Make it right."

* * *

 _November 24th, 2015_

 _10:05 AM_

 _Lecture Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

"Olivia!"

I wait for her by the doorway as students leave the lecture hall. Her best friend Abby whispers something to her and Livvy shakes her head, all while avoiding eye contact with me. I know Abby knows about our relationship. She picked up Livvy from the frat house that night a couple months ago.

They're both set to walk right by me but I reach out and take her elbow.

"Hey!" Abby cries and I sigh. I didn't mean to grab Livvy, but I _really_ need to talk to her.

I don't want her to leave and not just because Cyrus is upset about t. She shouldn't feel compelled to leave because of a stupid fight we had a long time ago.

"It's okay, Abby," Livvy says calmly, then finally looks at me.

I smile helplessly but she doesn't return it. "I need five minutes...please."

She stares at me before finally exhaling and nodding. "Fine. Five minutes." She turns to a reluctant Abby. "It's fine, Abs. Really. I'll be alright."

With Abby's hesitant blessing, I pull Olivia into a corner where we can have more privacy. I simply look at her - it's been months since we've been this close. She looks so stunning in a white sweater and black leggings with Ugg boots. "Hi."

"Hi," she looks up at me and swallows. "Fitz..."

"Don't apologize," I hold up my hand. "Please."

"What I said was out of line," she continues anyway. "I'm not a bitch."

"I don't think you are-"

"No," she shakes her head, her black curls bouncing. "What I said to you that night...that was a bitchy thing. I don't even know why I said it. I was in your place not too long ago with my father and everything but... I just want you to know that I was in a bad place when I said that. I'm over it."

I frown and look her in the eyes. She has the prettiest brown eyes. "So why did you request to be transferred?"

She sighs. "Fitz..."

"I'm not mad at you," I tell her candidly. "I'm really not. I just want you to stay. You shouldn't feel compelled to leave. Please."

"You have a girlfriend," Olivia blurts out.

I raise my eyebrows. Yes, but what does that have to do with anything? How does Livvy even know?

She notes my surprise, because she sighs heavily and closes her eyes. "I'm not a stalker - I swear. It's just that every other girl in that lecture hall is infatuated with you so when a rumor starts spreading...well, it was like wildfire." She opens her eyes and locks them with me. "What I'm trying to say is...Fitz, I don't know what this is. What you want from me. I may like casual sex but I am _not_ 'the other woman'. So I just need you to know that-"

"Livvy," I shake my head, cutting her off. She over thought this is so much, I don't even think there's a word for it. I really like Livvy and I would be lying if I said I didn't have any feelings for her. But that's not why I want her to stay. That's not why I need her to stay. "You've got this all wrong."

She looks up at me. "So you don't feel anything for me?"

"No," I lie, pressing my lips together.

I actually do feel something, but I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I'm not attracted to Mellie and I'm just horny. Maybe it's just lust. But maybe it's not. Maybe it's something more. I don't know. But I do feel something. I feel something I never have with any other girl - let alone a student. I just have no idea what it is. "I promise you, Livvy, it's not like that."

"Then what is it like?" she whispers.

I can tell this whole thing is really bothering her. I can't say I blame her. If I were a freshman, getting sucked into all this drama would be hell for me. This must be confusing and frustrating and I can assure her - it's the same for me. "I don't know, Olivia."

She shakes her head, sighing yet again. "Then I don't know what to tell you. It's not personal, Fitz." She reaches up and touches my cheek with her hand softly. She keeps it for a second before she realizes we're in public - then she lowers it quickly. "But being in that class? Seeing you? Being reminded of that night? It's just too damn hard. I wanna move past it. I have to."

"You can forget about me," I whisper. At this point, I'm willing to say anything to get her to stay. "You don't even have to look at me again. But Cy...he gets his feelings hurt."

Livvy cracks a smile at that and I can tell she's considering it.

"Look," I go on, trying to smile myself. "I'm sorry about that night. I didn't mean to put you in a position like that." My smile fades. "But I have to ask - for my sake. Are you still working for him?"

She looks away and doesn't answer. She doesn't have to. I know she still is. I know the truth. And it hurts. "Olivia...you know I don't like that."

"And you know that I don't care what you like," she mumbles. I frown and she looks at me, crossing her arms. "If you want me to stay in the class, Fitz, I will. If it means that much to you. I'm staying for my sake. And Abby's. And Professor Beene's. But I will not put up with ...whatever this is."

"What do you mean?" I ask innocently.

She rolls her eyes at me. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I really don't."

She rolls her eyes again. "You're a grad student. Figure it out."

I chuckle. "Olivia, I told you. It's not like that. You're right - I do have a girlfriend. A fiancée actually. And I'm not that jerk who takes advantage of his students."

Olivia looks up at me. "You could be. Seriously, you could have any of those girls in that lecture hall. You don't even have to try. You could have all of them."

I look back Livvy. "Yeah. Except for one, I'm assuming."

Livvy grins, and then touches my shoulder. That makes me smile again. "Like I said, Fitz, don't make this something it's not. Don't try to protect me. Don't go out of your way for me. It's fine. _I'm_ fine. Seriously."

I nod, because I can't open my mouth and tell her I believe her. I can't lie to her - not again. She leans forward and puts her arms around my neck. "Have a nice Thanksgiving break."

I'm surprised but I wrap my arms around her tightly. It's a nice hug - like we've been doing it every day for years. She waits a moment and then with one last smile, walks away.

I'm so worried about her. I just want her to be okay. But then again, that's not my place.

She's made that very clear.

* * *

 _November 24, 2015_

 _5:47 PM_

 _The Coffee Express_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"So," Abby plucks a blueberry off the top of her muffin. "What did Mr. Douchebag want?"

I roll my eyes at Abby and hand a receipt to a customer before turning back to her. Sometimes, on slow days, Harrison doesn't care if I let Abby through the counter and lounge around until my shift is over. Abby has significantly less classes than me so she has the spare time. "He has a name Abby. It's Fitz."

"Whatever," she rolls her blue eyes. "He's still an asshole. He shouldn't have grabbed you like that. And there I was, thinking he was better than Harrison."

"Abby!" I snap at her. It's not like Harrison is here right now, but still. Abby can be so judgmental. Okay - it's not like Harrison is a good guy either. But Abby can be so quick to assume.

"It's okay," Quinn walks by with a cardboard tray full of coffee. She hands it to a customer before turning back to us. By now, I've filled her in on Harrison's dick moves and she's noticed the way he looks at me whenever he's here. "I'm hip to everything."

"Then how do you let her keep working here?" Abby sighs, referring to me.

I just shake my head and get back to wiping the outside of the Keurig machine. "Where's your perfect boyfriend, Abs?"

Abby automatically grins. She's been dating David solidly for a while now. If I can get past their excessive need to show public displays of affection, they're actually pretty cute. "We're talking about you right now, Liv. Not me. More specifically, we're talking about how our cute TA has a crush on you. That and the fact that he may be a total asshole."

"He's not," I insist.

"Look at you," Abby smirks and takes another bite of her muffin. "Being all defensive over your boyfriend."

"Come to think of it," Quinn speaks up. "It is kinda weird how he got protective of you that night. Did he ever give you an explanation?"

"He didn't need to," I sigh. "I was wasted and he just did the right thing. But it's not like that, guys. He's engaged."

"So?" Abby shrugs.

"Abby," I can't but laugh. "You're about the most judgmental person I know. And now you're saying it's okay if I were to be Fitz's mistress?"

"No," Abby replies. "Because he's a jerk."

I sigh and since I have no pending customers, I turn my back towards the counter and face her and Quinn. "I'm going to say this one last time and I need you to really hear me. Fitz is not a bad guy. Fitz...he isn't Harrison."

I guess saying that Harrison isn't a good guy would be an overstatement. He's rarely ever here so I don't really know much about him. I've only seen him a few times in the past couple of months. But when he is here... I don't know. Something isn't right. He's not the same boss I joked around with my first night.

It's not like he blantly sexually harasses me. I would _not_ be working here if he did. I may be desperate for a job but I do have an teensy bit of self respect. Barely any. But it's there.

Still, something isn't right about Harrison's behavior toward me. Sometimes he'll just watch me while I'm at the counter and when he thinks I don't notice, he'll be checking out my ass. Or when I'm talking to him, his eyes will be directly on my boobs. He won't really talk to me but when he does, he'll say suggestive things. Still, he doesn't touch me. So as long as he's all looking and talking, I'm fine with that. I can live with that.

Abby stares at me. "Liv...do you really like this guy? Fitz, I mean. Because you haven't been with another guy, not that i'm aware of, ever since we came to Stanford."

Abby's right. I haven't slept with anyone since I came to California a few months ago but that's simply because I've been too busy with classes and work. Like drugs and alcohol, I don't _need_ sex. It has nothing to do with Fitz. Or at least I don't think it does. "I don't know, Abs."

"If you were really into him," Quinn speaks up again. "It would be kind of hard to blame you. He's hot and I say go for it."

I try to hide my grin. "Quinn, I'm not that type of girl. Even if I was into him like that, I'm not 'the other woman'." I sigh. "Can we stop talking about this?"

Luckily, David comes in the cafe and the subject changes. He leans over the counter and gives Abby a kiss. "Hey, girls. What are we up to?"

" _We_ ," I push Abby's shoulder gently. Friday's are really busy and I can't have her sitting around here in the middle of things. "Were just leaving. Get your girl outta here, David."

David puts his arm around Abby when she comes through the counter and smiles. "I was gonna invite you girls to this party tonight."

"Babe," Abby looks up at David. "i'm going back to Baltimore for vacation tonight. My flight leaves at eight. I can't go."

"Are you sure?" David asks, frowning.

"Yeah," Abby sighs, looping her arm around his waist. She nods to me and Quinn. "But you guys can go."

Quinn looks at me,beaming. She's such a pretty girl but she's not the type that gets invited to college parties. She's just not that hardcore. So I can tell she's excited. "I'm so down for that. Olivia? Please tell me you'll go! I know Huck can cover for you tonight..."

As far as partying goes, I'm not gonna lie - I've gone to a couple in the past few months. Stanford is a huge party school and I'm gonna take advantage of that. Lately, I haven't been getting down to parties as much as I expected. Schoolwork has been getting in the way of that. Schoolwork and stress.

Today is the last day before Thanksgiving break and I know I'll be staying on campus. My dad hasn't contacted me and I know he's not planning to. I have nowhere else to go and if I'm here, I might as well get some fun out of it.

"Okay," I tell her, grinning. "I'll go. Just for an hour or so."

Abby puts her hand on my shoulder and lowers her voice. "Liv..."

"You don't have to worry about me," I promise Abby. She already feels guilty because she couldn't take me back to Baltimore with her. The money just wasn't there. But it's okay. I'm okay. "I'll be fine."

"I just don't want you to be here by yourself," Abby whispers.

I smile softly. "Abby, a lot of students stay on campus during holidays. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine." I nod towards Quinn. "She'll keep me in line."

Abby finally smiles back. It's reluctant, but it's there. "Alright."

I give her a hug. I'm gonna miss her until she comes back but I'll be okay.

I really have no other choice.

* * *

 **AN: Hey, sorry for the late update. Hope you enjoyed the update. There's a _LOT_ of drama still to come! Thank you for your kind (and not so kind) reviews.**

 **I'll be the first to admit that I often don't proofread my chapters. I sometimes just rush through it. Y'all telling me that is constructive criticism and I appreciate it. I'll try to be mindful of my grammatical errors in the future. That said, when you start talking about my age/what I've been through, that begins to feel personal.**

 **Cursing may be unpleasant to read but what's worse is reading reviews that are nothing but hurtful.**

 **Also, if you're just in my reviews to slut shame...well, that's more disturbing than anything I could ever write.**

 **Anyways, the majority of you are incredibly sweet and supportive and I appreciate that so much**


	8. Chapter 8

_November 25th, 2015_

 _1:00 AM_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"You're not drinking," Quinn observes, taking a sip of her own beer. "Do you like, not drink at all or something?"

I try not to laugh at how inaccurate that is. "Something like that."

I would be drinking. I would be here, going crazy, but I can't. I can't just down a tequila shot and not worry about anything. Life doesn't work like that, not anymore. My mind is going a hundred miles per hour and I feel like crying.

I miss Baltimore. I miss talking to my dad. I thought I was this independent girl who didn't need anybody. But I do. I'm just realizing this right now. I really do. And while I'm in this horrible, hopeless state of mind, I can't drink or focus on anything. The only person that could make me feel better is on a plane to Baltimore right now.

"Quinn," I sigh. "I'm gonna head back to campus and-"

"Excuse me," a guy comes up behind Quinn and grins at both of us. He looks down at Quinn's beer. "Can I buy you a real drink?"

Quinn giggles nervously and nods. "I would like that."

He tells the bartender to get him a tequila shot and Quinn goes on talking to him. I watch carefully to make sure he doesn't drop anything to the drink when it comes by.

I just watch them for a second. Quinn is so innocent. If I didn't know any better, I would say this is her first time talking to a guy in a bar. I could go so far as to saying this is her first time _drinking._

I can't even remember the first time I walked into a bar. I was probably around sixteen. That year was the worst of my life. Everything was falling apart and alcohol, drugs and sex were just there. It was new and it was consistent and I felt so sure about it. So I just fell into them. And in a way, I'm still into it. I don't know if I could ever change.

"Quinn," I speak up, my voice more unsteady than I expected. I force myself to smile. "Are you gonna be okay here?"

"Yeah," Quinn turns around and smiles back at me. "Feel better."

I don't really want to leave Quinn but I know if I stay here, I'm gonna end up crying and ruining her night. And I wouldn't leave if I thought she would be really okay.

I'm get out of my seat and I'm moving through people to the exit but someone blocks me. "Move." I really don't have any time for this.

The guy, someone who I've never spoken to before in my life, looks down at me. He says something but I can't hear him over the stupid Fetty Wap song that's playing. Honestly, I don't care.

"Move," I repeat.

"What's wrong?" He leans into my ear and asks. It's only until now that I realize I'm crying.

I sniffle and wipe my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Nothing. Move. Please."

"It's Olivia, right?" the guy asks.

I sigh and nod. Again, I try to move past him but he holds out his arm. "Why are you leaving? You're not having a good time? I can show you a good time."

I look around. Everyone is dancing and talking and nobody can hear me over the beat of this dumb ass song. Despite my best efforts, I know I begin to cry harder. I really don't need this right now. I put my hand on his arm and push down. "I'm not interested."

He brings his arm back up just as quick and laughs. "I didn't mean it like that. I just don't like seeing a pretty girl cry."

I'm seriously trying to regroup myself so I can punch this guy and get the hell out of here but he takes down his arm and reaches into his leather jacket pocket. He pulls out a small Baggie.

Okay, this is the part where I should know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I should get the hell out of here. But he holds it out to me and I can't see what it is through the darkness of the club.

He leans back close to my ear and this time, I let him. "It's better than anything you'll find back on campus."

I look at the plastic bag and then back up at the guy. This is so shady. I should walk away right now. Drugs don't sound like the worst option right now, but I know better than to just take them from a stranger. "No, thanks. I'm clean."

He laughs like that's literally the funniest thing he's ever heard. He reaches behind me and I think he's grabbing my ass through my pockets but he really just puts the baggie in.

"I'm not paying you," I begin to take the baggie out but he holds up his hand.

"It's on the house."

I just stare at him and he winks. I'm not gonna take whatever's in the bag but at this point, arguing with him isn't worth it.

So before I know I'm gonna end up in tears, I just walk away and leave the bar sober - for once in my life.

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _1:27 AM_

 _Stanford University Campus_

 _Stanford, California_

I don't know why I'm expecting my dad to pick up. I've called him a couple of times throughout these past few months and he never has. So while I'm walking alone around campus, I'm just blindly hoping my dad will pick up the phone.

"Olivia?"

I'm taken aback when he does and it takes me a couple of seconds to reply. "Um...hi, Dad?"

"Olivia," he repeats. It's so strange to hear his voice after all this time. Especially when it's just the sound of it through the silence of a near empty campus. "Olivia, hasn't me not returning your calls given you some sort of idea? Maybe something along the lines of how I don't want to speak to you?"

I close my eyes and stop walking. I lean against the brick exterior of some type of lecture hall. I'm seriously trying not to cry at this point. I don't understand how he could still not want to talk to me. How he couldn't care less. "Dad, how many times do I have to say I'm sorry?"

"You don't have to say it at all," he snaps at me. Then, after a pause, he sighs. "Isn't it late in California? What are you doing still up? Partying, I presume?"

"No," I whisper. I'm afraid if I talk any louder, my voice will break and I don't want him to know I'm crying. "Everyone is gone for Thanksgiving break."

"Huh," my dad replies. He sounds the opposite of sympathetic. "What are your plans?"

"I don't have any," I admit. I lean my head to the side so my phone is between it and my shoulder. The phone is cracked from the plane ride but I can't afford a new one or to even get it fixed. The edge of the crack is kind of cutting cutting into the side of my chin at this angle. But I need my hands to rub my arms. It's really freaking cold out here and for some reason, I didn't think it necessary to bring a jacket. "Dad, can we stop this fighting? I already told you I'm sorry. It was a mistake. And I've been so good ever since I came here. You can ask Abby. I haven't been like _that._ "

"I don't _care_ ," he cuts in shortly.

It feels like I've just been stabbed in the heart. I take the phone with my hand and wipe my nose. The tears are already coming down. "I don't want it to be like-"

"Well than you should have thought of that before you acting like a complete...I don't even know _what_ to say," he tells me. "For months I have been living in disappointment. And you have the audacity to call me like this - for what? Money?"

"No," I cry. It's not exactly a lie. I'm going to have to move to a cheaper residence but I've saved enough money, with financial aid, to stay on campus. I can make it without him, technically speaking. But he's my dad. I don't want to.

For years, he's been all I had. No matter what happened, he was by my side. When my mom-...he was just always there for me. And now everything is just so different and I thought I can handle it but I can't.

"Good," he says curtly. "Because the way I see it, if you're old enough to strip in a bar, you're old enough to support yourself."

I inhale deeply, looking up. It's such a beautiful night and California is so amazing but I didn't ever think I was gonna be in this position. I messed up so much. And I'm so scared. "Dad-"

"No. I don't know what you want from me, Olivia, but you can't possibly expect me to give it to you. And since I won't, i shouldn't expect your calls anymore."

After he hangs up, I clutch the phone against my palm. It's not fair. None of this is fair. I have no idea where I am. I have no idea how to get home.

On top of that, even though I'm making it work right now, there's no way I can live off minimum wage for four years. Especially when I only have time to work part time.

But it's more than just that. It's my father. He blantly told me he doesn't care. He doesn't care about me. And I know him. I know he never will. I ruined it, just like I ruin every other thing in my life. If my mom could see my right now, what would she think?

Everything is all coming down on me right now and I don't know what to do.

And the worst part is, before I can convince myself not to, I reach into my back pocket and pull out the bag.

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _1:49 AM_

 _Lyman's Residence Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

I don't know what I should do.

I know what I should be doing - finishing my last minute packing so I can be ready to drive to Los Angeles first thing in the morning. But I am so distracted. I'm so confused. So instead, I'm sitting on my mattress, my arms flexed on top of my empty, unpacked suitcase.

I just got a call from Mellie. She's really excited for me to be coming back and in another world, I would be too. In a perfect world, I would love my fiancée and want to spend so much time with her. In a perfect world, I would be faithful to her.

In a way, I have been. I haven't been physically intimate with anyone in four years because of Mellie. But that doesn't mean I haven't had thoughts. It doesn't mean I haven't cared for other girls and spent my time thinking about them. More specifically, Livvy.

I'm glad she's staying - I really am. But I can't promise that I won't be worried about her. That I won't be concerned. I can't promise that I won't put myself on the line because for her, I would do that every single fucking time.

She's worth it.

She's not like most girls I'm attracted too. No. Livvy is...unconventional. She's brilliant but she doesn't act like it. She doesn't act like the respectable, amazing girl I know she is. She parties - a _lot_ from what I hear. I can't judge her for that. I think anyone who judges a girl for sleeping around...I don't know what to say. I don't think it's our place to judge anybody's sex life. Even if it's someone I care about as much as Olivia.

That and the fact that she's drop dead gorgeous. No matter what the flaws she has, none are incorporated in her looks. She's, hands down, the prettiest girl I have ever seen in my life. She's simply beautiful.

I don't know what happens now. I don't know if I can stop myself from thinking about her in this way. I would never act on that. If I were to instigate something, I'd be taking advantage of her and I don't think I could live with myself. But if she's staying in my class, I know I'm gonna feel the same way about her. I barely know her but I know that she's breathtakingly beautiful and one of the smartest girls I've ever met.

But I have to stop thinking about Livvy. I have to be faithful - both physically and mentally to Mellie. Because the truth is, I do love Mel. She's crazy, manipulative and annoying but somewhere in there is the same girl I fell in love with four years ago.

Still, it wasn't my idea to propose to her. It was all Big Jerry. I literally did it over the fucking phone and had to send her a ring through the mail. But it was a beautiful princess cut one and she's was satisfied with it.

There's a knock on my door, interrupting my thoughts. It's so soft that I'm not even sure it was there. It's late, so I don't know who would be knocking on my door. I'm probably just hearing things.

A couple of seconds later, I hear the knock again. I get up off my mattress and walk towards my door. I really have no idea who is at my door this late. I was under the impression mostly everyone who was planning to leave for the holiday had already left.

I open the door and in front of me is Olivia Carolyn Pope, sobbing.

* * *

 **AN: :( How did Olivia find Fitz? Why is she there? Is she high? Are they gonna get it on? What was in the baggie? All these questions will be answered the day after tomorrow when I update! (it's gonna be a good one!). I hope you guys are liking the story so far.**

 **And I can't justify Olivia's behavior to y'all anymore. Just wait and see!**

 **And again, thank you for your kind messages and reviewers. Y'all stay making my day. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

' _Trust is jumping into somebody's arms_

 _And knowing you won't have to_

 _Pick yourself back up_

 _When it's over'_

 _\- Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 **Olivia's POV**

I'm literally about to turn back. I don't know what I'm doing here. I have no business being on the other side of campus, let alone in front of my TA's dorm room door.

But I'm scared and I'm angry and everything is falling apart and I don't know who else to go to.

I lean forward and tap the door very slightly - like I'm scared to do it. In a way, I am. He doesn't answer. This is stupid. He's probably with his family right now. Only really pathetic people stay on campus during Thanksgiving break - which is why I'm here right now.

But I'm just realizing now exactly how much I want to see him. I find myself knocking again, harder this time. Within a couple of seconds, the door swings open and standing in front of me is Fitz Grant. He's in a white t shirt and black sweatpants but he looks as attractive as ever.

And here I am, crying on his doorstep.

"Livvy," he looks me up and down with his blue eyes. His voice is really soft. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm s-sorry," I turn around, my voice less steady than I was hoping. "I really shouldn't be here."

I began turning around but Fitz leans out and touches my waist very carefully, like he's afraid to break me. "No. Come in."

"I'm sorry," I sniff, strangely okay with the fact that he's touching me. But I don't belong here. I don't belong in this fancy ass residence building and I certainly don't belong in his dorm room. "I shouldn't have come."

"It's okay," Fitz insists gently. His thumb kind of touches my skin under the waistband of my shorts but not on purpose. He doesn't even notice it. "What happened?" He looks at my face under the flourescent light of the hallway. "You're bleeding."

I immediately reach out and touch the side of my chin. "It was my phone..."

He nods as if that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard in his life and he doesn't believe me at all. "Okay. Just come in..."

I trust him. For some weird reason I can't even begin to explain, I trust him. And I just feel safer with him next to me. So staying really close to him, I walk slowly into dorm room. We enter together.

I look around it. It's dim but I can already see that it's everything anybody could want in a dorm room. It's a studio style room and he has a king sized mattress in one corner with a mahogany bed frame. When you look to your right when you first walk in, there's a full sized kitchen that's visible to the bedroom area and to your left there are two other doors (bathroom and closet, I'm guessing). Across from the bed are two black sofas under the California oak floor. On top of his bed is a collage that I can't see clearly right now. By the bed are white bookshelves with records, albums and photos stacked in them. All the way on the other side of the room is a balcony with a streetlight shining through - the only source of light right now, but it's bright enough to shine the whole room.

Fitz turns on a light by the kitchen but I stay in front of the door, my hands in my pockets. Like I said, I don't feel right here. I trust him, but I don't belong here.

"Hey..." Fitz looks at me with a worried smile. His voice is barely audible right now, like he's concerned that I'm gonna break down in tears. I'm already crying but I'm not like, sobbing. "Go sit down. It's okay."

But I don't. I sit stand there with my back against the wall. Like I said, I don't know why I'm here. And I can't stop fucking crying. "I-I'm sorry."

"Stop saying that," Fitz insists gently. He leans against the wall opposite to me. "It's alright. Everything's gonna be okay. You just gotta tell me what happened."

I sniff and try to wipe my tear stained cheeks but my hand won't stop shaking.

"Olivia," he steps forward slightly, but I can tell he's scared to come too close. Like I'm gonna freak out and slap him again. "Everything is gonna be _okay_. I promise."

I nod. I'm trying to believe him. At this point, I can't even find the strength to give him the explanation he deserves. "I-I found your name on the R-resident Advisor w-webpage." He nods. "I'm sorry. I just didn't w-want you to think I'm a stalker and I-I knew where you lived and showed up to your h-house at two in the morning-"

Fitz chuckles softly. "It's okay."

I finally get my hand to stop shaking long enough to wipe my cheeks. I force out a smile. "It's not _okay_. None of this is okay. And I-I'm sorry for just showing up like this."

"Something bad happened," Fitz stops directly right in front of me and looks down, locking his blue eyes in mine. "You showed up. You're here. That takes strength."

I feel like laughing because right now I feel anything but strong. But I just nod.

"Livvy," Fitz whispers and I look up at me and swallow. "Liv...you're bleeding...can I see that in the light?"

I reach up and touch the cut again. Through the shivering and constant difficulty breathing, I didn't even feel it hurt all this time. I nod slowly and he opens the door behind me and turns on the bright light there. It's a bathroom.

"Here," he pats the counter. "Can you sit up here for me?"

I try to get on the counter and his hands go around my waist to help me a little. When I'm sitting with my back against the mirror, he puts on of his hands under my chin, tilting it up and keeps one on my hip. "I don't feel it bleeding a-a lot..."

"It's not," he assures me softly. He presses his thumb next to my mouth. "It doesn't even need a band-aid. You're fine. See? I told you you're gonna be alright."

I nod, my eyes lowering to his elbow. I cannot stop crying for some reason.

Fitz tilts my chin up again so I'm forced to look directly in his eyes. "Are you gonna tell me what happened?"

"I told you," I look away from him. "It was my phone. It's cracked and it cut me."

"Okay," he whispers, nodding and bringing his thumb up to wipe a tear off my cheek. "Now are you gonna tell me the truth?" I look away but he keeps holding the side of my face. "Livvy, if you got hurt or robbed or...just tell me, okay? Tell me what happened."

"I am," I promise. But I know my voice is unsteady and it's coming out barely audible and there's no way in hell he's believing me right now - which just makes me cry harder. "I was trying t-to talk to my dad...and my phone has a crack in it...and I was so freaking cold and...and..."

He know I can't go on anymore because at this point, I'm full on sobbing and I can't even see him clearly through the tears literally pouring out of my eyes. He steps closer and my legs go around his waist. He hugs me and whispers against my forehead. "Okay...it's okay. Shh..."

I lean my head against his muscular forearm. I know that I shouldn't do that. I shouldn't have my arms around his neck and I shouldn't have my legs around his waist and I shouldn't be leaning and crying on his shoulder. I shouldn't even be here. But I am and I can't stop now.

"Livvy," he mumbles against my ear. "God, Livvy, you're freezing. Do you still feel cold?"

"Yeah," I admit against the fabric of his t shirt. I would've asked him for a sweater or something as soon as we walked into this freezing bathroom but the truth is, Fitz next to me is warm and I didn't want him to leave. I still don't. "It's okay..."

"No," Fitz gently pulls away from me. He brushes away a lock of my hair that was on cheek from the tears. "Let me get you something warmer to wear."

Just when I think he's about to leave me, he holds out his hand. I smile softly and sniff, interlocking my fingers into his warmer ones. I follow him back into the main room and he keeps my hand in his as he leads me in front of his dresser, next to his bed. "You could lay down if you want."

I shake my head, just because I know that if I lay down, I'm gonna fall asleep and I don't want to leave him the burden of dealing with that. "I'm okay..."

"Are you sure?" Fitz doesn't wait for an answer. He goes through some clothes and pulls out a light grey crew neck sweatshirt that says NAVY in the front and a pair of dark blue sweatpants. "Here. The sweatpants may be too big - hell, they're definitely gonna be too big but you can adjust the drawstrings."

I nod and take the clothes from him.

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I'm trying my best to keep a smile on my face but it's taking everything in me not to grab her shoulders, demand what happened and go out and find the asshole who made her cry. I'm pretty sure that would just make her cry harder and like I said, seeing Livvy cry is damn near impossible.

"Here," I hand her my favorite NAVY shirt and my warmest pair of sweatpants. "The sweatpants may be too big - hell, they're definitely gonna be too big but you can adjust the drawstrings."

She nods and I try not to show my concern. At this point, all I want is for her to lay down, be warm and tell me exactly what happened so I can fix it. So I can handle it. "Are you hungry?"

"No," she mumbles, clutching the rolled up clothes to her chest.

I honestly have no idea what she was doing out in late November in shorts, heels and a crop top but that's not exactly what I'm worried about right now. "I can make you tea." She looks away. I don't think she's comfortable here and given what trauma she probably just went through, that makes sense. But I wish she knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that I would never hurt her. "Livvy...do you want a cup of tea?"

She shrugs and I take that as a cue to leave her alone for a minute - which is weird since she very clearly did not want me to leave her alone in that bathroom. I nod and head to the kitchen and turn on the light there.

I'm starting to boil the pot of water and that's when I realize that I have a death grip on the handle of it and my fingers are losing blood circulation. I'm not showing it to Livvy, but I'm actually so pissed off. I want nothing more than to find who did this, who hurt her - because obviously someone did. Even if she's telling the truth about the small cut on the side of her face, that's not the reason she's crying. And where is Abby? She's almost always with Livvy. And now she's alone. I reach up to the cupboard to get the box of green tea bags. Well, not exactly alone. She has me.

"Were you going somewhere?" Livvy asks and I know she's indicating the half packed suitcase on my bed. It sounds like she's stopped crying, which relieves the hell outta me. "Did I get in the way of any plans?"

I put my hand back on the handle of the pot and turn around to answer her question. What I'm not expecting is to see her literally in a light pink lace pair of underwear and bra. I'm so taken for a moment that the handle tips over the almost boiling water splashes my wrist. "Fuck."

Livvy turns her head so she's facing me. She still seems upset, but really casual on being half naked in front of me, like she's been doing it everyday of her life. I know she didn't expect been for me to turn around, but she's alright with the fact I did. She just folds her arms matter of factly.

I stare at her. I really don't mean to - especially when she was crying thirty seconds ago and is obviously in a fragile state. I know it's disrespectful. And I know it's just plain wrong. But God damn...

She has the most perfectly toned, long legs and arms. Her light brown skin is absolutely flawless - no acne, no hair, no imperfections besides to dimples on the small of her back. Her wavy, black hair is sprawled across her upper back and shoulders, all the way down to her chest, which is enclosed in a light pink lace bra.

Before my eyes lower, I force myself to turn away. It's only then that I feel the burning sensation on my wrist. I turn back to the pot and clear my throat. "I, um...yeah, no, don't worry about."

She seems to be satisfied with that answer and doesn't say anything else. I thank a God I don't believe in for that, because my heart is racing so fast and if she said anything to make me turn around again and see her like that...

I shouldn't be seeing her like that and I definitely shouldn't be thinking about her life this. She's practically my student. I pour the water into two mugs and after dropping tea bags in there and stirring lemon juice, I promise myself to get it together. I have to. I open the medicine cupboard and skim the contents. It's just over the counter the counter pain and fever medications, BenGay and bandages. This, in hindsight, is not the best for an emergency but it'll have to do. I don't know if Livvy's actually in pain but I think she needs something to calm down. If she wants to sleep here, I'm completely fine with that. I don't feel comfortable with her leaving and being alone. So whatever she needs, I'm here. I take a bottle of ZzzQuil, check to make sure it hasn't expired and then grab a spoon. I drop the spoon into her mug.

I take a deep breath, brace myself and holding two mugs and the bottle of ZzzQuil, turn and walk back to the other section of the room.

Luckily, she's now standing by the side of the couch, clad in my oversized clothing. I pick up She's got on the NAVY sweatshirt that's several sizes too big for her yet somehow simultaneously looks adorable on her and she's still fumbling with the waistband of the black sweatpants. I put the tea mugs down on a coffee table in front of us and watch her as she struggles with the drawstrings. The pants are literally almost falling off her waist and she can't tighten them because her hands won't stop shaking.

"Livvy," I come up to her and she lowers her eyes.

She must have wiped off her liquidy, racing mascara, eyeliner and lipstick on something because I can see her face is bare and makeup free. She still looks just as beautiful, if not more. But she's still crying and no words can describe how much that hurts me.

"Livvy," I repeat, softer. She finally looks up at me, her hands by her sides, still shaking. I touch her hands gently. "It's okay...I can."

I take the drawstrings from her grasp and she lets me. I tighten and tie them and her hands just naturally go on my arms. The sleeve of my t shirt is already soaked and mascara stained from when cried on me just a few minutes ago. But I couldn't care less about that right now.

I finish with her drawstrings but I hug her again, wrapping my arms tightly around her. She seems to feel better when I'm closer to her and if I could, I would stay exactly like this with her all night. But I want to find out who's responsible for this, for hurting her. "Livvy..."

Much to my disappointment, she pulls away from me. She looks up at me. "Fitz...your suitcase. Your stuff is packed. You were planning on going somewhere...and I got in the way of that."

I press my lips together. Livvy's not gonna let this go. But I seriously don't want her to worry about anything other than calming down and telling me what happened. "I'm driving to LA in the morning." I admit, still holding on to her waist. "But right now? I'm here with you."

Livvy stares at me for a moment before finally rubbing her eyes and nodding. I can see that she's tired and if she needs to, she should sleep. I've come to the conclusion that Livvy's not going to tell me what happened, not like this. Maybe in the morning or in a few days. As inconvenient and frustrating as that is, I just want her to be asleep and content. "Liv, you can take the bed and I'll finish packing and -"

"No," she immediately shakes her head. "I don't want to be a pain in the ass or a burden or anything."

"You're not," I insist softly. "I just don't want you on your own tonight. If you wanna sleep here, I'm one hundred percent okay with that." I smile and chuckle a little. "Actually, I'd prefer it so I can make sure you don't get yourself into any more trouble."

She grins at my joke and rubs her eyes again. She turns her head to look at my bed and I can see that she's close to taking me up on my offer. "Um...I'm just gonna lay down for an hour or so, okay? W-will you wake me up?"

"I will," I promise her. My hand still on her waist, I lean and pick up the ZzzQuil and spoon. "This will help you calm down, okay?"

Immediately, she pushes my wrists away from her and backs away from me. "N-no."

"Livvy?"

"No," she rubs her eyes and begins crying again. "I'm sorry...I just can't take it. I can't take anything, okay?"

I nod and she immediately comes back into my arms. She's really shaken up and she won't take the medication. I toss it on the couch and then I hold her and softly wipe another tear from next to her eye. I have no idea how someone as small as her can produce so many tears, but she manages somehow. "Okay, Liv, it's okay. You don't have to." I lean down and hesitate. Should I? I really want to. I kiss her cheek and then hug her again. She doesn't seem to mind. "Just go to sleep."

I hold her hand until she walks to the bed and gets under the mountain of covers. I move away the suitcase so she has plenty of legroom and I find her crop top and shorts rolled up next to it. I pick them up"Hey, Livvy? I'm gonna take these down and put them in the residence laundry-"

"No," Livvy immediately props herself on her elbows and sits up. She looks wide awake. "Fitz, you don't-"

But it's too late. Something plastic slips out of the back pocket and into my hands. I look up at Livvy and she just cradles her head in her hands. I hold the baggie up to the light and realize far too quickly that it's some type of pill drug. "Liv..."

"I'm not high," Liv mumbles from her hands. "I swear I'm not. I didn't take it. I promise."

"Liv," I close my eyes and drop the bag. I can't even hold it anymore - it's making me sick. The fact that Olivia Pope carried drugs in her back pocket... "Olivia, where did you get this?"

"It doesn't matter," she finally looks up at me and swallows. She's crying again. "I swear I'm not high, Fitz."

I turn away from her and try to breath. I'm still trying to deal with the fact that she had freaking LSD in her pocket. But for some reason, I believe her. She may be worked up, nervous, upset, shaky but she's not high. Still, just the fact that she had these...this is so fucked up.

"Fitz," I hear her voice behind me. She's full out sobbing.

I inhale and turn back to her. She's laying in the fetal position, her legs up to her chest. She's crying so hard that she can't even say anything.

It hurts so goddamn much to see her like this. But crying myself isn't gonna make things better. I don't know what the hell is going on and I don't know what's gonna happen. So I just take another breath and open the covers, scooting in next to her.

I put her in my arms and she resists at first but she finally gives in and lays her head on my chest, still crying. I keep on arm around her entire torso and one hand cupping the side of her face. She wraps one leg around my waist and continues crying.

"Shh," I whisper into her temple. "It's gonna be okay, Livvy. Everything is gonna be okay. I know that everything is gonna be fine."

Livvy finally calms down and in just a matter of seconds, she's asleep in my arms. I knew she was sleepy, but not to this extent.

I stay away and my eyes are glued to the ceiling.

The truth is, I don't know if everything is gonna be okay.

I don't know it at all.

I don't know anything at this point.


	10. Chapter 10

_' Aren't we all waiting to be read by someone _

_Praying they'll tell us we make sense?'_

 _\- Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _6:50 AM_

 _Lyman Graduate Residence_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

I'm officially screwed. That's my first thought when I wake up in the morning, realizing Livvy's arms are wrapped around me, vice versa.

Well, that's not my first thought. My first thought is that I'm so glad she's okay. Well, not okay. But she didn't take the stupid drugs and she slept and stayed safe and that means so much to me.

That said, it doesn't change the fact that I'm an engaged guy who spent the night with a girl who's not my fiancée. We didn't have sex but...I don't know how to explain it. I care about Liv way more than I ever cared about Mellie. And that scares the hell out of me.

I bring up my hand that was across Liv and rub my eyes. I look down at her. She's still fast asleep. With light that the balcony brings in, I can see her clearer than I ever have before, even though her face is resting on the side of my chest. Despite her sobbing last night, she looks so peaceful. And she's sleeping so silently that if I couldn't see her chest moving up and down breathing, I would be concerned. Her arms are both locked around my waist and one of her legs is laying on top of both of mine.

"Liv," I mumble, to see if she's on the verge of waking up.

She doesn't move, which assures me she's not. And any other day, that would be okay. I would just gently unwrap her arms for me and get up. But as for today? I'm looking up at a clock on my dresser and it's almost seven. I have to get up, finish packing and figure out what to do with Livvy. I don't want her to be by herself but I don't think her friend Abby is on campus. And as far as I know, I don't trust anyone else with her. Especially when people are giving out LSD on campus. And especially when she's in such a vulnerable state.

"Livvy," I repeat, a little louder. I bring my arm back down and rub her back as I shift a little, sitting up. "Liv, get up..."

"Mm," Livvy rubs her eyes and blinks. If it were up to me, I would have just let her sleep longer. But I can't. "Fitz?"

My arm goes down hers and somehow her hand ends up in mine. "Yeah, I'm right here."

Even though I'm sitting up, her arms still go around my waist. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I try to convince the both of us. I turn around around and force myself to smile at her. "Are you feeling better?"

Instead of answering, she just looks directly back at me. "Are you mad at me?"

"No," I squeeze her hand. So what if I am? So what if i'm completely pissed of at the fact that she would take drugs from someone? That she would actively put herself in danger? Yelling at her won't help and she deserves more than that. "I'm not mad."

"You promise?" Olivia's voice is small. I'm looking at her now and it's just occurring to me that she's eighteen. She's a kid. She's so young and she's going through so much and it's not fair. None of this is fair.

"No," I promise and this time, I'm not lying to make either of us feel better. "But I have to go soon."

Livvy's eyes lower to the suitcase on the foot of the bed. "Right. Los Angeles." She tries to smile but I can tell she doesn't want me to leave. I don't either. I would rather stay with her. But it's not up to me. "Have a good Thanksgiving break."

She sits up and slides out of bed. I can tell she's planning on leaving right now and the fact that I don't know how she's gonna be makes my heart race. I reach out and grab her hand. "Livvy, listen-"

"No," she turns around, shakes my hand off hers and looks at me. "You listen, Fitz. I shouldn't have come here. I shouldn't have dragged you into my problems because, let's face it, I have huge ones. And you don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be caught up in this eighteen year old's crap and-...I shouldn't have come here. And I'm sorry I did."

Olivia reaches and grabs her rolled up clothes from the bottom of the bed. She literally throws off the sweatshirt and sweatpants she's wearing and just as quickly puts on her shorts and crop top from last night. She's turned away from me and I think the weight of last night is hitting her. I think she's crying.

"I'm not."

She turns towards me, and sure enough her eyes are watering. She fumbles with the button on her shorts while staring at me. "What?"

"I'm not sorry," I tell her candidly. "I'm happy you came to me. And trusted me. I'm sorry you're hurting, Liv, I really am. And yes, you have problems but we all do."

Liv scoffs and rolls her watering eyes. "Don't feel obligated to say that. I find it hard to believe that _you_ have flaws."

"I do," I promise Livvy. "I know what they say about me - all of them. I see the girls staring, winking, flirting. Hell, I experienced it firsthand with your friend Abby."

Livvy cracks an apologetic smile, which makes me grin. "What I'm saying, Liv, is I don't know what exactly happened last night. But if you'd tell me, I'd like to find out. I'm listening."

Livvy looks at me before exhaling and sitting down next to me on the bed. A minute passes before she speaks up. "I didn't take the pills, Fitz."

"I know," I whisper, turning to look at her.

She really is beautiful. And I'm so sorry she has to go through what she does. She's so young but looking into her brown eyes, I can see she went through hell and back. "I really fucked up though." She sighs. "I see to be doing that a lot lately."

I sigh as well. "Who gave you the pills, Livvy?"

"It doesn't matter." Liv protests, looking away.

"It does," I argue. "It matters as Residence Advisor. People trust me to keep the campus safe." The truth is, I don't give two shits about how safe campus is. I don't respect, much less enforce campus security. So I don't care about a drug exchange. But when it affects people I care about, I will put my hands on anyone unapologetically. "Tell me."

"I don't know," she finally looks at me and I can't tell if she's lying or not. I'll just have to trust her.

"Whatever," I sigh. I just have to trust that she's telling the truth. Anyway, there are more important matters to discuss. "Last night...you were crying, shaking, bleeding. How did all of those things happen? Did someone hurt you?"

Olivia folds her arms on her bare thighs. She looks ahead and wipes her eyes. "In a manner of speaking, I guess. But not psychically."

I reach out and wrap my arm around her shoulders. I can't help it. I hate to see her hurt and if there's any way I can be there for her, I will. "Tell me what happened."

She leans into my and I wrap my arms around her tighter. Against all odds and guilt, I feel so honored and content to have her in my arms. Safe. Protected. I'm so happy she's here, even though I know I shouldn't be. "Fitz...there's a lot you don't know about me."

I rest my chin on the top of her head. "Is that supposed to scare me? It doesn't." She laughs softly against my arm and I smile. "Tell me."

I feel her inhale against me. "I've made some bad choices."

"We've all made bad choices," I assure her, because I can feel her reluctance. I have an impending fear that Liv's gonna tell me she's done drugs before and that scares me so much but I would rather hear her tell me the truth so I can help her. At this point, I'm invested and I would do anything for her. "Tell me what happened so I can make it right."

"No," Liv pulls away from me and looks me in the eye. She looks so hurt. "There are some things that can't be made right."

She says that with such certainty that it makes me feel like _I'm_ about to cry. In a way, she's right. But I'm willing to go to extremes to make everything alright for her. Why? I don't know. There's something about her. It hit me so hard.

Liv gets up before I can say anything else and my arms fall off her body. "What time do you have to leave?"

"Soon," I admit, my eyes never leaving hers. The last thing I want to do is leave her alone.

But it looks like that's what's gonna happen.

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _7:04 AM_

 _Lyman's Residence Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"Fitz," I roll my eyes and lean my back against the wall. "You really should get going...and I should leave..."

"Sh," Fitz calls from the kitchen. "I'm going to give you a ride back to your dorm _after_ I cook you breakfast."

I roll my eyes again, but I'm lowkey grateful. I don't feel like walking the mile or so to my dorm and whatever Fitz is making smells really good. But the last thing I want is for him to feel obligated to take care of me like he's been doing. "Fitz."

"Olivia," he appears in the kitchen doorway and folds his arms. "Stop talking, get your ass in here and try this." He holds out his hand and I reluctantly take it and follow him into the kitchen.

He stands in front of the frying pan and stabs a piece of crispy bacon with a fork, holding it out to me. "Try it."

I hesitate but take it from him and bite into it. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't had home cooked breakfast in months or the fact that I haven't eaten at all since yesterday afternoon, but this is amazing. "I guess I can stay for a little bit."

Fitz laughs with a grin and walks to the fridge. He pours a two glasses of orange juice and holds one out to me. "So..." he leans on the counter. "Are you ever gonna tell me what happened last night?"

I finish off the piece of bacon and put another one on the fork. "No."

"You don't trust me." Fitz says this not as a question, but like he's stating facts.

I look down at my glass of juice. That's not true - not at all. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have shown up at his door a couple of hours ago. I wouldn't have let him hold me while I cried in his arms. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't be here right now. Fitz is a sweetheart and I trust him with my life. But I don't want to burden him with everything. He deserves more than that. He deserves more than me.

"Fitz," I begin, turning down the heat on the frying pan. "You've helped me enough. You've gone out of your way to make sure I was taking care of. And I can't thank you enough for that."

"I'm not asking you to thank me," Fitz cuts me off, taking a sip of his juice. "I just want the truth. I want to help you."

"You can't," I say blantly. "You're going to Los Angeles and whether you like it or not, I'm gonna be here. You can't help me. Not anymore than you already have."

That shuts him up. I put the last piece of bacon on the fork and sigh. I didn't mean to yell at him. But that happens more than it should. "I'm sorry, Fitz."

"No," he shakes his head. "It's not that. I was just thinking...you're right. I don't want to leave you alone."

I just shrug. If I'm being honest, I don't want to be alone either. Being here with him, I feel safe. It's like the world is on pause and I'm here with Fitz Grant, safe and protected. But I need to face reality - I can't be locked up in this safe haven forever. This, like I should realize, is not where I belong. "So?"

"So," he puts down his glass and looks at me. "So come to LA with me."

"What?" I can't help but laugh. I put down my glass too. "No."

"Why not?" Fitz presses and I can't stop laughing. But his face is dead serious. "Because it's so unreasonable that I'd be worried about you? I found _LSD_ in your _pocket_ Olivia!"

I roll my eyes. "I didn't _take_ it, Fitz."

"You had it," Fitz argues. "And that's horrible enough as it is. That, and the fact that you won't even tell me who gave it to you!"

"I don't who he was!" I yell, then take a deep breath. Sometimes Fitz can be so caring that it's annoying. He's stubborn. But then again, I dragged him into this, so I guess he deserves an explanation. "I really don't know who the guy was, Fitz. He literally slipped it into my back pocket at a club last night. And the reason I was crying is..." I take a deep breath. "I get panic attacks. Bad ones. And something happened last night, over the phone, triggering one."

I look at him and he's looking away. I know he feels bad for demanding what was happening so much. But he also looks relieved that I told him. I open my mouth to say something but he shakes his head, his blue eyes facing mine. "I'm sorry. I'm here for you."

I stare at him. I don't think anyone has actually said that to me verbatim. And it's hitting me so hard right now. His eyes, as icy blue as they are, are so warm and kind to me right now. And I want nothing more than to be in his arms right now.

"Thank you."

"Liv," Fitz comes up to me, so his face is only a few inches away from mine, despite the fact that he's almost a foot taller than me. "Come to LA with me. Stay with my family. For a couple days. Please."

"N-no," I repeat, but it's kind of hard to find my words when he's this close to me. "That's crazy..."

"As if these past five hours haven't been crazy enough?" Fitz whispers, laughing.

His laugh so close to me...I can't even explain how attractive I find Fitz. I know how hot everyone thinks he is, and he is, but there's something about him. Not just his looks. But the way he talks and does simple things like pour orange juice...I am just so unapologetically infatuated with him. And then I feel about it because I know the type of people we are. He's smart, older, taken and so clearly out of my league. He's some type of political genius. And I'm just this girl who drinks too much and gets caught up in fucked up situations. I know we can't happen. But we're here. Against all odds, we're here together.

"I can take care of myself," I lie right through my teeth. I think these past couple of hours have proved just the opposite of that. "I don't want you to worry about me."

"If you leave, I'll be doing just that," Fitz tells me. "I can't make you go if you don't want to. I'm not throwing you in the trunk of my car. But...please."

I stare at him. I don't think it's that simple. Fitz being as stubbornly protective at he is, I believe that he won't quit until he gets what he wants. But strangely, I don't mind that. And I know it's crazy and most likely the wrong choice in the end, but I can think of worse things than going to LA with Fitz. "Are you sure about this?"

The look on his face says his answer. No. But he smiles anyway. "Please. I promise you that it'll be okay."

I force myself to look away from him. He's so invested in this - in me. That means the world to me because as of now, I have nobody. And I legit think that if I stayed on campus, I would find myself in a situation I couldn't get out of. "Your family-"

"Don't worry about my family," Fitz cuts me off. "Please."

I look up at him, thinking about this. If I am impulsive and I say yes...I don't want to burden him anymore than I have. But I don't want him in LA, worrying about me. And I don't want that either.

I smile nervously and he reciprocates it.

I guess I'm going to LA.

* * *

 **AN: Sorry for the short chapter, but i hope you liked it! And I hope you're liking the story so far. :)**

 **As always, thank you so much for your sweet reviews and PMs. If you've ever send me a PM, you KNOW how much it means to me, lol.**

 **And sorry for all those frigging Francisco quotes but I've just recently fallen in love with him and I can't stop myself. And I think they fit in well with the themes of the story. Anyway, I just ordered his book on Amazon so the quotes aren't gonna stop anytime soon, lmao.**

 **But Olitz going to LA together?! Damn. What do you think Big Jerry is gonna say? And Mellie? Tell me what you think is gonna happen!**


	11. Chapter 11

' _Nothing is wrong with honest emotion.'_

 _\- Tony Goldwyn_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _7:30 AM_

 _Florence Moore Hall Residence_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"This is...nice." I struggle to find the words to describe Liv's poor excuse of a dorm room, which makes her laugh.

Liv strides across the room and grabs a duffel bag. "It's not much compared to your fancy ass studio apartment, but it's whatever. These past few months, I have learned to become less materialistic."

I look around the room while Liv stuffs clothes in her bag. She's packing for Los Angeles, which makes my heart beat faster. I don't know if asking her to come is the right choice. I know it's what I want but in the end, I'm not sure it's what's best. I don't know how it'll turn out. But I _am_ happy she's going. Spending time with her, no matter what situation we're in, means a lot to me.

And her room really isn't bad. It's in an amazing residence hall and the only thing strange about it is that it's almost empty. No furniture, nothing but two beds and two desks. I don't think she comes here very often.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower," Liv turns to me.

She throws off her shirt and walks to the bathroom topless. My eyes can't help but follow her. I don't know _how_ she can so casually whip off articles of clothing in front of me. I don't think it makes her slutty or anything. I just think that it means she's comfortable with to me - which makes me so happy.

Maybe she doesn't think I'll think of her in that way, but she's wrong about that. I _am_ thinking about her like that. She's gorgeous and I would be so lucky to have her. And if I had less self control, I would follow her into the shower right now. But I do have more self control. More than that, I respect the hell out of Livvy. I know she thinks she's trashy but I honestly don't. She's not the type of girl you find on the street, take home, fuck, and never talk to again. She's more than that.

I hear the water turn on. She's out of sight but she left the bathroom door open. I turn away and to distract myself, I walk over to the other side of the room and look at the things she _does_ have out.

On the foot of her bed are a bunch of albums. I'm one of those guys that believe you can learn a lot from someone by their taste in music. As I expected, she's a rap girl. I'm not saying that because of her race, but I just got that vibe from her. She has newer albums from Drake and J. Cole but also some older ones from Eminem and such. Surprising me, there's also some Weeknd and Frank Ocean in the mix. The fact that she's an R&B girl is just really sexy to me.

My eyes go up to the side of the bed.

Her green work clothes. Ugh. I'm reminded of how much I hate the fact that she has to work for that asshole. If she would let me, I would pay her way through college just so she didn't have to stay with him. But I know she wouldn't.

I look at the clothes scattered around on her side of the room. Shorts, crop tops, tight dresses, heels, tank tops...the funny thing is, as trashy as these clothes might be, they're not cheap things. They're fancy, designer brands. As far as I can see, the underwear she's stuffed into the duffel bag is all Victoria Secret. All her bags are either MK or Gucci. And her duffel bag is an original Nike one. Whenever Liv got all this, she was in a good place financially. And since she has that crap job at the coffee place, I guess she's not anymore?

Her phone buzzes with a tumblr notification and it lights up. I can see her wallpaper is a picture of her and a guy that looks like he could be her father. It's pretty recent - at her high school graduation, it looks like. They're in front of the school and she is holding a shitload of certificates with her diploma.

It's only now I'm realizing that despite my caring about Liv, despite her falling asleep in my arms, I barely knew anything about the girl until now. I know she has a good taste in music, I know she gets panic attacks, I know she wears nice clothes, I know she lived with her dad and I suspect he had money.

From the looks of it, Olivia is a hell of a lot more interesting than I'll ever be. Interesting and complicated.

And I can't help but compare her to Mellie. Mells is, despite her erratic personality, really smart. I actually met her here in Stanford. I graduated first in my class and she graduated second. We were the power couple. Despite that, she never went to grad school and she doesn't plan to. She doesn't even plan to have a job and I know the reason why. Mellie wants me to be the guy who makes the money and she just wants to be by my side when I do it. And I'm okay with that, you know? If that's what she wants, it's whatever to me. I don't need to her to work. But she has so much potential, just like Olivia, and she's not using it. She just doesn't care.

Mellie is beautiful and smart, but that's where her similarities with Olivia stop. Liv is kind. Despite her rebellious attitude, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body. She always shares notes in class and always catches up the students who fall behind. She's modest but confident. She's a sweetheart. She's unapologetic and she does what she wants, but she doesn't hurt people.

Mellie is...Mellie. She's selfish. She's insecure. She's angry. She's not vulnerable though. She has walls that I have been trying to pull down for years but it's not working.

And I have no idea how she'll react when I show up to the house with Liv. But I know it won't be good.

Do I love Mellie? Yes. But I'll be the first to admit that I rushed into that relationship. That engagement. If it were up to me, it would have ended a long time ago. But it's not up to me. It's up to Big Jerry, who literally controls my life. I would stop him if I cared enough, but I don't. If I have to live my life with Mellie, I can. I won't be happy, but I can do it.

And right now, it doesn't look like I'll have any other choice.

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

The water rushing down, hitting my body feels warm, but not nearly as much as Fitz's arms last night. If it were up to me, I would have stayed like that for a very long time. But life goes on.

Just the idea that I'm going across the state to Fitz's house is enough to make me nervous. I can't quite process it. And Fitz, being a very private person, hasn't told me about his family and I have no idea what to expect. If I had the choice, I would be private too. But last night's events? Let's just say that Fitz knows more about me than the average person does.

And I trust him. I really do. Leaving this bathroom door open is a test and so far, he's passing it. He hasn't come in, even though I know he wants to.

I can't say I'm totally against it either.

* * *

"Are you okay?"

Ever since Fitz put my bag in the trunk of his fancy car and we left campus, we've been riding in silence. I think the weight of this whole thing is catching up to us. And I know he's worried about me. I'm worried about me too.

I turn to look at Fitz. His eyes are on the road but I can tell he's distracted. But he looks so indescribably beautiful in a white pinstripe shirt and black dress pants.

"What about you?" I grin and rest my elbow on the window pane. "Are you okay with the fact that you're dressed like you're going to your senior prom?"

Fitz laughs. It's literally the sexiest thing I have ever heard. "If I showed up to my house in jeans and a t shirt, my dad would make it so that I wouldn't live to return back to Stanford."

I smirk. I got the vibe that his family was strict and proper so I'm dressed in a pair of dark skinny jeans, a white, oversized knit sweater and wedges. "What's your dad like?"

"Eh." Fitz frowns and I can clearly see he doesn't want to talk about it.

But he can't get out of this so easily. "Oh my god, you're so secretive. I literally poured my heart out to you these past few hours and you can't tell me what your father is like?"

"Why don't you tell me about yours?" Fitz suggests.

I sigh and lean back into the leather seat. "Point taken." Fitz laughs and I roll my eyes. "Let's talk about the fact that we're driving to Los Angeles. It's five hours. You could have taken a plane."

"I could have," Fitz nods. "But then I would miss out on the quiet, alone time while driving."

I look at him. "Is that you're way of telling me to shut up?"

"Something like that," Fitz teases.

I roll my eyes again and lean up to turn on the radio. After flipping through the foreign west coast stations, I find one playing 'Can't Feel My Face' by the Weeknd. "I love this song."

"I know."

I raise my eyebrows. "You know?"

Fitz nods. "I saw his album on your bed."

"So you were searching through my things, essentially stalking me."

Fitz laughs again. "I mean, you did leave me alone in your room for fifteen minutes while you showered."

I turn to face outside the window, bringing my legs up under me to sit on them. Looking out the window into the warm, sunny California streets is putting things into perspective for me. I'm in a car with Fitz Grant. And there are so many unasked questions between us and that's why I feel tense. "Why didn't you come in?"

"What?"

I keep my eyes glued out the window. "The bathroom. Why didn't you come in?"

Fitz doesn't answer and I regret asking. Some things are better left unsaid. I just made everything ten times more awkward for us. But it's strange how he's not answering.

Just when I'm about to change the subject, he speaks up. "Because."

I turn to look at him and I find that he's blushing. "Because why?"

"Because," he repeats matter of factly. "I didn't think you wanted me to."

Now it's my turn to blush. That's not the answer I expected. "I didn't."

"Uh-huh," Fitz smirks. "Sure."

I roll my eyes. "I didn't!"

"Okayyyy."

"Fitz," I playfully punch his shoulder.

"Ow," he grabs it with his free hand. "You can't harass the driver!"

"Too bad," I punch him again. "I didn't say I wanted you to come in. Despite what your big ego makes you believe, not every girl _wants_ you. Not me, at least."

"That's what they all say."

I sigh. "Speaking of girls wanting you, what does your wife think about me coming to LA with you?" If Fitz were single, I would have already had sex with him to be honest. I hope Fitz knows that I really don't fuck with taken guys like that. At least before we get too flirty.

"She's not my wife and no, she doesn't know," Fitz admits. He cracks a grin. "But she will soon."

"Is she going to be mad?"

"Yes," Fitz answers matter of factly.

I turn to face him. "Fitz!"

Fitz sighs. "Look, I'm not going to lie to you. Yeah, Mellie will be pissed. That's just the type of girl she is. But hopefully she won't take it out on you. It wasn't your idea to come with me."

I keep on looking at him. "You don't talk about your wife in the most loving terms."

"Like I said," Fitz inhales. "Mellie is not my wife. She's my fiancée. And I don't want to talk about her with you."

"Why?" I ask. I know I'm annoying him but I don't care. I can be stubborn to. I need to know about their relationship before I show up at his house, unannounced. I am not trying to get beat up by Mellie. "Does she already know about me? Does she know what happened in August?"

"She saw the bruises through FaceTime," Fitz replies. I can tell by the look on his face that that did not end well. "I told her that I fought this guy but I didn't tell her why. She was still pissed regardless."

I chuckle, but I'm really asking in all seriousness. "Fitz...do you think what we're doing is wrong? Sleeping in each other's arms and stuff? Do you feel like you cheated on her?"

Fitz raises his eyebrows. I can tell he's surprised that I am asking such forward, direct questions but I don't want to dance around this subject. Especially when a huge relationship is at stake.

"I don't want you to worry about that," Fitz mumbles his pathetic excuse of an answer. "I know you have good intentions."

"I know you do too." I tell him. And it's true. Nothing sexual whatsoever happened between us. I mean, his thumb traced the skin on my waist and he saw me in my underwear, but everything else was strictly nonsexual. I was literally in sweats when I slept in his arms. We never kissed or anything. Well, he did kiss my cheek which was so sweet but that doesn't count.

The point is, Fitz was faithful towards Mellie and respectful towards me. But I'm asking him this because I felt something emotionally intimate with him and I wonder if he felt it too. "Fitz..."

Fitz sighs again, heavier this time. I can tell he didn't want to discuss this. "You're eighteen."

"I know."

"You're practically a kid."

"I know."

"So what are we doing?"

"I don't know." I take a deep breath. "You tell me, Fitz."

He inhales sharply. "Can we not talk about this right now, Livvy?"

It's not like I want to talk about these deep ass things. I'm actually a very superficial person. But this is important to me. Fitz is important to me. And I can't just let that go. "Fitz-"

"Damn it," Fitz shouts unexpectedly. "Can you just shut the hell up, Olivia?"

I stare at him, taken aback. I really didn't mean to make him yell at me but he did and it was completely out of nowhere. He has never shouted at me or around me and even though his angry voice is hot, it's also scary as fuck. I look out the window and shut up.

I can hear him sigh. "Livvy..."

"It's okay," I whisper. If I speak any louder, I know I am gonna end up crying and I have had enough of that since last night. I'm regretting coming along right about now. "It's...okay."

"No it's not," Fitz protests gently. He rests his hand on my thigh and I know he feels bad. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. This is not your fault. None of it is."

I don't know if he's just saying that so I don't start crying. I know he hates it when I cry and I feel bad about that. "It's okay."

"It's not," Fitz mumbles, taking his hand off my thigh.

I can tell by his voice just how guilty he feels. It makes me upset but I need a minute to get myself together. I don't like getting yelled at and I take it to heart when someone like as sweet and soft spoken as Fitz does it.

I don't say anything and we're both silent again for a few minutes. A new song pulls up on the radio and before I know it, Fitz is mumbling along to the words.

"I promise that one day I'll be around, I'll keep you safe, i'll keep you sound."

I know Fitz is just singing to make me smile and I have to say, it's working. He's not really trying but he has such a cute singing voice. I turn to him and he's facing me, beaming.

Luckily, he turns his eyes back to the road and but he keeps on singing with the most adorable look on his face. "Right now it's pretty crazy and I don't know how to stop or slow it down..."

I grin and watch him as he keeps on singing along with the lyrics. "Hey, I know there are some things we need to talk about...but I can't stay. Let me just hold you for a little longer now..."

I can't help but join into the verse, so we're both singing loudly and completely off key. "Take a piece of my heart... And make it all your own... So when we are apart... You'll never be alone...You'll never be alone... When you miss me close your eyes... I may be far but never gone.."

We finish our horrible singing and end up laughing until our stomachs hurt.

"I'm sorry," Fitz pants, trying to catch his breath and clutching the steering wheel. "I really am sorry, Livvy..."

I try to catch my breath as well. The huge smile on my face can't seem to fade. "It's really okay, Fitz."

And we go and talk about other things. It's not awkward anymore. I know we're both hurting but right now, we're not worried about that. Right now, we're just laughing with each other and listening to the verse repeat itself.

 _And hey_

 _I know there are some things we need to talk about_

 _And I can't stay  
Just let me hold you for a little longer now_

 _And take a piece of my heart  
And make it all your own  
So when we are apart  
You'll never be alone_

* * *

 **AN: WELL what do you guys think?**

 **I know that the quote doesn't really match the theme of the chap but it's from Tony and he's an exception.**

 **And the song sung by them is 'Never Be Alone' by the beautiful, extremely talented Shawn Mendes.**

 **Just to let y'all know, this trip is gonna take up a couple of more chapters! But they're pivotal to the story. And if you don't love Olitz content...well I don't know why you're reading this story, lol.**


	12. Chapter 12

_Honesty is the highest form of intimacy_

 _\- L. Hayes_

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**  
Liv's quiet for a couple of minutes, which makes me turn my eyes from the road to look at her. Like I expected she's fast asleep in the passenger seat. I smile. Liv's the type of girl that can go from talking endlessly or even crying to being knocked out in a matter of seconds. It's pretty cute.

I'm not gonna wake her up, obviously. She barely slept last night and we still have more than four hours in this car. It's still pretty early morning. But I'm not gonna lie - I feel lonely and the silence isn't nearly as satisfying as I thought it was gonna be.  
Before Liv came to my door last night, I was really getting used to the idea of being alone. I'm a pretty introverted guy - despite all the girls constantly trying to talk to me. I just always found it hard to communicate with people other than Cyrus and maybe Jake. So imagine my surprise when Olivia Carolyn Pope comes along and I can talk to her like we've been best friends for years. We definitely have a connection and I'm sick of denying that.  
I really like her and that scares me so much. This whole idea of being with her scares me. And I know Mellie will most definitely make a scene about me bringing her, even if I try to convince her that Liv's just my friend. At this point, that's all she really is. But saying that I don't feel anything for her? Let's just say that I am also tired of lying to Mellie. I hope she doesn't take it out on Liv. Liv really doesn't need that on top of everything she's dealing with right now. Mellie? I really love Mellie, I do. But loving her is just so hard and it feels forced at times. And it's not getting easier. We're both just getting more resentful as the relationship goes on. If she really is as rude to Liv as I am expecting... I don't even know what to say.

As for my father? I don't know. Jerry is... well, he really won't care about anything unless it directly affects my education, lifestyle, career or reputation. Unless he thinks I'm gonna be caught in a scandal with Liv as my student, he won't really mind that she's coming. And he definitely won't take it out on her.

I'm not some unrealistic idealistic boy who thinks that I'm gonna run off with Liv and drop my old life behind me - as wonderful as that sounds to me right now. I know I have to try to make it work with Mells. I know that. But I also know that what's more important to me right now is taking care of Olivia.  
We really didn't talk about anything deep after singing that dumb but adorable duet together. We barely scratched the surface. I just told her not to worry about Mellie. I told her to consider it handled. And she just finally trusted me and dozed off to sleep, which I am happy about.

But, like I said, I miss talking to her. I miss hearing her voice. Still, I am so glad she trusts me. She trusts me enough to keep her bathroom door open, to change in front of me and to fall asleep right next to me (or rather, in my arms like last night). She trusts me and something tells me that Liv doesn't trust a lot of people.

But I am so infatuated with her. She is so honest and direct. And she's so sweet - making me feel like a dick when I raised my voice at her. Just the look on her face made me hate myself for doing that.

I'm happy she's here with me, you know? Against all odds, we're here together. And even if I'll have hell to pay with Mellie, I am glad Liv is coming home with me. It feels so natural, her next to me. I know she feels out of place but I don't want her to. I want her to know that I always got her, no matter what.

My smile fades as I lean into my pocket to get my phone. I type in the passcode while trying to simultaneously focus on the road. I know that it's not safe - especially with Livvy in the car, but I have to do this and I don't want to walk her up and ask her to. I take a deep breath and find Mellie's contact. If I don't tell Mel about Liv before and she gets the wrong idea...well, I don't want to spend my Thanksgiving break in a war zone. So I have to tell her beforehand.

"This is Mellie Grant," her voicemail chimes and I cringe when I hear my last name already next to her first. "You've obviously caught me at a busy time! Probably making wedding plans! Haha, anyways, just leave a message and I will get right back to you!"

I hear the beep and inhale. I try to lower my voice as to not wake up Liv. "Hey, Mel, it's me, Fitz...I'm driving back to LA right now and I'm excited to see you and the fam. I should be there by dinner...happy early Thanksgiving, babe..." My eyes pull towards Liv, who is still curled up and sleeping deeply in the passenger seats. I take another breath. I thought I could do this, but I can't. "I just wanted to say that I love you. A lot. And I can't wait to see you. Bye."

I sigh and hang up the phone. It's so pathetic that I'm scared of Mellie but I know her and I know that when she's upset, she can make my life _hell_. That said, Liv deserves more than the shit I know Mellie will throw at her once we get to Los Angeles. And that makes me unbelievably anxious because all I don't want Livvy to have to deal with that on top of everything.

"Liv," I reach out and rub her arm. I know it's messed up of me to do because it will now be the second time I woke her up - and this time, unnecessarily.

But I really need to do this.

"Huh," Liv's eyelids flutter and she looks up at me. "Is everything okay? What happened?"

"Everything is fine," I try to smile. "I'm just...sorry."

"I already told you it's okay," she replies gently, then turns back to presumably go back to sleep. "Now shut up."

I laugh tightly. I'm not apologizing again for yelling at her - even though I probably should. I'm apologizing because now that I really think of everything Mellie and my family might do or say, I'm getting genuinely worried and regretting bringing her.

I'm not worried about what they'll say to me. I don't care, I can take that. But Liv? She's already in a tough place and my family can be savages. Liv practically started crying when I raised my voice at her so God knows what'll happen if Mellie throws shade.

"Fitz?"

My eyes flutter to Olivia momentarily and I realize she's not asleep anymore. She's wide awake and looking at me.

I loosen my grip on the steering wheel and try to relax my voice. "Yeah?"

"You wouldn't lie to me, right?"

I raise my eyebrows. "No, I wouldn't."

"Then tell me what's wrong."

I almost laugh. How can Liv have the audacity to ask me to be honest when she won't even tell me what happened the other night? She hasn't told me why she was crying. And a part of me still doesn't believe her about how she got that cut on the side of her face.

"I could ask you the same thing."

After a pause, I hear Olivia inhale. "I'm from Baltimore...and back there, I made some bad choices." She laughs kind of resentfully. "Even worse than some of those I made here. Anyway, my dad...he kind of had enough of that. He had enough of me. And he cut me off. Financially and emotionally and...basically, I don't have a father anymore.

I stare at the road ahead of me. That _sucks_. Whatever Olivia did, no matter how bad, parents don't have leverage to just give up. But that happens way too much. She's eighteen. She's a kid. But she goes through so much. "What about your mom?"

"She's..." Liv's voice trails off and next to me, I see her face the window again.

I lean over and take her hand. She doesn't have to say anything. She doesn't have to say anything at all. Instead, I'll be here for the both of us. "It's okay. You're okay."

"I'm not," Liv whispers, then clears her throat. "But I don't want you to pity me. I'm serious, Fitz, I-"

"I don't," I promise her. And I really don't. I think she's brave. I think she's strong. I know she is. "But I need you to know everything really is gonna be alright."

Liv doesn't say anything, which proves that she doesn't believe me. A silent minute passes between us and just when I think she fell back asleep, I hear her clear her throat. "So." She says in a lighter tone. "Tell me about _your_ family."

"There's not much to tell," I shrug. "You already know about Mellie. There's just my dad - unfortunately. Oh, and I'm an only child."

"Me too," Liv says. She squeezes my hand which lets me know that it's okay to let go now. I do just that. "Did it ever get lonely for you? I know it did for me."

"Not really," I admit. "But that's because I have a big extended family. My dad has two brothers and two sisters. My cousin, Tom, was my best and sometimes only friend growing up. You'll get to meet him. You'll really like him, though."

"The real question is will he like me?" Liv chuckles nervously. "Will any of these people like me?"

"Tom will be completely chill with you and so should my father. None of the rest of my family really matter," I tell her. Then, I take a deep breath. It's only fair to warn her, even if I don't have the nerve to tell Mellie. "Mellie will be...Mellie. She's unpredictable."

Liv laughs. "Okay, now you're scaring me."

"Don't be scared," I grin. "Just be prepared. Don't take anything she says personally. And if she ever really hurts you, just know she's saying it because she's insecure and she probably feels attacked."

"Why would she feel attacked?"

"Have you seen yourself?" I scoff.

Liv is laughing now. "What are you talking about?"

"You," I shake my head. "I mean, Mellie is beautiful, but you're...you're stunning, Liv. You're flawless. You must make every girl that comes across your path crazy jealous."

Liv just keeps laughing. "That's not true. But thanks for saying it."

I just keep shaking my head. How can Liv not know just how beautiful she really is? She's gorgeous. "Anyway, if Mellie bothers you too much, just come get me."

"You'll protect me?" Liv teases.

I grin. "Of course." We stop at a red light and I take the opportunity to look at Liv. She's just so pretty. I can't explain it.

"Fitz," she scoots up in her seat so she's facing me. She smiles warmly. "Thank you for doing this."

I look at her. "It's not an obligation, Liv."

She tilts her head. "Still. Thank you for being here with me."

I lower my eyes to her mouth. I really shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. But that doesn't even begin to compete with how much I want to. "There's no place I'd rather be."

She leans to me just a little bit closer, her eyes locked into mine.

Oh my god, I want to kiss her. I want to kiss her more than I can remember wanting anything else - ever. There are a trillion reasons why I shouldn't. Why I should pull away right now. But all I can think of is my lips on hers. And we're so close to each other. It's gonna happen. I close my eyes. I want it to happen. I need it to hap-

Suddenly, a car honking kills it for the both of us. My eyes pull open. The light turned green. Liv pulls away, her eyes lowering. I don't think either of us processed what was gonna happen - we were just gonna do it.

I drive past the light.

Maybe it's better that we were snapped back into reality.

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

"Hi," I fold my hands in my lap.

I've been 'sleeping' for the last couple of hours, only to avoid talking to Fitz. I knew that once I had to stop faking, it would be awkward for the both of us. But we just passed the LA city sign and I know that we're gonna be here soon, so I might as well break the ice.

"Hey," Fitz smiles tightly and I can tell he's just as uncomfortable as I am.

We almost freaking _kissed_. I can't really digest the fact that I was up and ready to kiss an engaged guy. If it wasn't for that car behind us, I probably would have. And I probably wouldn't have regretted it - which scares me.

"Are we gonna talk about it?" I ask blatantly.

Fitz grimaces. "We don't have to. Really." He pauses before sighing. "Unless you want to. I don't want you to think that I am that type of guy...who pulls shit like that and just forgets about it. Because I haven't. Forgotten about it, you know?"

I stare at him. "First of all, you didn't pull anything. I instigated...that, just as much as you did. And..." I take a deep breath. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about it."

Fitz doesn't say anything and neither do I. I can't imagine how he must be feeling and I can't help but to feel guilty. He's engaged and I shouldn't have given him any reason to almost kiss me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Fitz smiles gently. He gestures to the dashboard. "Look. We're almost here."

I follow his eyes. Los Angeles, from what I can see, is beautiful. And I thought there would be hella traffic, especially since tomorrow is Thanksgiving, but not from what I can see so far. I lean back in my seat and relax a little. "How long has your family been in LA?"

"Forever," Fitz chuckles. "I was born in Beverly Hills and we were literally always here."

"What does your dad do?" I ask. I notice he has never mentioned his mom but I haven't either so I guess that evens the score.

"What doesn't he do?" Fitz mumbles kind of bitterly, making a turn to an exit to get off the highway. I can tell he really doesn't like talking about his father. I guess that makes two of us. He takes a deep breath. "Jerry - or, Big Jerry as everyone calls him - was in the Army. He became a general and well...he was and still is one of the most respected military figures in the west coast."

"I'm guessing he's not too respected by you?"

Fitz laughs. "Wow, you really lay down the hard questions, don't you?" He laughs. "And no. My dad was the only real parental figure I had in my life - besides Cyrus. But we don't get along. We never did."

"Why?" I can't help but ask. I can't imagine anyone _not_ getting along with Fitz. Besides Harrison, of course.

Fitz sighs. "We're not the built the same way. My dad is...he's an asshole. Maybe that's not the best way to address one of two people responsible for bringing you into this world, but whatever." He shakes his head. "Big Jerry is really manipulative. And controlling. It's no wonder him and Mellie see eye to eye on so many things."

I look Fitz. I'm glad I'm not the only one with major family issues. "Your life sounds like hell."

This makes Fitz laugh. "It's like, everyone assumes you got it good just because you have money. And I did, you know? I was that spoiled, rich, country club boy. And I'm not proud of that, but that's the way I was." He pauses. "I was really privileged. Sometimes I think it went to waste on me."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just," Fitz sighs deeply. "I was blessed with money and this caring family. Sometimes they care a little too much, you know? But still. A lot of people don't have that. Maybe it should go to someone a little more grateful."

I think about what he's saying and I realize that I feel that way too. I was born into money and a father who cared about me a bit too much for my own good. And I screwed it all up. "Why aren't you grateful?"

"I am," Fitz shrugs. "For the most part. But...okay, for example, my tuition. I'm not that bright of a guy, so my dad had to pull some strings to get me into Stanford. Even with that, I got no scholarships or financial aid. So I basically bought my way into college." His eyes lower in shame. "And all for nothing."

"What do you mean?" I argue. "Stanford Law is the best possible graduate school you could go to."

"Yeah if you wanted to a _lawyer,_ " Fitz mumbles, looking disgusted. "I really don't want to be a lawyer or someone in politics to be honest, Liv."

I can't help but laugh. "Fitz...what the hell do you wanna do then?"

"It's stupid," Fitz looks away.

"I'm sure it's not." I tell him, but honestly I can't imagine him doing anything but law or politics. "Tell me."

"No," Fitz breaks into a grin. "I'll tell you when I uncover some more of your secrets."

I blush. "I don't have any more secrets, Fitz."

"I find that very hard to believe," Fitz smirks.

He pulls into a huge neighborhood with a small fountain in front of a sign that reads, 'Upper Laurel Canyon'. As we pass through the neighborhood, I find that the houses are literal mansions. I gape out the window. Fitz laughs.

I stare back at him. I knew he was well off, but not rich enough to live in one of these houses. Damn. Rich in Baltimore means you have a house and more than one car. I guess here in Beverly Hills, it's a different definition.

"You live here?" I can't my eyes off the rows of mansions on the side of the near empty, freshly paved road. The driveways of the mansions are occupied with Ferraris, Porsches and sports cars I can't even begin to recognize.

"All my life." Fitz mumbles, kind of resentfully.

I'm drooling over all these fancy houses and Fitz isn't even batting an eye. "How could you ever want to leave here?"

That makes him laugh. "You haven't met my family yet."

That makes me uneasy and Fitz notices. He touches my arm warmly before riding up the road and pulling into the house at the very end. It's on top of a huge hill and everyone is already out in the yard.

"Okay," he looks at me and smiles tightly. I can tell he's just as nervous as me and I don't blame him. He squeezes my arm. "Let's go."


	13. Chapter 13

_Life is actually very simple. We just insist on making it complicated._

 _\- Confucius_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _1:09 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

Mellie is the first one that catches my eye. But her ocean blue eyes are not on me - they're inside of my passenger seat when I open the door for Olivia.

Liv slowly stands up, her mouth close to my ear. Everyone in the front yard has basically shut up and all eyes are on us. "Fitz...I don't feel right about this."

"It's okay," I promise her in a whisper. "Everything is gonna be alright."

I'm trying to convince myself the same thing. I close the door for Liv but she stands wearily by the car as I go to the trunk to take out our bags. Everyone is staring at the both of us until my Aunt Katherine comes up to me with a smile and hugs me. Everyone kind of warms up and resumes talking and laughing after that.

Everyone except Mellie.

"It's so nice to see you, Fitz," Aunt Katherine gestures her husband to signal a butler to help me with the two bags I'm balancing. She and her husband follow me as I walk back and stand next to Liv. Aunt Katherine smiles at her slightly. "And who is your friend?"

"This is Olivia," I tell her, loud enough for the rest of my family on the yard to hear as well. "She's my..."

I really don't know what to say. I don't want to degrade her by calling her my student. And I don't want to make anyone presumptuous by calling her my 'friend' because God knows what that can interpret to in my family.

"Liv," Liv speaks up, forcing a smile that looks remarkably genuine.

I look at her, smiling to myself. Yeah. She's my Liv.

Everyone kind of approves of that answer and goes on talking about other things. They mostly smile at Liv and then continue gushing me with hugs and kisses. My eyes shift to Tom, who is coming from the backyard, shirtless and dripping from the in ground swimming pool. He sees me and gets the biggest grin on his face.

"Fitz!" He approaches me and gives me a huge bear hug.

"Ugh," I pull away from him, but I'm laughing. "You got chlorine all over me. If Big Jerry gives me hell about this, i'm blaming you, Tom."

Tom laughs too. "I would not wanna be on Uncle Jerry's hit list." He looks Liv, back at me and smiles. "So...you go to grad school, become a TA and bring home pretty girls?"

Liv giggles and holds out her hand. "I'm Liv."

"Hi, Liv," he takes her hand and pulls her into a wet hug. "I'm Tom."

"Hi, Liv," Mellie comes up behind Tom and kind of swats him away so she can shake Liv's hand. She smiles really fake. "I'm Mellie. I'm Fitz's fiancée."

"Nice to meet you," Liv smiles back. "Fitz has told me so much about you."

"I wish I could say the same for you!" Mellie chuckles.

I lower my eyes. I'm so embarrassed right now. Not because of Liv. Because of Mellie. Does she ever wake up and, I don't know, decide not to be a total bitch? I'm just glad she doesn't know that Liv and I were a second away from kissing. All hell would break loose.

But Liv doesn't even blink. She just laughs too. If Mellie is making her uncomfortable, I can't tell. "Fitz was so kind to invite me to stay with your family until Thanksgiving break is over. You're a lucky woman."

"I know I am," Mellie's eyes lower, sizing Liv up and down. "But I don't really think it was his invitation to give."

Liv doesn't say anything. She seems completely unfazed. She doesn't stoop down to Mellie's level and she definitely keeps her calm and class.

I, however, am completely pissed off. "Mellie. Enough."

Mellie looks at me innocently, like she has no idea what the hell I'm talking about.

But Liv just touches my arm. I don't know if she knows how crazy that'll drive Mellie but she does it anyway and smiles at me. Mellie walks off and I know I'm gonna have hell to pay later "It's okay, Fitz. Let's go see your dad."

* * *

Everything inside the house looks different than when I was here just a couple months ago. But my father has it completely remodeled for no apparent reason every few weeks or so. It still has three floors, six bedrooms and seven bathrooms. It has a huge basement and balcony with a in ground pool. The backyard has a full size tennis court, even though nobody in the family plays. That part never changes. It's a lovely house - the one I grew up in. But every time I come back here, the less familiar I become with it. The more I feel like a stranger.

I walk slowly, making sure Liv is close to me. Everyone greets me and everyone is warm to Livvy, which i thank god for.

I find my Big Jerry standing by the kitchen island, a margarita in his hand. But what's more upsetting than the face of my father is the fact that Mellie is standing in front of him, mumbling. I know what she's saying and I don't know how he'll react.

"Liv," I whisper, trying to put on a calm smile. I really don't know how this is gonna play out. "Looks like Mellie beat us there."

I can actually see the worry in Livvy's eyes and I clear my throat. "Just walk around. Make yourself at home. I'll handle my dad and Mellie."

"Fitz," Liv grabs my arm, her voice low and kind of panicky. "Where are you gonna be?"

"I'm right here," I promise her softly. "If anyone gives you a hard time - which I doubt they will - just come get me and I swear I'll call them out myself..."

But Liv still looks really uncertain.

"Livvy," I mumble. "I said I was gonna take care of you...didn't I?"

She kind of nods, looking away.

"Answer me, Liv..."

She looks at me. "Yeah."

"Good," I desperately want to hug her, or better yet, kiss her and tell her everything's gonna be alright. But I just have to settle for a tight smile and a squeeze on her forearm.

* * *

"Dad..." I approach them both carefully.

Mellie clutches her glass of wine like she wants to throw it at me and Big Jerry looks downright tired of it. All of it. I know he really doesn't care if Liv is here - he just doesn't want to start any drama. "Son, we need to talk. What's this about you bringing some girl along with you?"

"Liv is a student in Cy's PoliSci class," I sigh. "She's in a bad place and I wasn't gonna let her stay on campus all alone during break."

"So you brought her here?" Mellie narrows her blue eyes. "We do not run a charity, Fitzgerald."

"Mellie," I inhale. It's getting harder and harder to put up with her shit. "This girl has been through hell and back. I know you can't relate but-"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" Mellie hisses.

"Enough! Y'all sound like kids," Big Jerry cuts us both in a lowered voice. He turns to me. "I really don't care if this girl stays, Fitzgerald." He gestures to Mellie. "Just fix this. Whatever it is."

Then he walks off. I realize he didn't even say hi to me. Not that I care.

I turn to Mellie. It's hard to feel sorry for her when she's being such a bitch about this. And I seriously don't use that word lightly. "Mellie, can you just calm down?"

"No," Mellie closes her eyes. "I am so sick of being told to calm down like I am some kid. Like I'm stupid. Because I am not. You wouldn't just bring a girl here, Fitz. No matter how generous you need everyone to think you are."

"Liv is just a friend," I mutter through my teeth. I'm not completely lying. I just want Mellie to chill the hell out. Liv doesn't deserve any of this. "I'm not lying, Mel. Can you just stop being so goddamn rude to her?"

"If she's just a friend, why does it matter so much?" Mellie demands.

I sigh. Her whole logic doesn't make any sense. Why would I want my fiancée to be nice to my mistress? I never had sex with Liv. The kiss...didn't happen. So I never cheated on Mellie and her accusing me is so insecure and bitter. Not completely wrong, but still. "I don't know what to tell you, Mellie. I am your fiancé. I didn't cheat on you. I won't. But I need for you to stop being so mean to Liv. She's still my student and I still care about her."

But Mellie is not listening. She isn't even looking at me. When she speaks, her voice is kind of shaky. "How could you do this? How could you bring her here in front of the family...and make me look this bad?"

I roll my eyes. Does Mellie even care about this relationship? Or does she just care about how it looks? "Whatever."

"It's not whatever!" Mellie mumbles. "Everyone here-"

"Look around you!" I cry. "Nobody here gives a shit Mellie! Nobody except you."

I push past her and go look for Livvy.

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _1:22 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"It's nice to meet one Fitz's friends," the lady in front of me says. She crosses her legs and leans back in the poolside chair. "He really doesn't have that many."

"Oh my god, Mom," Tom rolls his eyes and opens the door. He offers me a Pepsi and I take it. "Can you stop being so depressing?" He turns to me. "Fitz actually does have friends. Just not a lot of...pretty, female friends."

I grin and open my Pepsi. I'm sitting in the backyard on a chair besides Tom - Fitz's cousin. Tom and his mother and the only ones here from Fitz's mom's side of the family. From what I can tell, Fitz's mom isn't here. Turning to Tom's mom, I clear my throat. "Mrs. Larsen, your nephew is the sweetest man I have ever met."

"Thank you, honey," she reaches over to pat her son's knee. "I wish I could say the same about Tom here."

Tom rolls his eyes as his mom laughs, gets up and walks back inside the house. He sighs and turns to me. "So...are you having fun?"

I look around the huge backyard. There must be around a hundred people here if not more. It's hard to keep track of everyone but, besides Mellie, they've all been so kind to me. They make the situation a lot less awkward than it really is. "Yes."

Tom nods and looks around with me. "So what's the deal with you and my cousin?"

I take a sip of my Pepsi. "What do you mean?"

Tom leans back in his chair and drinks his own soda. "You know what I mean. Fitz... has a hard time talking to people. And all of a sudden, he brings a girl home? To his fiancée? She must be pretty damn special to make him take that risk."

I laugh. "Mellie is kind of intimidating."

"Intimidating?" Tom chuckles, shaking his head. "Babe, you're lucky you've made it across the front yard. Fitz...he must be going through hell right now."

I look back at the huge house behind us. "I feel really bad about this whole thing..."

"Don't," Tom takes another sip of his soda. "Mellie is irrational. She always has been, ever since I met her four years ago."

I press my lips together and take a deep breath before I ask the question I have been wondering ever since I got here. "So why the hell is he with her? Mellie is the complete opposite of Fitz. He doesn't seem to love her at all..."

"He doesn't," Tom shrugs matter of factly. "At least, I don't think he does. I sure as hell don't. But Fitz...he's a soft guy. He won't wanna hurt Mellie - he never does. But it just so happens he ends up being the one who gets hurt."

I shake my head. I'm not trying to judge Mellie when I know absolutely nothing about her. But I just think Fitz deserves so much more. "When are they getting married?"

"Why?" Tom grins. "Are you hoping to be the one up on the altar instead?"

I roll my eyes. "Tom, Fitz and I are not like that."

"Well," Tom shrugs again. "Then that's your loss. Fitz is...well he's one of the best guys I know. You would be lucky to have him...and Olivia? I think he would be lucky to have you too."

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _6:36 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

"Fitz," I slowly approach the lawn chair he's sitting on by the corner of the deck.

I don't know if he's regretting this whole thing. I don't know if he's mad at me. I have been circling the whole party for the last five or so hours, scared to approach him. I never meant to make things difficult between him and Mellie...

"Livvy!" Fitz's face lights up when he sees me. He smiles warmly and I smile back - happy he's not angry at me. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you everywhere."

"You have a big property," I giggle. "I was inside the house for some time and I got lost more than I'd like to admit. It's huge."

"Eh," Fitz shrugs his shoulders like it's nothing. "It's alright."

My eyes lower to his lap, where a little girl - no older than maybe one or two - is sitting. She's adorable with two blonde braids and sleepy emerald green eyes. "Who is this cutie?"

Fitz smiles at her. "This is my cousin's daughter - Elizabeth." He rubs her back gently and she rests her head on his stomach. "She's beautiful, isn't she?"

"Yeah," I can't stop smiling, seeing him being so good with little kids. "She is."

Fitz's smile makes it's way back up to me. "Are you hungry? I think they're doing hot dogs and pizza, which is crazy because I can't remember the last time we are something besides steak."

I laugh and sit on a lawn chair next to him. The sun is setting and everything looks so amazing. I never thought I could be this relaxed in but right here, next to him? I am. "I'm not that hungry. I had a burger about an hour ago." I look around us. Most people are heading back inside but Fitz isn't even paying attention them. His eyes are on the sunset ahead of us."Fitz - are these many people gonna be here tomorrow during Thanksgiving?"

He laughs softly, his eyes still on the deep orange sky with whirls of lilac and yellow clouds. "God, no. But some of these people are spending the night, so you can go ahead and take my room and I'll take a couch downstairs."

I look at him. "What about..." I take a deep breath. I don't want to mention it but I should. "What about Mellie? Wouldn't she wanna sleep with you in your room?"

Fitz presses his lips together. "Mellie's not staying the night."

"Oh," I raise my eyebrows. "Why not? Is she coming tomorrow? Where is she right now?"

"She's not here," Fitz mumbles and looks down at Elizabeth and helps her off his lap. She runs back inside the house and we're virtually the only people out here. It's clear that he doesn't want to talk about Mellie and that's perfectly fine with me. But then he surprises me. "You seem like a girl who stands her ground. I'm surprised you didn't curse her out."

I grin softly. "I just didn't see the point. Starting unnecessary drama would just make things harder for you."

"I can handle it," Fitz shrugs.

But I hope he knows I wouldn't put him in a position like that. I can take the shit Mellie throws at me. He prepared me for it. And I could have cursed her out very easily. But I just didn't think it was worth it.

I clear my throat. "So...your family was nice. I still didn't meet your father, but." I shrug.

"Consider yourself lucky," Fitz looks at me.

I laugh and shake my head.

Fitz grins too. "But seriously, did anyone give you a hard time?"

"No," I tell him honestly. Except Mellie.

"Good," he nods. "Because if they did..."

"What?" I grin.

Fitz grins too. "Let's just say those two years of karate Big Jerry forced me to take would finally be worth it."

I laugh. I know Fitz wouldn't actually put his hands on anyone, he's too sweet, but hearing him talk fake badass is really funny to me. It's also pretty cute. "Thank you. I can go to sleep at night now."

Fitz laughs again, turning to look at me. I don't think I'll ever be over how incredible his eyes are. They're deep blue, but not the shade that makes a big deal about itself. It's beautiful nevertheless.

I'm glad things aren't awkward between us. And I'm glad he's not mad at me. If he were...let's just say I'm used to having people against me. Fitz Isn't one of them. If he was to actually be angry at me...that would break my heart. And I don't think my heart can really take much more of that at this point.

"Fitz," I clear my throat after a comfortable minute of mutual silence. I know he doesn't want to talk about this - I understand that. He doesn't want to talk about a lot of things. But I need to. "About Mellie..."

"Olivia," Fitz uses my full name, which makes me look up at him. He's staring back at me, those beautiful blue eyes wet. Tears are formed on the rim, threatening to spill. And his voice is low, like he is trying to hold it together.

The weight of this whole thing is catching up to him. It's hard being here, being judged, and being on edge. We made a mistake in the car. And maybe this whole thing was a mistake too. It's catching up to me too, so I completely understand. But crying? I never thought Fitz cried - ever. He just seems so strong. He is six foot something and he's in amazing shape. He seems like the person whose broad shoulder you cry on - not the one that breaks down. I don't know why he's crying. But I do know this - it makes me want to cry too.

"Fitz..." I reach out my hand and rest it on his bicep. For the first time since I have been here, I don't care about what people think. If they can see me, I really don't give a shit. Fitz took care of me and I'm gonna be here for him. Especially when his wife Isn't. "Fitz..."

"I'm sorry," he mumbles, turning away. The tears actually spill from his eyes and onto his cheeks. I don't take my hand off him though. "I'm really sorry, Livvy..."

"I'm not," I whisper. Oh my god, seeing him cry really breaks my heart. But I have to be strong. For him. "Fitz...i'm not sorry. Look at me." He shakes his head. "Look at me, Fitz."

He doesn't. I bring my other hand up to the side of his face and force it in front of mine. I feel his jaw under my palm and I can tell it's clenched. He is trying to prevent from actually breaking down sobbing. "Fitz...I'm here for you...I'm right here."

Fitz looks at me. I think I said the right thing there. But he's still crying. It's not enough. He really doesn't know how much I care about him...how I would do anything to see him smile.

I brush my thumb against his cheekbone, wiping away a tear. He did this to me last night and I don't think he grasped how much it really meant. But he smiles when I do it, so maybe he's beginning to understand.

But that's not enough. I'm realizing nothing will ever be enough. I'm already falling for Fitz, even though I have spent the whole day trying not to. And what I am about to do is just as much for me as it is for him.

I lean over, place one hand on the back of his neck, curled in his hair. My other hand rests on his chest. And I close my eyes, leaning into him, so close I can feel his breath on me.

I don't know if it's the right thing to do. Actually, I know without a doubt that it isn't.

But I lean in and kiss him anyway.

* * *

 **AN: OHMYGOD! :) They kissed (finally). Did anyone see them? How is Fitz gonna react? Why did Olivia even do that? And where is Mellie? I'm gonna answer these questions in a couple of days! If y'all haven't noticed, my updates are coming a little more slower, maybe after every two days or so, but I promise you they'll always be there! Like Fitz (or Liv!) would say, I'm here for you guys. :)**

 **I know a lot of you wanted Liv to really stand up to Mellie, but I didn't think that that fit the flow of Liv's character - at least for now.**

 **I hope you guys liked this chapter and like the story so far in general. What do y'all think Fitz's career goal is? I'm not only asking out of curiosity, tbh. I'm asking for suggestions, lol.**

 **Tell me what you like reading about (and what you don't) in the reviews. That way, I know what to incorporate (and what not to) in future chapters. Because, as y'all already know, your feedback means the world to me!**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Thank y'all for the kind reviews and PMs! Contradicting what I said about less frequent updates, here is a new one that I jotted down earlier tonight.**

 **I'm sorry for the constant ANs but as I was revising the chapter, I realized that there was language in it some of y'all might be sensitive to (more than my usual, moderate strong language), just so you know!**

* * *

 _Mistakes are the foundations of truth._

 _\- Unknown_

* * *

 _November 25th, 2015_

 _6:49 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

I don't know what the _fuck_ I was thinking.

I know I have made mistakes before. Bad ones. Catastrophic ones. Ones that make your own father disown you.

I fucked up up in every way imaginable but I always prided myself on not being a total slut.

My definition of 'slut' doesn't mean indulging in casual sex. It's somewhere along the lines of blatantly kissing a taken man.

Don't ask me what I was thinking because the ugly truth is, I don't know. I realize now that I wanted to kiss Fitz ever since we stopped at that stupid red light in the car. Hell, I wanted to kiss him when I first came into his dorm the other night. But I held it in. Like a decent fucking human, I held it in. And all that went out the window as soon as I held his face in my hands, leaned in and kissed him.

Granted, it wasn't really a kiss. I mean, it was definitely more than a peck, but we didn't use tongue. Ballpark, it lasted around four seconds. He was taken by surprise when I did it, but he actually kissed me back. I don't know what to make of that, but I am sure it's not good for either of us.

Don't get me wrong - it was an amazing kiss. I know a thing or two about kissing guys and when I kissed Fitz...I have honestly never kissed anybody like that. I meant it. With everything in me, I meant it. And that scares me the most.

I like him. I like him a lot. I feel myself falling for him. I know I have the potential to fall in love with him and I hate that. I'm not scared of Mellie. I feel bad because she's his fiancée and now, thanks to me, we don't have a completely inappropriate relationship anymore. Still, I'm not scared of her. But I don't want to hurt Fitz. Yet that's all I have been doing.

I angrily throw my duffel bag on the King sized bed in his huge bedroom. I'm trying so hard not to cry, but I think I'm gonna. Of course I am. I am just so completely pathetic. After I kissed him, I ran into the house, up the stairs and had to bump into Tom and ask where his bedroom was. I don't know if Tom saw us. I don't know if anyone did. All I know is that I want to fall asleep on this fancy ass bed and forget this whole day ever happened. If I had my own ride back, I would be halfway to Stanford right now.

"Livvy?"

I don't have to look up to know who that is. I just unzip my bag and throw out the first t-shirt and pair of shorts that I see.

"Liv," he repeats.

I only turn to him when I hear the door close. I whip my head up and stare at him. Fitz isn't crying anymore. He's just standing in front of the closed door, hands in his pockets. "Olivia."

"What?" I demand, my voice dangerously close to breaking. I turn away from him. It's not fair to snap at Fitz - especially because I'm the one who kissed him and none of this is his fault. "Fitz, can you just leave?"

"This is my house," Fitz walks to the other side of the bed, opposite of me. "You can't just tell me to leave."

"I don't want you here with me," I mumble. If I talk any louder, I know I am gonna cry and I don't want Fitz to have to deal with that once again. "I'm so sorry...that shouldn't have happened. I'm so sorry."

We're both quiet, standing by the bed. You can cut the tension with a knife - it's that thick. Fitz waits a minute before clearing his throat. "Okay."

I look up at him and scoff. "Okay?"

"Okay," he repeats matter of factly. "It's okay."

"No," I begin to shake my head, my voice going up involuntarily. "It's not okay. You have a fiancée. Yeah, she may be a complete bitch, but you're taken."

Fitz doesn't even bat an eye. He doesn't even care that I called his girl a bitch. He just doesn't seem fazed by what I am saying. "What's your point, Liv?"

"My point?" I demand, my voice shaking. I sit down on the bed, facing away from him. "You're taken. You're away. By definition, you are away. That is my fucking point."

He doesn't say anything. But I don't hear the door close, so I know he's still here. I take a deep breath and keep going, even though I'm crying. "I shouldn't have kissed you, Fitz."

"Maybe," he agrees gently. "But you did. And you can't change that..."

I wipe my face with the back of my hand. "Ever since I came into your life, I have been making it harder for you. And I am so sorry."

"You already apologized," Fitz comes around the other side of the bed. He sits down next to me, his hands folded in his lap. "Ever since I met you, you've been apologizing to me. You're so fucking emotional."

"Because I'm so fucking sorry," I whisper.

"Don't be," Fitz mumbles. He brings up his arm to put around my shoulders and then pauses. He thinks better of it, then lowers his arm back down.

"You should go," I sniff, facing away from him. I never meant to hurt him. I never meant for any of this to happen.

"What if I don't want to?" Fitz asks me.

I look up at him and he locks his eyes into me. They're warm, but firm. "Fitz..."

For a second, I think he's gonna kiss me again. But he just brings his arm up, puts it around me and pulls me in. I put my arms around his waist and lean on him. I rest my head against his chest and just breath into him. He smells like some type of mixture of coffee and faded cologne. I just lean my forehead against the fabric of his shirt and try to get myself together. "I'm still sorry."

Fitz rubs my shoulder and mumbles in the side of my forehead. "And it's still okay."

And we just sit like that. Together.

* * *

 _November 26th, 2015_

 _6:30 AM_

 _Grant Residence_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Olivia kissed me."

I hold my breath, waiting for Tom's reaction. His light blue eyes don't show any expression. It's dead silent between the two of us until Tom whispers, "Did you kiss her back?"

I grip the handle of my coffee cup. "Yeah."

"Damn," Tom's eyes lower to the granite kitchen island. A grin grows across his face. "Was it good? Did y'all use tongue?"

I sigh.

I wasn't planning on telling anybody about what happened, but Tom is an exception. I saw him this morning in the kitchen, getting some coffee. I supposed that I should just confess before the cook came in here and started getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner tonight. He's my cousin and I trust him. Plus, I know he won't tell Mellie. He never did like her...so he may be a little biased.

Still, I feel right telling him. I have no idea what to do. Last night, I just held Liv in my arms for a couple minutes until she told me she was tired. Then I told her goodnight and left the room. I would have spent the night laying down with her, but I knew that if anyone in my family found out and reported back to Mellie, I would definitely have hell to pay. It would be over between us - not that I would necessarily mind.

The truth is, I'm so confused as to what I want. Kissing Liv...I cannot even explain to you how incredible that was. How sure of it I was. How much it meant to me. She kissed me and it was like nothing in the world mattered. I had spent that whole car ride wondering how her lips would feel on mine but I never expected it to be nearly as amazing as it was. I never even thought it was possible.

But Liv was right - it shouldn't have happened. Whether I like it or not, I am engaged to Mellie. She left yesterday because she was so completely pissed off. And that was when things were relatively innocently between Liv and I. So imagine how she would react if she knew we kissed? I really don't want to hurt Mellie. I may not want to be with her, but I don't want to hurt her either. I'm not that kind of guy.

I'm not mad at Livvy - she feels guilty about the whole thing too. I know she doesn't actively try to have an affair with me or anything. Liv...she feels bad. I can tell she didn't plan this out or anything. I was just pathetically crying and I can tell that was just a lot for her to handle. I just wish...I don't even know what I wish.

All I know is that I didn't get much sleep last night on that shitty couch and I'm in way too deep with a girl who is not my fiancée.

"Tom," I roll my eyes. "Can you be serious for one second?"

"I am being serious," Tom takes a sip of his orange juice. "She's really cute and she looks like she would be a really good kisser. How was it, man?"

I can't help but smile. "It was amazing."

Tom smiles too. "So...tongue or no tongue?"

I roll my eyes. "Tom, that's besides the point. Listen." I take a deep breath. "What if someone saw us?"

"So?" Tom shrugs. "They wouldn't tell Mellie. They don't want to start another world war."

I smirk at his joke, but I'm being really serious. "Very funny. Look, man, just tell me what to do."

"What do you wanna do?" Tom shrugs like it's nothing.

"I don't know," I look down at my coffee. There really isn't much I can do at this point. Livvy is in a fragile state and she's practically my student. This can't happen. No matter how much I desperately want it to. "I really don't know, Tom."

Tom puts his hand on my back sympathetically. "Do you care about this girl, Fitz?"

"More than you can imagine," I whisper candidly.

"If she were awake," Tom begins. "And right here in front of you now...what would you say to her?"

I take a deep breath and try to think. I say the only thing I can come up with. "I would ask her a question."

"What question?"

I inhale. "How could I have been such a coward to propose to her and not wait for you to come along?"

Tom and I both quiet for a second. I think the answer is clear. I want Liv. I want her so bad.

But I feel like she is just so fucking far away from me. I press my palm against the side of my face. I don't want to hurt Mellie. I know she hurts me - she always does. But that doesn't mean she deserves to be hurt the same way. If I had the backbone, if I had the ability to be as horrible as she is, if I had the interest in making people upset and miserable...maybe it would be easier.

But I don't. I don't have the backbone, the ability, the interest...I'm basically just a guy with a lot of love and nobody to give it to.

It's hard to describe my 'type' because like I said, I really don't have a specific one. And I have only had three serious relationships in my life. I don't have high standards and I am not needy at all. But I do happen to fall for women that are way out of my league - Mellie included. No matter how irritating Mellie might get at times, there is no denying that she is a catch. She's beautiful and she's brilliant. And if I think about it, I love her, I do. You can't be in a serious relationship with someone for four years and not develop some type of feelings for them. So I care about Mellie. I don't want her to get hurt. And I can always try a little harder in our relationship. After we fought, she just left to her apartment in Santa Monica and If she doesn't forgive me and doesn't come back, I will feel kind of guilty.

Because the truth is, what I did was kind of fucked up. I brought a girl home to my fiancée and that's pretty sleazy if you think about it. I don't regret it because I seriously care about Liv. But I don't blame Mellie for being upset.

The thing is, though, she's upset for literally all the wrong reasons. I don't know if she loves me. I really don't. But I do know she loves optics and she definitely cares about others perception of her. And that is what really makes our relationship hard. But I have always prided myself on doing the right thing. I provide for Mellie. And if and when we get married, I'll take care of her. But I don't think she really needs that.

And as for Liv? I have no idea what to say about her. Actually, no. I could go on forever describing her, retelling the times she has made me smile these past 24 hours, noting the way her eyes light up every time she laughs, so on and so forth. I don't think I could ever get tired of talking about her. And I definitely don't think I could put in words how much I care about her and how much I need her to be okay - whether she's with me or not.

"Damn," I hear Tom say and I look up. He's staring directly at me with sympathetic eyes. "You really fell for her, didn't you?"

I look down at the table. "Yeah...I mean, I barely know her..." I take a deep breath and look back at him. "But I think I am. And that scares the hell out of me."

"Can I say something?" Tom brings up.

I grimace. "You're going to either way." Tom rolls his eyes before sighing. "The thing is, Fitz, you're twenty two. And you just spent the last four years of your life with one girl. Those years were supposed to be the ones where you really discovered yourself and realized what and who you wanted in the future." He sighs. "You know I am not the biggest fan of Mellie, but this is not about that. It's about the fact that those four years were taken from you."

"So?" I mumble. I know I haven't really fought for control of my life and I'm not proud of that. But at the same time, it makes you feel like an ungrateful brat if you tell your father you don't care after all he's done for you. Don't get me wrong - Big Jerry can be a total dick. But at the end of the day, he's still my dad. And whatever he says goes. "You know my dad. And you know Mellie. Are you really suggesting I stand up to them? Do you want me to die?"

Tom shrugs and holds up his hands in defense. "All I'm saying is that you sound a little bit like...a..." He scrunches up his eyebrows, trying to find a word to describe me.

"A what?" I demand.

"A..." Tom takes a deep breath. "Well, kinda like a bitch baby." I roll my eyes and begin to say something, but Tom cuts me off. "Wait, hear me out. Look, you complain. You do it a lot. And as your cousin and best friend, I put up with it. But if all you can do is complain, you are a complete bitch baby, Fitz."

I roll my eyes again. He's not wrong though, so I can't argue. "What exactly do you suggest I do, Tom?"

"Find what you want in life," Tom says matter of factly. "I know it's a cliche but you only live once. You know what they say...YOLO or some shit like that. The point is that Liv is an amazing girl from what I can tell so far. And what I think...well, I think you could use someone in your life like her." Tom inhales. "But in the end, it's your choice. Well, not really. I know you know in your gut who you want or what you wanna do. It's just the matter of finding the courage to admit it to yourself and follow through with it."

"Follow through with what?"

Tom shrugs casually. "You know...letting yourself fall in love."

I stare at him. He says it so simple. But it's literally anything but that


	15. Chapter 15

_'I_ _love you in a language I can't fully understand yet.'_

 _\- Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _November 26th, 2015_

 _7:10 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Hi."

I turn around when I hear Livvy come next to me. I have been avoiding her all day, which is hard when I miss her so much.

Livvy looks like she just stepped out of a high end department store catalogue. She's wearing tight white lace, full sleeved knee length dress with white heels. Her black, shiny hair is resting down her shoulders in spiral waves. She looks...well, I am running out of words to describe just how beautiful she looks, because she just always does. But I am so in awe of how gorgeously she pulls off the dress.

I inhale, clutching my glass of scotch. It takes me a minute to catch my breath. "Hi. You look..."

Liv presses her lips in a tight smile. "So do you. Happy Thanksgiving." Liv walks over so she's next to me, her arms resting on the edge of the deck. I follow her glance at the sunset.

"Happy Thanksgiving," I mumble. We're quiet for a minute before I clear my throat. "Mellie's back."

"I know," Liv's eyes lower, along with her voice. "Did you tell her about the kiss?"

I sigh. "No. I didn't see a reason to."

I have been thinking about this all day, trying to have a solid understanding of my feelings but I just don't. I don't. Mellie came back early this afternoon and she basically avoided the whole 'Olivia' front. She didn't ask for an apology, she didn't bitch to me, she just acted like Olivia Pope was not a person. She basically forgot the whole thing and pretended that Olivia was never here. And she's in the house right now while I am out here with Liv.

Our house is built in the way that we have a backyard under our deck but our deck overlooks the city, since we're on a hill.

Livvy's eyes never leave the view. They never meet mine. "Yeah. I know. I saw her, but...she didn't look at me."

"That's what we do in this family," I take a deep breath before downing my drink. "We forget things. And Mellie?...Liv, I think it's easier for her to just forget about you."

Liv still doesn't look at me. "You shouldn't have brought me here, Fitz."

"We shouldn't have done a lot of things," I shrug. "But we did. It's not our fault."

"Yes it is," Liv finally looks at me. She looks really frustrated. "What happens when we get back to Stanford? Are you staying in law school even though you hate it? Are you gonna stay with Mellie even though you obviously don't want to? Because I am just really confused about this whole thing."

"So am I!" I practically yell. "I don't...I don't know how to answer your questions, Olivia, mostly because I don't want to make you upset. I don't know what to tell you! I just don't fucking know, okay?"

"Okay," she snaps back, unfazed by me shouting at her. I can tell she's not upset anymore - she's just really freaking angry.

She turns away and starts back towards the house but I reach out and hold her arm with a sigh. "Liv, wait. Look, I'm sorry."

Liv stares at me. "No. I'm sorry. None of this is your responsibility. I'm not your responsibility, okay? You shouldn't have brought me here. I shouldn't be here. And you don't owe me an explanation for whatever the hell..." She gestures to both of us with her free hand. "This is."

I don't even have an explanation. I don't know how to tell her how confused I am. I want to be a guy who gets what he wants. But...the only thing I want is her. I want her so bad. I don't care if she's angry at me, if she's frustrated...I don't care if she's vulnerable because in a way, we all are. I want her just the same. "I really like you, Livvy. You're brilliant and beautiful and you've got the kindest soul I know. You make me happy. You are worthy of that. Why do you find it so hard to understand that I genuinely care about you?"

"I'm not," Liv closes her eyes, trying to find the words to explain. She's pacing back and forth, frustrated. It's pretty cute, actually. Everything about her is cute and makes me smile. I just don't like seeing her upset. "I just...Fitz..."

"Livvy," I try to fight a grin off my face, even though I find the whole thing humorous. She stares at me, inhales and keeps pacing back and forth angrily. Her heels click against the dark wood below her. I reach out, grab her waist and hold her tight in my arms. She doesn't fight me off.

"This can't work," Livvy mumbles into my shoulder and my grin fades. She sniffs a little bit. "I really want you to be happy and I know I am not enough for that. I know you don't want to be at Stanford anymore and for that reason, this can't work. You're getting married. I'm just this stupid girl who gets into shit she can't handle. You know that. This can't work."

Livvy pulls away from me, pushing my chest, for once not actually crying. I'm the one who feels like crying. I want her back in my arms. Not just for a couple of stolen moments on a balcony. But forever. I want to hold her and never let her go. It's not enough. It's never gonna be enough.

"Olivia," I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I open them. "What do you want me to do? Tell me. Please. I'll do it. Whatever it is. Just tell me."

"I want you to be honest," Liv replies without thinking about it. "I want you to be honest to me and to yourself. I want to know what you're thinking about. I want you to keep me in the loop. And..." She presses her lips like she's afraid to say something. "I want for you to not owe anyone anything. Not me, not Mellie, not your father. If you don't want to go to law school, don't. If you don't want to marry Mellie, don't. But don't do that for me. Don't do anything for anyone other than yourself. That's who you owe something to. Yourself."

* * *

 _November 26th, 2015_

 _7:40 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

No matter how uncomfortable I feel in this house, every time I look at Fitz, he looks like he's suffering here ten times more than me.

He's not having fun. He's not happy. Mellie just dragged him into a seat the corner of the enormous mahogany dinner table and she's talking his ear off. He is not even hiding his disinterest. He just looks like he hates everything and everyone at this point.

And that hurts me, you know? I really care about him. And I want him to be happy. But I am not his. And there is nothing I can do about that.

Mellie hasn't talked to me ever since she came back. She hasn't confronted me, hasn't even looked in my direction. Maybe that's for the best. Even if I don't see the point in cursing her out, if she continued to throw shade at me, we might have had a problem. But then again, I did kiss her fiancé so I guess she has the right to be mad at me if she knew. But she doesn't know. So I don't know if my being annoyed with her is justified or not.

I am sitting on the end side of the table, opposite of both of them. Jerry takes the head of the table and looks at me. We haven't formally met yet. We haven't spoken to each other. And since this is an enormous house, our paths haven't exactly crossed.

"Hi," I try my best to smile at him. "I don't think we've met yet. I'm Olivia. I'm in your son's Political Science class..."

I realize that I have no idea why exactly I am introducing myself to him. It doesn't matter. There is no point. But since I have nobody else to talk to, because Tom left and Fitz is occupied with his fiancée, I have nothing to lose at this point.

"Hi," Jerry replies politely, then goes on talking to someone else, kind of dismissing me.

Oh well. I just shrug it off and stare at my glass of wine. The food is all set and everything but nobody is eating. Nobody has even touched their food, which is crazy because it looks so freaking good. I have always had nice holiday meals back in Baltimore but this is on another level. There is enough turkey, stuffing, ham, mashed potatoes, salad and pasta to feed a small country. And there is probably more wine in here than in all of France. I think we're waiting for the twenty something people to settle down and shut up so we can say grace or whatever.

"Hey," Tom slides into the seat next to me and adjusts his tie. He looks in front of him and frowns. I follow his glance and see Fitz and Mellie literally with both her arms around Fitz, trying to make out with him. Here. In front of everyone. He's politely giving her short kisses back but she's all over him and everyone is walking past them like this is normal and acceptable. Maybe it is in this family. Who am I to judge? The thing is, it's making me cringe. I lower my eyes. It's hard to watch Fitz with another girl.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Tom whispers to me. "You should be spared from that horror."

I force myself to grin. "I'm alright." No, I'm not.

"You don't have to lie," Tom scoffs, then shakes his head in a disgusted manner. I can tell he really doesn't like Mellie, for whatever reason. I mean, it's kind of hard to blame him. He takes a deep breath and turns to me, pulling on a tight smile. "How are you holding up? You look beautiful by the way."

"Thank you," I return the tight smile. "I'm fine. You don't look too bad yourself."

"Try telling that to the girls here," Tom frowns. "I'm not getting any."

I'm about the gag until I realized that Tom is not blood related to any of the girls here. He's Fitz's cousin from his mom's side. Then I just laugh. Tom is actually pretty cute but more than that, he has a kick ass personality. He's really different from Fitz, but he's just as funny. He's also really laid back from what I can tell. In another world, I would be really attracted to Tom but there's only one guy I want and he's taken.

Do you even know how much that hurts? I want Fitz more than I have ever wanted anybody...ever. And I just can't have him.

"Everybody," Jerry clears his throat. At last, Mellie pulls her lips away from Fitz's and everyone turns their attention to the head of the table. "I would like to thank y'all for coming here tonight. Happy Thanksgiving. And I would also like to congratulate my only son, Fitzgerald, for starting and almost completing his first semester at Stanford Law School."

Everyone immediately claps for Fitz but he just smiles dismissively. He looks like he really doesn't want to be here and if that's the case, the feeling is mutual.

But Jerry just goes on. "Along with being an honor graduate student, Fitzgerald is also a Resident Advisor, a Teaching Assistant and serves on the Board of Trustees as an alum for Stanford's undergraduate school. Along with that, he completed an internship for Baker & McKenzie this past summer, which is, by revenue, the largest law firm in the United States. It's in Chicago." He flashes a smile. "Which is where he will be going when he finishes in law school. Anyway, Fitzgerald, will you lead us in saying grace?"

Everyone automatically joins hands. Tom and Jerry hold out theirs and I politely accept them. Everyone bows their heads except Fitz and I.

For me, it's just the factor of not being religious. I mean, I am technically Christian but my dad and I never really practiced religion. We went to church on Easter and everything but we never sat down and prayed. Especially since my mom died. I still believe in God but...it's complicated. When you spend as much time as you do partying, getting drunk and having illegitimate sex, it's kind of difficult to bow your head in prayer. It doesn't feel right.

As for Fitz? I don't know. He just looks so completely uncomfortable. I don't know if he's religious but obviously his family is and he feels compelled to be so. At least for right now. So he clears his throat and begins. "Um, I want to start out by saying...Happy Thanksgiving everybody."

His eyes skim around the table nervously until they come back and lock in mine. I give him an awkward smiles and he returns it. 'Hi' he mouths.

I unclasp hands with Tom briefly to give him a quick thumbs up.

Fitz grins genuinely at that. He clears his throat and when he turns back to saying grace, his grin fades. He swallows "I just...um, I am thankful for all of you, being here. I thank God for that."

He looks up at me, as if for approval and I nod slightly with a soft smile. He smiles back and loosens up a teensy bit. "I think, that, uh, family is the thing that I am most thankful. Family...and friends." He presses his lips together. "And, uh...well, uh...I am thankful for, uh...being thankful?"

I raise my eyebrows. He looks at me and shrugs. 'Nice.' I mouth to him and he rolls his eyes but he's grinning.

"Anyway," he inhales, his eyes still not leaning mine. We're the only two people with our heads up and looking at him, I feel a little bit better. He makes me feel better. "This past year, for me, has been crazy. Between graduating, the internship and teaching...I thank God keeping me grounded. And..." He pauses.

He looks back up at me and just locks his eyes with mine. He doesn't smile, doesn't frown...he just looks at me. And I know that whatever he's about to say is true and honest and from him.

And that's all I ever really wanted. I want him to be honest and truthful and happy. More than anything, I want him to be happy. I really believe the truth, whatever it is, will set him free.

I don't know what's gonna happen when we get back to Stanford. In a way, I don't want him to go back. I want him to follow his dream, whatever it is. I want him to have so much happiness that he doesn't even know what to do with it. I don't know where he'll find that happiness but I hope he does. I want him to. I need him to.

"And I gotta tell him thanks," Fitz says, his eyes locked directly into mine. "For bringing this girl in my life...this girl that I love."


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Hey guys! I hope you like this chapter and I hope you're liking the story so far! Thanks for all your super sweet and supportive PMs and reviews! I really appreciate them.**

 **I hate writing an author's note every other chapter or so, but yesterday I got a PM from a reader who is just catching up to the story...they were a bit offended by something they read in an earlier chapter. When I wrote 'somehow, I pulled her (Mellie)' I meant nothing objectifying by that, I promise.**

 **I took that sentence out but it's important to me that y'all know I would never purposely put something offensive into my stories, especially along the lines of sexism or racism. By saying 'pull' I meant attract. It's just something people my age say but in the future I'll know better than to use 15 year old slang in my stories.**

 **If I offended anyone else by saying that, I am genuinely sorry.**

 **And I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 _I'm not telling you it's going to be easy. I'm telling you it's going to be worth it._

 _\- Art Williams_

* * *

 _November 27th, 2015_

 _1:58 AM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

If I look back on everything, I think I just accepted being alone at some point. I just accepted that I was kind of whorish and I would never settle. I didn't think I could ever be faithful. And I didn't like the idea of cheating on a significant other so I just accepted the fact that I would end up alone.

Because, to be honest, I have never had a true relationship. I mean, I have had those short term, meaningless relationships that never lasted. I have only had two boyfriends I cheated on both of them. And I was never proud of that. I hated that so I just told myself I wouldn't tie myself down to anyone so no one would end up getting hurt.

And then, I met Fitz. I met Fitz and I fell for him hard. I trusted him - more than I have ever trusted anybody. I literally showed up to his door and fell into his arms. And I trusted him not to drop me.

I don't know why I did. It was just something about him. I was never trying to get with him or anything. I know it may look that way. But I was never a gold digger and never a slut - at least when it came to him.

The point is, if I could possibly have Fitz (and I know I can't) I know he would be enough for me. I know I wouldn't cheat on him. He would be enough.

And I don't know if that excites me or scares the hell out of me.

I sigh and bring my arms across my back to unzip my dress. I don't know what to do at this point besides just change into my pajamas and go to sleep.

He said he loves me. That is insane. I know he was talking about me and that is literally driving me crazy. Because I feel exactly the same way. I really do love him. I think I have for a while now, even though we just met a couple of months ago. I trusted him that night. And that counted for something.

Even though we barely know each other and we're so freaking different, we love each other. I can't explain why or how. But we just do.

I don't know where we go from here though. After dinner, I just went up the stairs and he never followed me. Maybe he didn't mean it. Of course he didn't...he is a twenty two year old genius who is incredibly kind and super hot. He is so out of my league. He has a beautiful fiancée... how could he ever want me? I sigh. He was obviously talking about Mellie, even though he was looking directly at me. I am so stupid. I am literally so pathetic. He wasn't talking about me.

And even if he was, what's the point? For so many reasons, we can't be together. So I shouldn't get my hopes up.

"Hello?" The door opens and since I'm practically naked, my eyes go wide. How could I not lock the door? I'm literally in my bra and underwear...oh my god...

Tom, who enters the room, has the biggest grin on his face. "Wow. I came in here expecting Fitz but I am pleasantly surprised."

I blush and grab one of my camisoles that's laid out on the bed. "You're so annoying Tom."

"Don't worry," Tom shrugs, gesturing to my exposed body. "I wouldn't dare touch what's all Fitz's."

"Tom!" I hit his arm before sliding on the cami and a pair of pajama pants. "I am not Fitz's."

Tom shrugs again, smirking this time. "For now, at least."

I roll my eyes. "Is there another purpose for you coming in my room other than harassing me?"

Tom grins, moving towards the bed to sit on the foot of it after closing the door. He folds his hands in his lap and the look on his face grows more serious, which is weird because that's the last word I would use to describe Tom. "I wanted to ask if you were freaked out."

I cross my arms and lean on the closed door. "Why would I be freaked out?"

Tom takes a deep breath. "Fitz...saying he loves you over grace?"

I quickly decide to play dumb. "What? He was talking about Mellie..."

"Like hell he was," Tom snorts, dismissing that. He takes another breath and locks two very blue, very serious eyes with me. "He may have fooled everyone else but not me. Not even you, for that matter. Do you feel the same way?"

I don't say anything. It's not that I don't trust Tom. If there is anyone I trust more than Fitz, it's Tom. But I can't be with Fitz so I don't see the point in talking about it.

"Olivia," Tom speaks up again, louder as if I hadn't heard him the first time. "Do you love him?"

I press my lips together. "It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters," Tom argues softly. He inhales. "Look, I'm not trying to pressure you into anything. What you feel is what you feel. But what I feel..." Tom takes a deep breath. "I feel like you love him too. And if you do, y'all deserve a chance."

I shake my head. "I do love him. But I can't hurt him more than I already have, Tom."

"You think you hurt him, Olivia?" Tom narrows his eyes. "You put him back together. I haven't seen him smile more than he does when he's in the same room with you." My heart warms up and I am about to say something but Tom keeps on going. "You make him happy, Liv. And he deserves happiness. And you know what? I think you do too."

* * *

 _November 27th, 2015_

 _2:08 AM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Fitz?"

I don't have to turn around to know who is calling me. I stretch my legs on the leather couch and bring up my blanket to the middle of my chest. Reaching for the remote to pause my episode of House of Cards, I take a deep breath.

In a fairness, me kind of avoiding Olivia ever since we had dinner a couple of hours ago isn't really fair. Especially since I basically confessed my love for her. But whatever. She's made mistakes and so have I. But me realizing I love her is not a mistake. Even if she doesn't feel the same way.

"Hi," I turn around and smile at Liv. She's standing in the living room entrance I don't know how she can make me so comfortable and so pleasantly nervous at the same time.

She's wearing a plain black camisole and light blue flannel pajamas. Her still curly hair is in a low ponytail. "Hi." She looks back at me, then around the huge living room. Despite many full sized couches and sofas she can sit on, she makes her way through the room and sits on the edge of mine. I pull my legs up under my ass to make room for her. She reaches over and pulls some of my blanket for herself. "You're not out shopping with Mellie?"

I shrug. "I didn't feel like it."

She nods like she understands. "What are we watching?"

"House of Cards," I reply, resting my head on the armrest. I take a deep breath. It's usually her asking the tough questions and me deflecting them. But I have to know. "Are you mad at me?"

Liv looks down at the fabric of the blanket. "No...I mean, you can't choose who you fall for, I guess." She sighs and I think she feels compelled to tell me she feels a certain way. The truth is, Liv could have absolutely no feelings for me at all. I just don't know that at this point.

I look at her. "Olivia...I didn't tell you that I loved you because I needed you to say it back. I said it so you knew."

Her eyes meet mine and she sighs again. "Do love her?"

"Mellie?"

Liv doesn't say anything, just looks at me like she wants to slap me for asking dumb ass questions, waiting for my answer. I stroke my thumb along the fabric of the cotton blanket. "Um, yes. I do. I guess. In a way. I don't know."

"This is what I'm talking about, Fitz," Liv shakes her head and turns it away. "You have none of this figured out."

"I love you," I blatantly tell her. "And I know it was a bitchy thing to confess that over a dinner table but I really do love you. I love you and I want to be with you and I think you feel the same damn way. And none of the rest of it matters."

"It does matter," Liv mumbles. "It does."

"No," I shake my head firmly. "You told me to be honest and here I am. I know you're flawed, Olivia, we all are. But why is it so hard for you to understand that you deserve to be loved? You don't deserve a crap life with resentment and drugs and..." I take a deep breath. "If you let me love you, Livvy..."

"It's not that simple," Liv protests angrily. "I do love you! More than anything! But...I can't. I shouldn't. We shouldn't. You have Mellie and-"

"Our engagement is a joke," I scoff. "Our entire relationship is a joke. And maybe I love her but she doesn't feel the same way so there is no point."

Liv shakes her head like I'm an idiot. "If you still love her, what the hell are we doing?"

I shake my head too. "You've got it all wrong, Livvy. Okay, so what if I have some type of feelings for her? You can't be with someone for four freaking years and not have feelings. Maybe I love her but I'm not in love with her. In fact...I don't even think I've been in love my entire life. I don't know what love is. Well, I didn't. Not until I met you." I take a deep breath. "I am literally pouring my heart out to you, which is not something I do often. So please listen to me. I have been so unhappy my entire life and I met you and...I don't want to be without you, Livvy."

"And I'm sorry," she turns around so she's leaning on the other armrest and she rests her legs on top of mine under the blanket. "Like I said, I love you. But I'm not okay with being your rebound."

"You're not," I promise her. I move my arms under the covers and rest my hands on top of her legs. I smile a little. "Do you really love me?"

Liv blushes and nods. "Yeah. I do."

I gently rub her legs under the covers over her pajamas. She is so beautiful to me. In every way. I don't have a written up analysis of why I love her - I just do. I love her a lot. It's not just lust. It's one hundred percent, unapologetic love. "Then we can make this work. I can end things with Mellie and...we can make this work. I want to make this work."

"You think I don't want that?" Livvy mumbles. She looks me in the eye and I know in that moment that she wants it too. She wants us too. "It's not that easy."

"Yes, it is," I lie to her, knowing very well she's right. This may end up in severe heartbreak for both of us but Olivia is the one I want. She is the one I need. There is no question about that. "I love you and you love me and none of the rest of it matters."

Olivia breaks a soft smile. I return it. She always makes me smile. No matter how I am, she always makes me a little bit happier. And I can never thank her enough for that. I lean over, cup my hands over her waist and slightly pull her so she's on my lap, straddling me.

"I wish it were that simple, Fitz." Livvy mumbles, her arms locking around my neck.

"It can be," I whisper, because I want it to. I want it to so bad that I can't even take it anymore. I have never wanted anybody more than I want Livvy right now, right here and forever. I can't even put in words how much she means to me. "We can make this work."

Liv brings her hand up and curls it into my hair. She gently rests her other hand on my broad shoulder. "What about Stanford? I don't want to be without you there...but I want you to be happy. And being there doesn't make you happy."

I look at her. She's so, so beautiful. Not even just on the outside - which she obviously is. Her body and face are A1 - there is no questioning that. But her soul...she is so caring. And funny. And just everything I could ever ask for.

"You make me happy," I mumble honestly, my eyes never leaving hers. I want to stand up to Big Jerry. I want to stand up to Mellie. I want to fight for my future. But I just don't know where to begin. "All I know is that I want you. And I want to know I have you, no matter what. That you'll be with me, every step of this way."

Unexpectedly, Liv leans in and presses her lips against mine. I open my mouth slightly and press my tongue over hers, not missing the chance this time. I feel her smile into the kiss, which makes me smile too. Kissing her, feeling her in my arms, just being with her is the highlight of my every day. I won't lie and say I haven't thought about having sex with her - of course I have. And of course I want to. But there is a time when that would feel right and it's not now. So I just gotta settle for kissing her and that's in a class of it's own. I could never get tired of it. I deepen the kiss, my arms tightening on her hold.

"I've got to stop doing that," she whispers when she pulls away.

I laugh softly. "I don't mind." I sneak in another quick kiss. "Sleep here with me. Don't go."

Livvy smiles again. "Stay here and get murdered by Mellie and your dad tomorrow morning?"

I laugh softly but I'm so serious. I want her here, with me. I don't want to deal with the eventual consequences if we get caught but I do want her to stay. "Please?"

"No," Liv protests softly, her fingers curling in my hair again. "I'm sorry, but that's a dumb move. For both of us. If I'm really not a rebound, prove it. I want us to be together but if what you feel for me is real and not out of spite for Mellie, you'll understand."

I roll my eyes, but I know she's trying to protect me in the end so it's hard to be annoyed. "Okay, you buzzkill."

Liv grins and leans her forehead against mine. "I love you, Fitz."

I beam. Hearing that come from her mouth means so much to me. I don't think I can ever get tired of it. Hopefully I'll be hearing it for a long time. "So...we're in this together?"

She nods slightly, her beautiful smile never fading. "We're in this together."


	17. Chapter 17

_I have looked at you in a million ways_

 _And loved you in each_

 _\- Unknown_

* * *

 _November 27th, 2015_

 _7:14 AM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

My eyes widen. "You did not."

Fitz can't stop laughing, his torso toppled over the granite counter. "We did. Tom and I set off a stink bomb at his high school graduation. It was delayed for three hours."

"Fitz," I put my hand over my mouth to cover my own grin. "That's horrible."

"That's not even the worse thing we did as kids," Fitz shakes his head. "I mean, that is as far as I went, but Tom is crazy. He..." Fitz starts laughing so hard that his face turns red and he can't finish his sentence.

This feels so natural - sitting on the kitchen island with Fitz early in the morning, in our pajamas drinking coffee. I had to settle for sleeping alone last night in his room so I'm just trying to appreciate every spare, stolen moment I have with him. Like watching the sunrise from the huge window in the kitchen.

I can never get over how easy it feels to just sit down and talk to him. There is no awkwardness, nothing like that. We talk like we have been doing so for years instead of days. It's kind of hard to get him to open up, but when you do, it's worth it. He has kept me laughing with stories about him and Tom getting into trouble when they were teenagers.

"Tell me what he did," I giggle.

Fitz takes a minute to compose himself, but ends up in another laughing fit. He takes a deep breath. "Okay, so back when I was maybe fifteen or so, Tom's family and mine used to do everything together. So one summer, it was just my family going to the Bahamas with my girlfriend's family."

"Mellie?" I ask.

Fitz shakes his head. "This was before her. It was this girl I had been dating back then. We weren't serious." Fitz grins. "And Tom was just really jealous he couldn't come along. So when after I was done packing, he switched my suitcase..." He begins laughing again, then cups a hand over his mouth. "Okay, so, he switched my suitcase and he put a ton of porn magazines and condoms in it. Like, three hundred condoms and ten magazines and a metal spoon so it beeped at security."

"No..."

"Yes," Fitz can barely keep himself together to tell the rest of the story. "And they opened it up in front of everybody...and all you could see were condoms and porn magazines...I swear my dad still hates me to this day..."

I burst out laughing - so hard that my stomach hurts. "No way! I could so see Tom doing that though."

Fitz nods through chuckles. "He was always the crazy one." He takes a sip of his coffee and takes a deep breath, still red from laughing so hard. But I don't mind. He has a cute laugh. "Anyway, what about you? What wild adventures have you gotten into in the past?"

"What..." I raise my eyebrows innocently. "None. I'm a very boring person."

Fitz scoffs. "I find that very hard to believe."

"Okay," I admit, grinning. "I have done some pretty crazy things. Especially these past two years. But I can't tell you anything. You'd judge me."

"I won't!" Fitz protests.

"You will," I tease. Then my smile fades a little bit. "I kind of feel like you have been doing that ever since I showed up to your door with drugs in my pocket."

"No," Fitz sighs deeply, like he knew I was gonna bring this up. "No, it's not like that. I have no right to judge you. Do I worry? Yes, I am always gonna worry. And I am not apologizing for that. But I am not judging you."

I frown, but in all honesty, I believe him. I really believe him. And him not judging me means a lot. But I am still pretty insecure and the way I see it, he is still out of my league. He may love me, he may accept me...but do I love me? Do I accept me? I don't really know that yet.

"Livvy," Fitz comes across in front of the island and smiles softly at me. "Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn't," I sigh, resting my hands on the handle of my coffee mug. "I'm just thinking."

Fitz shakes his head, chuckling softly. "You think way too much."

"I can't help it," I frown. "I'm just...I don't want to lose you."

Fitz frowns too, his expression suddenly very serious. "Olivia. You're not going to lose me."

"Fitz," I mumble, not looking at him. "I want to be okay with all of this. I want to just be happy. But I'm so unsure. Like, what's going to happen? If I go back to Stanford-"

"Sh," Fitz holds up his hand cutting me off.

"Fitz-" I begin to protest, but he just hushes me.

"First of all," he begins, like he has this all figured out even though I know he doesn't. But he keeps his hand up and his eyes locked into mine anyway. "Stop worrying. Take a deep breath. Okay?"

I know he's worried I am gonna have a panic attack so I just listen to him and take a deep breath.

"Good," Fitz cracks a soft smile. "Secondly, there is no 'if' you go back to Stanford. You are going back to Stanford because you are brilliant, you are intelligent, you earned your spot and you deserve to be there. What did you say you wanted to do? Criminal law?" I nod and his smile grows wider. "You're gonna graduate and kick ass at criminal law. There is no debating that. You are not giving up or compromising your education, not for me, not for anyone. Ever. Do you understand?"

I reluctantly nod.

"I need to hear you say it."

I roll my eyes. "I understand."

"Secondly," Fitz's encouraging smile fades. "I need you to stop worrying about Mellie. I am going to break up with her. I am going to be with you. I need you to trust me. Can you do that? Can you trust me?"

I shrug honestly.

"Olivia, I need to hear you say it."

I sigh deeply. "I trust you."

"Good," Fitz smiles, satisfied. "Can we stop talking about this?"

"No," I say, firmly this time. I won't let him dismiss all this. Not this time. "Are you going back to Stanford? I know you don't want to." Call me selfish, but a part of me wishes he did want to pursue politics, only so he would be near me and it would be easier to be together. But if he wants to do other things, I have his back one hundred percent. "Fitz."

Fitz sighs deeply. I can tell he's been debating this with himself for a while. "Honestly, Livvy? I don't want to go back. Stanford isn't for me. I'm surprised it's taken four and a half years to realize that."

I nod, forcing myself to put on a sympathetic, supportive expression. "If you don't go back...where are you going to go?"

This makes him crack a small smile. "I'm going to be behind you always, but I have no idea what I am gonna do." He laughs a little, like he's a little bit embarrassed. "But, and only Tom knows this, I really want to get into teaching. That is what I didn't tell you in the car."

I raise my eyebrow. "Like Professor Beene?"

"No," Fitz admits slowly. "Like, grade school kids. I would love to be an elementary chool teacher, if I got the chance."

I smile. I can so completely imagine Fitz doing that. He is so great with kids from what I have seen. It's so adorable. "That's amazing, Fitz. I know you can do it."

Fitz blushes. I can tell he doesn't really talk about this. But I can see his eyes hiding a smile. "But seriously, don't worry. I'm not leaving you and you're not going to lose me."

I somehow produce a small smile. I don't even want to begin thinking about being in school without him. How much I am going to miss him. I am not a very attached, needy person, but with him, it's different. But I am, however, very happy that he's going to do what he wants. "I'm proud of you, Fitz."

"Thank you," Fitz beams and I can tell that that means a lot to him. He clears his throat. "Now, let's stop overthinking this. What do you want to do today?"

"Whatever," I reply candidly. "I just want to spend time with you. I don't care what we do."

"I want to take you shopping," Fitz tells me and I can't help but laugh. "What? Come on, we're in the biggest shopping town in the world. Let's go shopping."

I giggle. "I'm not going shopping with you, Fitz."

"Come with me," Fitz passes me another cup of coffee accompanied by a soft kiss on my cheek.

I smile but shake my head. "I'm not going."

after all he's done for me, I am not about to let him spend his money on me.

"Why?" Fitz sighs. "How can you not be a shopping girl with all those fancy clothes you wear?"

I laugh, but shake my head again. "I love shopping and I love spending time with you but I'm not letting you spend money on me."

"Why?" Fitz stomps his foot like a kid. "I love you..."

I watch his cheeks blush when he says that last part and I blush too. We're not used to saying that to each other casually, even though we both mean it, so every time it happens, we blush like twelve year olds.

"I love you," Fitz repeats, his eyebrows raising.

"I love you too," I take the coffee from him. "But...I am not going shopping with you."

"Please," Fitz extends his arms so they wrap around my waist. "I don't wanna be without you."

I roll my eyes but grin. "You're so needy."

"I'm not needy," Fitz protests, frowning. "I just want to spoil my girlfriend."

I shake my head. "I'm not your girlfriend. Until you break up with her...Fitz, I mean it. I am not your girlfriend. Okay? And I am not going shopping with you."

Fitz rolls his eyes defeated. I smile and rest my hand on his forearm sympathetically.

"Who's going shopping?"

The voice behind us makes me pull my hand off him in record speed. I sit up straight and swallow. Mellie Grant strides into the kitchen and opens the fridge, a smug look on her face. I'm not scared of Mellie but I know a part of Fitz is. He hasn't stood up to her yet and although it's kind of annoying, I don't hold it against it. I know they don't love each other like that and that's what makes me not feel guilty for loving Fitz in this way.

"Good morning, Mellie," I say something, because Fitz looks way too annoyed to. His eyes are lowered on the floor and he is just angrily holding his coffee cup. "Fitz is going shopping. I know you went last night, but you should go with him again." Fitz shoots me a look and I just shrug innocently. There is still a part of me that's kind of insecure when it comes to Mellie. She may be kind of a bitch but she's really intimidating. I don't want her to go psycho and fight me if she thinks I'm with Fitz in the way that I actually am. "You should go, Fitz. It'll be fun."

Mellie whips around and smiles brightly. She walks towards Fitz and wraps both her arms around one of his. He blatantly shrugs her off but she doesn't look like she cares at all. "Of course it'll be fun!" She looks at me, her smile instantly gone. "We don't need you to tell us it's gonna be fun."

 _The look on his face says otherwise_...I try to smile myself. "Of course...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"But you did." Mellie scoffs. "Ever since you came here, you have been-"

Fitz mumbles something, cutting Mellie off. His eyes are still locked on the floor and he looks angrier than I have ever seen him.

"What's that, honey?" Mellie asks, her fingers stroking his light brown wavy hair.

"I said leave her alone," Fitz repeats loudly. Mellie raises her eyebrows and opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Fitz doesn't even give her the chance. "Leave her alone, Mellie. She did nothing to you. You don't have any leverage to act like this - not towards her. Just leave her the hell alone."

"Fitz," Mellie touches his cheek after a stunned moment, but he gets up, pushes past her and grabs his keys that are next to the sink.

He angrily marches across the kitchen and inhales, stopping briefly next to me. With rage in his eyes, he mumbles, "Sorry, Liv. I'mma see you soon." and he just walks out of there.

I have literally never seen Fitz that mad and I am kind of just sitting here in shock. His yelling voice is really sexy but it's hard to focus on that when he's upset. I hate seeing him like that. I hear the door slam loudly and that brings me back to reality. A few feet to my right, Mellie Grant is standing there, just as awed as I am. Something tells me that Fitz doesn't really stand up to her.

But she slowly shakes her head like that was nothing, her brunette curls bouncing against her shoulders. I hear her take a deep breath to compose herself before she turns to me, who is just awkwardly sitting there. "Can I ask you something?"

I swallow, not really knowing how to respond. Her voice sounds way too calm and collected and it's kind of freaking me out. "Uh, yes?"

Mellie clears her throat. "Can you stop having sex with my husband?"

* * *

"W-what," I stutter when I am able to form coherent words. I press my lips together and exhale. I have no idea what to say.

She doesn't give me the opportunity. "Please don't try to deny it, Olivia, because I know it's happening and-"

"It's not!" I tell her, desperate honesty in my voice. "I have never slept with him, Mellie, I swear."

"Then can you stop trying to?" Mellie cocks her head to the side. "I know you think you're special, honey, but you're one out of hundreds of thirsty girls at that school, dying to get their hands on Fitz. You're nothing."

I swallow, more pissed off than scared. Where does she get off accusing me of sleeping with a taken man? I haven't had sex with Fitz and until he breaks it off with Mellie, I won't. "If I'm nothing, why am I here? Why did Fitz even bother to bring me home?"

"Because he feels sorry for you," Mellie looks at me blankly, like I'm an idiot. "It's a pity thing. But unfortunately, sweetheart, we do not run a charity. And I don't appreciate anyone trying to take advantage of my husband-"

"He's not your husband." I take a deep breath. "And I am not taking advantage of him. I didn't know Fitz was this well off."

"Sure," Mellie shrugs sarcastically.

It's fine if she doesn't believe me. I don't need her to. If Fitz knows that is the truth, that is all that matters. His money has nothing to do with why I am attracted to him. To why I love him. I'm not used to this type of wealth, even though my dad is well off. I am not comfortable with it and I can tell Fitz isn't either.

"Mellie," I take another breath. I don't feel like arguing with her. "I did not sleep with Fitz. I am not using him for money. I didn't ask to come here. You either believe that or you don't, it's none of my business."

"You know what else isn't your business?" Mellie demands. "Our relationship. So you stay out of it."

I stare at her. That's one thing we can agree on. I don't want to have anything to do with this mess of an engagement. I just want Fitz to break it off soon so I never have to see Mellie Grant. Something tells me that she doesn't want to see me again either.

I will fight _for_ Fitz, but I won't fight _over_ him. I love him and I want to be with him but I'm not going to sit here and just have this cheap back and forth arguing I'm not that type of girl and I don't think Mellie is either. Fitz told me he will break up with her and I trust that he will. I don't need to interfere with this.

Without saying anything, I slowly get up. I don't have anything else to say to her and if she keeps on making bitchy comments towards me, I might actually slap her and I don't want to do that. So I am just gonna peacefully leave.

But she stops me. She holds out of her arm and physically stops me from leaving the kitchen. "Olivia."

"What?" I practically shout. I inhale. I actually have a pretty bad temper and if provoked, I really can fight. So I just want her to let me leave. That is what's best for both of us. "Please let me go."

"I want you to listen to me," Mellie replies cooly, unfazed by my pleading. "Do not get in the way of our relationship. You don't want to do that."

Too late. I just take a deep breath. It's not worth fighting her about this so I just mumble, "Okay."

But she shakes her head and refuses to let me pass. She lowers her voice. "You don't understand."

"I don't care," I blatantly tell her, pushing her arm down.

I am about to leave the kitchen when she says something that makes me stop dead in my tracks.


	18. Chapter 18

_'Loving you was the last thing I ever felt good at.'_

 _\- Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _November 27th, 2015_

 _8:12 AM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

I'm trying to do the math in my head but I feel sick to my stomach. I am literally going to throw up.

She can't be pregnant.

She's lying.

She's a liar.

Mellie Grant is a liar.

Fitz has told me about her manipulation before. He told me that she's selfish and she's possessive and that she will manipulate the hell out of me. So it makes sense that she would lie about being pregnant with his baby to scare me off. And it worked.

I am so scared right now. Is she lying? If she's not, how could Fitz not tell me?

How long has it been since they've last seen each other? How many months is she - if she really is pregnant, that is? She was drinking wine last night...wasn't she? I don't know. I don't know anything.

I lower myself on Fitz's bed, my arms folded across my stomach. I feel so sick and I am just trying to hold myself together. I love Fitz...every minute I am with him, I just love him more and more and...this is coming from a girl who has severe trust issues.

I have never been in love until now and I am here and it's so complicated and overwhelming and the only person who could make me feel safe is...Fitz. And God knows where he is.

I can't tell you how much he means to me. That's why it hurts so much. I don't want to lose him. I listened to him last night. I agreed to give us a chance, only because I can't fathom the thought of not being with him. But it looks like that might happen anyway.

If she truly is pregnant, I'm going back to Stanford today. I'm not staying for the weekend. I can't be in this house, be the mistress of a engaged, to-be father. No matter how amazing Fitz is, no matter how much I love him, no matter how much I really wanted to be with him...some things just weren't meant to be. If Mellie is pregnant, fate will prove us wrong. Which sucks because for a pathetic, dreamy, unrealistic day, I thought Fitz and I were endgame.

Funny how life works out in the end.

"Livvy?"

I look up and see him in the doorway. He looks apologetic but surprised. I realize that there are tears in my eyes and turn away from him.

Fitz comes in the room and closes the door gently. He has a small silver bag in his hands, which he tosses on the dresser. He comes over and sits next to me. He tries to put his arms around me but I push him off. If he knew and didn't tell me...I swear to god I'll kill him. That's so messed up...I trusted him...

"Livvy," he repeats, more firmly this time. "Tell me what's wrong." He wraps one arm firmly around my waist and forces me to rest my head against his chest. "Tell me what happened."

I finally just give in and lay on him, despite my being angry at him. At him and the world. But I think I can't deny that I really want to be in his arms right now. "Where did you go...you left me all alone..."

"I know," Fitz rests his head on top of mine. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I just needed to leave for a minute and get my head together." He sighs. "If I would have stayed, I might have done something I couldn't take back."

I nod into his chest, biting my lip. I'm mad at him...I am so mad at him. But I can't see to pull myself out of his arms.

"Livvy," Fitz whispers, rubbing my back. "What happened? Was it Mellie? What did she say...Liv, what did she say? I swear to God I'll-"

"She didn't say anything," I lie against the fabric of his t-shirt. But I have tears to prove against that. I swallow. "She didn't say anything, Fitz."

"Okay," Fitz replies slowly, unconvinced. "Then what's wrong, baby? Why are you crying?"

I shake my head. I feel like if I open my mouth, I'm just gonna end up sobbing hysterically. If Mellie is pregnant, Fitz is gonna leave me. He's gonna leave me before we even got a chance to be together. And I can't even blame him. He is just so caring and thoughtful and...how could he leave his fiancée? I don't expect him to. In the end, I will respect him for that. But it doesn't mean it's not going to hurt like hell.

Fitz leans against the headboard with me still in his arms. I feel him exhale. I think he has just accepted that I am not gonna tell him anything and as of now, he is just trying to comfort me. "I love you."

I shake my head again, more tears pouring out of my eyes. "I thought this could work..."

"It can work," Fitz insists softly. He leans down and gently kisses my temple. "Just tell what's wrong and I'll fix it."

"No," I mumble, my chest hurting. Is this what actual heartbreak feels like? I have so much crap going in my life, but for one stupid night and morning, not of it mattered.

The fact that my father disowned me?

The fact that I was virtually broke?

The fact that my only source of income was from a boss I felt scared to be in the same room as?

None of that even mattered.

Because I had Fitz with me, no matter what happened. I had him.

And now I don't.

I can't compete with a pregnant woman. I know it sounds selfish to say this, but it's true. I know there may be a baby involved but I don't care. I want him to myself and I can't have him.

He lied to me and now everything has broken apart. "You can't fix this."

"Maybe if I knew what it was, I could."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

"No," Livvy mumbles into my chest. I can actually feel her tears leaking through the fabric of my shirt. "You can't fix this."

It hurts me to hear her say this. It hurts even more to hear her cry. Mellie had something to do with this - I'm not even questioning that. I never wanted to hurt Mellie, ever, but if she messed with Livvy in any way, shape or form...

Basically, I can take all the crap Mellie throws at me. I have been doing it for four years. But if she hurt Livvy, that's another story. I know that even if Livvy doesn't want to admit it - she doesn't want to start more drama than there already is - Mellie did something and I am not gonna let her get away with it. The more I spend time around Mellie, the more I remember just how condescending she can be. That is why I got so unbelievably angry earlier this morning. I just had to leave before I did something crazy like hit her. I don't hit women but this morning I was dangerously close, so I just left before it happened.

The point is, I don't like seeing Livvy hurt. I want to see her happy, I want to see her smile. That's everything to me. And I will do whatever it takes to get there. "Maybe if I knew what it was, I could."

Livvy just shakes her head again and goes on crying. I frown and hold her closer to me. "Hey...I have something that's gonna make you feel better. Two things, actually."

"I don't want anything." Livvy sniffs. "And I swear, Fitz, if you spent any money on me."

I rub her shoulder and chuckle nervously. "On the second thought, this might not make you feel better. I bought you a phone?"

"What?" Livvy exclaims, lifting her head up off my chest. She shakes her head like she wants me to take it back, like she is in denial. "No..."

I sigh. I should have known she wasn't gonna be happy about this. Livvy is not materialistic. But I was driving around Beverly Hills and I was angry and impulsive and thinking about her made me feel better. So I just went ahead and bought her a phone. And it did make me feel better. But something tells me it won't have the same affect on her. "I'm sorry. It's nothing fancy."

Livvy looks like I just stabbed her in the heart. She looks up at me, her eyes slightly puffy and red from crying. "No...why did you buy me something? A phone of all things? I told you not to spend anything on me, Fitz..."

"Livvy," I can't help but sigh. "If you haven't noticed, I have serious bank."

But Livvy doesn't even crack a grin. "Not funny, Fitz. I don't want you to buy me things."

I pretend to pout. "You're going to make me return an iPhone six plus?"

"No," Livvy gets off me and sits in front of me, her legs crossed. She takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. "I have to ask you something."

"What is it?" I smile gently, in this stupid hope she'll actually open up to me.

"Are you...is..." Liv inhales deeply, her eyes still closed. "What's the second thing?"

"What?"

Livvy opens her eyes and pulls on a very forced, right smile. "You said you have two things to make me feel better. Hopefully the second one isn't as expensive..."

"No," I chuckle lightly. I actually think she'll like what I am about to say. Or maybe she won't. Along with stubborn, Liv is also unpredictable. "I, uh, called up Cyrus. He's helping me in the process of dropping out of Stanford."

"Wow," Livvy mumbles after a stunned moment. She wipes her eyes and smiles again. This time it's not forced. It's not genuinely happy, but it's not forced. It's more sad. "I'm proud of you, Fitz."

I smile, leaning over to kiss her cheek. "It was impulsive but...I wanted to be honest. To myself. Like you said. I wouldn't have had the courage to do it without you." I take a deep breath. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Livvy. Now can you ask me what you were originally going to?"

Livvy inhales very deeply, almost painfully, her eyes closing again. "I just...can you drive me to the airport?"

I raise my eyebrows. That's not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. "Why? Did your dad call or something?"

"No," her eyes flutter open, looking sadder than I have ever seen them. "I just don't want to be here anymore. I can't. I need to go back to Stanford."

I reach over and interlock her fingers with me. She sharply pulls away from me. I don't know what I did wrong, or what Mellie said. "What did she say to you, Olivia? I told you not to listen to her-"

"It's not about her," Liv throws her legs off the side of the bed and stands up, beginning to pace the room. "It's not!"

"Then what is it about?" I demand, standing up too, leaning against the wall. "This morning, we were fine! You said you trusted me! That you were willing to give this a chance. Give us a chance! What the hell happened, Olivia?"

"Reality happened!" Liv stops in front of me and practically screams in my face. She's small but she has a lot of energy, I guess. A lot of anger too.

Yeah, well so do I. "You know what reality is? I love you. I am trying to make this work but you are being so difficult about it and-"

"How could you not tell me?" Liv cuts me off. I lower my eyes and see that she is full on crying again. She doesn't look angry anymore. She looks plain heartbroken. "How could you?"

"Not tell you what?" I extend my arms to her and hold her against me, letting her sob on my chest again. "What happened? Tell me what's wrong, Livvy."

"No," she pulls away from me, pushing my chest angrily. I reach out and try to grab ahold of her arms but she won't let me. "No!"

I have no idea why she's acting this way. She is literally looking at me like she hates me and that hurts me so bad. "What did I do? Tell me what I did. I'm sorry, Livvy, I am so sorry..."

"No," Livvy repeats, shaking her head coldly. "Leave me alone. If you aren't going to drive me, I'm going myself." She reaches under her bed and whips out her duffel bag. "Screw you."

"Livvy," I reach down and touch her arm but she roughly pushes my chest away. "Livvy-"

"Don't 'Livvy' me!" she yells, not even bothering to look at me. She starts throwing her crap inside the bag and I realize that she's not playing around, she isn't all talk and she actually, physically wants to leave.

And I can't stop her.

And I can't figure out why the hell she's acting this way.

This can't be anything Mellie said. Mellie can be scary but Liv is one of the strongest girls I know. If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't have left them both in the kitchen together. I would have been there for her.

But, like I said, this can't be anything Mellie said. Maybe my dad? I don't know. If she would freaking talk to me, maybe I could figure out. And if I knew, I would take care of it. I know that my family will say whatever it takes to mess with her head. They are the types of people to go to extremes, Mellie and Jerry. They could have said something racist. If they did, I wouldn't be surprised. I would just be really fucking pissed off and god knows what would happen...

"Olivia," I run my hand through my wavy hair and sigh. She ignores me, continuing to stuff her clothes into her bag. "Olivia, can you just sit down? We can talk about this. You don't have to go." Nothing. "Liv, you can't go."

"Watch me," she says shortly.

I really don't want her to leave. I love her. I love her and I don't love a lot of people. But I love her. I am in love with her. And she can't leave me like this.

"Whatever it is, Liv, we'll get through it! Look at all the absolute shit we've been through! Tell me what it is and I will fix it, baby, I promise you. I will handle it." I take a deep breath, my voice low. If I speak any louder, I might start crying and I have way too much pride to do that. Again. "Don't leave, Livvy. Don't leave me. Please."

Her hands pause on the zipper of her duffel bag. I see her swallow and close her eyes. Is this it?

Is she finally going to give me a chance?

Because, to be honest, being with Olivia Carolyn Pope is a pain in the ass. But it's worth it.

It's worth it because she makes me happy, she makes me smile and I trust her. She listens to me, she loves me and she cares. That is all anyone can ever ask for. It's her. She's the one I want. I don't know a lot of things, but I know that. I also know that she is complicated, as I can see right now. She can go from crying in my arms one to pushing me away from her the next. But I don't care. I want her. And I can't lose her.

So if there is even a fraction of a chance, it's worth it. "Livvy?"

"How could you not tell me?" Liv whispers softly, her voice full of pain. She turns to me and slowly opens her eyes. They are full of betrayal. "How could you not tell me Mellie was pregnant?"

* * *

I feel my stomach sink.

"She's not," I mumble before feeling my legs give up under me.

I slowly lower myself to the edge of my bed, swallowing the huge lump in my throat. My heart is beating way too fast.

Is this healthy? Normal?

I don't know. I have no idea. All I know is that it feels like it got ten times hotter in this room and vision is blurry and I am feeling extremely lightheaded.

"Yes she is," Olivia gets up in front of me and crosses her arms. I hear her say something else but my hearing gives up on me before I can make any sense of her words. There is just a ringing in place of her voice.

I swallow deeply. "No, no, she's not. Mellie is...she is not pregnant. I know she's not pregnant."

I close my eyes. I am lying straight through my teeth. I have no idea if she's pregnant or not.

Mellie wouldn't lie about that. Mellie is condescending, Mellie is petty, Mellie is manipulative but Mellie is not a liar.

But I take a deep breath anyway, looking up at Livvy. I try to look unfazed, to look certain. "She's not pregnant, Liv. She's lying. She lied to you."

But Livvy just shakes her head, her arms still crossed over chest. "No, Fitz. Who the fuck lies about that?"

"I don't know," I inhale, trying to compose myself and steady my breathing. "I really don't know, Liv. But she's not pregnant."

Unconvinced, Livvy returns to shoving clothes in her bag. "Why should I believe you?"

"Because you said you trusted me," I swallow, looking straight ahead.

I want Livvy to stay but I still can't wrap my mind around the idea that my fiancée might be pregnant. My fiancée who I have no romantic feelings towards. My fiancée who I don't love. She may be pregnant and if that's the case, I have no idea what I am going to do.

"Do I have good reason to trust you, Fitz?" _Not really, no._ "Honestly, how do you I know you're not lying to me?" _You don't._

I take a deep breath and reach for her hand. "She's lying to you, Olivia. I have known her for four years. She is lying. Can you just sit down for a minute?"

"No," Olivia pulls her hand away from mine again. "Whatever. This is between you and her." She looks up, blinking away resentful tears. "How was I ever stupid enough to think I had a chance? How could I have ever just intruded in your life and pull you and Mellie apart?"

"You didn't pull us apart," I mumble, looking away from her. "We were apart to begin with."

I know that my justifications are pathetic and I want to be able to convince her to stay wholeheartedly but I am seriously trying to figure this out in my head while talking to her.

Is Mellie really pregnant? Is she just messing with Liv to make her go away? Because if that's the case, that is so fucked up and I will never forgive her.

If that is the case, our breakup won't be amicable, like I was planning. There is no chance of us being friends. And I won't leave her apologetically, I will make it my personal mission to make sure she never has the chance to contact me or my family ever again.

But on the other hand, if she is pregnant, I am not gonna be a crappy father. If she is pregnant, I am gonna be there for the baby, no matter what. If she is, that makes her the mother of my child and I honestly don't think I could leave the mother of my child.

No matter how much I want to be with Olivia.

Then again, I don't know if she's pregnant or not. The last time I saw her and we had sex was like, four months ago so if she is pregnant, she should be showing. And she's not. Is she? And has she been drinking? Yes, I think she was drinking last night. I can't remember honestly. But if she was drinking with my baby in her...oh my god.

Everything is just blurry right now and none of it seems real.

I don't know anything at all. Scratch that - I know one thing. I know I want Olivia to stay. At least until I figure this all out. But she seems hellbent on getting the fuck away from this family and right now, I don't blame her.

I look out the window while she continues thrashing things into her duffel bag. Mellie's car is not parked up the street - she's not here.

I look back at Liv, trying to compose myself. "Olivia, please, we can figure this all out. Please stay."

"You don't understand," Livvy rises up so she's standing. She looks me in the eye - an action I can't requite. "I shouldn't be here. I should have never come with you. I don't belong here. Not with you. You said it yourself in the car ride - I'm eighteen. I am practically a kid. I drink a lot, have panic attacks and may or may not be disowned by my father. And you're...you. You look like someone who should be on 'Rich Kids of Beverly Hills'. We don't belong together and we were stupid and reckless to think we did."

I swallow. She should just punch me in the face - it would less painful than hearing her say these things. I wish she would just freaking understand that I loved her, her flaws and all. And I would always be there for her. But she just doesn't. She still doesn't get it.

And I know I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I know I have gotten everything I have ever wanted. Except her.

But she is not something that can be handed to me. I have to earn her and I just don't know how.

I reach out my hand to touch her waist, but she pulls away. "Livvy-"

"No, Fitz," she shakes her head, wiping her tears with her hand bitterly. "It's not that I don't love you, because I do. I love you so much and that is why I let myself delusionaly believe this could work-"

"It can," I whisper, because I believe despite everything, it really can. We can work.

"No!" Olivia yells at me. "Could you stop saying it can? Could you stop giving me false hope? Just leave me alone, Fitz. Please leave me alone."

"Guys?" Me and Olivia both look at Tom, who is standing timidly in the doorway. His eyes move from me to her, back and forth nervously. "What's going on?"

I press my lips together, wondering how much of our banter he heard. "Nothing, Tom. You should le-"

"Tom," Liv sniffs at looks at him. He looks back at her, really concerned. "Can you drive me to the airport?"

Tom looks over Liv's head and at me, mouthing, 'what the hell did you do?' I lower my eyes to the ground. This cannot be happening. I don't want her to leave...

"Tom," Livvy repeats. "Can you? Please? If you can't, I can call a cab..."

"No," Tom clears his throat and shakes his head. "I can drive you, sweetheart. Go ahead downstairs. I'll be there in a minute."

She nods gratefully and with another sniff, grabs her duffel bag. She gives me one last resentful, hurting look that feels like a shot in the chest and leaves the room. As soon as she does, Tom races up to me, his fist clenched.

"What did you do to her?" Tom demands.

I raise up my hands in defense. "Tom, you can't possibly think I hit Liv..."

"I don't," Tom sighs, releasing his fist. He runs his hand over his short blond hair and exhales deeply. "It's just...you two seem perfect for each other. And I do mean perfect. I haven't seen you so happy in such a long time man...until this. What happened?"

I lower myself to the bed, cradle my head in my hands and allow myself to have a small breakdown. I feel small tears burn their way into my eyes. "Mellie told Liv she was pregnant...and I guess that kind of struck Liv's pessimistic side..."

"Holy crap," I hear Tom mumble. "Is she really pregnant?"

I shrug my shoulders up and down, my face still in my hands, which are now damp with tears.

Tom puts a sympathetic hand on my back, but I shrug it off and take a deep breath. "Can you drive her to Stanford? Make sure she gets there okay...make sure she's safe? And taken care of? I know it's far but-"

"Of course I'll drive her there," Tom agrees. His voice softens. "It's all gonna be okay, Fitz...you know that right?"

I nod. But the only person who can truly make me feel better is about to go back to Stanford and away from me.

* * *

 **AN: Wow, okay. What ever happened to happy Olitz? Serious drama, as you can see. So many questions...is Mellie really pregnant? Is Liv gonna come back? Did she take the iPhone? Lol, but seriously.**

 **It's times like these where I have to remind some of my slightly impatient readers that Olitz is endgame, no matter what. I think that is how canon Liv and Fitz are as well. They can (and have) struggled through serious obstacles and hardships to be together and that's what I want in my stories too - no matter frustrating. That, and I'm a little bit better than writing angst than I am at writing happy Olitz - no matter how much I love to. So just keep in mind that Olitz is, like I said, endgame.**

 **Another thing - a few of you commented on how I wrote 'Mellie Grant' in the last chapter and I didn't mean to, honestly. Can someone tell me what canon Mellie's maiden name was if it were ever mentioned in the show?**

 **Last thing (I swear!)... This wouldn't be an Author's Note without Self promo! I made a new tumblr and you should definitely follow me or at least check it out. The url is idle-aesthetic (:**

 **Thanks and I'll get the new chapter to y'all soon**


	19. Chapter 19

' _Some days, I'm the mess_

 _Some days, I'm the broom_

 _On the hardest days, I have to be both'_

 _\- Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _December 24th, 2015_

 _2:30 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Mellie!"

I jump out of my seat in the foyer when I see her walk through the entrance of the house. I can't help but yell at her - it's been forever since I have heard from her. I actually thought she took the baby and ran - I thought I would never see her again.

She never called, she never texted. Same with Olivia. So I have had two girls ignoring my existence. The only difference is one may be the love of my life and the other one may quite possibly be carrying my child.

I run up to Mellie and I'm about to scream at her some more about not making contact with me these past few weeks before I remember that she may be the mother of my child. I have to make better decisions. Treat her with more respect or whatever. I have to have somewhat of a new slate with her. I have to remind myself that there was a time I loved Mellie. And if there is a baby, it's our baby and that means something. I have to take responsibility and stop being, as Tom would say, a petty bitch baby.

I force myself to take a deep breath. "I was worried about you."

Mellie sets down her purse on a side table and smiles, pleasantly surprised. I can't tell if she's showing or not through her dress. She better be pregnant. If she not...then I would have not chased after Liv for no reason. The only thing that stopped me from doing that was the fact that my fiancée might have been carrying my baby. And I had to do the right thing - no matter how much I miss Olivia.

Mellie leans in to hug me, which kind of throws me off guard. But I hug her back. "I'm glad you're okay, Mells."

"I know you are," Mellie pulls away but continues smiling at me. "We can get our relationship back on track...now that she's gone for good."

I sigh. It hurts to think about Livvy...what could I have been. I haven't stopped loving her. I just need to get my priorities straight. "Yeah, I guess. First things first, have you seen an OB? Because if my calculations are right, you're about five months pregnant and it's important to find you a doctor - if you haven't gotten one already. You really should have...did you?"

"Nope."

I press my lips together to prevent from actually shouting. I force myself to take a deep breath. "Okay, that's okay. But right now, the baby weighs around one pound. It's a rapid growth month. He's around eight inches long. He's gonna develop fingernails this month."

"Mm...," Mellie kind of dismisses me, picking up her purse and making her way into the house. "Somebody has been doing their research."

I run my hands through my hair with another sigh. I don't know about Mellie but being a good parent means a lot to me. And I will be one, no matter what it takes. I follow her hopelessly into the kitchen. "Mellie, look. You can't just walk away from this. This is real. It's happening to us. You have to pay attention. This is an actual baby inside you. We need to get you folic acid and other minerals in prenatal vitamins...we need-"

"Hm," Mellie turns around absently. She looks up at me. "I like the Christmas lights y'all put up. Very festive."

"Mellie-"

"How do I know she's really gone?"

"What?" I exhale. "What are you talking about?"

"Your slut of a student," Mellie replies matter of factly. "How do I know she's gone?"

I clench my jaw, trying to keep my cool. I don't need to lash out and scream at the mother of my child. But that does not mean I am going to sit here and listen to her talk smack about the girl I love. "Mellie, she's really truly gone." Not that I'm happy about it. I take another breath. "But right now, we need to focus. You need to focus. To figure this out. It's our baby-"

"Right," Mellie cuts me off, folding her arms with a sheepish look on her face. "Fitz, we have to talk."

"Yes, we do," I agree. "We need to prepare for this baby."

"There is no baby, Fitz."

I swallow, suddenly feeling very lightheaded. No... "What happened to it?"

"It was never there."

* * *

 _December 24th, 2015_

 _2:44 PM_

 _Florence Moore Residence Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"Liv, please."

I look into Abby's blue eyes, pleading me to reconsider. But I am immune to this by now. That doesn't mean I'm not upset about it, though. "Abby, I have looked at this from every angle. It's just not going to work. I have to drop out before the semester is over. I'm sorry."

Abby leans on her headboard, tears threatening to spill out of her eyes.

"Abby," I walk over to her bed and sit at the foot of it, ready to comfort her. "The shifts at the Coffee Express just aren't cutting it."

"You mean you're too hung up on buying alcohol and drugs to prioritize tuition and rent?" Abby demands bitterly, then immediately looks like she regrets it. "I'm sorry..."

I fold my hands in my lap, deciding to not hold it against her. I know she's as angry about this as I am. And she's not wrong. Ever since November and me leaving Los Angeles, I have made some pretty bad choices. But now I'm dealing with the consequences, like a mature adult.

The ugly truth is that I just don't have any money. Between housing, my meal plans, textbooks...if Abby had the money, I know she would help me. But she just doesn't. There is nothing anyone can do about that.

Abby gets a ton of financial help from the school because her mother back home only makes around thirty thousand per year...and Abby has two younger brothers. Since my father makes a six figure salary, I have no help from the school which really sucks considering he doesn't talk to me anymore, let alone gives me handouts. I could talk to the school board about that but I don't think they'd believe me. Even if they did believe me and did help me, they could never scrape enough money to make a difference. I am taking eight classes and I need to keep all of them to get my degree in three and a half years. That includes ridiculously priced textbooks too.

Like I said, the money just isn't there.

"It's okay," I tell my best friend. "And just so you know, you don't have to pay extra once I leave campus. The residence advisors have exceptions on that type of stuff."

Abby shakes her head. "I don't care about that, Liv. It was supposed to be me and you out here, living the college dream. And now you're dropping out before your freshman year at Stanford is complete? Before the freaking semester is? Really?"

I sigh and get up, now more angry than apologetic. Why is she acting like dropping out is something I want? I grab my NorthFace hoodie and shove my feet in a pair of Uggs. "It's not like I ever wanted any of this to happen, Abby. I'm hurting just as much as you are. So I'd appreciate it if you stopped treating me like the fucking villain."

"Wait," Abby's voice stops me when my hand is on the dorm room door handle. "Olivia, wait. I'm sorry."

I take a deep breath before opening the door. This isn't Abby's fault. It's nobody's fault except mine. "It's alright. I just need a minute by myself, okay?"

I lower myself to the brick wall, outside the lecture hall. It's late and nobody is really out here. They have all gone home for the holidays. I'm alone. But I like sitting here, against the building. It gives me a chance to think - which is really something I need to catch up on.

Fitz and I talked for the first time here. That means a lot to me. I miss him. After all this time, I still think about him. But I don't know if things would have gone differently had he still been in my life.

Maybe they would have. Maybe I would have studied harder. Maybe I would have partied less. Maybe I would have the courage to fix things with my father.

But I don't. After all this time, I just don't.

I don't want to drop out. I honestly don't. I have made severe sacrifices to make sure I would have enough money to pay for housing and tuition but in the end, it was all for nothing. I have no other option and that kills me. I have to drop out within the next couple of weeks and that hurts - especially since I worked so hard to make to Stanford. I wonder what Fitz would say to me if he were here. He would probably hold me and promise me everything would be okay.

He was really good at promising me that.

And he was really good at making me believe him.

I'm not trying to say my life is based on him, because it's not. Life is so much more complicated than love. If love was enough, I would not be in such deep shit right now. I would be happy. Life is so much more, though. But that doesn't mean I don't miss him. I miss him a lot. I haven't heard from him. I don't know if Mellie was really pregnant and frankly, I don't care.

The reason I left Fitz is honestly not because I thought Mellie was pregnant. It's just...the weight of our unconventional relationship was finally hitting me and I got scared. I ran. I do that a lot, I have realized.

And now, it's Christmas Eve. I'm heartbroken and very close to bankrupt. In a week, I'll be homeless. And I will, legitimately, have no where to turn.

I pull out my still cracked phone and unlock it, careful not to cut my fingers wide open from the torn glass. A part of me wishes I took that iPhone from Fitz when I have the chance. I dial my Dad's number. He hasn't picked up for weeks... I don't know what I am waiting for anymore. I just keep on hoping I'll hear his voice and- "Hello?"

"Dad," I try to hide the surprise in my voice. "Dad, I have been trying to reach you for-"

"I know," he says shortly. "Did you not get the idea that I maybe did not want to speak to you?"

I lean my head against the brick wall and close my eyes. I thought we could get past this. That stupid night in that stupid bar in that stupid city was the worst mistake of my life. "Please. This is ridiculous."

"No," he argues. "What is ridiculous is the fact that you have some delusional hope that I will forgive you. That I don't mean what I say. That there are no consequences for your actions."

"Of course I don't think that," I whisper. "But I just thought you'd forgive me by now. You're my father...that's your job..."

"No," he says loudly. "You don't get to tell me what my job is! For the last time, you brought this on to yourself and-"

I hang up on him this time. I don't know what to say or do at this point. Like I said, I have nowhere to turn. I don't think I have ever felt this alone. I guess, in the end, I don't need my father. I felt like I needed my mother until I lost her. I lost a little bit of myself when she died but I survived. This time? I'm not really sure.

I'm not really sure of anything.

* * *

 **AN: I'm sorry it took a whole day to update w/ such a short chapter. Fun fact: I actually had to search up what day Christmas was because I forgot and I'm not Christian, lol.**

 **I'm sorry to hear some of you guys aren't liking the direction of the story so hopefully I can switch it up and make a lil better for you guys come the next few chapters. :)**

 **And don't forget to follow me on tumblr! my url is idle-aesthetic. If you have any questions about the story, don't hesitate to ask.**

 **And did you guys see that pic Kerry posted of her and Tony on her insta last night...it's been giving me life**


	20. Chapter 20

_"If it doesn't work, it doesn't work, but you have to try, because if you try, if you leap and you try, and it doesn't work out, it's not on you."_

 _\- Olivia Pope, Scandal_

* * *

 _December 24th, 2015_

 _2:35 PM_

 _Grant Estate_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Fitz...say something...please..."

I hear her. I really hear her but I'm not listening. I cannot comprehend the words coming out of her mouth...I just can't.

Right now, i'm focusing on not going completely bat shit crazy.

Is she serious?

Is she actually telling me that there never was a baby?

One month...one fucking month she led me to believe that she was carrying a child. Our child.

One month she forced me to stay up at night, worrying about where the hell she was, wondering whether our hypothetical, unborn child was okay...

One month she made me stay in the crap city with the family I hate and not with the girl I love.

One month she kept me away from Livvy.

One month way too long.

Before I can stop myself, I come up to her, my hands gripping her shoulder. I have never hit Mellie and I have never planned to up until now. She has done some pretty petty crap but this is way too much. This is fucking betrayal. I swear to God-

"Fitz!" A sudden pair of strong hands pry me away from Mellie before I can actually slap her like I want to. I think it's Tom but I can't tell. There is a ringing in my ears and everything just feels so surreal right now. "Fitz, get off her. What the hell are you doing?"

I reach for her again but this time Tom puts himself between us. When did he get here? I guess it doesn't matter. Mellie is crying now but I don't care. I just don't.

"Fitz," Tom repeats, his voice lower. "Come on, man. Don't do anything you're going to regret..."

"Fitz," Mellie sobs from behind him. "I'm so sorry...baby, I'm so sorry."

I clench my fists. Can you stop talking? Because the more you want to talk, the more I want to actually physically hit you and that's not gonna end well for either of us...

"Mellie, you need to leave," Tom faces her, not the least bit sympathetic. "Go."

"No," Mellie reaches out her hand to me and I back away, bumping into a chair. I don't want to be anywhere near her. I don't want to see her face ever again. "Fitz, talk to me...say something...come on, I'm your wife-"

"No you're not," I shake my head, my voice dangerously close to breaking. I swallow a pitiful lump in my throat. "We are _not_ married and you are _not_ my wife." I turn around and brace my palms on the granite kitchen island, letting the angry tears burn down my eyes.

I don't understand her. She's a stranger to me. Four years into this poor excuse of a relationship and I don't understand how someone can be condescending. Did she think it would be okay? That I would forgive her? The best thing Mellie has ever done is tell me the truth so I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, I could never love somebody like her.

"Melody," I hear Tom say behind me. His voice is low but firm. "You need to leave. Now."

"Wait-"

"Go, Mellie!"

"Shut up!" Mellie screams at him. I close my eyes. Can she just go? "No, Tom, screw you! Why can't you stay the hell out of our business? You think you know everything. You and Olivia, you think y'all know -"

I turn my head around so fast I'm pretty sure I gave myself whiplash. "Don't you say her name."

Mellie looks blankly at me. "What?"

"Livvy." I yell at her. "Don't ever let me hear her name come from your mouth again, or so help me-"

"Okay," Tom cuts in, stepping between us again. He turns to Mellie. "Like I said, you need to leave, alright? Because pretty soon, I'm not gonna be holding my cousin back."

Mellie looks at him, then back at me. "Fitz..."

"Mellie," Tom shouts on my behalf. "Go."

With one last longing look at me, Mellie finally and reluctantly turns away and leaves.

* * *

"Fitz?" I look up to see Tom walking towards me, two Dr. Peppers in his hands.

I gratefully take one before running my hand through my hair and exhaling. It's been about an hour since Mellie left and I have spent a good chunk of it trying to regulate my breathing. I have never been that angry, not even close. It was an out of body experience and I had to cool myself down.

i feel a lot better but there a small part of me that is bitter. I gave four years of my life to Mellie. And I know that's, in the end, my fault. I did that. But for a month, I really believed she was pregnant. And every night, I forced myself into truly thinking I had to make my relationship work. "I owe you an apology, Tom."

"No," Tom argues, sitting on the patio chair in front of me. He opens his can of soda and takes a sip. "Just an explanation. Because I'm sick of breaking up fights with you and your women."

I know he's joking but I shake my head. "I'm done with Mellie. So completely done."

"Good," Tom cracks a smile. "Four years I have been waiting for you to say that."

I frown into my can of soda. "Tom, if you hadn't been there...I don't know man-"

"I do," Tom cuts in, shaking his head. "But I'm glad I was there. You'd be sitting in a precinct instead of your backyard if I hadn't."

I take a sip of Dr. Pepper and lean my back against my chair. I really am thankful for Tom. I know that no matter what, he'll have my back. This past month, he has been nothing but supportive. He was even there for me when I cried like a little bitch baby for Liv.

"Fam," Tom scoffs. "What are you gonna tell your dad? Uncle Jerry still pissed about you dropping out of Stanford. What do you think he'll say?"

I really don't know what my dad will say. Our relationship can't get worse at this point. I'm surprised he's let me stay in his house this past month. Then again, he keeps acting like I never quit Stanford. He pushes my unenrollment in the rug like it never happened. He hasn't accepted it. Like I told Olivia, in my family, we forget things. So I don't know.

All I know is that I am happy Mellie is out of my life. I will do whatever it takes to keep it that way.

But I don't know what to say to my cousin, so I just deflect it into a joke. "Tom, Big Jerry has been pissed at me ever since that airport check when I was fifteen."

Tom chuckles to himself before sighing. "I'm serious, Fitz. You've been acting pretty damn reckless these past couple months. Don't get me wrong, I love it. You're turning into me." Tom grins and I roll my eyes. "But, like I said, I'm serious. You need to consider these things. Do you love her? Do you want her?"

"Who? Mellie? Tom, we have established the fact that I don't-"

"Not her, dumbass," Tom rolls his blue eyes this time. "Liv."

I grip my can of soda. As if I haven't already destroyed things with her. "You know how I feel about her, Tom, so don't even play."

Tom nods, approving my answer. He has a smug look on his pale face. Of course he knows. He knows I love Olivia Pope more than I have ever loved anyone. "You know what, Fitz?"

"What?" I take a sip of Dr. Pepper.

"I think I like this new guy you've become," Tom smiles. "You are still caring and compassionate but now you have the balls to stand up for what you really want."

I smirk. "I guess you're right. I hadn't really thought of it like that."

"Of course I'm right," Tom flashes a grin. "You got the looks and I got the brains...and the looks."

I snort and Tom laughs but goes on. "Either way, Fitz, I'm proud of you."

"Yeah?" I can't help but smile. "I think I'm proud of me too." I pause. "Almost."

Tom raises his eyebrow. "Almost?"

"Yeah," I lean over and set my can on the table between us. "There is just something I gotta do first."

* * *

 _December 24th, 2015_

 _10:50 PM_

 _Stanford University Campus_

 _Stanford, California_

If there is one person who gives me a harder time than Mellie, it's Olivia.

She is unpredictable, emotionally unstable, insecure and brutally honest. That makes for a headache of a relationship. But you know what? I love her.

I don't love her despite her flaws and I don't love her because of them. I love her because she makes me smile. I love her because she cares about me. I love her because whenever she's around me, I am not focusing on anything other than how crazy I am for her.

I skim my eyes around the part of campus that I can see. I thought everyone would be home for the holidays but a ton of students stayed behind. They are running back and forth with illegal fireworks as if it's New Years or Fourth of July rather than Christmas Eve. But because I no longer attend Stanford, that's none of my business. I'm here for one person and one person only. Her name is Olivia Pope and I miss her like crazy. I made a huge mistake. I let her get away. If she'll forgive me, I would love a second chance to make things right.

It's getting dark, even though I just arrived. I press my jacket closer to my body, even though it's not cold at all. I already checked her Residence Hall but she's not there. Neither is her friend Abby.

Now that I think about it, Liv may not be on campus at all. I just assumed she was, since her father hasn't been talking to her, as far as I know. But it was presumptuous of me to show up like this.

I don't stop looking for her though. My phone battery is dead but I'm looking all around campus, as far as the eye can see.

I end up at the Coffee Express, my last resort. I won't give up if I can't find her. I still have my dorm room and I haven't collected my things. So if she doesn't show up tonight, I'll try to find her tomorrow. If she went home, I'll try to see her after break. A love like ours? I am going to do all I can to earn her. Even if that means being in the one place I hate more than anywhere else in the world - Stanford University.

I open the door to the busy coffee shop. My eyes go to behind the counter. I'm actually hoping I don't find her here. I hate that she feels forced to work here with that creep of a boss. I hate that. She knows I do. But being as stubborn as she is, she would never quit.

I shove my hands in my pockets, sighing but semi relieved when I don't see her. My fingers hit the piece of folded paper laying in the bottom of my jeans pocket.

I pull my hands out and walk up to the counter.

A young, pretty girl with wavy brunette hair and a huge smile greets me. "Hi. I'm Quinn. How can I help you?"

"Um" I smile nervously back at her. "Do you know where I can find Olivia Pope? Does she still work here?"

"She does," Quinn looks surprised. "Can I ask what your name is?"

I pause. "Fitz. Fitzgerald Grant."

Quinn's eyebrows skyrocket. My name has definitely come up in conversation before. Whether in good terms or bad, I have no idea. All I can do is keep smiling at her. She grins in return. "You're Fitz?"

"Yeah," I blush. "So...Liv...she still works here, huh?"

Quinn nods absently. Her focus is on me, my face, my body. Her brown eyes are sizing me up, like she can't believe I'm Fitz. I can't tell if that's a good or bad thing. "Um, yes."

I pretend not be notice her staring. I am used to girls checking me out but this is different. Quinn is not into me. She is just analyzing me, wondering whether she approves of me or not. Her and Liv must be close.

I cough awkwardly. "Um...could you tell me whether or not Harrison Wright works here still?"

Quinn finally looks me in the eye, her expression changing. Her voice lowers. "Yes. Between you and me, the creep is never leaving as long as Liv is here."

I frown. I was the never the protective type but I would do anything to keep Olivia away from him. "Does he touch her? Is she okay?"

Quinn frowns as well. "Liv is really quiet about that stuff. If he bothers her, she doesn't say much about it. I think she wants to keep her job. But..." Quinn pauses.

"What?" I demand. If he hurt her-

"I really shouldn't tell you this," Quinn sighs. "But I think you should know that Olivia put in her two week notice last week."

I stare at Quinn. That really can't be good. Is she planning on leaving school? I know money is tight for her, but...Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe she found a better job. Or maybe she just got financial help.

I'm hoping it's the latter.

I press my lips together. "Do you know why?"

"Not a clue," Quinn shrugs sheepishly. "But rumor has it that she's dropping out. Liv doesn't really talk about personal stuff these days. Not like she used to. She's been really sad this past month or so." Quinn pauses. "Don't tell her I told you this."

"I won't," I mumble. Now I have to find her. I hate hearing about how she's doing bad. I want her to be happy. She really deserves that. I clear my throat. "Thank you for telling me this, though. Do you know where I can find her?"

Quinn hands a coffee order to two customers. "I know she's on campus but at this point, she comes and goes for random shifts. I don't know when she's gonna come in or even if she is at all." Quinn turns to look at me. "Fitz?"

"Yes?"

Quinn bits her lip and inhales. "Look, Liv is a really good friend. When she was hanging with you, she was the happiest. So if you see her...can you talk to her?"

I bit my own lip. "That's what I plan to do, Quinn."

* * *

I take a sip of the coffee Quinn gave me on the house. I tried to pay for it but she refused to take it. I can tell she wants me to stick around and that is exactly what I intend to do.

I'm not giving up. At the very least, I am going to spend Christmas with Livvy. If I can't be her boyfriend, I want to at least be her friend. I can settle for that. It'll be hard but if she isn't ready for a relationship, I could deal with that. I just want to be around her. I want to make her as happy as she makes me.

I'm sitting on the chairs placed outside of the Coffee Express, tilting my head so I can see the crappy red and green Christmas fireworks these kids are putting off. I don't know how exactly they're getting away with it, but they are and it is kinda cute. They're fun to watch, I guess. And it's a beautiful night.

I'm looking up at the sky, kind of heartbroken. I miss Liv. I don't when I am going to see her again. But I have comfort knowing that maybe Liv is looking at the same display and we share that, even if it's apart from each other.

I sigh, looking at the bright bursts of red, gold and green exploded in the sky. They're not going very high and they're not fancy at all but it's nice enough, I guess.

It distracts me so that I don't see someone come up next to me and sit down on the adjacent seat.

When I hear her voice, I don't have to look her way. I know it's her. I know it's Liv.

"Nice view."


	21. Chapter 21

_We were together. I forgot the rest.'_

 _\- Walt Whitman_

* * *

 _December 24th, 2015_

 _11:15 PM_

 _Coffee Express Exterior_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

I lower myself into the seat in front of Fitz. He doesn't turn around. Either he is avoiding me or he simply doesn't see me. I am hoping it's the latter. "Nice view."

I see his eyes close before he turns to face me. His eyes flutter back open, the bright blue color of them shining even though it's night. He looks the same, in a navy Henley that clings on his muscly arms and a pair of dark jeans. His hair is a little grown out but still short and falls in thick, messy waves.

Is this really him?

Is he sitting right here in front of me?

When I first approached the coffee shop property, I legitimately thought I was being delusional. But he is sitting so close to me I could reach out and touch him if I wanted to. And I want to. But I also need to be strong. If he is not sticking around, I am not getting attached to him.

No matter how much I miss him.

Fitz's face softens into a small, soft smile. "Hi."

I timidly smile back. I'm still pleasantly shocked to see him here but I want to seem unfazed. I have to get a grip. If my calculations are right, Mellie is still very much pregnant and in a few months, he will be a father. I can't be with him if he has a kid. Hell, I am a kid. That just won't work and I don't think I should tell myself it will. No more false hopes. I just need to finish out my last days at the Coffee Express and Stanford before moving on and living my life...even though I barely have one at this point. I don't know what comes after this. But I know it can't be good.

"Hi," I swallow, gripping the armrest on the black wired seat. I cross my legs.

That makes Fitz break into a quiet chuckle. "This isn't a job interview, Liv..."

"Then what is it?" I inhale. "Why are you here?"

Fitz looks away and I know he is asking himself the same thing. He takes a long swing on his coffee and exhales. "I wanted to see you, Liv. I miss you."

"How is your pregnant wife?" I ask bitterly.

Fitz runs his hand through his hair, rolling his eyes. "First of all, she's not my wife. Why does everyone think she is? She's not. Second, she's not pregnant." He pauses. "She never was. She lied."

I can't even hide my relief. Guilt quickly follows. Why would she lie about something like that? That was not fair to Fitz. What a hoe. "That is really fucked up."

Fitz laughs tightly. "Yeah, it is." We sit in a short, comfortable silence until he speaks up a few seconds later. "She's gone. She is gone and I'm so content that it's crazy. It's crazy how content I am without her."

I look back at him. "Congrats?"

Fitz grins for a second before it slowly fades. "The word on the street is that you're distant. You're quiet, sad...not the outspoken party girl you were a few months ago. And...there are ridiculous talks about you dropping out."

I close my eyes and sigh. He talked to Quinn. "Fitz-"

"Tell me it's not true, Livvy."

I open my eyes and press my lips together, my voice right. "I'm not in a good place right now, Fitz. But you don't get to comment on that."

"Fair enough," Fitz turns away. I know he's not through talking about this but he's giving me a break right now.

"You know," I speak up. "You really shouldn't be here."

Fitz is quiet for a moment before speaking up. "I drove all the way here, Liv. Five hours. It's a long car ride and I realized a few things on the way."

I roll my eyes. "Do you have to be so dramatic?"

Fitz chuckles softly. "Always." He pauses. "First of all, that Thanksgiving night, you said you were willing to give us a chance. You're a strong girl - the strongest I know. So it didn't make sense that you would run after Mellie said she was pregnant." He pauses again before taking a deep breath. "So I got to thinking and I realize now that you were scared. Scared of us. Scared of getting past the hard part. The obstacles. You were scared, Livvy. Not because of Mellie...because of us."

Now is my turn to look away. I feel his eyes on me and I inhale deeply. "I've never had a real, true relationship before, Fitz. Yes, I got scared, okay?"

"I thought that much," Fitz reaches out and rests his hands on my thighs casually. I don't stop him. In fact, I turn to look at him. His expression is so serious, but soft at the same time. "Which brings me to my second realization."

I raise my eyebrow. "Which is?"

"I'm a better guy now," Fitz smiles softly. "Ever since I met you...I don't what it is, Livvy, but you changed me. For the better. I'm just owning up to my mistakes and doing what's best for me. I know that is cliche but you really make me a better person. I can never thank you."

I try not to smile but it happens anyway. "I don't think I made you a better person, Fitz. I just think I made you be truthful to yourself and in time, you just grew into this amazing guy...well, even more amazing guy."

"Either way, thank you," Fitz presses his lips together. "And...my last realization."

"And that is?"

"We really should be together," Fitz declares.

I smirk softly. "Is that so?"

"Yes," Fitz nods confidently.

"Fair enough," I mock him, not able to stop grinning at our playful banter. "Can you give me one good reason why?"

"Actually," Fitz fishes into his jeans pocket and produces a piece of paper. "I can give you five. I wrote these down during the stop lights. Like I said, a lot of extra time."

I giggle. "You are such a nerd, Fitz."

Fitz flashes a dorky grin. "I prefer 'prepared'." His eyes lower to the paper and he somehow manages to read in the dark. "Number one - you're hot and I'm hot."

I burst out laughing. This is so high school. "Is that what you call a reason?"

"Let me finish," Fitz insists, then goes back to reading. "You're hot, I'm hot and that makes us a mega hot power couple. If you give me a chance, I know our relationship would reach the point where we would have children...and our children would, therefore, also be very good looking."

I try to keep a straight face. "Is that so?"

"Yeah," Fitz looks up at me, hopeful.

I cross my legs again, looking very seriously at him. "Hm...I'm intrigued. Go on..."

"Secondly," Fitz recites, before breaking into a soft smile. "You trust me. You trust me a lot. You showed up at my door at your most vulnerable and you fell into my arms. You trusted me even when I almost got you fired. You still trusted me. And I get the feeling you don't trust a lot of people."

"You're right," I raise my eyebrows. "I don't. Valid point. Continue."

Fitz's eyes lower of the paper. "The sex between you and me? It would be hella good."

I giggle. "How can you be so sure?"

"I'm sure," Fitz winks at me and I laugh. He goes down the list. "Reason four...this is a good one... you promised me you would at least give us a chance. You sat on my lap, you kissed me and you promised me. Verbally, you promised. So...you kinda owe me."

"I don't owe you anything," I tease him, pretending to look offended.

Fitz shrugs. "Well, you kinda do." His eyes return to the listen and his expression turns serious again. "Reason five...I love you. And you love me. There is a hell of a lot of love between us. It's really, for the lack of a better word, cool. And I don't have much experience with love but I really do think it's powerful. I think it's worth it." His eyes lift from the paper and lock into mine. "I think we're worth it."

I stop grinning. So much for not getting attached again..."Fitz, you should know that I am really not in a good place right now. I have so much going on and so do you."

"I know that," Fitz finger pushes the end of the paper absently. He sighs. "I know that, Livvy. I also know that whether or not you take me back, I still want to be a part of your life. Your friend, your best friend...whatever. If that's okay with you."

I look at Fitz - really look at him. I reach my hand up and push it against the flow of his wavy hair. He smiles gently at me and I return it. It is so ridiculous how much I love him. How happy he makes me. How much I want him - not just physically.

I close my eyes and bring my hand down from the crown of his head. I cup his cheek before letting hand glide over his collarbone and down his chest until it's in the middle of it. I let it rest there, on top of his heart. "I really missed you, Fitz."

"I missed you too," he mumbles, his voice low and his eyes half parted. "I love you."

I smile softly, even though I know he can't see it. "I love you too. A lot." And I mean that. I have loved him for a while now. I just have weird ways of showing it. "And I don't have a ton of experience with love either."

"Is that why you were scared?" Fitz asks me quietly.

I don't know why I was scared. I take my hand off his chest and interlock it with his. "I'm still scared."

"Me too," Fitz admits. He pauses before he squeezes my hand and shakes his head. "But I am sure. I want to be with you. I'm sure of that. I know it's like, the definition of unconventional. But I am going to make sure you finish Stanford and I am going to make sure you're taken care of while you do."

I already begin shaking my head. I want to stay at Stanford - of course I do. But I can't take his money.

The thing that annoys me about Fitz is how stubborn he is. I love him and I love almost everything about him but the fact that he always gets what he wants makes it so hard. Because I know what I should do. I should turn away right now. How am I gonna let him pay my tuition? I'm not. I know he has the money but no. I'm not letting that happen. "It's alright, Fitz..."

"No, it's not alright," Fitz says firmly. "You're going to finish school and I am going to be by your side when you do. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that's not what you want?"

I bit my lip. "Of course that is what I want, but-"

"Then it's done," Fitz cuts me off. He brings my hand up to his lips and kisses it. "I love you."

I'm trying to be angry but I can't help but smile. I won't ever get tired of hearing him say that. Ever. "And I love you." I look down at the folded list on his lap. "And that was very dorky."

"But cute?" Fitz asks hopefully.

I giggle. "Of course." My eyes linger on his and my smile slowly drops. He should know. He deserves to know before he agrees to spend a penny on me. He deserves to know everything. "My mom died when I was sixteen. She was in a car accident. She died on New Year's Day...and I was at a party when I found out. I...got into drugs and alcohol...and sex." I swallow. "A lot of sex."

He doesn't say anything so I turn away, my hands moving off his. I swallow again, trying to convince myself that I don't need to cry.

If I am going to be with Fitz, I want the whole damn thing. I want a real relationship - something I have never had. Something I don't think he has had either. But in order for that to happen, I need to lay this down in front of us. I need for him to know the truth. The whole truth.

"Everything thought it was a coping mechanism at first. Even I did. But...it didn't take us long to see that it wasn't. It wasn't temporary and it wouldn't pass. It never did." I inhale deeply, biting the inside of my lip so hard I can taste blood. "The thing is, Fitz, I destroyed everything. Relationships with people I cared about, opportunities...my dad is right. I don't know why he won't forgive me, to be honest, but he is right. I brought this on to myself. I don't deserve your help or his help, for that matter. This is the weight of my choices finally catching up to me." I pause before sighing, finally letting tears drop freely out of my eyes. "What I am trying to say is that you should go. You should go and not get involved with me in any way. I wouldn't hold it against you."

"Liv," I hear his voice but I shake my head, not allowing myself to look at him. "Livvy...look at me. Please."

I'm afraid if I open my mouth to answer him, a sob is going to come out instead, so I just shake my head again. I have never spoken to anyone about this before and I am already regretting it. But like I said, he deserved to know.

"Livvy," Fitz mumbles again, this time his hands reaching for mine. "Okay, okay...you don't have to look at me. But just listen. I love you. I don't love you anyway and I don't love you still. I just...love you. And I cannot imagine not being with you."

I close my eyes and try to hold back more tears because that is honestly exactly how I feel. I love him so much. And I never wanted to leave him. I just felt like I had to. But he's right. I was scared. "I-...i'm sorry."

"Don't be," Fitz whispers, leaning and locking his arms around my waist. I move forward so I'm sitting on his lap and I rest my head on his shoulder. God, I missed him. He kisses the side of my neck. "Everything is going to be alright. I'm here now. Everything is going to be fine."

And I believe him.


	22. Chapter 22

**AN:**

 **Thank you for all the kind reviews y'all take the time to post. Some of them just make me laugh so hard that I end up crying (ie 'did she have some secret ceremony in her head' 'hope she doesn't poke her ugly head around in their affairs' 'Fitz could have bought an android' 'husband...bish where' you guys make my entire day with hilarious reviews like these :)**

 **And thanks for just all the reviews in general. I reached over 300 in 20 chapter which was incredible for me so just know I appreciate every single one. And I take every suggestion or idea into consideration - this goes for reviews and PMs as well.**

 ** _And there is M rated content in the beginning of this chapter, just so you know_.**

* * *

 _'Love is friendship caught on fire.'_

 _\- Ann Lunders_

* * *

 _December 25th, 2015_

 _11:59 PM_

 _Florence Moore Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

We walk back to his dorm room, my hand in his as if it's the most natural thing in the world. The poor excuse for fireworks were fun to watch, especially when I was sitting there, with him - or rather, on him.

But I'm sleepy and I want to make these last few lucid moments I have count. I don't know how to say this any other way - I really want to have sleep with Fitz. And not sleep with him in the way I have before. I mean sleep with him.

I have wanted to for a long time now, but my conscious got in the way of it. He was with Mellie and like I said, I'm not the other woman. But I am tired of overthinking things at this point. What I want - what I really truly want is to have sex with this amazing guy I am lucky enough to call mine.

There is this lingering mutual feeling in the air. We are both walking quickly and silently but it's not awkward. We're tired of being patient, of being good, of keeping our hands to ourselves. I want him and I want him so incredibly bad that I completely ditched my shift at the Coffee Express tonight and as much as I love Quinn, I don't feel bad about that. I am not sure if having sex right now is the best thing for myself. I'm still pretty shaken up about dealing with my father and everything. But I do know that I want to and right now I am not thinking clearly.

I think he wants it too because when we approach his dorm room, he fumbles with this key and drops it twice, blushing.

Trying to keep from grinning, I reach out my hand. "Let me."

He gratefully hands me the keycard and waits behind me as I put it in the slot, my hands pretty shaky themselves. I never get nervous before sex but this is different. He is different. I think it's because for the first time, it won't be just sex. I'm gonna wake up in his arms and I know that that is the happiest place on earth.

"It's Christmas," Fitz mumbles, his voice low and husky behind me, one hand gripping around my waist.

I watch as the little button on the door handle turns from red to green. "No, it's not."

"Baby," Fitz says as if we've been calling each other that for years. He holds out his phone to me, revealing that as of this minute, it truly is December 25th. "It is."

I smile, my hand on the door handle. My other hand moves to squeeze his. "Merry Christmas."

Fitz lowers his eyes to our hands. He smirks softly, moving his eyes back up to my face, particularly my mouth. "What type of 'Merry Christmas' is that?"

Before I can answer his rhetorical question, he pulls me closer towards him suddenly. I look up, surprised and that is when he takes the opportunity to press his mouth to mine.

I open my mouth and he slides his tongue in, directly on mine. My hands clasp his shoulders before they instinctively move up to the nape of his neck - then find themselves tangled in his thick waves of hair.

Into the deep kiss, I'm about to lose complete control but Fitz stays steady and opens the door behind us, his lips never leaving mine. He holds me tight within his grip while we stumble into room, our lips never parting.

When inside, he does a turn and pins me against the closed door. His arms move lower, never loosing their grip and he squeezes my ass.

I move my face and his mouth moves down to my cheek, my jaw and finally my neck. I press my lips together but a moan escapes. My hands are shaking behind his neck and he notices. He takes my elbows and pins my arms above my head by the wrists.

Okay, blushing Fitz is now gone. He is now confident and completely taking control, which I don't mind at all. All I know is that I have had made out with guys plenty of times before and this is the fastest my heart has ever beaten. If Fitz is this incredibly hot every time, I am never letting him go.

Fitz trails his mouth down to the base of my neck and starts sucking at the skin. I don't know if that is going to leave a hickey but I do know that I don't mind at all if it does. He departs his mouth from my collarbone for a moment to mumble, "Olivia" and I close my eyes. My full name sounds so good in deep, low voice.

His hands make their way from my wrists and to my sides, going down before stopping back at my ass. They cup under it and wrap my arms around his neck before jumping up slightly so my legs are wrapped around his waist and he is holding me against the wall. I feel what's hard under his jeans and that is enough to make me moan all over again.

Fitz pushes me so I'm secure between the wall and his chest before reaching between us and roughly ripping open my blouse. He turns on the light switch next to my head and lowers his eyes so he can see my chest, even though it's concealed with my white lace bra. I feel his breath, uneven and heavy on my neck.

I reach down and pull off his t-shirt, knowing what to expect with his muscular body. I lower my eyes and look at his bare chest, impressed anyway. He is gorgeous. Damn, I'm about to fuck an actual sex God.

He steadies his arms on the backs of my half bare thigh and resumes kissing my body. I close my eyes halfway and try to keep my moaning to a minimum. If I was accurately expressing how amazing Fitz was making me feel right now, I would be screaming on the top of my lungs. But I'm just settling for low, occasional moans and heavy breathing. I look above the crown of his head to the illuminated dorm room.

It looks exactly the same as it did one month ago. So much has happened since then. Last time I was, I was in such a bad place. In some ways, I still am. But none of it really matters because right now, it's just Fitz and I. Together. That's enough, right?

I sigh, but it's not from moaning or panting. I'm trying to focus on Fitz's mouth on my skin but the moment is ruined for me, thinking about my father. Thinking about your father and foreplay don't go well together and I'm suddenly completely turned off.

Fitz trails his kisses back up my chest and to my mouth. He smiles when he reaches it. In a low, content voice, he whispers, "Hi, beautiful."

I try to smile back and rest my hands on his shoulders. "Hi." I push his chest slightly indicating that I want to be on the ground. I untangle his legs from around his waist and stand up myself. "Can we stop for a second?"

"Livvy," Fitz's arms never leave my body. He looks down at me, more concerned than disappointed. "What's wrong, baby?"

I turn away, not being able to look him in the eye. How could I go from being ready to completely fuck him all night to not being able to look at him? I feel so bad. He doesn't deserve this.

"What is it?" Fitz whispers apologetically. "Did I hurt you? I'm sorry, Liv...we don't have to..."

"You didn't hurt me," I quickly shake my head. I inhale and reach to button my shirt before realizing it doesn't have any. Not anymore at least.

"I'm sorry about that," Fitz blushes.

I grin, this time genuinely. "It's really okay."

"Livvy," his ocean blue eyes lower up and down my body, looking for any indication that I'm hurt. "What happened? We don't have to do anything you don't want to, I promise. It's okay. But just tell me what happened."

I swallow, still not able to look at him directly in the eyes. If I'm being candid, I'm not exactly sure what happened either. If I had to guess, I would say it was too soon. Too soon to be back here and face everything. And the more I try to convince myself not to overthink things, the more I worry.

"I want this," I begin honestly. "I really do. I want this with you. But..." I sigh. "The last time I was here, everything was falling apart. I want this, I swear I do. I want you. But I want it to be right."

"It's okay," Fitz promises, accepting my crap excuse of an explanation and leaning to softly kiss my cheek.

But it's not okay. It's not okay at all. I wanted this and so did he. He can't tell me it's okay when I've ruined this for the both of us. Is that all I can do? Just destroy things.

"Stop lying," I step away from him. "Stop lying. Don't say this is alright because it's not. You and I both know it's not."

"Olivia," Fitz exhales, sounding frustrated. "I'm not with you for the sex. That would be a huge plus but obviously I don't want it if you're not one hundred percent down with it. We are not on a timeline here and the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured. Why can't you understand that?"

I still don't look at him, feeling tears wet my eyes. I fold my arms. This isn't fair. Why can't I just get myself together? I wanted this too. It's not fair. It just isn't. "It's been like a month, Fitz. I owe y-"

"No!" Fitz practically shouts, his voice so loud and firm that I finally turn to look at him, shocked. Now he looks angry. "Don't ever say that ever again, Olivia. Don't even think about it. You don't owe me sex. You don't owe anyone sex. Don't let anyone make you feel like that. Do you understand me?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Fitz-"

He yells again, his voice more desperate this time. "Do you understand?"

I sigh, rolling my own eyes. "I guess."

"Good," Fitz holds out his bare arms. "Come here."

I walk over to him and give into a much needed hug, resting my head in the middle of his naked chest. I really did want this but I guess it wasn't the right time. It sucks but it's the way it is. I can't wait until I'm mentally stable enough to actually enjoying doing that.

"Look," Fitz mumbles into the side of my hair. He leans his phone towards me and I see that he has several missed calls from Professor Beene - or Cyrus. "We wouldn't even have gotten very far. Cy found out I'm here and he wants to see me and probably cut my head off."

I laugh but I know he's lying. If we really did get far tonight, he would have ignored Professor Beene's calls. He is trying to make it seem like I didn't ruin everything. He's trying to make me feel better. I look up at him and settle on a soft, apologetic kiss. I feel him smile into it. "I have to go see him, okay Livvy?"

I nod understandingly and he steps pulls away and walks over to his dresser. He helps me out of my torn shirt and gives me one of his to wear. It's maroon and has the words 'STANFORD CLASS OF 2015' on it. I slip it on along with a pair of his gym shorts.

He looks up at me while he's tightening the drawstrings of the shorts. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I didn't mean to. I just want you to know that it's alright...I don't hold it against you. I will never. But I'm sorry for yelling."

I cup my hand on the sides of his face and smile softly. "It's okay...but Fitz? I really do want to make love...tonight."

"Make love?" Fitz raises his eyebrows before laughing. "What are we in, the eighteenth century?"

"Shut up," I smack his shoulder, grinning. "For your information, I only used that term to relate to you. You're old. I figured you used that lingo. I hate saying that. It's ugly."

Fitz laughs again, which softens into a genuine smile. "I would love to 'make love' to you, Liv." He chuckles playfully. "I'll try to hurry back home. But if you get too tired, go ahead and sleep. Don't wait for me, okay?"

I smile too. I like hearing him say 'home'. He makes it seem like we have a white picket fence and three kids instead of a dorm room filled with empty moments and sad emotions. But I guess home isn't always a place. Sometimes it's being with a person who makes you as happy as Fitz makes me.

"Okay."

* * *

 _December 25th, 2015_

 _12:30 AM_

 _Olmsted Terrace House_

 _Stanford California_

 **Fitz's POV**

I knock on Cyrus' door, trying to make my face less resentful.

There is no place I would rather be right now than at my room with Livvy in my arms. Even if we're not having sex, I still want to be as close to her as I can. Don't get me wrong - I would love to have sex with Liv. I almost got the chance to earlier tonight. But she wasn't ready and I'm not going to pressure her or make her like she owes me any way. Because she doesn't.

Nobody owes anybody sex and I think that if every man realized that, the world would be a better place.

If Liv is still up and enthusiastic about doing it when I come back from Cy's house, maybe we can give it another go. Because the making out alone was incredible. I was so mesmerized by every inch of her body and I swear I could have kissed her all night if I had the chance. But again, if she's not ready, I'll be fine. I'll be patient - I don't care how long it takes. She's worth it. And I just want her to be okay.

"Fitz?" Cyrus opens the door and before I can greet him and wish him a merry Christmas, he reaches over and pulls me into his nicely decorated house. He slams the door behind us and turns to me angrily. "Where the hell have you been?"

I run my hand through my hair with an apologetic sigh. "Look, Cy, I'm sorry. I meant to explain this to you in greater detail but the truth is that I just dropped out."

"I know that," Cyrus practically spits. "I just want to know why. You have so much potential."

I lower my eyes. Cyrus' opinion is not just one I can throw away. He's practically my second father and a hell of a lot better than my first. I have a lot of respect for him. "I thought you'd support me, Cyrus."

"I do," I hear him sigh. "Of course I do, Fitz. But you have to talk to me. Keep me in the loop. I heard from James that you were back on campus. James! You have to communicate with me."

"I'll try," I promise him, looking up and forcing a smile. "Merry Christmas?"

"Merry Christmas," Cy mumbles, leaning against the closed door, his arms crossed. "So what are you doing back at campus anyway?"

"Collecting my things," I lie before I can think twice. I know I'm gonna have to tell him about Liv and me eventually. But I don't know if that's what she wants. She's still his student and I can tell she's already worrying about whether or not he'll think less of her.

Hell, I'm worrying about that too.

There is nothing anyone in the world can say to pry me away from Livvy but like i said, I respect Cy and I'm not going to disregard what he has to say.

"And..." I begin slowly. "Visiting my girlfriend for the holidays."

Cyrus looks up at me. I can't quite read the expression on his face. "Fitzgerald, tell me you did not drop out of school because of some girl."

"I didn't," I assure him quickly. "Actually, I considering staying to be with her. To take care of her. To..." I swallow. "The girl is Olivia Pope."

Cyrus' face immediately falls. "No...Fitz, tell me I heard you wrong. Tell me that you did not just say that you're screwing Olivia Pope."

"Technically, I'm not," I lower my eyes again. I can't really tell why Cyrus is acting like this. He knows Liv is beautiful and smart so I just assumed he would approve of her. "Cyrus, I broke up with Mellie. You know that right?"

"I'm not talking about Mellie," Cyrus waves his hand, still looking frustrated. "What I am saying is that Olivia way too good to be treated like a rebound. She's brilliant and worth more than that. There are talks about her dropping out and I'm willing to pay her tuition. That is how much I respect her, Fitz." He takes a deep breath. "I'm not going to let you hit it and quit it. No."

"It's not like that," I promise Cyrus. "I know she's brilliant, I know she's worthy. I know all of that and that's why..." I pause. "That's why I love her."

Cyrus looks up at me again. "You what?"

"I love her," I repeat, confidently this time. I smile, just thinking about her. "I know it's only been a couple of months and I'm not even used to love, especially since the lack of it I got from Mellie. But...I love her. And all I want to do is spend Christmas with her. I love everything about her, Cy. I would never take advantage of her. I'm going to be there for her because she needs it. She's..." I sigh. "She's fragile. She's vulnerable. But like I said, I'm going to be here. For as long as she needs me. I'm here."

Cyrus stares at me, still uncertain. "And then what? What's your big plan? I understand that you may love this girl. I respect that. But what happens next? Do you Lurk around campus while she finishes school? What do you plan to do, Fitz?"

I can't help but grin. "I have absolutely no idea."

* * *

Just as I suspected, Livvy is fast asleep when I carefully enter the dorm room. She is tucked into the corner of my bed in my clothes, which are many sizes too big for her, and surrounding in a nest of blankets.

I'm not disappointed at all. I'm actually very happy seeing her rest so peacefully. I walk over to her and pull up the covers to her chin before kissing her cheek.

"Fitz," i hear him mumble while my lips are still gently pressed next to her mouth. She stirs under me. "Fitz?"

I pull away, guilty. I really want to let her sleep and if I had known kissing her was going to wake her, I wouldn't have. I smile softly at her. "I'm right here, baby. I'm sorry, okay? Go back to sleep."

"Fitz," she repeats, only half awake, bringing the covers back up to her shoulders. "Fitz..."

I can't even hide the amused expression on my face. "What is it, baby?"

"Fitz," she says again and I can't help but let out a little laugh. I have no idea what she's trying to say to me. She just keeps saying my name over and over to make sure I'm still here and I am. I'm not going anywhere. "Fitz."

"Yes, Liv?" I grin.

"I love you."

I break out into the biggest smile ever, totally satisfied with her final answer. "I love you too, Livvy."

Even though she's still only half awake, Livvy produces a sleepy smile too. She tries to hold out her arms, but gravity keeps holding them down much to her frustration. "Lay down with me?"

"Yeah, Liv," I don't stop smiling. She's the girl of my dreams...how can you not smile at the girl of your dreams? "Okay."

I don't know what I'm going to do, I realize as I'm walking towards the front of my dorm room. Is this thing between us going to have to be long distance? Am I going to move on with my life? Am I going to pursue the dreams I have been so scared to before? For the life of me I don't know. But I do know as long as we're together, everything will be fine.

I reach over and turn off the lights.


	23. Chapter 23

_"You need something real, for any of this stuff to matter."_

 _\- Beyoncé_

* * *

 _December 25th, 2015_

 _8:28 AM_

 _Lyman Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"Fitz?" I suddenly jolt up, wide awake. I tap Fitz, who is sound asleep right next to me. "Fitz, what time is it?"

He groans and rolls his blue eyes at me for waking him up but he flips over to retrieve his phone. "Uh...it's half past eight."

"It's late," I mumble, throwing loads of blankets off my lap.

Fitz groans again, flopping back into the covers, his arm lazily looped around my waist. "Do you always have something up your ass?"

I roll my eyes at him but he makes it his job to elaborate. "Like, really. You're always up, always overthinking, always stressing. From the outside, you seem like such a carefree girl but I think there is something deeper."

"Fitz," I lean back against the headboard and trace his arm with my finger gently. "It's too early to be psycho analyzed."

Fitz chuckles into his pillow. "Good morning to you too."

I sigh and curl my fingers into his thick wavy hair. His hair is soft and fluffy that my fingers can get lost in there within seconds. "I have to-..." I pause before realizing that for once, I have nowhere to be. Except right here. And I don't mind that at all.

Livvy?" I hear Fitz mumble my name in his morning voice and I have to look down. Once I do, I can't stop smiling. Oh my god, he is so cute. And hot. And everything in between. I feel so bad for falling asleep last night. I really wanted to have sex with him, I did. But I was way too sleepy to wait for to come back from Professor Beene's house.

I want to apologize but then he would go all ballistic and give me another lecture about how I don't owe anyone sex. I know that for the most part. But the sex would be for me too.

I try to smile. "What did Professor Beene want?"

His face lights up at that. "Nothing much. He was just going on, telling me what a good student you were. How much potential you had. He..." He pauses before continuing. "He told me he was considering paying off your tuition."

"I know," I admit with a sigh.

Professor Beene heard about me planning to drop out and he went crazy. He went on and on about how much I needed to stay in school, how brilliant I was and he ended up offering to pay my tuition until I got my bachelor's degree.

To be honest, I don't want him to pay my tuition. I don't even want Fitz to. I want to stay in Stanford but I'm not comfortable with the idea of anyone giving that much. I mean, I know Fitz is rich and Professor Beene is probably even more well off but I'm still not one hundred percent about that.

"Livvy," Fitz squeezes his arm tighter around my waist and rests his head on my lap. "What's wrong?"

I look away. "I just...don't want that."

"Then what do you want?" Fitz asks softly. "Look, if you want me pay your tuition, it's done. If you want Cy to, done. Either way, you're staying in school, baby. Okay?"

I sigh, pressing my lips together. I'm really not okay with either of those options. "Can...can you come with me to the school board?"

Fitz looks at me, confused, so I take a deep breath to explain. Obviously he never had to deal with financial aid, so he must be a little lost. "Basically, I'm getting no help because my dad makes a big salary. The school board thinks he's still supporting me, therefore they won't give me any help. If I could just explain to them..."

"Oh," Fitz nods, suddenly understanding. "So they'll give you financial aid if they know you aren't getting any help from home?"

"Yeah," I grin at how long it took him to get that. "Because I'm not comfortable with you or Professor Beene forking over two hundred grand to me."

Fitz chuckles. "So it would make you feel better if I came with you to talk to them?" I nod, blushing slightly. Fitz face softens into a smile. "Okay, baby. Whatever you want. But if, in the end, they don't help you financially we'll work something out. Just don't worry about that, okay?"

I nod, but I honestly can't make any promises.

"Don't worry," Fitz repeats, sitting up, his arms still wrapped around me. He presses forehead against my, making me smile again. "Don't worry about anything."

He leans forward, his lips on mine and give him a peck back, smiling into it. I pull away. "Morning breath."

Fitz blushes, rolling his eyes. "I don't have morning breath."

"You keep telling yourself that," I pat his shoulder and laugh.

Fitz rolls his eyes again, a grin on his mouth. "I hate you, you know that?"

I smirk. "Love you too."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I squeeze Livvy's hand as we walk down the near empty campus. Once I leave, I am not going to miss this place. I'll miss Olivia, of course, but I'll try to have her come visit me instead - wherever the hell I'll be. I don't want to leave her but even walking around Stanford's campus is making me nauseous. I hate it here and I always have.

"Merry Christmas," I lean over and kiss the crown of Liv's head, inhaling the jasmine scented shampoo she uses to wash her hair. We stopped by at her dorm after we left mine so she could shower and change into some new clothes. "Love you."

"Love you too," Liv smiles, looking up at me.

I narrow my eyes and smirk. "You're short." I pat her head teasingly.

"I'm not short," she protests, while still standing at least a foot lower than me.

I grin as we approach a large fraternity house. "Whatever helps you sleep at night. Are you going to tell me where the hell we are, Liv?"

"David Rosen's house," she explains while we keep walking. "He's having a little Christmas get together party thing." She pauses. "And then I have to go to work."

I stop walking. Since my hand is attached to hers, she jolts back too. I lower my eyes to her. "You're not going back to work at that place, Liv. I thought we talked about this."

"Actually," Olivia raises her eyebrow. "We never talked about this at all. Fitz, I -"

Just when I know she's about to unleash an anger fueled lecture on me, the door behind us swings open and Abby, her friend is there.

"Liv!" Abby smiles and begins to greet her until her eyes stop at me. She looks taken aback for a moment before grinning widely. "Well, hello."

"Hi, Abby," I force myself to smile as Liv goes over and hugs her.

I know this isn't the end of this argument but my mind is set. She's not going back to the Coffee Express and that's not up for debate. I can take care of her now and I will. If she were to go back there and open herself up to more sexual harassment, I wouldn't forgive myself. And I would probably have to beat up Harrison more often. I might even do something I couldn't take back.

Abby pushes both Liv and I into the frat house and it's not what I expected at all. It's very classy, clean and neatly decorated. Much different than your average frat house.

"Abby, can Fitz and I have a second to talk?" Liv asks her friend slowly. Oh shit - she's really gonna try to do this now? Okay, I'm ready. I have a ton of leverage to bring this up and argue it.

Abby nods with a little wink. "Y'all can go upstairs and use any bedroom...to talk, I mean."

So, Abby obviously thinks something sexual is going on between us and Liv looks beyond annoyed. But she drags me upstairs anyway and throws me into the closet bedroom we can find.

I take a second to look at her before she starts screaming. She's beautiful - my girl is beautiful. Right now she's wearing a lacy peach tank top with light wash jeans and converse but she looks as gorgeous as always. And I really do love her - a lot. But I'm ready to fight on this.

"Before you say anything," I hold up my hand and try to ignore her enraged expression. "There is nothing to talk about. You should know that..."

"What?" Liv demands, scoffing. "You think you can walk into my life and dictate everything?"

That is not what I said at all but interrupting Liv when she has obviously not finished making her point is a death sentence. I literally just want to help her and I've done so so far. I'm helping her with tuition - which I would be more than happy to pay in full. I have beyond enough money for it and I know Liv is gonna be hella successful in the future so she doesn't have to rely on me always. I know she's not a gold digger and I trust her. So I would be happy to help her in whatever way she needs.

"You think you're so entitled?" She goes on, rolling her big brown eyes. "You think that just because you're more financially stable than me you have the upper hand?"

"No," I can't help but cut her off. I hate her talking this way. "That's not what I said. Now you're putting words in my mouth..."

"I have never worked a day in my life before this," she yells at me, as if I never even said anything. "Before...this. And guess what? I actually kind of like it. I like not feeling like a worthless piece of-"

"You're in Stanford," I look at her as if she's an idiot because she's actually kind of acting like one right now. She's brilliant but right now she's ignorant as to what I'm actually trying to say. "Of course you're not worthless. Can you actually let me fucking speak?"

"So now you're gonna curse at me?" Liv demands, pacing around the room.

I close my eyes and try not to scream. This is so exhausting and not even worth fighting about. Not now, anyways. I open my eyes back up and reach out to her. I swear she overreacts at everything. I love her like hell but she is so frustrating. "Liv-"

She backs away from me but I try and grab her arms. "Get off me!"

She screams so loud that I actually get taken aback and draw my hands away from her wrists. "Olivia, can we go downstairs and get enjoy the party?" I sigh. "Please. We can talk about this later, baby..."

"No!" Liv shakes her head, her dark wavy hair flying around her shoulders. "We can talk about this now, since you obviously have so much to say."

I inhale, trying to keep my cool. "I just don't want you working with Harrison. I can take care of you financially...you should let me."

"This is 2015," she looks at me as if I'm a moron. "You don't get to say 'I can take care of you', you sexist asshole."

Okay, I am not sexist and she knows that. I don't know is if she's on her period or something but she's acting ridiculous.

I open my mouth to speak but she's not done. "Seriously, Fitz, are you really this fucking stupid? Just because you're...ugh. Tuition doesn't cover my living expenses. There is housing and meal plans and so much more."

I know this. I know all of this and I'm willing to cover it. I have enough money to do that. That's not bragging, that's facts. I open my mouth again to try and explain this to her but then she says something that completely takes me by complete, horrible surprise.

"You literally think that just because you were raised into a rich white family, you can pull out your wallet and everything will be okay?"

* * *

 **AN: ooh crap Liv is going way below the belt. I'm sorry for the late update but I hope you liked it.. And I hope you understand that there are gonna be obstacles before we can have one percent happy Olitz. But I just wanted to say that I'm posting the next chapter later on tonight, so don't miss it. :)**


	24. Chapter 24

**AN: Lol, y'all mad af that they're fighting. But I can promise you that it's all gonna be alright between them really soon. I'm not just going to disregard the argument and write smut in place of it. So enjoy this chapter and have a good night. :)**

* * *

 _And I have this history of wanting to work things out on my own and protect people from what's going on with me._

 _\- Kerry Washington_

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

I almost instantly cup my hand over my mouth after I say it. Lowering my eyes and my voice, I clear my throat. "I didn't mean that, Fitz..."

I can't really see his expression but his voice is soft and even. "Like hell you didn't."

I finally bring my eyes back up to meet his. I don't actually know if I meant it or not. But I do know that once I am angry, I get incredibly defensive, impulsive and rude. I often say things that are below the belt, this being one of them. It doesn't mean I love him - I love Fitz more than anything or anyone in this world. I was just pissed off and I really went for the jugular.

I swallow. I can't take what I said back but I can apologize. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" Fitz demands, his voice still solid. "It's true, isn't it? I am white and I am privileged. I grew into wealth. But the fact that you think that my race - or yours, for that matter, has anything to do with this..." He shakes his head, not being able to complete his sentence.

"I'm sorry," I repeat, because I don't know what else to say. I was just frustrated with him and it came out all wrong. And I don't think about me being black and him being white in this relationship. That literally does not matter to me. I know it doesn't to him either. But it doesn't change the fact that I brought it up.

"I'm done talking about this," Fitz says firmly, turning around. But he doesn't seem like he's exactly gonna hang around.

"Fitz," I call to him and he stops walking, but doesn't turn to face me. "I'm sorry. Please don't leave, okay? What I say went too far. I just get angry. You know how angry I get. I say things that..." I inhale. "Like I said, you know how angry I get. Don't hold this against me, please. I love you."

"I love you too, Liv," he replies and this is when I realize that his voice is breaking. "But I need some time to clear my head. I need a break."

He's not asking me - he's telling me. He walks out and I sit on the edge of the bed, closing my eyes, wondering how I could fuck up this badly.

* * *

"Liv?"

Abby comes in the room and my eyes widen. I have no idea how long I have been holed up in here, my face in a pillow, trying not to scream. "What time is it?"

Abby lowers herself to the foot of the bed, oblivious to my obviously upset tone. "Almost noon. You've been up here for an hour. Where's your man?"

Hell if I know. I honestly have no idea where Fitz is and that kills me. I hope he hasn't left campus. I hope he doesn't give up on me.

"I don't know," I tell Abby candidly. I debate lying to her, because after all it is really none of her business. But I really need someone on my side here. "Abby, I need to tell you something."

Abby holds up her hand, a huge grin on her face. "I know you and Fitz are exclusive. You don't have to tell me. But I have to know...how good is the sex?"

I bite my lower lip. "Abby." I lower my eyes to the foreign baby blue bedspread. "Last night, we made things official and I might have already messed it up."

"Messed what up, Liv?"

I look up at my best friend, trying to prevent tears that are already forming in my eyes. "Our entire relationship. I might have royally fucked it up."

Abby raises her perfectly shaped eyebrows. "How so? He seems so sweet and forgiving."

"He is," I smile through my tears, just thinking about what a great guy Fitz is. "He literally told me he won't judge me...even though, as you know, he has plenty of leverage to."

Abby's icy blue eyes widen. "No way. He knows? About...everything?"

I nod, sniffing. "He's the only guy I have ever trusted with that. I trust him so much, Abby." I shake my head. "He means the world to me and I just threw it all away."

Abby rests her hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. Her voice is sympathetic and soft. "Tell me what happened, Liv. I'm sure y'all can fix it."

"I don't think so," I pause, biting my lip again to prevent more tears. "He wanted me to quit my job..."

"Then he's got some common sense," Abby scoffs. "You hate working there, Liv. And I don't blame him for being untrusting of your boss."

"I guess," I shrug, looking down. "I know Fitz meant well but I wish he wouldn't have demanded it, like I had no other choice. He left no room for discussion and that pissed me off." I press my lips together. "I said some things..."

"We all say things we regret," Abby wraps her arms around me in an embrace. I rest my head on her thin shoulder. "All of us. And he doesn't strike me as a very sensitive guy."

"He is," I mumble. "He is very sensitive. But that's not even the point. Abby, what I said...if the roles were reversed and he said something like it instead, I would be so quick to kick his ass, dump him, never see him again and possibly press charges."

"Damn," Abby mutters under her breath. "What the hell did you say, Liv?"

I inhale deeply. I don't even want to repeat it, I'm so ashamed. It was definitely not one of my finer moments. "I just...I basically called him off on being entitled. And coming from a well off family...a white well off family."

Abby takes her arms off me and stares in awe. "You seriously went there, Olivia?"

"I know," I lower my eyes, my voice full of guilt and regret. "I'm so ashamed, Abby. But you know how I get when I'm angry."

"That is not an excuse," she lectures me, disappointment in her eyes. "Don't play the race card during your arguments with him, Olivia. Ever. That is petty and low. He would never bring up your being black against you."

I sigh, more tears falling from my eyes. "I know that. I really do. And I'm so sorry."

"You need to tell him that," Abby looks away from me, scoffing. I can tell she's shocked I would say something like that and to be honest, I am too. "Do you love him?"

"Yes," I admit, making me cry harder.

"Then you need to be able to let him love you back," Abby whispers. "I know you, Liv, and when people get too close to you, you go on attack mode. You target their Achilles heels'. It's not healthy."

Well, I'm not healthy. But she already knows that. "I'm sorry, Abby." I feel like I hurt her even more than I hurt Fitz.

"It's alright," Abby hesitates before wrapping her arms around me again. "It's gonna be okay. You need to fix this, though. He seems like a great guy."

"He is," I mumble. "He...he's helping me get financial aid."

Abby rubs my shoulder. "This means you're staying?"

"Looks like it," I shrug. I don't care about that right now. I want to make things right with Fitz and nothing else really matters.

"Good," Abby rests her head on top of mine. "Make it count."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I collapse on my dorm bed, desperate to fall asleep and forget this past hour. I don't want to forget the day because I honestly loved waking up with Liv in my arms, feeling like a normal couple.

Funny how things work out.

I'm not as angry as I am surprised. I never thought Liv would say something like that. I knew she was pissed off in that moment and I know she's been insecure about our relationship for some time but...

I would never ever bring up the fact that she's black in an argument with her. I'm not going to pretend to be color blind but I'm telling the truth when I say that I never cared that we were in a biracial relationship. That never affected anything for me. And I don't think it did for her either. So that's why I'm not holding it against her. As I said, I'm not really mad. I'm just shocked, that's all. I didn't see it coming and I was taken aback. I need some time alone.

I really love Olivia and I don't love people easily. I'm committed to working on this with her because I know she's worth it. I know we're worth it. But if she's just going to be angry and insecure all the time, what's the point?

I know that she said what she did because she was angry and it was in the moment. And to be honest, she was completely right. I am privileged and I am white. And I do want to take care of her. I don't want her to ever worry about anything except her education. Maybe that scares her but she needs to know I'm not trying to control her. I just want her to be okay.

"Fitz?"

I prop myself up and recognize the voice on the other side of my door. I sigh. I really didn't want to spend my Christmas like this, arguing with the girl I love.

I go ahead and open the door. I'm greeted by Livvy throwing her arms around my neck and hugging me so tight that I'm taken aback.

I lock my arms around her waist. "Hey, you."

"Are you still mad at me?" Liv mumbles, her chin resting on my shoulder. I bend down a little bit because she's so damn short that she can barely reach it.

I swallow. "I'm not mad, Olivia. But I need to know that you're willing to work on this with me. So it's not as toxic and you're not as insecure."

"I'm not-" Olivia cuts off her sentence. I think she's realizing that she is.

I move my arms from her waist and look her in the eye. "I don't want to fight with you, Livvy. But I have to tell you - I really don't want you working there anymore. I can take care of you. Let me."

"Fitz-"

"I'm not done," I say firmly, my eyes locked onto her. "I understand where you're coming from, even though you insist I don't. Yeah, I grew up rich...but so did you. I know how it feels to want to work for a living. But I need you to listen when I say this - not just hear me, but really listen - I cannot sleep at night knowing you may not be safe where you work." I take a deep breath. "Yeah, maybe you'll be fine. You're strong and you can take care of yourself. But what about me? How am I supposed to..." I inhale. "I'm not letting you go back to Harrison Wright. I'm just not."

She rests her hands on my shoulders, her eyes lowering down. I can tell she feels really guilty. "So...I can't work there. But can I work somewhere else?" She looks up at me. "Because I really want to, Fitz. That's important to me."

"If that's what you want," I press my lips together. "I'm just protective of you, Livvy. That's just what I am. I'm sorry. Im not trying to control you but I just need you to listen, alright?"

Liv nods, cupping her hands on my shoulders. "I'm so sorry, baby..."

Before I can promise her that I forgive her, she looks up and presses her lips to mine. I slip my hands in the back pockets of her tight jeans and pull her closer, deepening the kiss. She pulls away from a second to mumble, "Love you" before kissing me again, passionately.

"Livvy," I'm the one to pull away this time, my hands still in her pockets. I look down into her eyes, still lowered with regret. "It's okay. I just don't want this...us...to fight. I don't want it to become a pattern. I love you and I don't want it to be like me and Mellie. I just-"

She shuts me up by leaning towards me and kissing me again. "It's not gonna be like you and Mellie." She mumbles this into my lower lip. "I promise. I'm not Mellie."

I close my eyes, let her kiss me and try to understand how it's possible - her turning me on so quickly. Olivia kissing me makes me forget my point completely. I'm so out of breath. I inhale. "No, you're definitely not Mellie."

Liv smirks and gives me one last kiss before pulling away, her arms still locked around my neck. "So we're okay?"

I grin back at her. "We're perfect."


	25. Chapter 25

**AN: Thank you for the response from the last two chapters. I know it may seem like I'm piling on the angst and drama but I promise you that after this chapter, we'll have happy Olitz for a long time. Hopefully you enjoy this one. There is some M rated content in this chapter.**

* * *

 **"** _Love me when I least deserve it because that's when I need it the most."_

 _\- Swedish Proverb_

* * *

 _December 31st, 2015_

 _3:20 PM_

 _Lecture Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"Mr. Grant?" I open the door to the lecture hall that Fitz is in. He looks up and I grin teasingly. "Hi."

Fitz stops erasing the writing off the chalkboard to smile back at me. Cyrus asked him to get the classroom ready for when the students come back from break and he's been here all morning. "Hi, beautiful. Is everything okay?"

"No," I walk down the stairs of the hall and approach him. "I missed you."

Ever since that huge horrible argument, I have spent a lot of time with Fitz. I have slept at his room every night since then and we usually spend the days together, even when I should be studying. I wish we could actually leave campus and do things as a normal couple but like I said, I really need to be studying a lot since I'm staying in school. We haven't had sex yet but like Fitz said, we're not on a timeline. I want to, I really want to but I feel like if we don't do it at the right time, things are gonna work out against us.

And I really am sorry for what I said during that fight a couple of days ago. I honestly don't know what got into me. But I'm going to take Abby's advice and just this relationship go where it's meant to go. If it's serious and goes long term...well that's scary and foreign to me but I would rather be doing this with Fitz than anybody else. The only reason I'm trying not to freak out at all of this is because I love him so freaking much.

Fitz grins and puts his muscular arms around me. "I missed you too..."

"Cyrus is stealing you from me," I mumble and I hear Fitz laugh. "No, like I'm serious. I miss you so much. What's gonna happen when break is over and you leave me to go to some fancy teaching school?"

"Livvy," Fitz rests his jaw on the top of my head. "I'm not gonna leave you...I'm sticking around for as long as I can..."

I move my head and look up at him, sighing. "I want you to but at the same time I'm not going to deprive you. I told you I'm proud of you for wanting to follow your dreams. I'm not going to hold you back." I take a deep breath. "But that doesn't mean I won't miss you like hell."

"I don't feel so good about leaving you, though," he admits. "I mean...I didn't want to bring this up, but I've been kind of concerned ever since I found that...thing in your pocket last month."

I roll my eyes. He has a right to be worried about that but he should also know that he doesn't have to be. "I'm getting myself together, Fitz."

"I..." He pauses. "I believe you can, Liv. I'm proud of you. I trust you. Oh, and I was talking with Cyrus the other day about the financial aid situation and he said he will go to the school board directly. You don't have to worry about it. It's taken care of."

I smile. "Good." I lean forward and hug him tighter. "I love you."

"And I love you," Fitz whispers back. "Oh, and Cy was wondering if you wanna come to this New Year's Eve dinner thingy tonight at his house?"

"Ehh," I look up at him. "That's kind of weird. I'm his student."

"Yes, you are. His intelligent, brilliant student." Fitz beams. "He loves you, Liv. Not as much as I do, but he really admires you. Just come. Be my date. We'll have a good time, I promise."

I roll my eyes. New Year's parties aren't really my thing but if I spend it with Fitz, it has the potential to be slightly less painful. "I guess."

"It'll be fun," Fitz promises, kissing my cheek softly. He slowly grins. "We'll almost be like a normal couple, going out together instead of just cooped up in a dorm room, studying, having deep conversation and making out."

I grin too. "You don't like the making out?"

Fitz scoffs. "I love the making out." With that, he leans in and kissing me, his hands moving down from my waist and to the back pockets of my shorts.

I pull away, a smirk on my lips. "Not as much as I do."

"Wanna bet?" Fitz whispers against before moving in to kiss me again, this time biting my bottom lip slightly after deepening the kiss.

He moves his hands down the backs of thighs and catching his drift, I jump up slightly, wrap my legs around his waist and let him carry me to the desk on the stage, our lips never parting. He sits me down on the desk and continues to kiss me, this time down my neck and on my collarbone, his hands cupped around my hips tightly.

I grip the back of his neck, close my eyes and tilt my head back. "Fitz..."

"Shh..." Fitz mumbles dismissively in between kisses on the base of my neck. My eyes flutter open and I snap back to reality. We're in a freaking lecture hall.

I open my mouth to remind him that but instead a soft moan comes out.

Fitz chuckles against my neck. He places one light kiss on the side of it before coming back up to my mouth, kissing me once again. "Don't worry. I'm not gonna have sex in a lecture hall with you..." He pauses before grinning. "Although if that's the type of thing you're into, I'm game."

"Fitz..."

"Call me 'Mr. Grant' again," Fitz whispers playfully. "That was so sexy."

I giggle. "Shut up. You know we can't do that. Not in here." What I really mean is 'not today'.

But Fitz nods understandingly. "I get it." He pauses. "I mean, I don't, really. But it's okay. Whenever you're ready, I'm down, 'kay?"

I smile, reaching up to kiss him, next to his mouth. If my lips touch his again, I know I won't be able to help myself and we'll go all the way. "I'll let you know. I promise."

If only I could tell him exactly how much I wanted to. Right here, right now. But there's something not right about this day in history and it's completely off putting. Like I said, I love him. I love him so much that it's scary. When things get serious for me, I retreat. But as of now, I'm right here. Letting him love me back.

* * *

 _December 31st, 2015_

 _10:00 PM_

 _Florence Moore Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

She looks beautiful.

I mean, she always looks beautiful. Every second of every day, she's the most stunning woman on the face of this earth.

But right now, coming out of my dorm bathroom, her hair in loose wavy curls, her dark eye makeup, black heels and the navy a-line lace dress that's tight in all the right places, I'm just reminded of how gorgeous she is.

"Fitz?" Liv comes up to me and knots the red tie on me strategically.

What the hell am I going to do without her? We already established that I'm coming back during Spring Break and whisking her away to an undecided location for vacation. But until then, how am I going to cope without her? I already know I'm going to miss her so much and I'm just going to have to deal with it. But I hope she takes care of herself. I hope she stays away from Crappy friends like Harrison and crappy things like LSD. I hope she makes good choices and focuses on studying. I know I sound like the most boring person in the world right now but I worry about her so much. I just want her to be safe and okay.

She smoothes the surface of my suit with her palms and looks up, smiling. "What are you thinking about?"

"Are you serious?" I ask her, my voice. "I'm thinking about how lucky I got, with a girlfriend who looks like a supermodel."

Liv looks back down, shaking her head. She can be so confident one minute and blushing the next. It's adorable. "Shut up."

"I'm so serious," I promise her. "You're gorgeous. You're everything I could ever want."

"And you're a dork," she replies, making me laugh. "But I love you still. Kinda."

And that's literally all that matters to me.

* * *

"So what teaching colleges are you looking at, Fitz?" Cyrus asks.

I actually look up at him, surprised that he's referring to me and not bragging about Olivia. But I don't mind. I love hearing him talk to all the other guests about how amazing my girlfriend is. I know she's amazing and it makes me happy to hear other people acknowledge it too, since she has been judged way too much in her life.

"I haven't been looking at colleges," I lie straight to his face.

I actually have been looking at colleges to get my teaching degree - great ones. Right now I'm seriously considering Ohio State or University of Maryland. But I think I might just end going to University of Southern California or University of California Los Angeles to be closer to Liv. Those aren't as good in their teaching department and I know Liv would be mad if I told her I was going to one of those because of hers. But I'm still thinking about it. I've wanted to be a teacher for a long time now and Liv has given me the confidence to do it. So I'm not just going to toss her aside. A relationship with her is just as important to me. Compromises must be made. But like I said, I'm still thinking.

I clear my throat. "I don't have many choices."

"Are you kidding?" Liv speaks up, setting down her glass of red wine. "Fitz is the most passionate guy in the world. Any college would be lucky to have him. And he knows that. He's just being modest."

Cyrus laughs. "Fitz, what's wrong with the teaching classes at Stanford? You could certainly get your degree here."

I pause. I'm going to tell him, Livvy and the other ten plus guests at this enormous table the truth, for once. "I hate Stanford. I hate it here. The only good that's come out of it is being your student, Cyrus, and of course meeting you, Liv." I take a deep breath. "After break, the only reason I will ever set foot on campus again is to see one of you. I know most of y'all are professors and I respect what you do but I'll say it again. I hate it here."

That is candidly how I feel. If it weren't for my amazing girlfriend, I would try to wipe this school from my memory. I was unhappy here for the longest time. I hated it until Livvy showed up in my life. And if it were up to me, I wouldn't come here ever again. But Liv has my heart in her palm and I will come back as much as I can for her. Still, I don't like this place in general.

There's dead silence around the table until Liv laughs awkwardly to clear up the air. Like magic, the tension leaves and everyone laughs along with her. Damn - how does she do that.

Under the table, she pats my thigh, making me turn to look at her.

"I'm proud of you," she mumbles under her breath, making sure to lock her eyes with me. "I'm so proud."

If only she knew how much that meant to me. "Thank you."

I look around the table and literally everyone is just going on, talking loudly about what's up around campus. I'm bored out of my mind and I'm pretty sure Liv is too. She is putting on this classy, respectful and polite face but she looks like she couldn't care less about what everyone is saying.

I stare at her, not being able to help it. I can't get over how pretty she is, from every single angle and every view. I'll be the first to admit Mellie was beautiful but Olivia is both beautiful, cute and sexy all at the same time.

I place my hand on her lace clad thigh, innocently at first. Then I move my fingers down to the middle of her thigh so I'm touching her smooth skin.

"Fitz," she mumbles and moves her thigh slightly, but I keep my hand on, moving it up slightly.

"Yes?" I ask, turning to her innocently. She looks so flustered and she's blushing like crazy, making me smirk.

Just when I start to retreat my hand, worried I'm actually making her uncomfortable, she literally parts her legs slightly for me.

I raise an eyebrow and look her at her but she keeps looking straight ahead, unfazed. I just go on with what I'm doing, moving my hand up her thigh all the way until at her panties. I don't even bother creeping my hand up to her waist to pull them down. I move them right to the side and move my fingers up to her, touching her.

I look back at her and she's still not looking at me, but her mouth is slightly parted trying to hold back a moan. I can feel that she's insanely wet. James, Cyrus' husband, is trying to tell her some anecdote and she's nodding as if she's paying attention. She pushes her chair forward so nobody can tell my hands aren't on her lap. They're actually inside her panties at the moment.

Without further warning, I push one finger inside of her.

"Oh," she gasps suddenly, swallowing. She tries to smile, play it off. "Oh. That is so interesting, James."

I smirk and go ahead, slipping another finger in. "Livvy?"

"Yeah," her voice is breathy and uneven. She clears her throat. "What is it, Fitz?"

"You okay?" I ask innocently, wondering if I can put another finger. But I can already feel that she's incredibly tight. She doesn't answer, making me smirk. "You look a little... flustered."

"I'm..." Liv flutters her eyes closed. "I-I...um, I think I need to use the bathroom..."

"You can use the one in the guest room," Cyrus says absently.

"Great," Liv forces a tight smile, inhaling deeply. She looks at me. "Show me the way?"

* * *

We stumble into the guest room, my hands locked around her waist and hers curled up in my hair. I'm not thinking about anything right now other than how incredible her lips feel on mine. I'm not thinking about anything else, nothing at all.

"God," I mumble, my hands going to the back of her dress zipper. "I love you...I love you so freaking much."

I push the door closed and pin her against her. I don't even care if this is my mentor's house. If she's ready to have sex right here and right now, I'm not complaining and I sure as hell won't stop her.

"Fitz..." She puts her hands on my shoulders, making me stop to look up at her.

"I'm sorry," I take my mouth off under her ear. "I thought you wanted this."

"I did," she tells me softly, smiling kind of sadly. "I still do. But...not tonight."

"Okay," I try to make it seem like I understand, like I'm patient and in a way, I am. She doesn't have to worry about me leaving because she won't have sex with me. I would never leave her for that. But I'm not going to lie and say I want to wait because I don't. I really wanted this and as much as I love and respect Livvy, it's kind of frustrating.

"It's fine," I reassure her, but she's shaking her head.

"It's not," she whispers. "I'll have sex with you any other night after this, I promise, but-"

"It's not a transaction, Olivia." I sigh. "You don't owe me anything. You don't have to-"

"I know that, let me finish," she puts her arms around my neck. "It's, uh...God what time is it?"

I pull my phone out of my pocket and show her that it's five minutes until midnight.

"Wow," Liv lowers her eyes, looking really panicky. "This, is, uh...a lot..."

"Olivia," I whisper. "Look at me. What's going on? What's wrong? Tell me."

Liv just shakes her head. "I'm sorry. It's, uh...my mom..."

Suddenly, I realize. It's been three years since her mom died, as of today. How could I have been that stupid? "I'm sorry, Liv...I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she lies, looking away. "You forgot."

I pull her close to me, hugging her tight. My hands go and zip her dress back up. "I'm sorry anyways."

I feel her rest her head on my upper arm, exhaling deeply. "It's hard, Fitz."

"I'm so sorry," I repeat, not knowing what else to say. I feel horrible knowing she's hurting and there's nothing I can do except hold her. "I'm so so sorry, Livvy."

I feel the fabric of my shirt dampen and I know she's crying. I feel like absolute shit about that. And I feel worse knowing that she's in pain right now. I hate her crying. It breaks my heart. But she has every right to and the most I can do is tell her everything is going to be okay.

"I love you." I tell her, as if that means anything in context. "I love you so much and everything is going to be okay. I promise everything is going to be just fine."

"You don't get it," she mumbles, still holding on to me as if her life depends on it.

I take her by her bare shoulders gently but firmly. "I do understand, love. I do. I..." I take a deep breath. "I lost my mom too. I was three and I barely remember her but I lost her. I know it's not the same, I know that." I close my eyes. "But I promise that everything is going to be just fine. You are going to be just fine."

I don't talk about that. Ever. This will probably be the last time I ever do. I just need her to know that even when it feels like the world will end...it just doesn't. You move on. It's hard, it's painful and it almost kills you but it doesn't. I know I was only three and I know I don't even remember seeing her in person but I also know I loved my mom. I loved her and I lost her and I thought I would die but I didn't. I just...didn't.

I love Olivia and when you love someone, you want to take care of them. You need to take care of them. I'm starting to realize that she has many sides to her and not all of them are easy to deal with. I used to think she was perfect. And she's just not. But that's okay. That's okay because neither am I.

I feel my own closed eyes dampen. I inhale, trying to hold it together before I feel Liv's hand on my cheek. "You're going to be just fine too, Fitz."


	26. Chapter 26

"To love is to recognize yourself in another."

\- Eckhart Tolle

* * *

 _April 4th. 2016_

 _8:00 AM_

 _Florence Moore Residence Hall_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Hey, beautiful." I smile into the FaceTime camera. "What are you up to?"

"Studying," Olivia tries to grin but it comes out forced and weak. If I turn up the brightness on my phone I can see that she is close to tears and surrounded by textbooks and spiral notebooks. My girl is so completely overwhelmed with work even when it's Spring Break. It doesn't help that I told her I wouldn't be able to come visit her because of my own college and studying. But my own education is going smoothly and even if it wasn't, I would still sacrifice it to come see my girlfriend. I have missed her so much.

I press the elevator button and keep the camera view to only my face.

"Where are you?" Liv tries to put on a brave face.

"Nowhere," I lie, trying to keep my voice even. I cough to cover the ding of the elevator. "What's my girl got planned for the rest of break?"

Liv sighs and waves a heavy textbook around. "This." She pauses, her fake smile completely gone. "I miss you. I don't blame you for not being able to come. But if you could...I just miss you."

I grin. "What would you do if I was there? Is there a chance you would finally let me have sex with you?" I say the last part teasingly. I never held it against her - the fact that we never got a chance to do it. Timing wasn't on our side. But I lived, you know? I never got tempted at USC.

"Maybe," Liv finally smiles, for real this time. But she still looks exhausted.

"Are you happy?" I ask her, aware of how dumb I sound. Of course no college freshman is thrilled to be studying, but I mean in general. Liv has the tendency to overwork, overwhelm and exhaust herself. She is a smart girl and she thinks a lot, so she always has things on her mind. I know how stressful that can be.

"I'm," she pauses. "Better than before. How is life at University of Southern California treating you?"

"Good," I step out of the elevator, dragging my suitcase along. I still manage to keep the camera on my face and not my surroundings. "Um, you know the basics. My dad and I are talking...kind of. What about yours?"

"Fitz, you FaceTimed me yesterday," Liv frowns. "Nothing has changed since then. He is still an asshole who won't talk to me. Who hasn't since last year."

I chuckle, not arguing with the fact that Eli Pope is a bad person. "It's gonna be alright, babe. You know that he is gonna wanna talk to you when you're successful and making serious bank."

That makes her laugh. "What about you? Is that the only reason you're keeping me around?"

"Of course, how could you not know that?" I joke and she laughs harder. It's good to hear her laugh. I missed her so much but I am not going to have to worry about that for long.

I approach her dorm room door and silently stand there, making sure my voice is lowered. "How are things though? Are you staying safe?"

"You mean 'clean'," Liv smiles sadly. "And yes, I am."

"I proud of you for that," I tell her softly. I'm not gonna lie - I worry about her and her drug habits. Last year, before we left my dorm room the day before thanksgiving, I flushed the LSD down the toilet just to make sure she could never get it again. But I can't protect her from everything. "But I'm also asking if anyone is bothering you? Around campus or anything?"

"Harrison is leaving me alone," she reads my mind, making me grin. "Don't worry."

My protective side of her is briefly reassured. "Good...look, baby, I'm sorry I couldn't make it..."

She gets up and takes her laptop with her as she walks. I should go in there and surprise her right now. This is the perfect time...

"Hi," Liv opens the door and waves casually at me.

My jaw drops open. "How did you know?"

Liv giggles. "Fitz, you were trying to fool a Stanford student. Plus, you're voice is so deep I bet the whole residence can hear you."

I shake my head but walk over to hug her. She sets her laptop down on top of my suitcase and jumps on me, her legs around my waist which would be annoying if she were heavy but she's not. I hug her tightly, not believing she is back in my arms after all this time. "I missed you so much."

She kisses my cheek. "I missed you more."

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

What are we doing today?" Fitz asks, as if I have a choice.

I point to the numerous study materials sprawled across my dorm room. "This."

"No," he replies matter of factly. "I'm whisking you off to a vacation site , which is to be disclosed at a later time."

"Are you?" I raise my eyebrows. "Look, Fitz, I want nothing more than to drop everything and go with you to God knows where. But I can't. I have exams right after break."

"Baby," Fitz comes around the desk and pulls me closer to him. "You're gonna ace those exams. I know that and I think you know it too. You owe it to yourself to take a break."

I lean my head on his shoulder, sighing. I have a tendency to overwork myself but that's just because I was lucky enough to stay in Stanford and I'm going to make that count. I'm not going to let myself fail. I missed Fitz so much and being away from him since January has been close to impossible but I can't just drop everything. Although I want to. I really want to.

As if he's reading my mind, Fitz hugs me tighter. "You're not gonna fail, Livvy."

I look up at him, sighing again. "Where are you taking me?"

Fitz's face lights up. "It's a surprise. Pack a bag though...and a bathing suit. A bikini. Any bathing suit, really...but preferably a bikini."

"Fitz..." I reply reluctantly, still not sure of this.

But he just grins, leaning in to kiss me firmly. "We're gonna have fun."

I lean over to turn down the music playing from the car radio. This past hour riding with Fitz, singing obnoxiously to cheesy duets, has been so much fun. But I'm so serious right now.

"Where are we going, Fitz?"

He flashes another grin. "I'm not telling you."

I roll my eyes. I have a bag packed in the back of the car and not a clue as to where in the world he's taking me. "Fitz..."

"I'm not telling you," he says, laughing this time. "All I'm gonna tell you is that we're gonna have a good time. You've been in California for like, half a year and you've almost exclusively stayed in Stanford. Stanford which is, by definition, the most boring city in California."

I raise my eyebrow, giggling. "By definition?"

"By definition," he repeats firmly. "I love you, but stop being annoying, Olivia. I'm not telling you where we are going but I will promise you that you will absolutely love it." He pauses. "Or maybe you won't. I have no idea. But the journey is what matters."

I laugh and squeeze his hand. Ever since he tried (and failed) to surprise me at my dorm room, I haven't been able to let go of him physically. I have months to make up on kisses, hugs and just plain physical contact. I missed him so much, it's unbelievable. I know in about a week, I'll have to say goodbye to him until summer break but I don't want to think about that at all.

"So," I squeeze his hand again. "Since you're being a stubborn asshole and won't tell me where we're going, tell me something else. How is college going?"

"It's not as fancy as Stanford," Fitz teases me and I grin. "But it's really nice. I'll have to take summer classes so I can get the credits I missed out on first semester. But the stuff is easy and I'm having a good time."

"Are you having fun with sorority girls?" I tease him right back.

"There is only one important girl in my life," Fitz says firmly. He sighs dramatically. "Then there's you."

I punch his shoulder playfully. "I hate you."

"Love you too," he beams. He clears his throat. "Another thing...I've been talking to my dad too."

"Really?" I smile. "That's good, Fitz. It's really good. Just because I have a shitty relationship with my father doesn't mean you have to."

Fitz chuckles under his breath. "It's not like we're the best of friends. But at least we're talking. He doesn't support me trying to get into teaching but at least he's stopped trying to convince me to take Mellie back."

"Does he know about me and you?" I sigh, almost scared to ask.

"Um, yes," Fitz says, but his tone is weird. "But, uh...well, I'm gonna be honest with you, baby, he doesn't like the idea too much."

I turn away, looking out the window. "I thought that much."

"Olivia," Fitz inhales, his voice loud and firm. "Look at me. I couldn't give two shits about what he thinks, you know that. And you shouldn't either. He picked out Mellie for me. It's not like the man has the best judgment."

"No, I guess not," I sigh.

I don't really care about what Big Jerry thinks but I would like it better if us being together wasn't so hard on Fitz and his family. We've already been through hell together and I just wish this could be easier. I'm willing to work on it, though.

"Fitz," I take a deep breath. "I don't want you to think that family isn't important because it really is. You don't want to take your relationship with your father for granted. I learned that the hard way." I pause. "Just work on it, okay?"

"I will," he promises. "But if he still doesn't warm up to the idea of us together, I'm not going to sit around and let it affect our relationship. Whether he likes it or not, I need to know I still have you."

"You'll always have me."

"I missed you," Fitz picks up my hand and kisses it. "I missed you so much, Livvy. I don't even wanna think about leaving again. But I'm gonna have to really soon."

"No," I look at him and I can see he's already dreading about when we have to say goodbye. "Stop it. We're not talking about this. Not now, not when we still have a week to be together. Then, I'm going to see you again in the summer right?"

"Of course," Fitz smiles. "I am literally gonna steal you away for the whole summer."

I smile back at him. "Sounds like a plan."

* * *

 _April 4th, 2016_

 _2:20 PM_

 _Palm Springs, California_

"This is yours?"

"Nah, we're just breaking and entering," Fitz replies, popping open the truck.

"I'm serious...this is yours?"

I step back in awe. My eyes can't quite grasp the full length, height and width of the villa we're standing in front of in Palm Springs.

"Um yes?" Fitz nonchalantly juggles our bags and walks up to the stone path. "Technically, it's my father's."

I keep staring at it, not fully comprehending this. "You have a vacation house."

"Livvy, I have three other vacation houses," Fitz swings my duffel bag over his shoulder. "One here, one in the Hampton's and one in Dayton Beach. Plus one in Sicily, which is really very nice."

As if this is not nice. I swallow, shoving my hands in my pockets. I'm not fully comfortable with this and I can tell he isn't either. "Fitz."

He turns around, panting from the heavy lifting. "What is it, Livvy?"

I cross my arms across my chest. "You took me to your Palm Springs villa. I'm not exactly okay with this."

"Why not?" Fitz looks at me like I'm speaking Russian. "What are you talking about? You don't like it? I mean, I know it's not all that, but-"

"No," I hold up my hand. "I just...I really feel like a gold digger, Fitz. I literally feel like you're my sugar daddy."

Fitz laughs, which makes me grin. But I'm serious. He just shakes his head. "The fact that you would even bring this up assures me you're not a gold digger. Come on."

I reluctantly follow him into the huge villa, my eyes going from the bed of red roses around the enormous porch and the driveway that can fit six cars. As we walk in, I almost topple over. This has a beach house type of feel and atmosphere. It's, in my opinion, even better looking than his Beverly Hills house.

"Fitz," I hold on to his elbow like something is gonna bite me. "Your family owns this?"

"Yes, we have established that," Fitz rolls his eyes. "Nobody really comes here at all. The last time I was here was maybe...four years ago? But it was renovated last year."

I watch cautiously as he opens the front door and we enter. I can't even explain how it looks on the inside. It's fully furnished but it doesn't look lived in. It looks like a fancy Calabasas house and it is so, so beautiful.

"Fitz..." I squeeze his elbow. "I'm afraid to go in. I feel like I'm gonna break everything."

"Olivia," Fitz sighs pulling me in. "Come on. Go in, go upstairs to the master bedroom and put on your bikini. We're going in the pool."

I look at him. "There's a pool?"

He leans in and kisses my cheek. "There's two pools and a jacuzzi. Go upstairs."

"Fitz," I say his name for the thousandth time. This is so unbelievably cool and foreign to me. I'm kind of freaking out but I'm so amazed at the same time. I would be happy anywhere with Fitz but this incredible vacation place is just a plus. "Fitz, this is insane."

"No, it's not," Fitz kisses my cheek again patiently. "I told you we were gonna have fun."

* * *

 **AN: Hope you guys are okay with the time jump. I want this story to be longer than my last one, so maybe around 50-60 chapters, so I want to have a big time span, including Liv's four years of college.**

 **To Maria: can you tell me the plot holes you were talking about so I can clear them up over the next few chapters? And this goes for everyone. Thanks. :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: Thank you for all your reviews and support. I just wanted to point out that although Stanford isn't technically a city, it is an unincorporated area that holds Stanford U. It is a census designated area and holds places that aren't part of the university. But I stand corrected - it's not a city.**

 **Also, there is M rated content in this chapter.**

* * *

 _Home is any place that makes you forget the world is on fire._

 _-Rudy Francisco_

* * *

 _April 4th, 2015_

 _3:00 PM_

 _Palm Springs, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

I walk out into the backyard, taken aback when Fitz is shirtless laying on a poolside chair.

I mean, I'm pretty confident about my body. I don't see a reason not to be. I know I'm pretty, I know I have a nice figure, petite but curvy, and I don't see a reason to deny any compliments.

But I have never seen anyone with a better build than anyone I have ever seen before in my life. He literally makes me feel insecure in my white bikini right now.

But he looks up at me, his face lighting up. "Damn."

My eyes roam up and and down his chest, noting his abs. "Damn yourself."

Fitz blushes. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really," I go over to sit on the chair next to him but he pulls me by my thigh to sit directly on his waist.

"You thirsty?" Fitz rests his hands on my waist, his eyes roaming up and down my body, making me blush in turn.

"No," I tell him, then pause. "Well, you would have nothing I would like."

Fitz laughs. "I didn't stock up on any alcoholic drinks."

"I noticed," I roll my eyes. "I'm not an alcoholic, you know."

"I know," Fitz brings his hand up and pushes a curl out of my eyes. "I know that, baby. But I don't want to enable anything."

I roll my eyes again. I'm so beyond annoyed. "So five years down the line, when we're married with a kid, I'm never ever going to be able to drink with you around?"

Fitz grins. "We're gonna be married with a kid?"

I slap his bare chest lightly. "Can you listen to me? I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not a crackhead either."

This makes him laugh. "Olivia, I know you're not. But I would rather be on the safe side, okay? And you should too." He sighs. "Can you see why I did what I did? Can you try to understand?"

"Not really," I reply honestly. I know Fitz worries about me and I can't really blame him for that, since I haven't given him plenty of reason to trust me around drinks and alcohol.

He frowns and I feel him exhale under me. But I just shake my head. "Whatever. Let's do something though."

"Yeah," Fitz flashes a huge grin. "Let's." Before I can say anything else, he pushes his arms under the backs of my thighs, picks me up and carries to to the side of the pool.

"Don't." I yell. "Seriously, don't Fitz. I will kill you. I will-"

Before I can say anything else, I am tossed in six feet of water. I kick my legs up and submerge, wiping chlorine water from my face. Fitz is standing there, cracking up. "I hate you. I actually hate you."

He's laughing too hard to say anything.

I slap his foot. "What if I didn't know how to swim, huh? Then what?"

"Y-you-," Fitz holds his stomach to control his insane laughter. "You were on your high school swim team, baby. You do know how to swim."

I slap his foot again. "But what if I didn't? Huh? I would die and it would be on your hands."

Fitz giggles and bends down to kiss me. He smiles into the kiss, making me grin in turn. "I'm glad you didn't die, Liv."

* * *

I step out of the huge shower/bath and grab a robe before coming into the master bedroom. It's getting pretty late but strangely, I'm not tired.

This has been, undoubtedly, the best day of my life. After Fitz threw me into the pool, he got in after me and we just spent hours in there. The only time we got out was to pay the guy who delivered our pizza and we ate right by the poolside. It was literally something out of a movie - spending the day at the pool with your boyfriend. And that's not all Fitz is to me - I mean, he is my boyfriend and he is a great one but he is also my best friend. I can just talk to him hours on end and things never get bored or awkward. We talked about a ton of stuff, to the most random trivial things to life changing deep conversation. I told him about my life back home and he told me about his life here. We had months of stuff to catch up on, so no, we didn't get bored. He's my best friend.

I don't know why I'm still a little weirded out by the whole vacation home thing. It's not that he has a vacation house - it's that he has three. I didn't grow up poor or anything. In fact, I was always considered rich by all my friends and the kids in my neighborhood. But if they could see what Fitz has... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I was always used to being the richest person I knew. Which is strange considering I was never that wealthy. I was well off but I didn't have three vacation homes. You don't see this type of money where I come from.

And he is really modest about it, which is cute. Obviously this is cool and everything but I would still love him if he just had the clothes on his back. I don't ever want him to think otherwise.

I throw on a black lace bra with matching underwear and I am about to search for some pajamas before I realize there is literally no point. We're the only ones here. Damn - it is just occurring to me that Fitz and I have never been together alone in a house before. It makes me grin.

This has been the perfect day...well, almost perfect. There is just one more thing that would really complete it.

I just walk out of the bedroom in my underwear, in hopes of locating my boyfriend in this enormous house. I open the door to the home gym, where I see a light on. Fitz is laying on the bench press, with earphones in. He sits up as soon as he sees me.

"Hi." His eyes roam around my almost naked body, too busy to meet mine. "Where have you been?"

I walk over to sit next to him but he pulls me on to his lap. I laugh and take an earphone, putting it in my ear. "You're listening to lecture notes?" He blushes and I laugh. "You're such a nerd, Fitz."

"Says the Stanford Honor Student," he teases me, wrapping his arms around my waist and looks at me, smiling. "Did you have fun today?"

I nod, moving my arms to wrap around his neck. I curl my fingers into the back of his hair. "Yeah, I had fun. I don't want it to end..."

Fitz leans his forehead against mine and lowers his voice. "Come on. We said we wouldn't talk about that."

"I don't want to," I whisper to him. "But...what else can we talk about?"

"Let's not talk about anything," Fitz mumbles his alternative, leaning forward to kiss me.

I'm realizing now that if we had rushed into sex before this, it would not have been right. I mean, I wouldn't have regretted it because it's Fitz and I would never regret sex with him. But I firmly believe that there is a right time for everything and I know, I just know, that this is it.

I lay my hand in the middle of his chest and kiss him back passionately. His grip around me tightens and I move over so I'm straddling him. I'm fine right here but he gets up, my legs around his waist, and carries me out of the room and into the bedroom, closing the door behind us.

He lays me down on the gently and stays over me, still kissing me. I bring my hands down to the rim of the base of his t-shirt and pull it off, tossing it to the side. Seeing him half naked again kind of makes me insecure, so I reach to the side to turn off the lamp as he trails kisses down from my mouth to my neck but he reaches for my wrists to stop me. "No...I want to be able to see you. All of you."

With that said, he pushes his hands between my back and the bed, undoing the clasp on my bra. I grip his shoulder blades with my fingers, not really caring if I'm scratching him. He pushes down the straps of my bra and his eyes go over my bare chest. He kisses the valley in between my breasts.

I throw my head back against the headboard and close my eyes.

"Are you sure you want this?" I hear him ask, his mouth grazing my collarbone.

I flutter my eyes back open and I look at him. The reason that I worry about this, about us, sometimes is because...when you love someone as much as I love Fitz, there really is a lot to lose. So I get scared.

But if there is one thing I am sure about, it's this. I want him, right here and right now. I don't want anything or anyone but him. "Yes."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I hold Liv's waist tightly as I trace kisses down her body. I'm ready to do this right now but I want it to be right. I don't want to be like the other guys she's been with, because she isn't like any girl I have ever been with. I want to do this right.

I bring one hand down to her underwear and pull them down slowly, making sure to look up at her so I know she's okay with it. I bring them down to the middle of her thighs and just look at her. She is so beautiful, all of her, all the time. Her skin is so soft and smooth, I swear I could run my hands through her body all night. I, firmly believing that every inch of skin on her body is worth kissing, drag my mouth along across her navel and to her flat waist.

"Fitz," I hear her breath my name and I look her.

She's panting already and I can tell she's already really wet and wants it already. I wanted to go down on her but I won't lie. I'm already hard and I don't want to waste another second not in her. So I scoot up on top of her while her hands reach down and fumble with untying my basketball shorts. Liv parts her legs for me and I get situated between them, looking directly into her eyes. She cups my jaw in her hands and kissing me deeply, biting softly into my lower lip. She leans all the way back, holding on to my shoulder tightly. She also takes the opportunity to wrap her parted legs around my waist, which drives me crazy.

I move my hand from her waist to the back of her lower thigh, gripping tightly. Her legs, thighs and fuck, her whole body is so perfectly smooth and toned. Every inch of her is flawless. I may be completely biased but I have the world's most beautiful girl with me right now. "God, you're so perfect."

I hear her giggle and look up, unable to hold my grin. I lean up and kiss her, holding the side of her face in my free hand. I shift a bit so I'm not shoving all my weight on her. When I move my hand down to touch her, she moans into the kiss, which is the biggest turn on for me.

"Are you sure about this?" I whisper once more, against her lips.

She answers me by reaching down between her thigh and my hip. She pulls down the rim of my underwear and grips my shoulders again. I come closer to her and she leans her parted mouth on my shoulder.

I push her arm down with my hand and hold hers tightly.

* * *

I think there is a point, a specific moment in a relationship where you look at someone and think...'how can I possibly love someone this much?'

I know it's soon, I know that, but I genuinely believe that Liv is the love of my life. The past half hour has been amazing but I have learned from her that it's not about sex. It's about the moment after. It's about me holding her at the waist through thin sheets, her hands on mine and my not being able to stop smiling. Don't get me wrong - the sex was incredible. It was everything I thought it would be and then some. It was completely worth it. But I just really love being here with her, no matter what we're doing.

"Fitz?" Liv whispers, her fingers entangled in mine.

"Yes, beautiful?"

She flips her body so her chest is facing mine. I bring her closer to me. "Was that good?"

"For me?" I grin before leaning in to kiss her gently. "It was the best."

Liv wraps her arms around my torso and rests her forehead on my chest. "When you meant me...did you ever think you would be here?"

"What do you mean, baby?"

"Here," Livvy mumbles into my bare chest, squeezing me tighter. "With me. Right now. Us. Together. Did you?"

I think about it. "No...but I knew that there was something about you. It hit me...you hit me." I laugh at the memory of her slapping me after that one party. "No, you actually literally hit me, Olivia."

Liv pulls away from me and smirks. "Yeah...sorry about that."

"It's okay," I tell her, because it is. Everything about our relationship has been, in my opinion, perfect. I mean, yeah it was built unconventionally. But I have no regrets. I hope she doesn't either. "Are you tired? You can go to sleep, Livvy. I'm right here - I'm not going anywhere."

"I have to ask you something," she mumbles, her voice suddenly pretty serious. "I mean, ask you something else."

"Ask away."

"Are you-..." She takes a deep breath, still looking at me. "Mellie. Do you miss her?"

I can't help but laugh. "Mellie is the last person I was thinking of tonight, Olivia." I lean in and kiss her besides her mouth. "And no, I don't miss her."

"Fitz," Liv inhales and I can tell something is bothering her. "Tonight was...incredible...but it's not that simple. You and I...eventually we're gonna have to snap back into reality and deal with my father and yours for that matter and this distance thing and-"

"Olivia," I stop her. "I know that. I know everything you're saying. I understand. But I also know that this is reality. You and me right now? It's what is happening." I hold her tightly. "And that is all we have to deal with right now."

"Okay," I see Liv smile through the dark and lean her head back against my chest. I think she just needed me to tell her everything is going to be okay. I think she believes me.

The love of my life is falling asleep to my heartbeat and I really wouldn't have it any other way.

* * *

 **AN: Quick question - are you guys okay with smut? Because I cut it short in this chapter just because I don't know if you are or aren't.**


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Thank you so much for 400 reviews! It means a lot to me. :) And I thank (most of you) for your patience. A lot of you know that this is only my second story and it's going to take a few tries to comfortably write smut the way y'all want it to be. But if you do decide to read it, I am asking you to PLEASE tell me what you think. If it's a guest review and it's really mean I might not approve it, lol. But any feedback means everything to me. I know it's not going to be perfect and it's a long shot that it'll even be decent but I'm trying.**

 **That said, there is M rated content in this chapter.**

* * *

' _Never apologize for how much love you have to give.'_

 _\- Karen Isabella_

* * *

 _April 11th, 2016_

 _8:45 AM_

 _Palm Springs, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

"Livvy...wake up, beautiful..."

I flip so I'm laying facedown on the mountain of pillows and duvets. I'm awake - I have been for a while. I just don't want to get up and face the reality of today. I don't want to go back to Stanford and wait months to see Fitz again. I just don't.

This past week has been almost perfect besides my dreading when I had to go back. I'll spare you the graphic details but I have to tell you that we have been going at it like crazy. We have had sex literally more times than I can count easily. At least twice everyday since that first night. Not even just on the bed - in the shower, in the pool and at one point the other night, he bent me over the kitchen table. It's like we're going for a record or something - it's ridiculous. But it's so good and I cannot imagine going without it - without him - for months on end again.

It's not the just the mind blowing sex though. It's him. I love him and I'm going to miss him so fucking much. We FaceTime, text and call all the time but it's not the same.

"Livvy," Fitz mumbles, pressing his lips to my shoulder blade. "I know you're awake, baby...get up."

I turn to face him and bury my face in his chest. "I don't want to go, Fitz...I don't want to be alone again."

Fitz locks his huge arms around me and rubs my back gently. "Don't talk like that, Livvy. You won't be alone." He takes a deep breath. "You won't ever be alone. We just gotta wait a couple of months, okay? Then we'll see each other again."

I look up at him. "I'm gonna tell you something, Fitz. And it's gonna make me sound like a bitch and most of me doesn't mean it but a part of me does."

"Okay...you're scaring me."

I bring up my hand to the side of his face. "I'm proud of you. I am so freaking proud, it's unbelievable...but a tiny part of me wishes that you stayed in Stanford." I pause. "I'm happy for you, Fitz. I'm happy you're doing your thing and following your dreams. I won't ever stop you from that. But it doesn't change the fact that I miss you so much it hurts."

Fitz looks away from me. "Well, what do you want me to do, Livvy? You want me to come back?" He says this seriously but doesn't sound too enthusiastic about it.

"No," I tell him honestly. "I don't want you to resent me for it. I don't want you to hate me for stepping on your dreams."

Fitz sits up, looking down at me seriously. "First of all, Olivia, I could never hate you. Don't even suggest that. Secondly, yeah, teaching is my dream. But when...when I think about my dreams, you are a part of them too. If I can't have you...is any of it worth it?"

"Yes," I tell him flatly. "I don't want you to give everything up for me."

And I really mean this. I don't know why I brought this up if he would actually suggest enrolling again. I know he hates it there and I would never want him to be anywhere he's unhappy. Even if that would mean being hours on end away from me, with schedules so conflicting we're lucky to get a weekend together.

He leans against the headboard, his eyes rolled up to the sky. "I wouldn't be giving anything up. I could still go to school in Stanford and get my teaching degree."

"But you wouldn't be happy," I argue, rolling my eyes own eyes. He is so freaking stubborn. "I want you to be happy, Fitz."

"You make me happy."

"I am not enough," I shoot back.

He looks like I just slapped him across the face. "Of course you're enough. Do you...do you even know how long it took me to find you? Do you know how happy you make me?"

I look down. "I just want you to have everything you ever wanted."

Fitz pulls me up to him and holds me tightly. "I do. I have you."

I lean against him and close my eyes. "I don't want to fight."

"Me either." He mumbles into the crown of my head. "But I just want you to know that there isn't anything you could do, say or ask that I wouldn't forgive. Not a thing. And you won't lose me, so you don't have to be scared about that."

I trust him. I really do trust Fitz. And I think trust is the most important part of any relationship...but I wouldn't know much about that, now would I? This is the most serious relationship I have ever been in.

And I love it. I love us.

"Now," Fitz throws his head back into the board of the bed. "What can we do that is not a complete waste of the rest of our time together?"

I don't say anything - I don't have to. I just throw the sheets off my legs and sit down on his lap, straddling him.

* * *

Fitz locks his muscular arms around my half naked body, pulling me so close to him that I can barely breath. He tucks my hair behind my ear and moves in to kiss me, pushing his tongue past mine. My arms graze up his chest and rest on his shoulder blades. He cups his hands over my waist and pulls me so we're pressed against each other.

"Lay back," I instruct scooting back down his thighs and pushing his chest back.

Fitz complies with a smirk and leans his head against the board of the bed.

I lean forward so I'm laying on him and I push my lips on to his. He reciprocates the kiss roughly and brings his hands from gripping my ass to the middle of my back, unclasping my bra. The second he does, he suddenly changes his mind, locks his arms around my body and completely pushes me back so I land on the mountain of duvets and sheets and he is on top of me.

He pulls off the bra, throws it to the side and and settles on top of me so not all his weight is on me. He trails his hands from the side of my chest to my hips, his eyes locked into mine the whole time. He brings his hand from the top my thigh under it, directly on my ass. He squeezes hard enough to firm his grip but not enough for it to actually hurt.

"Open your legs for me," he instructs, his voice low and even.

I open my thighs so he can settle his body between them and he does.

He moves up his head, pushes a kiss on my lips before trailing his mouth and tongue to graze my neck and under my ear. He lips linger under my ear, breathing heavily. He sucks on my skin, knowing very well that that is my weakness. I toss my head back, wondering how every time with him feels as exhilarating and amazing as the first.

I wrap my arms around his neck but he pins my wrists above my head immediately. With his free hand, he moves his fingers down to my already wet underwear. He doesn't even bother taking them off - he moves his index finger inside then and then subsequently inside me. "F-fitz..."

He ignores me and keeps moving his finger in out before adding another but he keeps his eyes on mine. His thumb points up and presses down on my clit.

I press my lips together tightly to hold back a moan but it slips out anyways. "Fitz...oh my god..."

"You're so fucking tight," Fitz mumbles, his eyes moving from mine to down to what he is doing with his hand.

I bite my lip and find a way to move my hand from under Fitz's. I grip one of his shoulder. "Don't stop."

He doesn't say anything. He doesn't stop either. He goes faster and somehow manages to add one more finger before finally pulling them out. "You good?"

I can't even manage to form words, let alone answer. I just nod looking him in the eye. He smirks and takes the chance to pull down my underwear, moving his hand over my slit. "Are you sure?"

I smile. No matter how many times we have sex, no matter how rough he is, he always takes the time to ask me that. I know it's going to get annoying real quick but for now it's just really sweet. "Yeah, I'm sure."

That said I move my hands down to take off his boxers but he forces them back up above my head. He pulls them off himself and leans back on top of me carefully. Even through his boxers I could feel how hard he was, which is incredible. I wrap my legs around his waist and rest my arms on top of his. He leans his face to mine and smiles. "Hi."

I giggle. "Hi."

Fitz bends down to kiss me very softly, no tongue involved, then rests his face against the side of mine, his mouth parted on my cheek. I squeeze his arms, my fingertips pressing into his biceps. I close my eyes and feel him enter the tip of his length in me very slowly.

I lock my arms around his neck and let my hands get tangled up in his hair.

Before I know it, he's moving in and out of me really fast, like he always does. He starts out slow and paced, and then completely shifts into this version. I gasp into his shoulder blade just as he grunts against my cheek. "Fitz...FITZ..."

"Liv," he presses a strained kiss against my cheek, still moving in and out of me. He moves his lips to my ear and lets out a soft groan.

I move my head away and try to shift away out of pure pleasure but he wraps his arms around me.

"Don't stop," I breath, my eyes closing halfway. "Don't...please don't stop."

Fitz kisses my cheek again, followed by one of his sexy grunts. "I'm not stopping, baby..."

He moves his hand down and rests it on my hip bone firmly as he keeps on going. I flutter my eyes back open and my mouth parts, unable to hold back a loud moan. I press down on his forearm with my fingertips roughly until he gives me what I want - my hand in his. He holds my hand tightly as he has his way with me and I swear I'm already feeling my walls closing with him inside me.

My thigh muscles are tightening against his waist and my hips are already bucking.

"Olivia..." Fitz inhales sharply against my jaw. "Liv...fuck, Liv, I'm gonna come."

That was pretty quick, even for us. But I'm also already there and before I can even gather the oxygen to reply to him, my back arches and I instinctively gasp. My body practically shakes under him from the orgasm but he holds me tightly all the way.

We're both panting by the time he flips over on his back next to me, his arm draped tiredly over my waist. "Oh. My. God."

I take a moment to regulate my breathing. I literally feel like I had a heart attack but not exactly in a bad way.

Fitz looks at me and pushes a lock of hair behind my ear. "Are you okay?"

I swallow, trying to get myself back together. When I open my mouth to answer him, a giggle comes out inside.

"Was I really that bad?" Fitz asks jokingly, propping himself on his elbows, grinning.

"No," I cannot stop laughing at this point, which really isn't helping my breathing. "It's just...how can we last like five seconds every time and it's still this good? That just...doesn't make any sense."

Fitz chuckles too before leaning in to kiss my cheek again. "I don't know. But you're right." He winks and grins. "It's still good."

* * *

I come up behind Liv and hug her tightly, holding her close to me."Stop packing for a second, Livvy. Let's go, get some breakfast and worry about this later. We don't have to get in the car for another five hours or so..."

"Actually," she moves so she is facing me, still in my arms. "I called myself a cab...it should be here in about half an hour."

"What?" I look down at her. "Why would you do that? I can drive you - I'm going back to LA anyway..."

"Your school doesn't start back up for another two days," Liv rests her hands on my chest. "You should spend it here and relax."

I inhale so sharp that it almost hurts. "I don't want to be here if I'm not with you."

She leans her face against my chest and I hold her tightly. I didn't mean to make her feel bad. But I'm more upset than I ever thought I could be. I waited twenty two years for Liv to show up and now that she did, I can barely see her. It's not fair. But it's also not her fault.

"Livvy," I rub her back with my palm gently.

"I don't want to say goodbye," she admits in the form of a mumble against my body. I swear I hear her sniff and I don't want to see her cry. Even though a part of me wants to cry myself. "If I...if you drove me, it would just be harder. I would burst into tears, I know that. Hell, I'm trying not to do it now. I don't want to make this any more difficult than it already is."

I move my hand to cup the side of her face and force her to look up at me. "It's okay. It's alright. But stop talking like it's goodbye forever when it's really not. This is not the end. And it won't be like this always."

I really mean that and I just hope she understands.

"I know that," she mumbles. She breaks into a small, sad smile and chuckles softly. "This week has been..."

"Perfect?" I offer, smiling myself.

"Perfect," she repeats, the word setting in stone with her voice. She stands up on her toes to kiss me and our lips our less than an inch away from each other when we hear a honk come from outside.

Liv grimaces and pulls away. "I guess the taxi is early..." She begins to quickly pack up the remainder of her clothes.

I watch her as she does. Liv is one of those people that you can read automatically. When is she happy, her smile and eyes can light up the whole world. But when she is upset, she can cut a bitch with one look. Right now, she is the latter. After our ridiculously good morning sex and a second round in the shower, she didn't even bother to put on any makeup or anything. She is literally wearing sweatpants and a black tank top. She looks so sad that it breaks my heart. But we have to go our separate ways for now and there is nothing we can do about it.

"Don't let this ruin the time we had," I tell her, because that is what I'm trying to do.

"I won't," she mumbles, her voice bitter. I know that she is not mad at me, she is just mad at the situation. I'm not going to lie, I am pretty pissed off too. If it were up to me, we would have all the time in the world together.

Liv turns around after tossing the last thing in her suitcase angrily. She takes a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm just gonna miss you."

I come up to her and give her the biggest hug I can muster with the rest of my energy. She hugs back even tighter. "Olivia, I'm going to FaceTime you, call you, text you and come by on some weekends. I love you. That is not going to change. I'm not going to change." I pause. "I hope you don't either.

"I won't," she promises, but I don't know how much of that is true.

I can't protect her from the world, especially if she doesn't want to protect herself. There will always be men in the world, men younger and more available to me. If she gets bored, if she lets lonely, I can't stop her from moving on. I believe she loves me but I also know that she is terrified of commitment. And that scares the hell out of me. She is obviously a beautiful girl and if she wanted, she could have every guy in that university at the palm of her hand. I just hope she doesn't want that. That is all I can do - hope. And trust her.

The taxi outside honks once more, breaking my train out thought. I clear my throat. "You need help with your bag?"

"No," Liv looks away. "I got it. And you should stay here - not come outside."

I chuckle. "Olivia, I'm a tough guy. I can handle our saying goodbye."

"Maybe," Liv latches her duffel bag on her shoulder. "But I can't."

Before she leaves the room, she leans toward and kisses me one last time. "Thank you...for everything. I love you."

I just nod. "Call me when you get back to campus, Livvy. I love you."

She doesn't say anything in turn - she just simply walks out with one last longing look. I watch her closely as she goes down the stairs, until I hear the door close behind her.

Olivia Pope is everything to me. I would never cheat on her - I would never even think about it. She is enough for me.. I just hope I am enough for her.


	29. Chapter 29

_'Without her, nothing makes any sense.'_

* * *

 _June 15th, 2016_

 _2:30 PM_

 _Stanford, California_

 **Olivia's POV**

I flip on the bathroom light one last time to make sure I collected all my shampoo, conditioner, body wash and other toiletries. The dorm needs to be completely cleared out by tomorrow since we're not coming back once school starts again this fall. We'll officially be sophomores and that idea is crazy to me.

"Did you get everything?" Abby calls from the room.

I turn around and look back at her. "Yeah...hey, Abs, you're going back to Maryland for all of summer, right?"

"Pretty much," Abby duct tapes a box closed. "Why? Do you want me to stop by your dad's place?"

"No," I tell her. Honestly, I do miss my father a little bit. But it's been almost a year since have spoken...nine months to be exact. And I realized that I can, in fact, live without him. It's a challenge and I guess it always will be. But it can be done. I don't know why he made such a big deal out of this in the end and maybe I'll never know. "Have fun back home."

"Thanks, Liv," Abby looks up and grins. "But don't act like you won't have more fun with your boyfriend this summer. What fancy location is he taking you to this time? Does he have a mansion in France I don't know about?"

"No," I pause and smirk. "But he has one in Italy."

Abby rolls her eyes but she's laughing. "But seriously, Liv, don't you miss him? Y'all two are the poster kids for conflicting schedules and long distance relationships."

I walk over and sit down on my bare mattress. "I do miss him, of course. But our relationship isn't that long distance. Our schedules just make it so that we can't visit each other in person and I know it's gonna be that way for a while. Three years to be exact. Maybe down the line, we'll open our schedules up more and we'll always see each other on weekends. We're going to spend most holidays together regardless. It's not much, but it's what we have. It sucks, but I've accepted it."

"That does suck," Abby sighs. "Especially since you guys are so cute together. He literally sends you flowers randomly. How sweet is that?"

"Really sweet," I admit, smiling at the thought.

Fitz is honestly the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. And I am so excited to go see him tomorrow. It was hard to leave him during spring break but I know it's not his fault. It's just the way it is.

Abby pauses. "Liv, I gotta ask...why the hell didn't he just stay at Stanford?"

"He offered to," I tell her, sighing. "He really did. He didn't want me to be alone and he is pretty protective. And we just have fun together so it's hard to be apart...but he wasn't happy here. He has bad memories from his ex fiancée and his father and...well, for Fitz, Stanford is hell. I'm not going to force him back. I want him to be happy. And he wants me to have the best education possible. So this was the compromise. It's kind of tough but he is worth it."

"And he is a really good influence on you," Abby goes on, approving of my answer. "Seriously, Liv. You haven't been smoking...using...you still drink sometimes, but that's just you."

I laugh but I know Abby is right. Ever since spring break, I haven't used drugs or even smoked a cigarette. I still drink but that is only time to time. I have been influenced but every time I saw a bag of cocaine or even got offered some weed at a party, I just thought about Fitz. I remembered how much I loved him. I remembered how much he already worried about me. I remembered how disappointed he would be in me. And it really wasn't that hard to just not to drugs once I remembered that.

"Do you love him?" Abby asks me point blank.

"I do," I tell her with a smile. "He...really means a lot to me."

Abby looks away and I stare at her. "What?"

"Nothing," she whispers, then looks up, smiling too. "I'm just happy you found someone who makes you happy. Because Olivia? These past couple of years, I have been really worried about you. But now I don't have to be. Because I know he'll take care of you."

I think about that and I realize that I'm not worried about either. Because I know he'll take care of me too.

I know he's worried I'll cheat on him. I'm not going to lie - I worry about that too. Not that I'll cheat on him, because I know I won't. But that he'll cheat on me. Let's face it - Fitz is hot and there are so many thirsty girls out there after him. I know he loves me but I worry about that. I really do.

* * *

 _June 15th, 2016_

 _7:05 PM_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Hi," I toss my suitcase on the bed and balance my phone between my shoulder and ear. I can't help but smile. My phone calls with Liv are what I look forward to most everyday. "In less than three months, you're going to officially be a college sophomore. How does that feel?"

"It can't be more exciting than you finishing your first year of graduate school," she replies, making me smile even wider. "Anyway, I don't really care that I finished this year. I have three more to go. I'm just excited to see you tomorrow."

The feeling is completely mutual. I have missed Livvy so freaking much and I cannot wait to spend the summer with her. Of course, we only have a month to travel and whatnot since I have summer classes. But i don't care wherever we are - as long as I'm with her.

"I'm excited too, baby," I tell her. "Are you flying in tomorrow? If you haven't already bought your ticket, I can send the money to you and-"

"I already bought a ticket to get down to Los Angeles," she reassures me and I sigh. I know that a few months ago, she got a new job in the financial aid office of Stanford but I still don't love the idea of her working. If it were up to me, she would just not worry about money and focus on her studies. But it's not up to me and I need to stay in my lane. "But, Fitz?"

"Yes?"

Liv pauses. "Can we, like...not stay at your father's place?"

I look around. I wonder if she knows I'm already here. "Baby, in a couple of days we can decide where we want to go. We can go to Palm Springs, Florida, even Italy...wherever you want. But we gotta stay here for a few days until we decide."

"I don't want to be where I'm not welcome," Liv tells me what I already know.

I know she isn't saying this to be bratty or anything. The last time she was here was...problematic to say the least. And I understand that she isn't comfortable. But I need to spend some time with my father too, and I have to stay here in about a month anyway.

"You are welcome," I lie straight through my teeth. I know my father will probably give her a hard time because he doesn't approve of us but I won't let him get too out of line. I'll be there for her and I will take care of her. I won't let anything bad happen. "Don't worry, alright? Everything is gonna be just fine. I miss you."

Liv sighs. "Really? Even with all those party girls you screw when I'm not around?"

I can tell she's joking, so I tease right back. "Even so, you know you're my main party girl. I love you."

"I love you more. I gotta pack, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."

After we hang up, I make my way out of my room and into my father's office, where I know he is. We're now on speaking terms but that's about as good as it gets. He still doesn't support me fully going to USC and he could not despise my relationship with Livvy more. Big Jerry doesn't hate her or even me - he just hates the idea of us together. For some inexplicable reason, he had his mind set on Mellie for me. Either way, he knows that Liv is coming and he isn't very happy about that. I don't know specifically what he has against her. Actually, I might have an idea and it has nothing to do with _her_.

I wave my hand through the thick cigar smoke and sit down in front of him. His eyes are glued to his computer and his hand is latched on to a glass of liquor.

"Speak."

"Hello to you too, Dad." I clear my throat and try to inhale the smoke directly. It's a miracle his lungs aren't shriveled up by now. "I wanted to remind you that my girlfriend is coming by tomorrow."

His eyes don't meet mine. "You're still together?"

"Yes," I roll my eyes. "And I know you know that."

"A man can dream," he says flatly and it takes everything in me not to reach over and punch him in the face. He clears his throat and finally lifts his eyes from the computer. "This thing with this girl...when exactly do you plan on ending it?"

I make my voice reach his level of dryness. "Never. I'm not like you, Dad. I don't hit and quit in less than twenty four hours."

"For the sake of this family, I'm going to forget you said that," my father sets his glass down. "How long is this Olivia girl staying for?"

"Just for a day or two. I'm going to take her somewhere after that...Florida maybe."

"In my beach house?"

I take a deep breath and immediately regret inhaling the nicotine infested air. "You didn't have a problem when it was Mellie staying."

"Yes, well, that was Mellie," he states and I roll my eyes. He keeps talking.

"I don't know how many times I have to explain this to you, Fitzgerald. Olivia may be a beautiful, interesting girl but she is just that. A girl. She isn't a woman, not like Mellie. She is four years your junior and I have to tell you because you will not realize this yourself - it won't work out. It will not last. And if you think it will...well, you are not as smart as I once believed."

I rest my clenched fists on my lap. "The difference between Liv and Mellie is not maturity. It's the fact that I love one and not the other."

"You're twenty three years old," Big Jerry scoffs, as if I don't already know this. "Do you even know what love is, Fitzgerald? And do you even have a good idea of who this girl is?"

"I know Liv," I promise my father. "I know her and I accept her. There isn't anything you could say that would make me love her any less. Nothing, Dad. So don't bother trying."

"Fitzgerald, this girl is-"

I get up immediately. I need to get the hell out of here before my dad says something he can't take back and I have to do something I can't take back.

"Can you just sit down and hear me out?" Big Jerry demands.

Oh my god, is he actually stupid? Why would I sit here and listen to him berate my girlfriend? "No."

"Fitzgerald, sit down right now," Big Jerry inhales. "Sit down! I pay for your education, I pay for your vacations, I pay for everything so you will listen to what I have to say."

I reluctantly lower myself back into the seat. I am literally only doing this because he is family. If I had to support myself, I could. But he is my father. I can hear him out but I can't promise I will listen. "What is it?"

"I want to start out by saying I love you," he sighs and I have to try not to laugh. This is the first time he is saying this to me in God knows how long. "Fitz, I'm serious. I love you and I want the best for you. The last thing I want to see is some girl waltz into your life and take advantage of you. It has happened to me and it hurt me so badly. I don't want the same thing to happen to my son. These girls see boys like you and get dollar signs in their eyes."

I press my lips together. "Olivia is not using me for my money."

"Even if that's true," Big Jerry sighs deeply. "There is still a lot you don't know about this girl."

"Oh, and you do?"

"Yes," my dad says simply. He sighs again. "I took the liberty of looking her up-"

"Are you fucking serious?" I practically spit at him. I can't remember being this angry ever since Mellie told me she lied about the pregnancy. Who gave him the right to look up my girlfriend?

"Watch your language with me," Big Jerry replies evenly. "And yes, I am serious. It's my responsibility to make sure that the people who come into your life have good intentions. So I searched her up. And you're right - Olivia comes from money. Nowhere near as much money as we have, but enough money nonetheless. So she isn't taking financial advantage of you."

"I already knew that," I tell him bitterly. "Are you done now?"

"No," Big Jerry crosses his arms over his chest. "And listen up. I think you may want to know what I did discover."

"Well, you're wrong," I shoot back.

I wonder if he can tell that I'm bullshitting... I actually do want to know what he is talking about. It won't make me love Liv any less, but I am just curious. I know about the sex, I know about the drinking, I even know that she has a history with drugs. Like I told him, I accept her. I accept her flaws. I accept all of her. We've been through a long road of trust issues and I have learned all this hard way. So I know how much our relationship is worth. Still, I want all the cards on the table.

"I'm going to tell you anyways, because again, I love you." He frowns, expecting me to argue. I don't. I should. But I just don't. "It's a video." He presses a link on his computer. "And I think you should see it for yourself."

"No," I suddenly get up. I'm afraid that I'm going to regret seeing this video, whatever it is.

"Sit down and watch this, Fitz."

I leave the room.


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: Sorry about the late update! As you probably guessed, I'm starting school soon, on Monday to be exact. That doesn't mean that updates are going to come less frequently but they may come inconsistently. I'm starting high school this year and I don't know how my schedule will be, or when I will or will not have time to write. But I will definitely try to at least once every three days. :)**

 **Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 _Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood._

 _-George Orwell_

* * *

 _June 16th, 2016_

 _8:30 AM_

 _Los Angeles, California_

 **Fitz's POV**

"Livvy!"

My girl's face lights up when she sees me and she races across the airport gate in full speed. Liv throws her arms around my neck when she sees me and all bad feeling from last night vanishes just like that. I'm just happy to see her and have a kickass summer, no matter what that stupid video held.

"Hey," I mumble into the crown of her head. "I missed you."

Liv picks up her head and gives me a huge kiss right in the middle of the airport, making bystanders go 'aw'. She parts and sees me blush. "I missed you too."

Before I can reply, she leans back in and proceeds kissing me, sliding her tongue past mine this time. I pull away this time, not because I mind the PDA but because she is already having me feel some type of way and I can't have that in public. That is for when we're at home.

I wrap my arm around her shoulder and drag her suitcase along with us as we walk. I can't stop looking at her, as always. She looks beautiful, of course. She's wearing light wash jeans and a white tank top with matching converse sneakers. "How was your flight?"

"It was good," she looks up at me, looking her arm around my waist. "I wish I could say the same for you. You look like hell. Is everything alright?"

I debate telling her about the video. Whatever it is, she must obviously know it exists. And she will automatically assume I am judging her for whatever is in it, even though I won't. So I just won't tell her. Liv already has a tendency to over worry herself, so I don't need to add to that.

"Everything is fine, baby," I force a smile. "I'm just kinda bummed out that I'll be saying bye to you in a couple of months."

"Shut up," Liv tightens her grip around me. "We are not talking about this, Fitz, okay? Absolutely not. We're going to have a fun time and we're not going to worry about goodbyes until August. We're going to enjoy ourselves at-..." She looks up at me. "Where are we going again?"

I lead her out of the airport into the sunny area where my car is parked. I open the front door for her. "We'll figure that out later, okay?"

She nods and gets into the passenger seat but not before sneaking in another kiss, which I gladly accept.

* * *

I look at Liv in the reflection of my dresser mirror. "Do you want to go to Italy?"

"What?" Liv looks up blankly. "You literally ask that like 'do you want to go to McDonald's?'"

I laugh and turn around to look at her. She is so beautiful. I swear she gets even prettier every time I see her. I will literally go to my grave that. "I'm serious, Livvy. Let's go to Italy. I can have a flight booked tonight."

I want to get out of here as soon as possible for two very important reasons.

One being that Italy is very close my heart and because Liv is too, I want to share that with her. I would be honored to take her there.

Secondly, I don't want to spend another second in this house with Liv and my father under the same roof. He's not here right now but once he comes home, I know it's only a matter of time before all hell breaks loose.

"Tonight?" Liv looks down at her half full suitcase. "I haven't even gotten done unpacking this."

"If you don't want to go..."

"Are you crazy?" She looks up at me, smiling at beautiful smile of hers. "Of course I want to go!" With that said, she comes over and hugs me tightly.

I hug her back and kiss her cheek. I missed her so much and I am beyond happy she's finally here but...I would be lying if I said my mind wasn't elsewhere. And she is definitely picking up on it. Olivia is a smart girl. I can't blame her.

"Fitz," Liv looks up at me seriously. "I don't want to get to Italy if you have something up your ass. Tell me what's wrong. Right. Now."

I look away from her.

"Did you cheat on me?" Olivia asks point blank, very calmly, making me gape at her.

"What?" I step back. "No...of course not!"

Now it's her turn to look away. "Do you think I cheated?"

"No," I shake my head, then pause regretfully. "Did you?"

"No," she folds her arms. "And I'm upset that you would even ask that."

I shake my head again. "Same goes for you." I pause before realizing that this is not how I want to spend my summer. I love being with Livvy, but I do not like fighting with her. "Let's not do this, Liv. I don't want to argue."

"Me either," Liv keeps her arms folded. "But I do want to know what you're upset about. Because I know you, Fitz. Over the past year, I have gotten to know you very well. And I know when something is bothering you."

Again, I debate telling her and I decide against it. But I cannot get the imagine of the video link out of my head. What the hell was in it? What if I just asked her? But I know that is a bad idea.

"Nothing is wrong," I lie to her, not feeling very good about it. I try to smile. "Let's buy those tickets."

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

"Livvy?" I wake up to my nickname in Fitz's voice and his lips on my cheek. "Wake up..."

"What time is it?" I flutter my eyes open. I'm pretty tired, only because the slight jet lag did manage to screw up my sleeping schedule. Somehow I thought taking a nap in the middle of the day was a good idea. It clearly wasn't, since Fitz did manage to book tickets to Sicily for tonight. Don't even ask me how he did, he just did.

"Flight is in three hours," Fitz rubs my arm. "But if you want to head to the airport a few minutes early...?"

I run my fingers through Fitz's waves of thick hair, which are slightly damp from the shower we took together right before I fell asleep. "Are we really going to Italy?"

"Yes," Fitz leans forward and places a kiss on my mouth before grinning. "As far away from my father as we can hope for."

"Well, technically that would be like Asia. Or Japan. Or Australia."

"There is always next summer."

I laugh and prop myself up on my elbows. "Are you done packing?"

"Pretty much," Fitz looks around his messy room. "Put on your clothes and head downstairs. You should probably get something to eat. I gotta finish some of this stuff and then I'll meet you, okay?"

"Okay."

* * *

I cross my arms, drawing my cardigan closer to my body as I enter the kitchen. Something doesn't feel right in here and I can't exactly pinpoint what it is.

"Olivia?"

I literally jump when I hear someone call my name. I turn to see Fitz's father on the far side of the kitchen, out of my initial view. He approaches the island counter. "Hello."

"Hi," I lower my gaze. I regret coming into the kitchen already. "I didn't know you were home, Mr. Grant."

"I just came a few minutes ago," he opens the fridge, unbothered. "And you can call me 'Jerry' or 'Big Jerry'. Everyone says the latter."

To be honest, I don't want to call him anything. If it were up to me, I would never have to see him again. He makes me feel so uncomfortable for some inexplicable reason. And I have heard all the ways he has been cruel to Fitz, so that doesn't make me a big fan of him to begin with.

But I just nod politely. "Yes, sir."

"Again, it's 'Jerry' or 'Big Jerry'," he looks me dead in the eye. "Not 'sir' and not 'Mr. Grant'."

"Sorry, sir," I say before I can stop myself. Suddenly I have lost my appetite and I just want to leave.

He just looks away from me. "So I take you're going somewhere?"

"Yes, we are." Fitz walks in the room, his voice even but looking more angry than I have ever seen him before. "I just saw your car outside when I was putting our bags in mine. Liv, let's go."

He wraps his arm around me protectively and we're about to leave when his father speaks up again. "Wait, hold on now." He turns to me and I face Fitz's shoulder. I don't want to be here. "Olivia, Fitz has told me so much about you. Why don't you stay for a day or two and I can get to know you? Well, better than I already do."

I have no idea what he is talking about but at this point, I don't care. I don't want to hold a conversation with this man. I don't even want to be in the same room with him.

"I don't think so," Fitz speaks up in place of me and I silently thank God for him. "We're going to go now and I don't think we'll be coming back anytime soon."

"Hold on," Jerry comes around the island, closer to the both of us. "What's the rush? We have barely scratched surface-"

"Dad!" Fitz shouts so loud that I shut my eyes. "We're done here. Drop it."

"Drop what? The video?"

The second after the last word leaves his father's mouth, Fitz takes me by wrist and pulls me outside and into the car.

* * *

"Fitz?" I pull up the low quality material blanket up to my lap and look at Fitz, whose gaze is glued to the window of the plane.

It's yet to take off and already, we're not saying anything to each other. I poke my sandwich container on the tray in front of me. I don't know what exactly happened at the house and I can't find out if Fitz is not talking to me.

"Fitz," I repeat, my hand resting on his forearm this time. "Fitz, what video? What was your father talking about?"

Fitz brings his hand up to the side of his head and leans it on the window pane.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, not exactly certain what I'm apologizing for. "I'm happy to be here with you. And I missed you for the longest time. Whatever it is, I don't want you to be mad at me."

The overhead dings. "Attention, passengers. Please turn off all electronic devices, fasten your seat belts and put up your trays as the aircraft will be taking off in just a few minutes. And again - thank you for flying with Alitalia."

I put up the tray and fold my arms on my lap. I kind of wish I had the window seat just so I could be preoccupied, even though it's dark outside. The most fun thing in the world for me is being with Fitz, even if that means just having a conversation with him. But he won't even look at me right now.

"I'm not mad at you."

I look up, but his eyes are still locked out the window, even though he has finally bothered to speak to me. "What?"

"I'm not mad at you," he repeats. His eyes finally come to meet mine and he sighs. "I'm not mad at you, I'm just mad. At him. I...hate him. He can rot in hell for all I care. I just him to die. And I don't say that lightly."

"Don't say that," I tell him softly. I know that he is angry at his father - I know all about that firsthand. I understand that. But even I wouldn't wish death upon my own father.

The plane stirs under us and slowly begins moving down the runway. Fitz lowers his gaze. "I mean it, Olivia. Why is he trying to ruin every good thing in my life?"

I reach over and hold Fitz's hand tightly. "I don't have an answer for you. All I know is that he isn't ruining us, okay? We aren't ruined. I know he may be...reluctant. But he isn't trying to sabotage our relationship."

Fitz still doesn't look at me. "Livvy..."

Just as he begins talking, the plane moves at full speed and within a few seconds, we're in the air. Our backs are pressed against the seats so forcefully that we can't really look at each other, but Fitz squeezes my hand. In a minute or so, the plane evens out and Fitz finally looks at me.

"Livvy," he repeats. "My father...found a video. Of you."

"I figured," I mumble, my stomach turning. I don't know what video Jerry found but I suppose it can't be good. "Did you watch it?"

"No," Fitz replies quickly. "Because I trust you. And I certainly don't trust him. But if there is something you need to tell me, Liv, you should. You should right now."

Suddenly, it comes to me and I feel like I need to throw up. My mouth falls open just a little. That stupid video last year taken at the club. No...no. If Fitz saw that...

"Livvy," Fitz speaks up, but I look away. "Olivia, look at me. I have seen you at your worst. Whatever it is, I'm not going to judge you. I just need to know what it is so I can stop thinking about it. So my father doesn't have anything to hold against us. I need you to tell me, baby."

"You're wrong," I shake my head, closing my eyes. "You haven't seen me at my worst. You've seen me at my most vulnerable maybe. But not my worst. And believe me, Fitz, you don't want to."

Fitz shuts up for a minute, but doesn't let go of my hand. We sit in silence for a minute until he speaks up again, quietly. "I'm scared...should I be scared?"

I shake my head again, not meaning it. I don't know how he would react and I don't want to find out. I don't mean to hide anything from him but I just don't want him to see me any differently. He knows about all the sex and mistakes but for him to actually see it on a video would be different. "I just don't want to talk about it."

"Okay," Fitz sighs, not letting go of my hand.

The lights above us fade out, since it's pretty late and most passengers are trying to get some shut eye. Purple and blue florescent lights come up instead with some digital small stars on them. I look up and get lost in them. It's really beautiful.

"Livvy," Fitz whispers after a few minutes. "Was it a sex tape?"

I have to cup my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing. "No. Although a sex tape is something I could see myself doing a year ago, that's not it."

"Oh thank God," Fitz mumbles under his breath.

I giggle. I think I should just tell Fitz after all. I trust him and I don't think he'd judge me. If he does...well I can't blame him for that. But even though I keep secrets so well, I don't like keeping them from him. He deserves the truth. "Fitz...the video was...um..." How do I even begin explaining something like this?

But when I look over at Fitz, I see that he is listening intently and trying to keep a calm look. I take a deep breath. "Last year, right before I flew to California, I was spending the night with Abby in a club. Things got out of hand...I was high and drunk, which is obviously not a very good combination... and I might have stripped in front of everybody?"

I nervously look at him, but his expression doesn't tell me anything.

"I guess," I look down at both of our hands. He is still holding mine. I hope that's a good sign. "I guess I forgot about it until now. My dad got the video too and that is why he stopped talking to me. Things haven't been the same since then."

I pause. "Basically the video ruined my life. And then I met you and I thought everything was going to be alright." I press my lips together and try not to cry. "But that's not the case anymore I guess. I made one bad choice and It's going to follow me around forever, destroying my relationships. I'm sorry you have to deal with the aftermath."

"Olivia."

I shake my head, not exactly sure what I'm saying no to. But I can't even look at him right now.

"Look at me."

I shake my head again.

Fitz brings his free hand up to the side of my face and gently but firmly pulls it up so I have to look at him. His eyes are really sad. It breaks my heart. "What did you tell me before the plane took off?"

I bite the inside of my lip. "What?"

"Before the plane took off," he whispers softly. "What did you say to me?"

I shrug pathetically. "That you should not pay attention to your dad?"

"Yes." Fitz nods seriously. "And you also said that nothing can ruin us. Why don't you believe that yourself? I don't...I don't care about some stupid video you made when you were a kid."

I shake my head again. "It was only a year ago and-"

"I'm not talking about age," Fitz cuts in firmly. "I'm talking about how much you've grown since then. You're not a kid anymore. You are mature and you take responsibility for your own actions. If we were all judged for our mistakes so intensely...Olivia, no one would ever be able to love as much as we do. And I do. I love you."

Fitz pauses. "I won't ever stop loving you."

I finally meet his eyes. "You're not upset?"

"I didn't say that," Fitz interjects softly. "I am upset. I am upset at my father and I am upset this video is floating around. I'm also upset that you put yourself in a position to get hurt or exposed. But I'm not mad at you. And I'm not going to get stuck on this. I'm happy you told me. And I'm so happy you trust me."

I take a deep breath. "I really do, Fitz."

"Thank you for that," Fitz leans forward and kisses my forehead gently.

"Fitz?"

"Mm?" Fitz draws his lips down to my lips, my cheek and to the base of my neck.

"I don't say this enough, but," I pull away slightly so can he focus on what I'm saying. "I'm really happy I found you. I don't what I would do without you. I'm sorry I don't say that enough, but I mean it."

Fitz smiles softly. "You don't have to say it. I know because I feel exactly the same way."


	31. Chapter 31

" _You will never be too much for someone who can't get enough of you."_

* * *

 _June 18th, 2016_

 _10:45 AM_

 _Sicily, Italy_

 **Olivia's POV**

When I wake up, my eyes immediately go to the old fashioned clock on the mantel by the window side. It's almost eleven...pretty late but then again, I have no where to be except right here, and that makes me smile.

We arrived yesterday at Latania Airport and because we spent the entire plane ride watching movies together and talking amongst ourselves, bothering the sleeping passengers, we were so exhausted when we landed. But that didn't stop us from having sex as soon as we swung open the door to Fitz's vacation house - which, I might add, was bare since his family had put the furniture in storage. We made a makeshift bed with several a blankets and just passed out late last night, causing us to oversleep. An unconventional start to a vacation, I guess, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I look back at Fitz, who is still shirtless and resting next to me. I always manage to fall asleep before and wake up after him, so it occurs to me this is the only time I have ever seen him asleep.

How Fitz manages to look amazing while asleep is beyond me. All I know is that he just does. He is facing me but his hair is toppled in messy, sexy light waves all over the pillow and his mouth is parted just slightly. The sunlight is coming through the uncovered windows and putting his abs on display. His arm is holding my waist tightly, even though he's asleep soundly.

He looks so peaceful and I don't really want to wake him. But I also want my best friend to talk to. I lean toward and give him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Fitz?"

I graze my fingers over the side of his face. Somehow, I ended up in his sweater last night. I think he wrapped it around me because he didn't want me to be cold, which would also explain me being hidden under two blankets when I woke up.

"Fitz," I repeat gently, accompanied with yet another kiss. "Wake up. Wake up...I want my best friend back..."

This time, his body stirs under me and his blue eyes flutter open. "Where are we?"

I giggle. "Italy, baby."

"We're in Italy?" Fitz yawns and rubs his eyes sleepily. "How did that happen?"

Instead of answering, I kiss him again. "I have to ask you something."

Fitz pulls me closer to him."Anything."

"What were you dreaming about?" I ask him. He laughs but I shake my head. "I'm serious. You sleep like a baby. What were you dreaming about?"

"You."

Now it's my turn to laugh. "You're so lame."

Fitz pulls me even closer, as if I am practically on top of him. "I'm serious, Olivia. Most, if not all, my dreams consist of you." He pauses. "Us."

I roll my eyes at him, but I wonder if he's telling the truth. If he is, that's the sweetest thing ever. Even if he isn't, it's still cute that he would say that. I lower my voice. "Thank you for bringing me here, Fitz. Even though this place doesn't have any furniture and barely any electricity or running water right now...thank you."

"Thank you for coming."

* * *

"There is nothing frozen," Fitz shoves his hands in his jeans pockets as we stroll down the outdoor farmers market. He plucks an olive out of the small bag we put in our basket and stuffs it in his mouth. "Nothing we can just toss in the oven."

I smack his hand away from the basket. "Quit it, we have to pay for those. And yeah, there is nothing we can pop in the oven - for good reason too. Do you live off Ramen Noodles at USC?"

"No," Fitz protests, then crosses his arms. "I live off PopTarts as well."

I roll my eyes and lead him towards where the farmers are selling fruit. "Okay, this summer I'm going to teach you how to cook. That's going to be our goal."

Fitz groans but I shake my head firmly. "I'm not joking, Fitz. I'm not going to let my boyfriend starve at college because he cannot make anything that has any source of nutrition in it."

Fitz loops his arm around my lower waist. "Your boyfriend? This morning I was your best friend...and now I'm your boyfriend..."

I take two plastic bags of grapes into our basket. "You're both. Now shut up and go find some edible food to put in here. Something we can make a meal out of. Because I am seriously not that domesticated. I can cook, but...down the line, I am not going to be that wife just standing there cooking for her husband."

Fitz moves my hair to the side and kisses the back of my neck. "Husband? From best friend, to boyfriend, to husband. I like where this is going."

I roll my eyes again, but I'm smiling. "Be quiet."

"No, wait," Fitz grabs another olive and eats it. "Let's talk about this. When we are getting married, which we obviously are, are you staying home? I don't expect you to, but when we have babies, which we also obviously will, who will stay with them?"

"What babies?" I laugh, strolling through more aisles. I toss in a couple of bread dough in our cart.

"What are you talking about?" Fitz moves his mouth away from my skin. "You don't want babies?"

I turn around to face him. "Do you honestly think I would make a good mother?"

"Yes," Fitz says with such certainty that I actually think he's crazy.

I look away from him. "Fitz...you'd be a great father. But I would be the worst mother in the world." I swallow suddenly not in the best mood. I don't know why, but I feel like crying right here right now. "If you...if you really want children in your future...maybe you shouldn't have brought me here. Maybe we shouldn't -"

"Olivia," Fitz suddenly grabs my hand. "Calm down, baby. Okay? You don't need to cry."

"I'm n-not," I begin before I realize my eyes are wet. "I'm just sure of this...so sure. I don't want kids...I don't. I never will. Ever."

Fitz hesitates. I guess he's surprised how firm i am being. And I can tell he isn't happy about it. But he just holds me. "Okay, okay...it's alright, Livvy. We can talk about this later."

I nod, but I don't want to talk about this later. I don't want to ever have to talk about this again.

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I approach Liv as she stirs something in a pot, wrapping my arm around her. "Hey..."

She doesn't reply but she puts her free hand on my forearm.

"So," I lean down slightly and rest my chin on her shoulder. "Are you...okay?"

"Yes," she rubs my arm, her voice quiet. "I'm sorry I went kind of mentally unstable on you today at the market."

I shake my head even though can't see me. "It's okay. I just... have to say my piece, okay? I need you to hear me."

She just nods, still not facing me but if that's what she needs in order to listen, I'm fine.

I take a deep breath. I prepared this speech in the empty bedroom a few minutes ago, staring at our makeshift bed. I mean every word of it, but it's just so damn difficult to say out loud.

"Livvy, I love you," I begin, hoping my voice is solid. "Nothing will ever change that. I don't regret any part of our relationship, except maybe letting you go so easily back in November. I definitely don't regret bringing you here."

I pause. "There is nothing I love more than you and there is nothing I want more than to make you happy. Because when you're happy, I'm happy. Honestly, you bring out the best in me. And you're right about before. I tease you about it but I feel the same way - you are truly my best friend."

Liv stops stirring the pot. "You're mine too."

"I know and I'm honored," I smile tightly, then sigh. "I know it's early, Livvy, I know that. It's too early to talk about marriage, let alone babies. But that's important to me. I'm not going to lie. It really is."

I stop talking for a second and realize just how desperate my tone has gotten. "I'm going to be a fucking teacher, Liv. Of course I am going to want kids."

"And I won't," she cuts in shortly. "I'm sorry, Fitz. And you're right - this conversation is premature."

I'm realizing now that as much as Livvy doesn't want kids, I do. I do a lot. "Livvy, listen. I understand how you feel, I do."

"You don't."

I sigh. "I'm talking five, maybe ten years down the line." She doesn't say anything. "Olivia, please trust me when I say you'll be a great mother. I know you will. I wouldn't even bring this up if I didn't think you would be. You've made mistakes, we all have, but you've grown. And you most definitely will grow a few more years down the line."

"Fitz," Liv puts down the wooden spoon and turns to face me. She laces her arm around my neck and looks up directly at me, with a no bullshit expression. "If I never give you any children, will you still love me?"

"Yes," I tell her firmly, because that is the god honest truth. "Of course. I want kids, Liv, but I need you."

Liv strokes the side of my face lovingly. "I'm glad to hear that, baby, because kids are not happening."

I feel my heart drop. "I'm just asking that we keep this an open dialect. Okay?"

"Fine," Liv agrees, but I don't know if she means it.

Just to put things on a lighter note, I ask, "Do you want to go up to Rome for a couple of days? We can come back here and spend the rest of the month."

"Sounds good, baby," Liv lifts up the spoon to my mouth. "Taste."

I do. It's some type of tomato soup and it's really good. I didn't think Liv was the cooking type but apparently she is. "It's really amazing, love."

"Maybe that's just because you've been living off high fructose corn syrup for the past six months," Liv suggests, adding basil in the pot.

I laugh and look at her while she does her thing.

I really do love her and I mean everything I said. I think she'd make an amazing mother. Hell, I know she would.

I know Liv doesn't feel the same way and I think I know why. She has made some bad choices but I really believe those don't define her. And I believe she could pull herself together to raise a baby. Our baby.

If she refuses, I can't stop her. I can't poke holes in our condoms. I can't hide her birth control or replace it with Advil or something. I mean, I could but I won't. If I purposely made her pregnant in the future, she would just resent me for it. And i don't want that either.

I know it's way too early to be worrying about this but I am anyway. I really want kids - I always have. More importantly, I want them with Liv. I love her so much, she loves me and we could give a little boy or girl so much of that love. We could be happier than we ever thought possible. I am already extremely happy and Liv is enough, she is more than enough. But whenever I think about my future with her, I think about kids and I can't stop that. I want them. I don't need them, but I really truly want them and I wish she felt the same way.

"I'm sorry," Liv says, as if she's reading my mind. "If it means anything, I love you."

That does mean a lot to me. I don't see women as a baby making machine. I know some guys do, but I don't. I love Livvy - way too much for my own good actually. And that type of love we share is unconditional. She could kill a man right in front of my eyes and I would help her dispose of the body, forgive her and hug her. I wish I could say I was joking. I love her so much.

I know she feels the same way. And I know she seems genuinely apologetic. I don't want her to feel bad. Honestly, I just want her to want kids. That's it. A couple of years down the line, I want a perfect little family with her. I can wait, you know. I can be patient. But all I need is the promise that it's gonna be there for me, when we're both done with school and the time is right. I may not get that promise right now but hopefully, in time, Livvy will realize she wants that perfect little family too someday.

I smile - genuinely this time. "I love you too, Livvy. No matter what."

I mean this. I love her so much it's ridiculous. I lean in to kiss her and once I do, everything else leaves my mind.

At least for now.

* * *

 **AN: Hey guys, I just came back from my first day and I am really busy so I quickly wrote this short but pivotal chapter down...but did y'all see that Scandal promo? ohmygod**


	32. Chapter 32

**AN: So sorry for the incredibly late update. Hopefully a few of you are still out there, lol. If you are, thank you and I love you guys so much. I know some writers are okay with updating inconsistently but I never will be. So I am genuinely, truly very sorry. That said, I can't promise that it won't happen again. But I will try harder.**

 **I would also like to give a huge thanks to guest reviewer Sandra. Any fanfic writer knows how amazing it is to get any review, but one for almost all the chapters (if not all) in the story? When I saw that last night, I was completely motivated, even though this chapter is very short. So thank you for your kind words. :)**

 **Just a few more weeks until Scandal comes back...how cool is that? :)**

* * *

' _The best thing to hold on to in life is each other.'_

* * *

 _July 16th, 2016_

 _7:49 PM_

 _Rome, Italy_

 **Olivia's POV**

I look behind my shoulder and smile at Fitz. "Zip my dress?"

Fitz grins right back and comes up behind me. He presses his lips on my bare shoulder before moving his hands down to the middle of my back, where my lace dress zipper starts. "You look..." He sighs.

"Beautiful?" I offer with a smirk. "Amazing? Breathtaking?"

"All of the above," Fitz replies softly. "But I was going to go with incredible."

I smile a bit, looking at our reflection in the hotel bathroom mirror. We do look pretty incredible. I don't think there is a doubt about that. "Fitz?"

"Mhm?"

I place my hand on top of his. "Do you think that one day, a long time from now...we can come back here?" I pause. "Not to Rome, even though it's gorgeous here. I meant Italy itself. Sicily. We can grow old in that house...surrounded by grandkids. I can see that. Can you?"

"I can," Fitz squeezes my waist. His mouth forms into a slight grin. "Grandkids. You said grandkids."

I lower my eyes. I didn't mean to say that. But then again, if it did leave my mouth, didn't a part of me really want to? "I guess."

"Livvy," Fitz begins slowly. "I know it's only been two weeks. But are you rethinking the whole 'kids' front?"

How am I supposed to answer that? I want to give Fitz a family, of course I do. And obviously I know how adorable our children would be. But I would be a horrible mother. And do I want to drag kids in a world with a shitty mom? They would have a great dad, the best dad...

But would that be enough?

Was a good dad enough for me?

No. I fucked up anyway and I don't want any kids of mine to suffer the same way I did. So yes, of course I want babies. But that is selfish. And I am trying to do right by people nowadays. That, and it is really too early for that kind of thinking.

Don't get me wrong, though. I want to get married. Scratch that - I want to get married to Fitz and him only. I want that so much. Hell, if he dropped down on one knee right now, I think I would say yes. There is no doubt about us getting married in the future...'future' being the operative word. We're both so busy right now and I know the time isn't right. But like I said, one day it will happen,

Kids just won't.

"I don't know," I reply honestly. "I really don't know. I'm happy where I am, but Fitz..." I sigh. "We're really problematic as is. I mean...if I am being candid, this whole distance thing still has me fucked up."

Fitz looks at my reflection directly through the mirror. "Really?"

"Yes," I admit. "I can't stand the thought of not being near you."

Fitz leans down slightly and rests his chin on my shoulder. "Well, hopefully you won't have to for a while."

I know that has some truth to it...I mean, I get to spend the whole summer with him, which of course makes me ecstatic. But I wonder if it will ever be enough.

* * *

I follow Fitz into the dim but beautiful hotel restaurant, holding his hand. Once escorted to the table, he lets go of my hand to pull out my chair.

Before I can sit down, someone accident backs up into me and makes me stumble a bit.

Fitz's arm goes around me protectively but before he can something, the man turns around, looking really apologetic. We're surprised when we hear an American accent. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry."

The young, pretty woman next to him looks at us too. "Forgive my husband. He's so clumsy. This happens at practically every place we go to."

"It's fine," I smile. "Are you two tourists?"

"Yes," the woman holds out her hand, smiling as well. "I'm Sarah and this is John. We're from Chicago."

I shake her hand. "I'm Olivia and this is Fitz."

Sarah shakes her head. "You two are the cutest couple, aren't they John?" Her husband nods in agreement, although he still looks embarrassed from practically cutting off my foot. "How long have you been married?"

I look at Fitz, who is just grinning. I open my mouth to correct her, but something else comes out instead. "Just a week. We're on our honeymoon."

I look back up at Fitz. His mouth is open slightly and his eyebrows are raised. I can tell he's wondering why I'm going along with this and the answer is, I don't know. But it's fun for some inexplicable reason.

"How sweet," Sarah beams. "Young love."

She's pretty young herself but I don't say anything. I just look up to Fitz, who is silently laughing to himself.

"I'm sorry," I hear a voice say and we look up. A waiter just came by. "Did you say you're on your honeymoon?"

I pause but Fitz speaks up confidently, reaching for my hand across the table. "Yes." He grins. "We're backpacking across Europe. We were just in...damn it's hard to keep track of. How many places have we been so far, sweetheart?"

I pretend to think about it. I'm good at making stuff up - that's how I got away with crap when I was a teenager. Technically I still am, but you know what I mean. "So far, Paris, London, Greece and Spain. But we still have Ireland and Germany on our list. Yeah, I think that about covers it."

The waiter smiles. "How about a complimentary bottle of wine for the newlyweds?"

Fitz and I try to agree on a bottle without bursting out laughing. When the waiter is gone to get it, Fitz looks at me, allowing himself to chuckle. "Germany, really?"

"I panicked," I laugh back to him. I let my eyes lower to my hand, which is still enveloped in his. I raise them back up and smile at him. "Outside?"

I nod towards the open balcony that a lot of people are on, looking on at the city streets while waiting for their food. The waiter comes back with our wine and pours it for us. Fitz takes both our glasses and leads me out the balcony.

He hands it to me. This past month we've been drinking. Not a lot, but enough. I think that we drink to forget our lives back in the United States. I think that alcohol just makes us believe that our life here in Italy is reality. And that is fine with us.

What I am trying to say is that Fitz lets me drink now. He doesn't worry about me, not in that way. He trusts me. And I am so happy about that. I don't need to drink when I am with him - he's enough for me.

Once we're out there, we fill a spot overlooking outside. It's a beautiful sunset - probably the most beautiful I have ever seen. It's crowded but - and I know this is lame but it's also ridiculously true - I only see him.

I love him. I don't think I could ever stop loving him. And I don't want to have to try.

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

"So," I rest my elbow on the banister and look at Livvy. "What was that all about...wifey?"

Livvy laughs, making me smile. "I'm sorry...in all fairness, you went along with it."

I raise my glass to my lips and take a sip. "Because I love free alcohol...also, I like to believe that we'll be married someday."

"Will we be?"

"Yes," I tell her firmly, only because I mean it. For a minute, I let my guard down and just try to tell her what I mean. Try to be completely honest. "I think...you're the love of my life, Livvy."

Liv lowers her gaze into her glass. "You mean that?"

"I do," I keep my eyes on hers and offer a small smile. She returns it slightly, setting her glass down on the banister. She comes close to me and wraps her arms around my neck tightly. I lock my arms around her waist and hold her like it's the last thing I'll ever do. We just stay like that, neither of us willing to let go.

"Livvy," I keep her in my arms, not letting the moment be ruined. "Do you want me to come back to Stanford?"

She doesn't reply.

I hold her tighter against me. "If you want it, it's done. Just say the word. I'm there."

Liv finally replies about a minute later, still hugging me. "I don't want you to come back to Stanford. You're not happy there. Don't deny it. But I do want us to be closer. Not just have stolen moments, you know?" I feel her sigh against me. "I want more weekend visits. We only live a few hours away from each other. You're busy and I am busy but-"

"We can make it work."

I have come to terms with a lot of things this past month. I want kids and I am not going to stop wanting them. I will however be patient and let Liv grow. Sometimes I forget she is as young as she is. I forget that she has made mistakes, because she is perfect in my eyes.

My point is that we will talk about having kids later. We will table that.

Secondly, marriage. I have every intention of marrying Liv. I know it's early but she is my best friend, the love of my life and everything in between. I could drop down on one knee right now. But I am going to give it time...give us time. We both have so much going on in our lives.

That said, I love this little escape. I love being here with here. This past month has been undoubtedly the best of my entire life. And it's not because we're in Italy. It's because we're together.

And it's gonna stay that way for a long time.


	33. Chapter 33

**AN: Over five hundred reviews? Wow...thank you so much. :) Scandal is so close and that trailer brought me to tears. I'm so excited. enjoy this chapter. Oh, and there is a time jump here as well.**

* * *

 _'Who, being loved, is poor?'_

\- _Oscar Wilde_

* * *

 _February 14th, 2017_

 _5:45 PM_

 **Olivia's POV**

I stand behind my dorm room door. I know who is on the other side and I am so happy to see him.

Fitz and I have been really good about seeing each other more. When we came back from Italy last year and summer was winding down to an end, I was so scared that distance and our busy lives would destroy us. And then Fitz came by to Stanford and surprised for our one year anniversary. On top of that, we spent the whole winter break together. We didn't get a chance to go anywhere, only because we had been bombarded with schoolwork, but just being near each other was enough. We bought a little plastic Christmas tree in his Los Angeles apartment, made microwave hot chocolate and watched holiday movies. It was the best Christmas of my life.

I still haven't heard from my dad. It's been over a year. That's crazy but in a way, it may be also easier. I know now to let go. I don't know why he got so angry that one day two years ago but I know that he won't forgive me and there is really no point in trying to justify what I did that night. I am not that type of person anymore. Don't get me wrong - I still party and I still drink and it's sometimes difficult for me to not take drugs when offered...but I am better.

And I owe that to one person and that's not my father. It's the guy behind the other side of this door.

I open it and smile. Like I said, we've been good about seeing each other more often, so I just saw him one month ago. But that doesn't mean I am any less ecstatic when I see him in front of me, in a navy blue t shirt with jeans holding a plastic wrapped bouquet of red roses.

I wrap my arms around him and embrace him tightly, although he can't exactly hug back while juggling roses and his bag. I inhale the warm scent of his cologne. "Happy Valentine's Day."

Fitz somehow manages to hold me tightly with one arm. "You too, Livvy."

We just stay like that for a moment before I lift my head up and press my mouth against his. I kiss him deeply and that is when I realize it. When I realize the undeniable feeling of home.

* * *

"You look good," Fitz collapses on my bed and watches me as I put the roses in a vase. "Scratch that, you look beautiful."

Abby was kind enough to stay with David's for a few days so it's just me and Fitz for a whole weekend. Well, me, Fitz and a shit load of homework for both of us.

I look at him and smile softly. He grins at me and holds out his hand. "Come here."

I walk towards him and hold his hand, but he pulls me in so I am on top of him, straddling him. He sits up and holds me tightly in his lap. "Let me take you out tonight."

I motion towards my desk. "Stanford schoolwork calls. I have so much work to do, I don't even want to think about it."

"Then don't think about it," Fitz offers with a grin, leaning in to kiss me.

I rest my hands on his neck and lightly pull away. "Fitz..."

"Liv," Fitz pushes me up against his body slightly so he can slide his hands under me. He presses his lips against the base of my neck. "What's wrong?"

I rest my hands on top of his broad shoulders. "I'm might get my period, like, today. We can't."

Fitz looks more confused than disappointed. He knows I wouldn't lie to him. If I didn't want to have sex, I would literally just say it point blank. But I do. I just haven't gotten my period for a while and I'm on edge because I haven't gotten my period. I don't want to get into it, only to feel blood a few seconds later. That would be gross. I know some people have sex while on their periods and I'm not judging, them but it's a no for me.

"Baby, what do you mean you 'might'?"

I shrug. "I just might. I don't when I'm gonna get it, but if not by today or tomorrow, definitely sometime around this week. I'm not sure. I haven't gotten it, ever since you came around last month."

"That's weird," Fitz says slowly, looking me in the eye.

I shake my head. "I know what you're thinking, but it's not the case. It's impossible." I pat his shoulder. "And since I might start bleeding any minute now, you might wanna get me off your lap."

Fitz laughs and helps me off him. "Do you have, you know...products?"

"Abby was just on hers, so probably not," I lean back against my headboard. "I should probably run to CVS."

Fitz looks at me and kisses my cheek. "I'll go for you."

I smile at him. I'm glad he is not disappointment, but not exactly surprised. He's just that type of guy. Besides, we go at it like crazy every time he is over and after I get my period, it'll probably be the same. "Thank you."

"No probably," Fitz swings his legs over the side of his bed. "You want something else? Candy, chocolate?"

"No."

Fitz looks back at me. "Livvy...do you think that maybe, there is a tiny possibility that-"

"No." I lean forward and kiss him softly. "There is no possibility, okay, baby? I'm on the pill. I can't get pregnant on the pill..."

"Okay," Fitz smiles tightly but looks kind of disappointed as he walks out of the door.

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

"Olivia...?" I answer the phone and pick up a red CVS basket at the same time. I walk through the automatic doors and into the pharmacy. "What's up, baby?"

Silence on the other end.

"Livvy?" I repeat, my eyes scanning the overhead signs for the aisle for feminine products. "Are you there?"

I'm about to hang up, thinking just she just accidentally butt dialed me, when she speaks in a small voice. "Fitz?"

"Yeah, I'm right here." I begin walking towards the back of the store. "You okay?"

"Um yeah..."

She doesn't say anything else. I look at the feminine products on display. "Okay, love. Tampons, pads or both? I'm thinking to get you a couple boxes of each so you and Abby will be set for a while. How does that sound?"

Nothing on the other end.

"Olivia...are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here," she speaks in a barely audible voice. "I was just thinking...um, when you were last here, did we um...you know? Have sex?"

"You don't remember?" I smirk. "Yes, we had sex. Amazing, mind blowing sex."

"On the last night?"

I wrinkle my eyebrows. Something's definitely not right here. "Yes. On the last night. Olivia...is everything okay?"

"I told you, yes," she pauses. "Maybe. Can you...go to the pregnancy test aisle. Please?"

My heart skips a beat. "Livvy..." My voice sounds a lot calmer than I feel. "You said-"

"Yes," she speaks even quieter. "I'm probably not pregnant, okay? There is something like...less than one percent chance of me being pregnant. But I'm late and you know me. I'm never late. Fitz...please go get it."

I do. I literally run to go get it. My heart is beating so fast that I don't even know I'm still alive and functioning. I run and throw at least eight pregnancy tests into my basket, all the while my phone trembling next to my ear. "Fitz?"

"Yeah?" I manage to get out.

"What happens if I'm pregnant?"

I don't know. I honestly don't know. I don't know how to explain to my girlfriend that I, in fact, do not have all the answers. I'm always the one calming her down, telling her that everything is gonna be okay, making me promises. But I can't do that right now.

"We'll figure it out," I finally say, swallowing and walking up the store to the register.

Liv is silent as I put the tests, tampons and pads on the counter. I also throw in some Hershey bars in there. The total comes out to a small fortune but it's the last thing on my mind. The cashier looks at me like I'm ridiculous but I really couldn't care less right now. This is so surreal. I honestly don't feel like this is happening.

But it is.

* * *

"Hey, Liv?" I walk into the dorm room, trying my best to even my voice. My suitcase is still stacked next to the door, fully packed. I didn't expect our weekend to begin like this, needless to say. "I know you said no chocolate, but I bought you some anyway."

Livvy is silent, facing the window. Her hands are resting on her flat, white tank top clad stomach. Her eyes are following the light rain falling from the sky. My eyes wander back to her stomach. If she is pregnant, she's about a month along. She's not showing at all. Do women show at one month? I don't know. I don't know anything.

I set the two CVS bags on the bed and sit down on it. I put my hand on the small of her back but she still doesn't turn to look at me.

I inhale and begin to deliver my speech I practiced in the car. "I love you. I know I tell you that a lot, but I mean it. We're so strong together. We have overcame...everything. I know this is crazy, and I know this is not what you want but we'll figure this out." I lean over and get a hold of her hand. "We will figure this out."

Liv turns around and smiles at me for the quickest moment. She wordlessly goes into the shared bathroom and I follow her, tests in hand.

* * *

"We'll be okay." I repeat for about the billionth time. I sit uncomfortably on the bathtub ledge, leaned over while Liv's pees on the seventh and final test. She's doing them all at one time and waiting for five minutes. And she's not even drinking water - she's literally just doing it and I don't know how. I think this is surreal for her too.

"What happens if I'm pregnant?" She surprises me by asking what she did on the phone.

I look up at her. I still don't have an answer. I put my hand on her bare thigh. "I don't know. I just...don't."

Liv looks up in front of her, in deep thought. Her mouth forms into a small smile. "Do you remember the first time you were here?"

I squint my eyes. "In your dorm bathroom?"

Liv laughs - which I am amazingly happy to hear. "No, Fitz. In my dorm. We were about to go to Los Angeles...I left the door open while I was showering-"

"To see if I was gonna come in," I finish for her with a grin. "I didn't."

Liv puts her hand on top of mine. "A part of me wishes you had."

I smile. "Is it weird if I kiss you while you're taking a pregnancy test?"

"Kind of," she whispers back, making me chuckle. She picks up her phone from the top of the toilet, stands up and puts her underwear and shorts back on. "The first test should be finished in one minute."

Liv sits down next to me and allows me to put my arm around her.

You know by now that I want a kid. I want lots of them. If she is pregnant...it would be overwhelming. But I would be happy. In the end, I would be ecstatic. Maybe that's messed up of me to say, considering Liv would be the opposite. On the other hand, we're still in close. Our lives are still insanely busy and separate. I hate that but it is what it is.

It's ridiculous to even be thinking that far into it. Maybe she's not pregnant. But something in my gut tells me she is all.

All we can do now is wait and see.

AN: do you guys think she's pregnant? I have already pretty much made my mind but tell me what you think and maybe I'll change it.


	34. Chapter 34

I discover myself on the verge of a usual mistake.

\- _Walt Whitman_

* * *

 _February 14th_

 _10:30 PM_

 **Olivia's POV**

I lean my head on Fitz's shoulder and watch as he orders us pizza on his laptop. "You don't have to order us that much...since, you know, I'm not eating for two."

Fitz chuckles softly. "Noted."

I can tell he's a little upset that all seven of the tests were negative but I don't hold that against him because I also know he's aware of just how insane a baby would be for us right now. That, and for a small second there, I had hoped the tests would be positive as well. I know that's crazy but it's inexplicable. Just for a second...

I lean over and close his MacBook. I wrap my leg around his waist and pull up the blanket between us. The bed is a long twin so I'm practically on top of him but I don't exactly mind. "What're you thinking about?"

Fitz pulls me closer and I feel him sigh. "The pregnancy tests. What if they were wrong?"

I lean up slightly and kiss his cheek. I knew he was a little upset. I mean, we were both practically shaking while waiting for the tests but I think...I think there was a sort of vibe, you know? I don't know how to explain it but I think it would be kinda...exciting if I was pregnant. I mean, it would be scary because neither of us are in a position to take care of a kid. But we could have handled it, I know that. And I am a little disappointed too. I couldn't stop picturing a little baby boy or girl in our arms...

When the first test was done, the little window read NOT PREGNANT. I was mostly relieved but a tiny part of me felt broken. Fitz was in denial until all the tests were completely. Then he kinda just sighed, presumably out of both relief and disappointment. I just started crying, out of so many mixed feelings and Fitz held me anyway.

He took me to bed and went in the bathroom. He collected all the tests, put them in a plastic bag and took them out the dorm and in an undisclosed location. He wanted the whole situation out of sight, out of mind. I can't say I didn't agree with him.

We don't really need to have a discussion about protection or anything. I'm on the pill - I always have been and I always will be (maybe. I don't know). And we're both clean. I knew he was clean just because he's Fitz. He's not a fuckboy, he never was. He doesn't sleep around. I get that he had every right to be concerned about me, but he wasn't. We just got tested a long time ago, even though we both trusted each other. So I think things will just go on like they always had.

"There are rarely false negatives," I remind him gently, my hand on his chest. "Especially with seven tests."

"Okay, but let's say you somehow were pregnant," Fitz looks at me, a serious expression on his face. "What would we do? You're so young and...something's gotta give, Livvy."

I look back at him. "What are you talking about?"

"Our relationship...it's unsteady," he struggles to explain. "I mean, we don't have any support. We-"

"Do you want to break up?" I ask him point blank.

If the answer is yes, he doesn't need to dance around it. My heart would already be broken. Despite all of this insane crap we put up with on a daily basis, I love him. And I need him in my life.

Fitz holds me tightly. "No, I don't want to break up. And I don't want to ever hear you talk like that again. What I want is...I want security."

I close my eyes, relieved that he feels the same way. But I still don't know what he means. "And that is...?"

I feel him sigh again. "I don't know...I want to talk to your father."

My eyes flutter back open. I sit up. "What? What are you talking about?"

Fitz loops his arm around my waist. "I just...I don't know how to explain it, Livvy. It's not about money. It's just about...if you were pregnant and agreed to go through with it and keep him or her, I would want my baby to know their grandfather." He pauses. "And I know it's still a little early to talk about this, but I would want to know him before we get married. If we do. Do you understand?

I lean back against the headboard. "I'm sorry, baby, but I don't understand. And that is saying a lot for me, because I usually know exactly what you mean. But this time is different."

"I can't explain it," Fitz repeats , still laying down. . "I just want to see your dad. And I think you want to see him too. Do you think that's possible?"

I don't say anything. It took me two years to accept him disowning me and I just got over it. I don't want this to be a thing anymore. Why can't Fitz get that?

"If you're so uncomfortable with it, I won't even bring it up again," he assures me softly, as if reading my mind. He leans forward and kisses my hip. "But just think about it."

I do think about it. Not only right now - I think about it very often. I still love my father, whether I want to or not. He was there for me - he took care of me. Not just after my mother died - before that, he was still a pretty great father. Maybe not the best one in the world. I mean, he did make some mistakes, like I am sure all parents do. He wasn't always the best - he focused on his work and not on his family at times. But he did provide for me and made sure I had everything I wanted and needed. I love him. But I don't think the feeling is mutual.

I know I was the opposite of a good daughter. I lied and got into so much horrible crap. But through all that, he forgave me. He gave me the benefit of the doubt. He accepted me. So why he just gave up over a video, I will never know.

I still want to see him. I miss him. For a while, he was all I had. If I never see his face again, I won't die, you know? I can live without it. I can be happy. These two years have been the best of my life, all because of Fitz.

But that doesn't change the fact that my father is my father. He is blood. He may hate me but I don't hate him. I'm actually pretty damn grateful for him, for what it's worth. And I am so sorry for being such a poor excuse for a daughter while I was his.

Basically, I have lost all hope at ever reconciling what we had as a family. I love Fitz and I happy with him. I understand that he wants to meet him, I do. But I am scared. I am terrified. If we actually get up to Baltimore and my father refuses to see me, I'm gonna deal with this heartbreak all over again. And I don't want that. I'm scared.

"What if he still hates me?" I ask quietly, desperate for an answer.

"Then he's an idiot," Fitz replies matter of factly. "He'll forgive you, Livvy. And if he doesn't, it'll just prove he's not worth it. And we never have to go to Maryland again if you don't want to."

I don't say anything, so Fitz continues. "I'm dead ass serious Liv. If it's giving you heart palpitations thinking about seeing him, we won't. But personally, I would like to meet the love of my life's father."

I smile hearing him say that. "I'll think about it, Fitz." And I mean that.

Fitz opens his laptop back up, but not before giving me a kiss on the cheek. "I'm proud of you, baby. My father and I may not talk anymore, but I am happy you might have another chance with yours."

"I think I'm happy too," I tell him candidly. I pause. "If we're being honest right here, right now...I have something else you should know."

"What's up?"

I inhale deeply. My feelings don't make sense - they never do. But if there is one person that has a fraction of a chance in understanding them, it's Fitz. "The baby...I mean, hypothetical one...I was almost kind of hoping it was there."

He doesn't say anything.

I go on, even though it's hard. It's the hardest thing in the world. "I don't...know how to explain it. I know we couldn't do it, I know that. I mean...maybe we could, but I know it's best that we don't have to." I take a deep breath. "I know that. But there was little part of me...just a small part...that was hoping. Just hoping."

Realistically speaking, I know that having a baby would be the craziest thing in the world right now.

"Me too, Liv," Fitz sighs. "Me too."

* * *

 _April 5th, 2017_

 _3:00 PM_

 _Baltimore, Maryland_

Fitz looks over at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I look towards the window, hoping he doesn't catch on to my complete bullshit. My leg can't stop shaking. I don't remember being this nervous since two months ago when I took those pregnancy tests. "Keep your eyes on the road."

Fitz pulls our rented car over on the highway, which finally makes me look at him. "What's wrong?"

"You tell me," Fitz puts his hand on top of mine. "You can't stop shaking. You got no sleep back home, let alone the plane ride. I'm gonna ask you this again, baby...do you really want to do this? Do you really want to go see your father?"

Yes. No. I don't really know. I want whatever Fitz wants. I want to make him happy. And yes, I miss my father. But I know it's not as easy as just showing up on his doorstep and begging him to forgive me. It's just not.

I swallow. "Yes, but...what if he's not there?" My eyes widen. "Oh my god, what if he's dead? What if he fucking died and I wasn't there to say goodbye? Fitz!"

Fitz brings my hand up to his mouth and kisses it softly. "No one is dead, Livvy, I promise. And I know you haven't spoken to him in around two years but I know everything will be just fine."

I stare into Fitz's royal blue eyes. He is so good at making promises he definitely cannot back up. I glance down at my peach sweater and skinny jeans with combat boots. "Is my outfit slutty?"

Fitz moves a wavy lock of hair away from my face. "You're outfit is the complete opposite of slutty. You look beautiful. You could be a nun. Can I start the car now?"

"No, I'm scared," I admit, shaking my head, inhaling deeply. "There is a very real possibility of him shutting the door on our faces, Fitz. We haven't even told him we're coming..."

"Either way, everything will be alright," Fitz goes back onto driving. "Now shh...worrying won't solve anything and I need to hear the GPS. I can't understand the driving in Baltimore for my entire life."

I turn back to the window, still holding on to Fitz's hand. I missed Maryland, but I don't feel like I belong here. I feel out of place. This isn't home to me - not anymore.

* * *

I walk up the steps of the townhouse, my heart beating faster than I believe to be humanly possible. I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans but Fitz reaches down and grabs one, holding on tightly.

I think he's nervous too.

It's the early afternoon and still work time but it's Saturday and my father doesn't work on Saturdays. He doesn't have much of a social life, so I can't think of a reason why he wouldn't be home, which makes it all the harder to sheepishly knock on the door of my own house.

The door swings open in a matter of seconds.

He stands in front of me, Eli Pope. He looks the same - tall, wrinkled with greying hair. He is wearing a brown sweater with jeans, which I can't ever remember my father ever wearing. He looks at me, Fitz, then back at me.

He is gonna shut the door - I feel it in my gut. And I am going to cry like a little bitch baby when it happens. We should have never come here.

"Olivia," he speaks evenly.

I swallow. It's been so long since I have heard his voice. I can't do or say anything. I'm frozen.

Fitz does it for me. He smiles confidently and opens the screen door himself, holding out his free hand. "Hello, Mr. Pope. I'm Fitzgerald Grant."

My father doesn't shake Fitz's hand, but he looks civil enough. "And your Olivia's...?"

"I'm Livvy boyfriend..." Fitz answers shortly. I can tell he is unsure of my father's reaction and I feel the same way. I still think he has half a mind to slam the door in our faces any minute now.

"Why don't you come inside?" Eli steps to the side and opens the screen door fully. "It's cold out."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

"How long are you two in town?" Eli doesn't look at us as he walks down the hall.

"Just the weekend," I reply, squeezing Liv's hand. I can't get my eyes off the inside of this house.

It's the complete opposite of what I expected. It doesn't look like Livvy grew up in it at all - at least not the Livvy I know. It's dark but not modern. It's very spacious and all the furniture is old fashion. It just looks like a museum or a traditional office. It's still kind of warm, though. I can't find the words to explain it. It looks like a big attic.

From what I can tell, Eli Pope is a lot like Jerry Grant. He is cool, calm but I can see that underneath all that is hell. I am just trying to be level and confident for Liv - who looks like she could have a breakdown at any minute.

That said, I'm surprised he let us in and if he did, I guess that means he's a good man. Or he could just be really passive aggressive. Either one.

In case you were wondering, I don't think about what happened a few months ago. I just don't think about it. Because I know that even if she was pregnant, there would be no way in hell we could take care of that baby the way it deserved to be taken care of. We couldn't give him or her the time or attention...we just couldn't. Wanting something, loving something is just not enough. So I don't think about it.

But that whole situation did bring us here, in a way. It made me realize how off the books our relationship is. And there is also something I need to do while I'm here.

I wonder how much he knows about me - if he knows at all. If Liv is being honest, he hasn't talked to her ever since like, November of 2015, which is a long time ago. And that means he knows nothing at all. He doesn't know me, and he doesn't know us. He has no clue about Thanksgiving, Mellie, Christmas, our fights, Italy, Palm Springs. Nothing.

More importantly, he doesn't know the new Liv. The happier, older, more mature Liv. The more responsible but still Livvy, Liv. I hope he does get to know her.

None of this matters if Eli kicks us out, or just tells Olivia he wants nothing to do with her. Isn't that what he's been saying for like, two years now? The more I think about it, the more I realize how shady this is. I mean, I don't think men like Eli just up and change their mind when they're brought back to reality, if that makes sense. I don't think he's forgiven her.

And I think that this weekend will make that very clear.

* * *

AN: WOW thank you all for your incredible response towards the last chapter. That chapter got more reviews than any other one in either of my stories, so thank you. I did take all of your reviews and messages in consideration but in the end, I decided to stick with my original decision and make this just a pregnancy scare. I'm sorry to those of you who did want an Olitz baby but in my opinion, it is too early for these two. I just hoped that the idea of a baby would bring this story into another depth! But there will be babies sometime in the near future :)


	35. Chapter 35

Hi everyone! I'll tell you right now, this isn't an update of the story and I am so sorry about that! I know it's been a while. But honestly, who needs fanfiction with all the hotness of Scandal promos and trailers? :)

I just wanted to say that I'm putting this story on hold for at least one week. I'll be back, with better and more frequent updates. I promise that. And this shouldn't be to upsetting, because Scandal literally comes back on tomorrow (yay!).

But I didn't want to leave you guys hanging. I'm just SO behind in school right now and I've never been really academic so a new school is somewhat of a punch in the face.

I have made an effort to reply to those who message me on here and on Tumblr. I try to keep you in the loop as much as I can but I don't have any definite dates for you yet. Although I can say I have started on the new update. I just want it to be the best for you guys, because with the amazing readers I have, it's what you deserve.

I hope you guys don't leave in the meantime, but because Scandal is coming back, your Olitz feels will be okay, so I completely understand if you do! I started writing because of hiatus, but this is not going to be where I stop!

That said, I am so so excited for Scandal, as I'm sure all of you are as well. If you caught Kerry on Jimmy Kimmel last night and you saw that new promo, I hope you're okay because I just about died.

If you wanna fan-girl with me, or just watch me go completely crazy, my inbox on here and on tumblr is always open. And I come daily to check and reply to new messages. :)

My tumblr is idle-aesthetic and I hope you guys will follow me if you have one! I always follow back.

Again, I'll return with new and improved chapters really soon. And I really hope you enjoy Scandal tomorrow. I know some people have been saying negative things about it and I understand where they're coming from, but anything with Olitz in it looks hella good to me.

Thank you.

:)


	36. Chapter 36

_I just want someone who will never stop choosing me._

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I don't know how we manage to follow Eli into the kitchen, but we do, hand in hand. My heart is racing despite my calm demeanor. I have to remind myself that I'm here for Liv, i'm here for the love of my life...that I would do anything for her. And I seriously would.

It was my idea to come here in the first place, but in the end, it was for Livvy. It always comes back to her. I don't do things without having her first in my mind.

"Olivia," Eli suddenly turns around.

Liv's hand suddenly squeezes mine. She doesn't say anything - she hasn't since we arrived about a minute ago. Olivia really doesn't have to worry - I won't let Eli disrespect her at all. I know he is her father but I really couldn't give less of a shit. As soon as things get ugly, i'm here for her. I always will be.

"Why don't you go upstairs?"

I watch as Liv runs out of the kitchen, as if she's on fire. I stare at her blankly, wondering what type of sexist, traditional crap just happened. He legit asked her to leave so us men could talk. I'm surprised that she actually did, but I'm sure she would do anything to get out of here right now. I can't blame her.

I cross my arms. Is it just me or did it get like, ten degrees colder in here?

Eli opens and closes some cabinets in the kitchen. He does it so intimidatingly. Hell, everything he does at this point is intimidating. But I am desperate to hide just how scared I am. I'm here for Liv and Liv only. If I keep that in mind...

"Who are you?" Eli asks, his voice cutting through the thick silence.

"Um," I wipe my hands on my jeans and stare at him blankly. "I told you, sir. I'm Fitzgerald Grant."

I "I know your name," Eli pours himself a scotch and leans against the counter. He takes a long sip, speaking patiently. Which is even more intimidating, if possible. "I'm asking who you are. As a person."

I pause, slightly taken aback. I realize that my name has always worked for me - it was all I had. Son of Jerry Grant. That was me. And now...it doesn't mean anything. And I think that's a good thing.

"I'm a man who loves your daughter," I tell him.

It's not that hard. It's the God honest truth. I have nothing more to say.

Eli doesn't reply, giving me the opportunity to elaborate. But I can't. I feel like I swallowed sand. I don't think I've ever been this scared. "Why won't you forgive her?"

"Why are you here?" Eli asks simply, completely ignoring my question.

"I asked you first," I dare to say.

Eli doesn't miss a beat. "This is my house and I asked you second."

I press my lips together. "I'm here for her. I love her."

"You already said that," Eli puts down his glass and exhales deeply. He's quiet for a second and the tension between us is even thicker than before. "Why are you lying to me?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're lying," Eli states. "You saw the look on Olivia's face. She's terrified. She doesn't want to be here, not with me. I'm suspecting that you dragged her here."

"I didn't," I insist, not even believing my own words. He's right. I have a feeling he almost always is. "I want what's best for her."

"That may be true," Eli says quietly, no longer looking at me but the rim of his glass. "But you didn't come here for her. You came here for yourself." He pauses. "I'm just trying to figure out why."

I look away as well. I am too.

"And to answer your question," Eli goes on. "I don't if I am going to forgive Olivia. I didn't plan to and in a way, I still don't. But I know my daughter. And I know she doesn't give up without a fight."

* * *

"Livvy," I walk upstairs, both our suitcases in my arms. I scan my eyes around huge second floor and locate the only open door.

"Livvy?" I repeat, standing in the doorway.

She's by the curtain less window. Her hair is down and her makeup is off. She's in nothing but my NAVY t-shirt, which comes up to her upper thighs. Usually I would find this completely sexy but she has such a lost look on her face right now that I'm actually worried.

I look around her room. It's light blue and fully furnished, which I find weird. It seems like there would be plenty of guest rooms in this house. So why would this be one? Is this even her room?

"My dad redid my room," she says, as if reading my mind. Her voice is barely audible and so completely far away. She doesn't look scared anymore. She just looks... heartbroken. "He never thought I would come home. He never wanted me to."

"Liv," I mumble pathetically. I lower myself to the side of the bed and reach for her hand. "I'm...sorry. Do you want to go? We can go if you want."

Liv doesn't reply.

I take a deep breath. This was a mistake. I'm a poor excuse for a human being. What the actual hell is wrong with me? "I'm sorry, baby. Im so sorry."

Liv is quiet, but she lets me hold her hand. "I don't want to go. I just..."

She inhales deeply and looks at me.

She has tears in her big brown eyes. When I see them, I truly know what pain is. And I never wanted her to experience it this bad. I just wanted...I don't know what I wanted.

"Fitz, I lied to you," Liv whispers, squeezing my hand. "I'm not okay. I'm still hurt...I still love him, okay? I still love my dad and I want him to love me too...so badly."

"Oh," is all I can manage to say.

I can't tell her how I'm feeling. I can't sympathize. I always looked to my father for approval but I don't think I ever loved him. I just didn't.

"It's gonna be okay," I tell her, pulling her towards me gently. I don't know this - I never do. But I always tell her this because it's the only thing that ever makes her calm down.

"He hates me," Liv sniffs. Every heavy breath she takes looks like it's draining all her strength. I don't think I have ever seen her like this. "He hates me and I don't even know why. That video...Fitz, I've done worse. S-so much worse."

I shake my head. I definitely don't want to hear the even worse things my girlfriend has done. I just want her to be happy. I want to make her happy and I fail all the time. "It's alright. It's okay."

"I've done terrible things," Liv breathes, tears rushing down her face.

I put my hands on her waist and push her down to sit with me. I hold her against my chest tightly. Resting my jaw on her head, I rub her back softly. "We've all done terrible things. It doesn't make us bad people. It makes us human."

We're both quiet for a minute and I really think Liv fell asleep in my arms until she speaks up quietly. "I'm sorry."

"For not being made out of stone?" I smile sadly against her hair. "It's okay. It's alright. It's all gonna be alright. I'm gonna take care of it. I'm gonna handle it."

"...Fitz..."

"I promise Liv," I hug her, tighter than I ever have before. "Consider it handled."

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

I inhale the scent of Fitz's cologne and wrap my arms around his neck.

I'm not mad at him for bringing me here. I wanted to come in a way. Deep inside. I just thought things would be different. Like I would come home and...I don't know. My father would forgive me. But that was wishful thinking. Stupid wishful thinking.

I know Fitz's intentions were good. They always are. But I just didn't think it would sting this much. After all we've been through together...

"There's a reason, right?" I ask him, my mouth against the fabric of his shirt.

We're laying down together and we have been for I don't know how long. I don't know if we're staying. I don't know anything.

Fitz stops tracing light circles on my back with his finger. "For what, Livvy?"

"That we're still together?" I mumble, hopeful for the answer I want to hear.

"Yes," Fitz replies without missing a beat.

"You really think so?"

"I know so."

I close my eyes. I think that's what I needed. To hear that and to be enveloped in his arms. My arms are wrapped around him, my head is resting on his collarbone. One arms of his is around my body and the other hand is cupped around the bare back of my thigh. I think this is all I will ever need, honestly.

I don't know what's gonna happen with my dad. My guess is he'll kick us out by tomorrow. My guess is that he will never talk to me again. And I have to truly make peace with that. If there is anything I have learned these past few years, it's that God never gives us anything we can't handle. I'm wasn't all that religious and I'm still now but I can't deny that I've been blessed to be loved so much. And I have to have fate if I'm gonna survive. And I have, you know? I survived all this. I can survive anything. I'm Olivia Pope and I can do anything I want.

And all I want to do right now is sleep.

"I love you," I mumble. It's times like these I realize that I don't say that enough.

"I love you more."

I'm about to start arguing that but I can literally feel myself dozing off into a much needed sleep.

Fitz kisses my temple and I can feel him start to sit up. My arm lays on his lap.

"Wait," I hold on to his shirt. "Where are you going?"

Fitz kisses me again, this time on the lips. "Shh, Livvy, go to sleep."

I grab his hand. "Stay here."

"I'm right here," he promises. My eyes close again and I hold on to his hand tightly.

But I feel him move again. "Fitz!"

"Olivia, go to sleep," Fitz whispers. "It's okay."

"Where are you going?"

"Go to sleep," Fitz repeats. "I'll be back before you wake up."

"Fitz..."

He pushes me down as gently as possible and wraps the blanket around me. "Go. To. Sleep. I love you."

I begin to protest but with a final kiss on the cheek, Fitz is out the door and God knows where.

I sigh into the pillow. I have no idea where he is going or when he'll be back. But I'm way too tired to overthink this. I just have to do what I always do - trust him.

I close my eyes and just let myself fall asleep.

* * *

 **AN: I know this chapter was short but at least I got it to you sooner than I had planned to. And you guys know I had to put in that Navy shirt after Thursday's episode. :) That episode was crazy by the way! So many good parts but in general, it was insane. I think that this season will resemble early season 3...let me know your thoughts about it in a review or on Tumblr ! (my URL is idle-aesthetic)**


	37. Chapter 37

**AN: What are your thoughts on the season so far? Let me know in the reviews! I know there has been a lot of negativity, but personally, I'm enjoying it. I just wish there were more actual Olitz scenes. . :(**

* * *

' _With pride, love cannot exist.'_

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I walk in, planning to take my coat off, but immediately wrapping it tighter against my chest and arms. Must Eli Pope insist on keeping it so freaking freezing all the time? I don't get cold easily but it's like he is purposely doingthis.

I don't understand why he can't tell us to leave if he doesn't plan on forgiving his daughter. After all, that is what she is - his daughter. But it seems like he likes playing mind games and he's a manipulator or something along those lines. My dad was like that too. And that would be okay, you know? To each his own.

But when my Liv is brought into this, it's not okay. It's the opposite of okay. I know she isn't perfect but she is not a bad person. She just wants forgiveness. She just wants love and while I make her happy, it's not enough.

"Fitzgerald?"

I look up and walk into the kitchen, my coat still on.

Eli is sitting at the table, two cups of coffee in front of him. "It's late. Where have you been?"

I feel like he has asked this to Livvy many times before. "Out." I feel like she has replied with that just as many times.

"Sit down," Eli says, not even blinking. "Did my daughter go with you?"

I sit in front of him and take the cup of coffee I assume to be mine. "No. Livvy fell asleep about...four hours ago."

"Livvy," he repeats slowly, before cracking a small smile. "Her mother used to call her that. Did she tell you?"

"No," I take a sip of coffee. I don't even mind when it burns my tongue - it's so cold in here that I could devour this in one gulp. "We don't speak much about her mother and in turn, we don't really speak about mine."

Eli doesn't say anything for a few seconds. He just looks at me, like he is trying to read my eyes. But I have nothing to hide. I'm just a guy who loves a girl. "Olivia was very close to her mother."

"That she told me."

"She took it very hard when she died," Eli looks back at his cup. "She...lost herself, so to speak."

"She also told me that," I bite the inside of my lip. "Mr. Pope, she made mistakes. And she is willing to apologize for them. Hell, she already has in so many ways."

Silence.

"She loves you very much," I continue, a degree of desperation in my voice. "And I love her just that much. So I would give anything to see her happy. You, forgiving her... that would make her happy, sir. Livvy is a wonderful girl."

I smile, because I could talk about Livvy for days on end. "She's the best. She is beautiful and bright...she is always the smartest person in the room at any given time. She is funny too.. She knows how to take a joke and she knows how to give one. More than that, she is kind. And caring. And thoughtful. She wrongs her rights and she loves tremendously."

I shake my head. "What we have, Mr. Pope...it's really incredible. We have been through hell and back. We always find each other in the end. Our love was made for movie screens."

I pause. "But this isn't about us. It's about Liv. She is everything to me. And while I want to see her happy, I NEED to see her safe. I won't-...sir, I won't let you mess with her head. I won't let you get her hopes up and knock them down. When you hurt her, I lost respect for you when I had never even met you yet. If it were up to me, you would never speak to her again." I lower my eyes. "But it's not up to me. You are important to her. Your approval and your love mean something to her. And sir, she deserves both. Liv is... incredible."

"Has she been sober and clean?"

I look up, taken aback by the question. Eli looks right back at me, patiently waiting for his answer.

"Y-yes," I reply. "Really, she has. She drinks from time to time but we all do. Honestly. Nothing has gotten out of hand, not at all."

Eli says nothing in return.

I inhale, wondering how far I am willing to go. "And, um...I know about the video?"

Eli narrows his eyes. "You do? And it does not bother you?"

"Livvy told me a while back," I admit, staring at my cup of coffee. "And no, it doesn't bother me. Because she has changed. I take it you're the type of man who doesn't believe people can do that."

"That isn't true." Eli looks down into his own cup for a

When he finally speaks, his voice is low and steady. "I know people can change because I have seen it happen to Olivia. When her mother died...it was havoc."

Should I say something? "I'm sure it was..."

"Do you know how she died?" Eli looks up at me questioningly. "Has she told you that yet? Has Olivia trusted you with that information? Or her version of it, at least."

I raise my eyebrows. "What do you mean? Liv told me it was a car accident. On New Years Eve."

"Well," Eli presses his lips together. "That is the only truth she knows. Expect it isn't true at all. Besides the date. I didn't lie to her about that. Maya did die on New Years Eve. That much is accurate."

I stare at Liv's father. What the hell is he talking about? "So, um...that is not how Liv's mother actually passed?"

Eli looks at me if I'm an idiot. I pretty much am but I just can't believe what he's saying. "Fitzgerald, Maya Pope overdosed on crystal meth."

I stare back blankly, just as confused. When I manage to speak, it comes out barely audible. "What?"

"It had been going on for a while," Eli explains, his eyes distant and anywhere but meeting mine. "I mean, Maya had a difficult childhood and she got into drugs heavy as a teenager. Olivia's age, maybe younger. But when Liv was born, she got clean. And she was doing so well. But when Liv turned maybe, fifteen, she relapsed. I don't know how, I don't know the details. I never cared. I just...pushed it under the rug. I hoped it would work itself out." Silence. "I guess you can tell it didn't. And i loved Maya, I did. But drugs... they mess you up until you're barely recognizable anymore. They destroy everything in your life. Taking them is selfish. But that is just what Maya did. That's why I couldn't forgive her."

I'm speechless. But I don't have to say anything. Eli continues.

"I wanted to shield my daughter away from all that. I wanted to protect her. She was so innocent - so good." Eli shakes his head. "Olivia is our only child. Maya felt horrible. But I didn't care. I only wanted Liv to see the good in life. I wanted her to stay ignorant. That is why when I got the call from the DEA Agent, I came up with a quick story. To protect Olivia."

"To lie to her," I correct him, trying to sound less bitter than I feel. "Essentially, that is what you did."

"I thought I was doing the right thing," Eli protests calmly. "And I still do. But when I saw that video...I knew Olivia has been shooting something up. And I lost it. I will tolerate many things but recklessly using drugs is not one of them."

This all makes sense. It really does. But it doesn't mean it's right what he did.

I take a deep breath. "If Olivia knew why you took this so personally, maybe she would understand. Maybe...maybe you two could patch things up. Like I said, it's really important to her."

"And what is important to you?" Eli shoots back. "Why exactly are you here?"

Okay, this is the moment. Before I can convince myself not to, I pull out the ring I just bought about half an hour ago. I place it on the table in between us, trying to ignore the irregular rhythm of my heart. Despite all of this, I know it's what I want. It's what I need.

"I want to marry your daughter," I tell him, hoping I sound as confident as I feel. "Not right now, but soon. Very soon. She is the love of my life."

Eli looks at the ring, then at me, then back at the ring. I can't read his expression for the life of me. Then, he takes the longest sip of coffee I have ever witnessed.

I swallow deeply.

I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, this is what I want.

Olivia makes me smile. She makes me cry. She makes me happy. She makes me sad. No other human in this world holds the power to do that. I love her - so much it hurts. I want everything to do with her. I want this. I can't make it without her. I can't.

Livvy is all I need. And I need for her to know that.

"You want to spend the rest of your life with my daughter," Eli suddenly says, very evenly, very slowly. "Even though I am telling you just how messed up this family really is?"

"None of that is Liv's fault," I argue firmly. "Even if she was, I don't care. I have accepted a lot of things she has done and I have never loved her less. We have been through hell and back. We're still here. We always will be."

"So you are asking my approval?"

"No," I answer, because I need him to understand this very clearly. "If you disapprove, I am still going to ask her. Like I said, I won't ask her now. But soon. What I am asking you to do is apologize. Or forgive. Just make amends." I take a deep breath. "She is your daughter. You have put her through hell these past few years. You owe this to her."

"I don't owe her a damn thing," Eli pushes the ring by my cup. "I'm happy for the two of you and you are welcome to stay the night. But as far as I am concerned, she is not my daughter. Nor will she ever be again."

I stare at him, cold and hard. How could he do this? She is his daughter. She always has been. Parents don't have the right to disown their kids, for whatever reason. They just don't. Especially when the kids are as well meaning as Livvy. I'm so completely pissed off by Eli's bullshit right now.

I have tried so hard. I stuck out my neck for her. All I can do now is hope she will be able to move on. I slip the ring back into the box and my pocket after taking one last look at it.

It's a beautiful white gold ring. Princess cut. Gold band. $3,000, which is a lot for me who doesn't get as much as he did before. But it doesn't matter. The more I think about it, none of this matters.

What matters is that one day, hopefully, Liv and I can move past this crap and finally be happy. Together.

I push my cup of coffee away and stand up, pathetically looking at Eli. "Are you sure?"

"Excuse me?" He doesn't even have the decency to look at me.

Wow. If he is this toxic and heartless, I am not sure I want him Liv's life. I'm not saying I can dictate that. But I'm just so uncomfortable here and I can tell she feels the same way.

"Are you sure?" I repeat impatiently . "That you don't care? Because despite your opinion, Liv is your daughter and if you didn't already know, she is pretty great. You...you raised her well. A few bad choices doesn't erase that."

Eli rolls his eyes like that is the stupidest thing he has ever heard. "Are you done?"

"Yes," I look away and start heading out of the room. I don't want him to see me break down. I'm not exactly crying - I'm just so fucking angry. How could he do this? How could he be such a-... I can't even think straight right now. I'm sweating even though I'm freezing. My fists are clenched so hard that my nails are imprinting my palms. My heart feels like it's going to collide with my ribcage. I want to kill somebody, right here, right now.

I force myself to breath. I lean against a wall and make myself pull it together. I hate him. I hate Eli Pope so much. And I wish Livvy hated him too. I hope she can learn to let go. Because I think Eli is disgusting. And I think he won't ever forgive her. I'm not happy about that, but I am not complaining if I never have to see him again.

Once I have cooled down enough, I walk upstairs. I need to see her. She is the only one who makes me feel like everything will truly be okay. I need her.

By the time I reach her room, I am desperately trying not to cry. I convinced her to come here all for nothing. She is just gonna get hurt again and I never wanted that to happen.

I open the door and step into the dark room. I think about turning on a light but I don't want to wake her. I just want to lay down and eight hours later, open my eyes to Italy again. Where it's just us, in our little perfect bubble.

I thought I could fix this. I wanted to. So badly. I want to give her everything she wants. But I am just now realizing that Liv isn't a material girl. She needs more. And I can't provide everything. I fail sometimes. And that kills me.

I take off my coat and very gently push away covers on the opposite side of the bed. It's too dark to see her, but I feel Liv breathing next to me, in a peaceful sleep that she had to be coaxed into.

I wrap my arm around her waist and kiss her shoulder, my lips pressed to the fabric of the NAVY t-shirt.

"Fitz," Liv turns around, still mostly asleep. She wraps her leg around my waist and buries her face into the crook of my neck. "Where did you go?"

I rest my jaw on top of her head. Instead of answering, I promise her the one thing I'm sure about. "I love you. Everything is gonna be alright."

That seems to be enough for some reason. Liv falls back asleep and she's right where she belongs - in my arms


	38. Chapter 38

**AN: Thank you for the response from last chapter. 600 reviews and almost 55,000 views...that is pretty crazy to me. I'm really interested to hear your thoughts about what's going on, whether it's in the actual canon show or my AU. Y'all already know this but some of your reviews keep me laughing for days. :)**

 **Thursday's episode was...if you follow me on tumblr, you know I have no words. :') It was incredible.**

 **Enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 _To the world, you may just be one person. But to one person, you may be the world._

 _\- Brandi Snyder_

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

I touch the rim of my Sprite can with my fingertips and sigh.

"Are you okay?" Fitz mumbles from next to me.

I look over at him. He's asked me this about twenty times ever since we've got on the plane. And I always say I am, even though that isn't entirely true. I can tell he's feeling guilty and nothing I do or say will change that. But I can make sure he doesn't worry about me.

"I'm fine," I reach over and envelop my hand in his. "Really. I'm glad we're not there anymore." I grin, trying to lighten the mood. "He kept it really cold there for some reason."

Fitz laughs and squeezes my hand. "I was beginning to think it was just me."

I lean against the seat and let him wrap his arm around my shoulder.

This morning was one of the most awkward ones I have ever lived through. I woke up pretty late...Fitz was already up, on his laptop. I looked over at him and I knew it right away - we couldn't stay. We just sat together in silence while he booked us plane tickets. I didn't even see my father. Something tells me he doesn't feel too bad about that though.

When you have been with someone as long as I have been with Fitz, you develop an unspoken form of communication. You don't discuss it, because you don't want to jinx it. But it's there. I can tell how he is feeling, vice versa. I know what he is thinking and I know he feels bad. I know he won't stop feeling this way for a while, but I wish he would.

And I hope he knows I don't love him any less and I don't blame him. His intentions were good and that is all I can ask for.

"It's not your fault," I say quietly, looking out the plane window. I think about how much we have been through and how much more I want with him. "I can get over this."

"Can you?" Fitz asks seriously.

I consider it and the truth is, I honestly don't know. "I think so."

"I tried, Livvy," Fitz inhales deeply. "I really tried to explain to him. But your father...is not a good guy."

"I know," I assure him, and for a minute I don't know who is comforting who. "He didn't always used to be bad, though. It was different. He was different."

Fitz gets really quiet after that. There is a part of me that thinks he is asleep. I don't know if he got any last night, between being in mysterious places and holding me. I just Lean into his shoulder and try to forget these past twenty four hours.

I still don't know where he went or exactly how long he was gone. My guess is he went and had a long discussion with my father. But if my time estimate is correct, he was gone for about five hours? And if he really spent five whole hours talking to my father, I know he's the one.

I guess it doesn't matter what went on while I was sleeping. What matters is that it's over now...really over. And for the most part, I am so relieved that it is.

"I worry about you," he says suddenly, making my eyes flutter open. "I wonder whether you're happy or not. Whether or not I'm enough for you. Because, Livvy, when I met you...you were the saddest girl I had ever seen."

I look down at my hands. "I'm not that girl anymore. And you're not that guy...are you?"

"No," Fitz leans down slightly to kiss my cheek. "Absolutely not. And I love you for that. Liv...you're my best friend. Above anything."

I smile. It's kind of hard not to at this point. "And you're mine." I raise my face just high enough to press my lips to his. My hand goes to the side of his face.

"Maybe," Fitz mumbles, still holding me close to him. "There was a bright side to all of this?"

"Really?" I whisper, grinning. "And what would that be?"

"Realizing I'm not the only one of us with a really crappy dad."

* * *

 _Three Days Later_

"Thanks," I look up at Fitz and grin as he hands me a Pepsi. I usually don't drink a lot of caffeine but I have a ton of homework to do tonight and over the rest of break, so I'll make an exception.

"You're such a nerd," Fitz takes a seat next to me and nods at the spiral notebook and history outline on my lap. "You're the only person I know that brings schoolwork to parties."

I frown with fake sensitivity. "I'm not a nerd."

Fitz laughs and kisses my cheek. "Yes, you are. But you're my nerd. And it's adorable."

I lean on him and take a sip of my Pepsi. I officially have two more years of college after this one, but I'm really trying to graduate early. Don't get me wrong - I love Stanford. I love my part time job, I love getting an education and I love these little mini parties Abby and David throw together every so often but I'm ready to move on. I have so many things I want to do in my life and spending an extra year studying when I don't have to would destroy me.

So I'm trying desperately to graduate my junior year of college.

"You work yourself too hard," Fitz mumbles, his lips grazing my shoulder, then the base of my neck.

I highlight the thesis statement in the review and push his chest away lightly. "And you're just trying to get some."

Fitz pulls away and frowns. "I'm worried about you stressing too much."

"I know. You tell me at least three times a day."

"Then why won't you listen to me?" Fitz sighs. "It's Spring Break."

"I know," I repeat half heartedly. I want to talk to Fitz, but I need to finish these notes.

"Do you want to know how my school is going?" Fitz asks quietly.

I finally turn to face him, with a genuine smile. "Yes. I want to know."

He looks at me, unconvinced. But I put my arm around him and look up at him. "Tell me...I promise I'm listening."

Fitz reluctantly smiles back. "Okay...

Well I spoke to my counselor...and I think I can graduate early."

"Fitz!" I grin, throwing my arms around him to give him a hug. "Why didn't you tell me before?!"

Fitz hugs me back and pulls me on his lap, my review and notebook falling to the floor. I don't even care. I'm so happy for him.

"Our minds were somewhere else," Fitz replies simply, then grins too. "Are you okay with this, though?"

"Are you serious?" I keep my arms around his neck. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you," Fitz beams and I can tell he means it. I really am so proud of him.

I know he is smart and I know he is capable...I knew he could do this and I am so happy he did.

"So...when can you graduate?" I ask, still unapologetically on his lap.

He wraps his arms around my waist. "One year. It's an easy major and there is still steps to take...I want to get board certified to be a teacher. You don't have to be but I want to, you know? I wanna be - "

I interrupt him by pressing my mouth to kiss gently. He holds me closer to him. When I pull away, I smirk, not even an inch away from his face. "You want to be the best."

Fitz grins and nods. "Yeah."

I rest my hands on his shoulders, knowing very well he is already the best. I lean in to kiss him again, with an open mouth this time.

Fitz runs his hands down my back and reciprocates. When he pulls away, he speaks in a low voice, his gaze lingering on my lips. "What are you doing?"

"Making out with my boyfriend," I reply simply.

Fitz accepts the explanation and this time, he leans in to kiss me. I part my mouth slightly and suck on his bottom lip. He pushes his tongue into my mouth and lowers his hands to my ass. I push myself against his hips.

We're both shamelessly hooking up in the middle of a college party.

"Whoa," I hear a voice behind us.

It takes us a few seconds to pull away, though.

I turn around, still straddling Fitz.

Abby and David stand in front of us, eyebrows raised.

"I thought homework was being done," Abby remarks with a smirk.

I look over at Fitz and see him blush. I laugh and turn back to my best friend. "I got a little distracted."

Abby takes the liberty of picking up my dropped review and notebook and placing it next to me. "I can see that."

"What gives for the sudden PDA?" David asks, taking a sip from his red solo cup.

I wrap my arms around Fitz's neck. "Didn't you know? My boyfriend is the best."

Abby sits on the couch opposite to us and holds out her hand for David. "I don't know. I think mine is pretty close."

"Maybe second best," I joke and Fitz laughs. I feel his chest move against mine.

"A close second," Abby adds quickly and David rolls his eyes.

He sits down next to Abby and puts his arm around her. They're cute, they really are, but not as cute Fitz and I. I know it and Fitz knows it too.

I look back up at him. I wonder if he can see it in my eyes - how proud I am. "My very perfect boyfriend is graduating college early."

"Congrats, man," David speaks up.

Fitz reluctantly pulls his eyes from mine and smiles at David. "Thanks." His firm hands wrap around my waist. "I couldn't have done it if this girl didn't threaten to kick my ass every time I missed a study session."

I giggle and wink at him. "It paid off, didn't it?"

Fitz doesn't have a chance to reply. Abby speaks up instead. "So what happens when you graduate? How soon can you do it?"

"It's not that simple," Fitz explains. "I have to take summer classes...and speak more with my counselor...it is not an easy degree to get."

It's actually easier than a lot of things, but I keep my mouth shut and just appreciate how cute my boyfriend is.

Abby doesn't let up. "But Olivia has two years left. How will that work. Are you two gonna move in together?"

I let out a nervous laugh. I don't like her asking these questions, only because we haven't discussed it yet. We haven't discussed any of it. "Abby."

"It's a valid question," Abby goes on. "I mean, are you gonna get a job, Fitz? Because Liv doesn't make too much at the financial aid office... unless your dad is okay with you now. Is he?"

"Abby," I repeat, slowly getting off Fitz's lap.

Fitz holds on to my arm gently. "It's okay, Livvy...it's alright." He turns to Abby and smiles politely. "My father and I aren't perfect, Abby, but one thing I have learned these past few years is that I just don't need him. We still have some things to figure out, and when we do, we'll let you know."

* * *

I adjust my bag on my shoulder as we step out of the frat house, hand in hand.

Fitz squeezes mine and looks over to me. "Hey, let me carry your bag for you."

"Are you sure?" I ask him, already slipping it off.

"It must weigh more than my dad with all those books you carry in there," Fitz mumbles, shoving my bag under his arm.

I giggle and turn away slightly. We walk silently through the dark until I clear my throat. "Sorry about Abby back in there...she can be nosy."

"It's okay," Fitz replies softly. "But we should talk about these type of things, right?"

"We really should," I nod.

But I can tell neither of us want to, so we just shut up and continue to walk in silence.

I pretty much always speak my mind to Fitz but I am at a loss for words. He means everything to me and I know what is important to him. His career is important. His education is important. I'm important.

I would give anything to see him happy. The problem is, he would do the same for me.

"Are you cold?" Fitz suddenly stops walking and slips off his navy hoodie. "Take this."

I put on the hoodie, despite it being way too big for me. I hold on to Fitz's arm. "I really am proud of you, you know? I don't want you to worry about any of this. I just want you to work hard and get your degree... because you deserve it."

Fitz glances down at me. "That's funny."

"What?"

Fitz pulls me closer to him. "It's usually me telling you not to worry, not the other way around."


	39. Chapter 39

**Olivia's POV**

For the second time in my life, I wake up before Fitz.

He is behind me and my back his towards his chest, his arms wrapped around my waist. I reach over and trace circles on his bare forearm.

The funny thing is, silence is okay with us. Even when I'm here like this and we're not doing much, I'm fine. I'm content. I'm happy.

And I hope he is too.

"Hey."

I turn around to look at him, surprised that he's awake. I put my hands on his shoulders and kiss his cheek. "Hey, scholar."

Fitz laughs sleepily and holds me close to him. "You know what, Livvy? I'm excited."

I can't help but grin at the passion in his voice. "Yeah?"

Fitz nods. "I think that...I think that before, I was alive but I wasn't living. I was smiling and I had happy moments but I wasn't a happy person."

"And you are now?"

"With you?" Fitz lowers his gaze at me. "Of course I am."

I giggle. "I'm not surprised."

Fitz kisses my forehead. "It's not surprising, no. But that's not what I'm trying to say to you, Livvy. Listen to me, okay?"

His voice is so serious that I'm actually scared. I shut up, suddenly wide awake. I hope he can't feel my heart beat fast against his own. "I'm listening."

"There are so many ways I could do this," Fitz says quietly, looking me in the eye in a way that makes me fall in love all over again. "And I have thought about them, over and over again. I was thinking about something really extravagant, like a public thing. Or something really cheesy, like putting it in a fortune cookie."

Fitz rolls over and fiddles with a drawer on the nightstand. I eye him. I don't know what he's doing but at this point I'm too sleepy to question it. "Fitz."

"In the end," Fitz turns back to me. He comes so close that our noses are practically touching. He's breathing fast - very fast. "In the end,bit doesn't really matter, Livvy. I just have to ask you. It can't wait any longer. I don't want it to."

"What are you talking about?"

Fitz raises up a small velvet box between us. His voice is low and even but he can't stop smiling. "There is a ring in this. If you want it, it's yours. I'm yours. My future is yours. I love you, Olivia Carolyn Pope. I want to marry you. Let me marry you."

I look at him. I really, really look at him. I would have never expected this - any of this. I would have never seen myself falling in love with a man like Fitz. I would have never seen myself falling in love with anybody, period. But I did. I did fall in love with Fitz. And this past year has been the best of my life. I have laughed and smiled and cried and all this feeling, all this emotion is so much better than the numb life I was living before. I'm so much happier. It's crazy to think about how happy I am, so I don't. I just smile.

Fitz doesn't take the hint. He looks kind of scared. "If you need a minute-"

I don't. I take the box from him and open in, lowering my eyes on a beautiful, princess cut ring. It's stunning but not flashy. It's perfect. I slip it on and feel the cold material wrap around my finger snugly. I hope I can feel this for the rest of my life.

And then, because I don't have to say anything, because Fitz knows me and I know Fitz, I just return into his arms and fall back asleep.

* * *

"Oh my god," Abby mumbles. "Oh my god."

I draw my hand away from Abby, uncomfortable with the attention. We're studying in the library and even though Fitz and I both promised not to tell anybody just yet, how could I not tell my best friend?

Her blue eyes are widening at the sight of the ring but I can't really read her expression. "Abby, I can't tell what you're thinking. To be honest, I thought you'd be excited. Like, full on wedding planner excited. Full on maid of honor excited."

Abby finally smiles but it looks forced. "Of course I'm excited, Liv. I'm just surprised, that's it."

I look at my hand, the ring that's been settled there for less than a day. "I don't believe you."

A silence comes between us, an uneasy one that Abby and I rarely share. Best friends don't go through silences like this. But then again, best friends don't withhold the truth from each other.

I don't know why Abby is hiding her feelings from me. Her true feelings. I know that she and David broke up a few weeks ago, but I can't imagine her being petty or bitter - that's usually my arena.

"Tell the truth, Abs," I say quietly. "We've been through way too much for us to start lying now. You're not happy for me. Is this about David?"

"No," Abby says, and I can't tell if it's another lie. She takes a deep breath and closes her American history textbook. "But isn't it a bit too early? This is a big step, Liv. You know what they say - haste makes waste."

"Abby," I cut in. "Are you really calling my relationship with Fitz a waste?"

"No!"

"Good!" I practically shout before remembering we're in a library. I can't help it. I'm pissed. I'm pissed and I'm defensive because Abby has never acted like this before and I don't know why she's starting now. "It's not a waste, Abby. I love him, I'm in love with him. And it's not too soon, okay? Fitz and I have known each other for-"

"As long as David and I knew each other," Abby says quietly. She taps her pen to her mouth. She's not fighting with me, so why do I still feel like punching her in the face. "Approximately. My point is that you and Fitz may feel like you love each other when in reality -"

I stand up. I'm not gonna take this crap anymore, because it doesn't make any sense. I know how much I love Fitz. I love him so much that sometimes I just sit there, comprehending just how much I care about someone who isn't myself. I want to be with him forever and I think he feels the same way. I know he feels the same way. So Abby telling me any different is just bullshit and I'm not going to sit here and listen to it.

I grab my bag and sling it over my shoulders. My hands scramble to pick up my PolySci notes and textbooks as Abby's eyes glaze over me. "You're overreacting, Livvy -"

"Don't call me that."

Abby stands up too. "Just think about it. Are you ready for marriage? For the the commitment?"

"Of course I am!" I snap quietly. I look up at her. She's my best friend but right now I don't recognize her. "It's not going to be any different! Fitz and I are still going to soulmates, to be friends, to be the two people who love each other so much that they can't handle it. The only thing that's gonna change is a legal document and fucking ring."

Abby stares at me. I don't think she's ever seen me this angry. I don't think I have ever been this angry. And it just hurts so much because it's coming from my best friend. My best friend who has been there my whole life. Can't she see how happy I am? Can't she just support me?

"That's not what I meant," Abby says, her voice matching my low volume. "I meant, are you ready? For this commitment? Because about a year ago…."

I stare right back at her. I don't understand what she's saying and then suddenly, I do. "A year ago I was a whore."

I expect her to correct me, to correct herself, to immediately apologize. But she doesn't. She just doesn't. And that stings like nothing I have ever felt before.

"You're right," I say, my voice threatening to break. I calmly collect my things into my bag. "I was. But it's different. With Fitz… Abby, it's different."

"We'll see."

I look up at her. My brown eyes meet her blue ones and once again, I don't recognize her. There is a huge lump in my throat and I want to just run home and cry and cry and cry. There is no heartbreak greater than looking at someone who would hold your hair when you threw up, to someone who would hug you whenever you needed it, to someone who stuck by you no matter what and always loved you...there is no greater heartbreak than staring at her and realizing she hates you.

I can't talk because I'm afraid I'll cry. And a part of me is still waiting for an apology I know will never come. Because she means it. Because Abby doesn't trust me. She doesn't have faith in me. She doesn't think I have changed.

Have I?

"Do you think I cheated on Fitz?" I whisper.

"No," Abby doesn't look at me. "Well, I don't know. You guys are so cute together but dating and being married are two different things. It's more complicated to cheat on a husband than a boyfriend. And a lot more serious too."

I bite the inside of my lip. How can she say these things? I would never cheat on Fitz, married or not and I can't believe she would think that. Or can I?

Because now that I look back, I remember cheating on most if not all of my boyfriends. But I was a kid back then and I had never been in love, not even close. These past few months, cheating hasn't crossed my mind. At all. Just the thought of cheating, the idea of touching another man and lying to the man I love, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Actually, I am sick to my stomach. I don't know if it's looking at Abby or thinking about cheating, but I don't feel so good.

I look away. "Bye, Abby."


	40. Chapter 40

**Fitz**

"I wish you'd tell me what's wrong," I try again.

Olivia is sitting besides me and acting like she's totally entertained by the episode of House Of Cards that we're watching. She's a terrible actress.

"You're sad," I say quietly. "But not the type of sad you were before. Not Baltimore sad." I reach across and push a lock of curly hair out of her face. "That time, you couldn't keep your hands off me. Now you won't let me touch you."

Livvy looks up, a sad smile on her face. "It's not that, Fitz. I just don't feel good." That said, she lies in my lap and looks up at my face. Her hand rests on her stomach, and her ring shines modestly in the dark.

"Are you not happy with…"

I can't even finish my sentence. If Olivia isn't content with us being engaged, i'm going to be so heartbroken. I have been giddy with this schoolboy type of excitement all day and if she's having doubts…how can I even process that?

"Fitz," Livvy raises her ring wearing hand to cup my face. She strokes her thumb on my cheek. "It's not the ring and it's not the engagement. I want to marry you. You know how much I want to marry you."

"Actually, I don't" I say, looking down at her seriously. "I know how much you love me but, Livvy, I don't know how much you want to marry me."

Livvy sits up just far enough to give me a small kiss. "I do. Okay? I do want to marry you. I just don't feel too well. I feel nauseous." She settled back down and lies in the fetal position, still on my lap. She looks away from me.

I believe that she wants to marry me but why she's sad is still beyond me. Usually I can read her quite well but right now… I don't know.

Suddenly, I put my hand on her stomach. "Is it…are you…"

She yanks my hand away. "No."

I feel dumb. "Oh."

She turns back to me. Her expression is very apologetic but even more tired. "I'm sorry, Fitz. It's just…Abby."

I raise my eyebrows. "Abby? What about Abby?"

"She's not," Livvy lowers her gaze. I can tell that whatever is going on is really upsetting her. "She's not completely supportive of the idea of us getting married."

"Oh," I gape. That's all I can say and I feel really pathetic because my girlfriend's about to cry and all I can muster up is 'oh'. I thought we agreed not to tell anybody but I'm not mad at Livvy. "I'm sorry…are you sure? I'm surprised."

Livvy turns away from me again. "I'm sure."

We sit in silence. I feel a teardrop fall from her face and sink into the fabric of my sweatpants. I keep thinking about why Abby wouldn't be in love with the idea of Livvy and I getting married and I'm coming up blank. I know she and Rosen broke up but there must be more to the story.

I don't know what went on between Abby and Livvy. But if it's got her this blown, I should know.

And I'm gonna need to find out.

* * *

"Abby,"I turn the key into ignition and balance the phone between my ear and shoulder. "What the hell, man?"

"What?" Abby's voice innocently speaks on the other line. "What are you talking about, Fitz?"

"You acting negatively towards our engagement. You know how insecure Livvy is about mostly, like, everything and you pull this -"

"You're getting married? Congratulations!"

I roll my eyes and pull out of student parking. "Shut up, Abby. I know you know. And you know how much Livvy values your support and your friendship. You know how much she loves you." I sigh. "Why did you tell her this was a bad idea? Why? Do you really believe that or are you jealous?"

"I'm not jealous of anything," Abby snaps. "And honestly, Fitz, this has nothing to do with y'all. You guys are cute. But… I'm looking out for you. As a person."

I press my lips together and run through everyone who said that they were looking out for me - my dad, Livvy's dad, Mellie… I'm sick of it. As far as I know, Livvy is the only one looking out for me at this point. And the way Abby is acting, I'm the only one looking out for her.

"I'm trying to help you," Abby goes on. "Because you really don't know everything about Olivia."

I want to crash my car into a pole. "I'm so sick of this old line, of everyone acting like Livvy is some mysterious girl with skeletons in her closet. Everyone is trying to scare me, trying to make me believe that if she's hiding something, I won't love her. Well guess whatt? Livvy isn't hiding anything and I will always love her."

"How adorable," Abby mocks. "But in reality, if you knew everything about her, you wouldn't love her. It's even hard for me to love her sometimes. We grew up together and I witnessed firsthand her…sex drive."

"What?" I'm actually so caught off guard that I pause for a second. "Are you calling her a…slut? Is that what you told her?"

No answer.

"Is that what you told her?" I repeat, not a question but a demand. "Abby, who the hell are you to go around calling my Livvy a slut? Who are you to go around saying anything bad about her?"

"I grew up with her," Abby says, sounding like a broken record. "And you've been her boyfriend for what? A year?"

"Leave her alone," I say, trying desperately not to scream at her. "You leave her alone, Abby, I mean it. And you're wrong - I'm not her boyfriend. I'm her fiancé."

I hang up.

* * *

I walk into CVS with my fists clenched. I'm still so angry that I can barely breath. Of course Livvy was upset. Who gets called a whore by their best friend and is still happy?

I'm just mad. Mad at Abby. If there is one person Olivia loves more than me, it's Abby. And when someone loves you that much, how can you berate them like that? Make them feel that way? Eli pulled the same crap and it just infuriates me.

I walk into the aisle with the Pepto Bismol and everything. I just came here to pick up some medicine for my girl and now I'm evaluating our whole relationship.

I know Olivia never cheated on me. I know that she's not a hoe. I know that she never was. Maybe she made some decisions that felt right at the time. That made her feel better or… Numb. I don't know. I'm not in any position to judge. I have no clue what she was going through. And I'm not so sexist to have that double standard of women and men having sex as much as they want.

I know that some of the choices Livvy made were dangerous, I know that. A lot of things could have went wrong. The way I see it, I have two decisions - I could either give her hell for making dumb decisions or I could move on and thank God she's safe. I chose the latter. I know we have been petty on disagreements before but this is a fight we'll never have. I know Livvy, I know where her loyalty lies and Abby is trash for making her feel like she's a hoe.

People aren't built one way or another. In my heart, I don't believe Livvy will cheat on me, ever. But if she does, it won't be because it was inevitable. I don't know why it'll be. I know she loves me and you don't cheat on someone you love. You just don't.

I lean on the aisle of boxed medications and think about us. Really think. I want to marry Livvy because I can't imagine life without her. Because I love her. But if she really is hiding things from me, things so bad that her best friend brought them up to me… Well I want to know. Not so I can shame Livvy, but so I can understand the decisions and make sure they never happen again. If we go through with this wedding, which I hope we do later this year, I will be her husband and it is my job to protect her. I mean, it always was, but really.

I know it's early in our relationship but I feel like Livvy is my soulmate. I know it's a cliche, I know that but I can't imagine knowing her better than I already do. We have been through so much, so much baggage and discontent and we just weren't sure of anything.

At this point, I think we're ready for whatever life throws our way.

On cue, my phone rings. I pull it of my pocket and see that it's Livvy calling. Her contact photo is one we asked Sarah and John to take in Rome. We were on the little restaurant balcony and my arms were around her waist. She looks so beautiful and the background was incredible. We look so peaceful and excited at the same time, like a high school couple on prom. I remember that moment, knowing I wouldn't have traded my spot for any in the world.

I pick up the phone. "Liv, I got your medicine and I'm about to check it out, okay, babe? How you feeling?"

"Not great," Livvy's voice sounds unlike her normal one.

Suddenly, I'm a little worried. I grab a box of Pepto and start making my way to the checkout counter. "What's wrong? Do you need to go to the hospital?"

"No." Livvy quickly says. "Listen, I can't believe I'm doing this again. I don't know what's wrong with me. I guess I'm just so weirded out by this Abby thing."

"Don't worry about the Abby thing. It's handled. And doing what again? What are you talking about?"

"Fitz, what did you say to Abby?"

Oh shit. Even though Abby was being messed up, I don't think Liv would be happy to know I was kind of a dick to her best friend. Ex best friend. I don't know. All I know is that Livvy doesn't love it when I become hyper protective of her.

"Livvy, don't worry about it. It's nothing."

The way she pauses on the phone, I can tell she wants to say something on the situation, but there is a more important matter at hand. "Fitz, listen to me. I'm so sorry to do this to you again but…remember a couple of days ago? We came back from Baltimore. And we kind of did it…on the plane?"

I grin. "How could I forget?"

"I know," Liv agrees but she doesn't sound amused. "Again, I'm sorry to do this to you…while you're at the same CVS and you asked the same question earlier tonight. But…"

She pauses. The words that come out of mouth…they are laced with fear. With anxiety. "I need you to pick me up another pregnancy test."

I open my mouth to speak. To comfort her. But nothing comes out. I just nod, like she can somehow see my dumbass do it and I say, "Alright. See you in a few."

Then like the asshole I feel like, I hang up. I don't know what else to do. The way shooed my hand away today was so sure, so irritated. I never gave the fact that she could be pregnant another thought.

I walk down the aisles, not feeling my feet hit the floor.

Could she really be pregnant? With my baby? We really should have started practicing safe sex. She's not on the pill anymore, I don't wear a condom….we always talked about it, joked about something happening. Not an STD, because we both got tested a while ago. But a baby. Another pregnancy scare. It's like God is laughing at us.

I feel scared. I feel panicky. But I can't imagine how Livvy feels. So with my fingers shaking, I pull out my phone and send her a lighthearted text, trying to make a joke about it:

Hey, if Abby disapproves of the wedding, what do you think she'll say about a baby?

I put my phone back in my pocket and stop in front of the variety of pregnancy tests. I pick out the most expensive, a pink box. I only get one this time.

I balance the Pepto and the test to the checkout aisle and when I set the things down, my phone buzzes. I look at the screen.

 _Livvy: She'll probably have an aneurysm. Are u on ur way home?_

I chuckle at the text and pay for the items. Somehow, in the weirdest of times and ways, Liv always has a way of reminding me everything will be okay. Because we're in this together. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid. I'm fucking terrified. But at least I know we'll survive, either way.

I take the bag and walk out the door. I make sure to reply to her text before I get in the car.

 _Fitz: Almost._


	41. Chapter 41

**Fitz's POV**

We haven't talked about it.

After I got home, Olivia was fast asleep and I decided not to wake her. I just wrapped a blanket around her, laid beside her and tried to prevent my thoughts going into overdrive.

It didn't work - I barely slept.

The next morning, I gave her the test and made her a light breakfast, just in case it really was just an upset stomach. She thanked me and left. She's picking up a new job at the financial aid office but she doesn't have morning shifts, so something tells me she is avoiding me.

Avoiding this whole thing.

It isn't like last time, not at all. She doesn't talk about it. How am I supposed to do anything? I spent all day at home, trying to studying, trying to wrap my head around child development when all I could wonder is whether or not a child is developing in my girlfriend.

I eventually fell asleep and when I woke in the middle of the night, she was asleep. So it's been silent and deadly up in here.

Now it's the morning and I'm putting some coffee in the Keurig for both of us. She comes out of the bathroom, where she's showered and dressed in a rose gold tank top and light wash jeans with sandals.

We've barely talked, so I decide to be very cautious with my words. "Morning, beautiful."

She takes the coffee from me and smiles. A weight lifts off my shoulders when I see it's genuine. So she doesn't hate me. Hopefully. "Thanks, babe. It's been really hectic at the office, with all these students worried about their fall semester tuition. Summer is almost over, you know."

"It is," I say regretfully. "I loved the time we spent together, Livvy. Every minute of it. I'm gonna remember this summer forever. I know that sounds dumb but -"

"Shut up," Liv beams, a lightness in her eyes. "It doesn't sound dumb. I feel the same way."

We're quiet for a minute, both leaning against the kitchen counter. I replay the summer in my head, from the plane ride to Italy to the plane ride to Baltimore. To the plane ride back. I swallow. And to that night at the pharmacy.

I clear my throat. "Since it's ending, Livvy, we should figure out what we're going to do. Have you taken the test?"

Liv immediately waves the subject off with her hand. "No, I haven't."

I set my coffee down and look at her. "Well, when do you plan on doing it?"

No answer.

I gently take her wrist and turn her towards me. "Olivia, you know you have to take the test. There's no use to putting it off."

She doesn't look at me.

"Whatever happens, love, we'll deal with it together."

Finally, she pulls away. She looks at me and when she does, I don't see agreement. I see resentment.

"I'm in a huge fight with my best friend," she says evenly. "My father wants nothing to do with me. I don't want to be known as the pregnant college sophomore who has a history of sleeping with older guys. Can you give me a fucking minute?"

She doesn't wait for an answer.

She just grabs her bag and leaves.

* * *

 **Olivia's POV**

"Thanks for meeting me."

I put my hand out for a handshake but Professor Beene, or Cyrus as I now call him, greets me with a huge hug. "How are you, Olivia?"

I smile and I hand him the coffee I bought him from the Coffee Express. It's too hot for coffee but we both sit outside the coffee shop and drink it anyway. It's my lunch break and I could not think of anyone else to spend it with than Cyrus. He is always the voice of reason and even though I haven't known him for a long time, he has been more to a father to me than my own.

I take out the takeaway bag I got from the store and put two salads and two turkey sandwiches between us. "I've been better, Cyrus."

"What's wrong?" Cyrus sips his coffee and sits down. "Is it Fitz? Is he treating you well?"

"Fitz is great," I smile. I pause and after thinking about it for a second, I pull the ring out of my bag. "He proposed."

I search for disapproval in Cyrus' blue eyes and when I don't find it, I let myself relax. "Do you think it's too soon? Be honest."

Cyrus beams. "I don't think it's too soon, Olivia. It is soon but if you know he's the one, you know he's the one. I knew I wanted to marry James after I spent three months with him. You two kids seem to make each other very happy."

I pause. "So you think it's a good idea?"

"I think it's a great idea," Cyrus tells me. "But you don't look so sure of it yourself."

I sigh and take a bite of salad. "I want to marry him. I know I do. But it's been less than a year since he was engaged to Mellie."

Cyrus rolls his eyes. "Liv, don't compare y'alls engagement to that of his and Mellie's. He never loved her. But he loves you. The only question is, do you love him?"

I grin, because I know the answer to this question. I always have. I know it with all my heart. "Yes. I would be so proud to call him my husband."

"Then that's all that matters," Cyrus concludes confidently. "If your gut says you're ready, then you're ready. Is this what has been bothering you?"

I frown. "Not really. I'm in a fight with Abby. Abby Whelan."

"The red head?" Cyrus looks confused. "I thought you two were best friends."

"We are. We were. I don't know. She doesn't support Fitz and I together. Not anymore."

I don't continue, because I know that I will start to cry if I do. I don't tell him about the things she said, the implications she made. I don't tell him how my heart is shattered. I don't tell him how I thought we would be best friends for the rest of our lives, about how I considered us sisters.

"Maybe she envies you," Cyrus suggests. "What the two of you have."

"Maybe," I agree. I take a deep breath. "But if she really loves me, Cyrus, why would she make me feel like such crap?"

"People do dumb things, Olivia. They always have, since the beginning of time. But the important thing to remember is, what other people think of you is usually outside of your control."

I have my reservations. "Abby knows me very well."

"Then she should know how great you are," Cyrus smiles. "And she should know how much love you have in your heart, for both her and Fitz."

I close my eyes. "So much is happening, Cyrus. So much stress."

"It's normal. You're beginning your sophomore year and as of now, you're at the top of your class. It's a lot of pressure. Again, it's normal."

But that's not it. That's not all of it. I can't tell him that. I can't tell anyone that. I just don't know who to talk to and it hurts me.

All I want right now is Fitz.

"I'm sorry for this morning."

I'm standing in front of Fitz and swallowing my pride.

He puts down the pack of chicken he was defrosting and looks at me. "It's okay. It is. Have you taken the test?"

"No," I walk towards him and wrap my arms around his torso. I know he's going to feel annoyed but if he knew how heavy my heart feels, he would know that there is no way I can handle a positive test result.

Fitz hugs me, his fingers resting on the part of my back exposed by the tank top. He doesn't say anything and I can tell he's unsettled."Why? Why haven't you taken it yet?"

I don't look at him - I just lean my head against his chest. "What if it's positive? Then what?"

I'm asking because I want an answer. I want Fitz to hold on to me, like he's done so many times before, and tell me that everything will be okay. I want him to reassure me and give me answers and solutions and….I just want that. I'm sick of the weight of the world on my shoulders.

"Then we'll figure it out."

Tears fill my eyes. "That's not an answer, Fitz."

Fitz moves his hands down to my waist and gently pulls me away from his body. He looks me in the eye and I can see that he's being honest. If anything, he's standing in his own truth.

"I don't have all the answers, baby. Believe me, I wish I did. I wish I did, because if it were up to me, the universe would cut you a break. If it were up to me, your dad would love you back, your best friend would actually act like a best friend, your mind would be at peace about this engagement and you would be pregnant when you want to be and only when you want to be."

He takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip.

"But it's not up to me, Livvy. All I can do is love you and support you until the end of time, which I will do. But you have to believe me when I tell you, baby, you have to believe me when I say that we will figure it how."

"I want to believe you," I promise, raising my hand to touch the side of his jaw. I feel his muscles relaxed under my palm. "But how do you know we'll figure it out?"

"Because, Liv," Fitz breaks into the smallest of smiles. "We always have before."

I realize this is true. There have been so many situations this past year in which I didn't think I would survive. But I did. We did. Our relationship was tested ruthlessly and it feels like the world is out to destroy us. But we were honest and we were strong and we were loving and that is the only way we got through it. And I plan to do it forever.

But first, I have to stand in my truth too.

"I don't want to have a baby," I tell him, grateful his hands are still on me. "I'm gonna be a y sophomore in college and you're gonna be away from me and I can't do it, I can't even think about doing it."

Fitz looks at me. He looks sad, but not resentful. He just nods. "I know. I know, Livvy. But the what we gotta do, before we talk about any of this, is take the test. Can you do that for me?"

"I don't think I can," I shake my head.

I feel weak, I feel pathetic. But I know that I'm too emotionally vulnerable for the result, whatever it is.

Fitz sighs heavily. "I know you, and I know that if you don't do it now, you're gonna hold it off until forever." He pauses and suddenly his voice takes a tight, irritated turn. "Damn it, Liv, this could be our child. You could jeopardize his or her health."

I know that and I know he's right. But at the same time….

"Please," Fitz says, an aching in his voice. "I've never asked you for anything before, Olivia. Just please do this."

And because I love him, and because he has always given me anything and everything, I know that I will do this one thing for him.

"Okay."

* * *

 **Fitz's POV**

I'm with her in the bathroom. She doesn't ask me to be but she doesn't object.

She's not speaking at all. I know she's scared - I am too. This is not how I imagined ending our summer. But we're here.

"Hey," I look away slightly as she actually pees on the test. "I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have done it. I'm just nervous - same as you."

Livvy doesn't answer.

I suddenly feel really ashamed. I've never yelled at her before and I never wanted to. I'm not the kinda guy who shouts at his girl, not in public or private. I don't know what came over me. "I love you."

A second later, Liv replies and I'm so relieved that she does. "I love you too, Fitz."

I hear a shuffle and a few seconds later, she's next to me, tying her pajama drawstrings. I hold out my arms and she wordlessly comes into my embrace. We stand there, against the sink, waiting.

"There's something you should know about me," I hear her mumble against the middle of my chest.

I feel my chest tighten under her cheek. "I don't care, Liv, about any of your past relationships or -"

"No," Livvy cuts me off softly. "This…I know we said we wouldn't talk about this because it's hard. It's really freaking hard. But my mom. I was really close to her, Fitz. I was close to her and she died."

I hold Liv closer against me. I don't really know what to say. "I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts…well, no, I don't. I was younger when I lost my mom. But it still hurts. It feels-"

"Empty," Olivia says, barely audible. "It feels empty. Without her, I don't know what I'm doing. Or at least it feels that way."

I nod. Everyone goes through their own experiences with loss, so I'm not going to try to relate to Olivia's. Especially because I was just so young and I have had a lost of time to just forget. But I get that's she's hurting and if I could take all her pain away, I would do it in a heartbeat.

"I'm sorry," I repeat.

"Don't be," Liv's grasp on me tightens. "She was a great mother. She…my memories of her make me want to become a mother. I miss her."

I raise my eyebrows. "I thought you didn't want kids."

"Not like this," she admits. "Not when I wasn't ready. But I will still love my child. I'm not ready for them, but I'll still love them."

I smile against the top of her head. I'm really grateful to hear that.

"Fitz," Olivia says, her voice sounding tired. "Earlier this summer, when I thought I was pregnant and it came back negative...a part of me was kind of sad. Most of me was relieved but a little part of me was let down."

"What are you trying to say, Liv?"

"I dunno. I'm still not ready," she says in a concluding voice. "And I'm still scared. But all I'm saying is that you'd be a great father. And maybe we could figure out. Maybe…maybe I'd be okay with figuring it out."

It's not the enthusiasm I was looking for, but I'll take it. I'll take it because I love Liv and I know that she's so young and this is all so much.

I raise my eyes to the side of the sink, as I see the first test is done. My face warms up into a smile.

"Well, Livvy. I'm so glad to hear you say that, because you're pregnant."


End file.
